Chapter warnings: None

"Who can resist a chance to taste salvation..."

The shower faucet squeaked in protest as he turned it on, stepping into the water before it had a chance to heat up. He shivered slightly at the icy beads of water rolling down his back and shoulders, and he scrubbed at his face. The tear stains that streaked his cheeks were washed away, but his eyes felt puffy and irritated now. He'd spent far longer than he'd ever admit to curled up in the corner of his bathroom, choking on his tears as he tried to come to terms with the brainwashed monster that he'd become. He didn't know when it had started, there was no clear moment where it had really begun. It was little things at first, slowly beginning to abuse his power when he'd risen in the ranks. Harsher punishments for the prisoners, before he began to abuse them himself. Mindlessly following Praxis' orders exactly as he said them, no thought of his own.

The water was hot now, scalding against his skin and he scrubbed at his skin, disgusted with himself. The disgust and shock were wearing off, changing into anger now. How had he just let himself become so mindless! He was better than that. He didn't thoughtlessly follow orders without question, if there was someone in a position of power above them, of course he should question. If he didn't how could he watch for them to slip up so he could advance himself farther? He roughly worked shampoo through his hair, scowling at himself. He was low on options however. The underground movement certainly wouldn't welcome him with open arms, and leaving the KG wasn't exactly easy. Death or desertion were really the only options out.

So it looked like he'd be on his own, unless he could earn their trust. And with the Eco Freak in their ranks, he was sure they'd know to some extent what he'd done... and he knew that Torn was in charge, though the identities of all of them were still a mystery. Even when they were both in the KG they hadn't gotten along very well. He had to think of a plan before he went ahead with this... He'd have to move once he left the KG, they'd come looking for him for sure, and it would be moronic to stay in the same place. And he was a well known face around the city, there was no way he could go out, the guards would recognize him in an instant. And the citizens for that matter, there were posters of him as the racing champion everywhere-

The race.

He grit his teeth, the championship race was tomorrow, and the Eco Freak had managed to make it in. He was going to destroy him for even thinking that he could best him- An idea hit him then, and the scalding water felt icy. Racing was a core part of who he was, what kept him sane some days when the grunts under him in the guard couldn't do anything right. He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, shaking his head before toweling off his hair and the rest of his body. Walking back into his bedroom brought back memories of the nightmare he'd woken from not so long ago. Phantom pain laced across his abdomen, and his hand went over the spot where he remembered the knife going in. Normally his dreams faded in minutes after he woke, but this one was lingering. If he closed his eyes, he could picture it still, the face of the creature that tormented him, and the damp, rotting smell of the room. His eyes snapped open and he shook his head with a scoff, wandering to his dresser to pull on a fresh set of clothes. It was still the early hours of the morning, but he knew he wasn't getting back to sleep now.

He sat heavily on the edge of his bed, his mattress creaking a little, and he rested his head on his hands. He went back to what had crossed his mind in the shower and he furrowed his brow, angry that he'd even consider it. If there was one thing that he could do to show he'd was really ready to throw everything he had right now away, he'd have his chance tomorrow. He could throw the race and let the freak win. He clenched his fists. It went against every fiber of his being... and that was the point. If he could show them that he was willing to go against that maybe he could manage to convince them that he was going to betray Praxis as well. It filled him with anger to even think about it, but he knew he couldn't do this by himself, as much as it pained him to admit. He'd be recognized, and caught, if not shot on sight.

He ran his hands through his hair with a frustrated groan. He didn't want to do this but he couldn't see a lot of other options. In fact, some of his other options looked like being shot, or tortured, or something in between. He snarled to himself as he got up and paced. The sun was just starting to come up, though you really had to look through the city smog to see it... when the hell had he gone so blind to this. He sighed and leaned on his windowsill, watching the watery light stream through. It made him feel almost physically sick, thinking of purposefully losing to the Eco Freak- Jak... he should probably attempt to call him by name- no, that was too nice. That would seem like he was trying too hard. But... he clenched his fists so hard his nails bit into the skin on his palms. The realization had been too startling, too raw and real to just ignore, but this... it just felt so wrong.

As his anger and resolve to go through with it battled against one another until his frustration drove him to slam his fist into the wall, growling to himself. He let out a long breath, trying to let his anger drain away with it. He had to throw the race. It was that or meeting his death, be it slow and painful or quick, at the wrong end of a gun or in the jaws of a metalhead. He prided himself in his ability as a commander and a warrior, but he knew it would be impossible to take on the whole KG himself, and the metalheads. He knew Praxis had a deal with them, and that was only going to make things worse. He flexed his hand and ignored the twinge of pain in his knuckles, and let out a grudgingly defeated sigh. This was going to kill him. Jak was never going to let it go either.

But a little voice in the back of his head told him he deserved it for what he'd done to him.