Dr. Pearl doesn't want me put on tetrabenazine, at least not yet. My twitches are few and far between, and given my history of depression, it isn't a good drug for me to begin with. She wants to try benzodiazepines when things get worse. Probably diazepam, though she's worried about it increasing my chance of cutting again. In the face of things, this concept makes me laugh.
Allison and I try to live as we did before, though it's hard sometimes with my diagnosis hanging over us.
There are a lot of "what ifs". What if I twitch and lose my grip while climbing? What if I spill boiling water? What if I…? Allison worries constantly.
I can't live my life that way. I don't know how much there is left.
Allison wants to get married. A recognisable symbol of our commitment to one another. I ask who we would invite. The list is short. Her mother, father, brother. My father. Wilson and Cuddy, the two co-workers who actually take an interest in our relationship.
I say okay.
We set a date and rent out a venue – a beautiful garden. We find a marriage commissioner and dresses. Send out invitations. Cameron has long since stopped staying at her apartment and puts it on the market. We start looking for a new place together.
The day is a vision, even to me. Simple, but beautiful. The garden is in full bloom, tables draped in white and set with lilies form a slight aisle down the centre. I want Allison to walk down the aisle and she does, glowing, on her father's arm. My father stands beside me and the commissioner. Allison and I bob in white dresses against green grass. I can't stop smiling.
We are clapped for. Everyone gives toasts over dinner. We sit in the evening and glow in candlelight, getting to know one another. We stay up late, drinking and joking. A white car takes Allison and me to the suite we are staying in, luxuriating, for the next few days. A gift from her parents, who think we work too hard. She hasn't told them about my Huntington's. This is a happy day, she says. There'll be time enough later.
The suite is lovely, and we laugh as we fight about who carries who over the threshold, resolving to jump over it arm in arm. As I drift off, I realise I miss the purring of Stardust and Shadow, and wonder if they miss us too. I think of posing the question to Allison, but a glance at her face tells me she is already asleep.
We spend the next few days enjoying the hotel - the pool, the Jacuzzi, the spa, the room. We have meals with our mutual family. They don't stick around long.
We decide to take a belated honeymoon later in the year and travel. Take a leave while I'm still functional. Sad but true.
My only wish is that I could have longer. I have never known happiness like this.