A/N: I've changed the ages and classification of the Carmilla cast, making Perry, LaFontaine, and Kirsch all graduate here while Laura and Betty have one year remaining. Also I've removed the valedictorian's speech and added some details to Carmilla's. Issue I had with 50SoG: the main character's mother just can't come because her latest husband hurt himself, and doesn't sound like she really gives a damn about her. (I deleted this mother as well from the story)
Graduation Day, Part One
Carmilla is standing over me grasping a leather riding-crop. She's wearing those skin tight leather pants and that's all. She flicks the crop slowly into her palm as she gazes down at me. She's smiling, triumphant. I cannot move as I am naked and shackled, spread-eagled on a large four-poster bed. I'm craning my neck as I gaze at her perfect breasts. Reaching forward, she trails the tip of the crop from my forehead down the length of my nose, so I can smell the leather, and over my parted, panting lips.
She pushes the tip into my mouth so I can taste the smooth, rich leather.
"Open," she commands her voice soft. My lips part obediently to that voice of hers.
"Enough," she snaps.
I'm panting once more as she tugs the crop out of my mouth, trails it down and under my chin, on down my neck to the hollow at the base of my throat. She swirls it slowly there and then continues to drag the tip down my body, along my sternum, taking time to swirl it over each nipple, then over my torso and down to my navel. I'm panting, squirming, pulling against my restraints that are biting into my wrists and my ankles. She continues to trail the leather tip south, through my pubic hair to my clitoris. She flicks the crop and it hits my sweet spot with a sharp slap, and I come, gloriously, shouting my release.
Abruptly, I wake, gasping for breath, covered in sweat and feeling the aftershocks of an orgasm. Holy hell. I'm completely disorientated. What the hell just happened? I'm in my bed, alone. How... Why... I sit bolt upright, shocked... wow. It's morning. I glance at my alarm clock - eight o'clock. I put my head in my hands. I didn't know I could dream sex. Was it something I ate? Perhaps the oysters? A part of me said that it was something that I haven't eaten lately, and it's bewildering me to realize I could crave something to much after just once occurrence.
Betty is dressed and eating when I finally sit up and look around.
"Laura, are you okay? You look... odd."
"I'm fine." I avoid her piercing green eyes.
"Did you sleep at all?"
"Not very well."
I head for the kettle. I need tea.
"How was dinner?"
So it begins.
"We had oysters. Followed by cod, so I'd say it was... fishy."
"Ugh... I hate oysters, and I'm not asking about the food. How was Carmilla? What did you talk about?"
"She was attentive," I pause. What can I say? Her HIV status is clear, she's heavily into 'role-play', wants me to obey her every command, she hurt someone she suspended to her bedroom ceiling, and she wanted to fuck me in the private dining room?. Would that be a good summary? I try desperately to remember something from my encounter with Carmilla that I can discuss with Betty.
"Oh, Betty, we talked about lots things. You know - how fussy she is about food. Incidentally, she liked the dress." The kettle has boiled, so I make myself some tea. "Do you want tea?"
"Yes, please." Phew, Betty Spielsdorf sidetracked. I slice a bagel and pop it into the toaster. I flush remembering my very vivid dream. What on earth was that about?
Last night was impossible to sleep. My head was buzzing with too many thoughts. I am so confused; Carmilla's idea of a relationship is more like a job offer. It's not how I envisaged my first romance - but, of course, Carmilla doesn't do romance. If I tell her I want more, she may say no... and I could jeopardize what she has offered. And this is what concerns me most, because I don't want to lose her. But I'm not sure I have the stomach to be her submissive - deep down, it's the canes and whips that put me off. I'm a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain. I think of my dream... is that what it would be like?
Betty comes back into the kitchen with her laptop. I concentrate on my bagel and listen patiently as she's doing something on the internet. I deliver her tea and she takes it, giving me a polite smile and a thank you. Maybe Carmilla was right and I am submissive.
I am dressed and ready when Dad arrives. I open the front door, and he's standing on the porch in his ill-fitting suit. A warm surge of gratitude and love for this uncomplicated man streaks through me, and I throw my arms around him in an uncharacteristic display of affection. He's taken-aback, bemused.
"Hey, Laura, I'm pleased to see you too," he mutters as he hugs me, lifting me enough so I kick my feet in the air. Setting me back down, he looks me up and down, his brow furrowed. "You okay, kid?"
"Of course, Dad, can't a girl be pleased to see her old man?"
He smiles, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners, and follows me into the living area.
"You look good," he says.
"It's the dress." I shrug, not taking the compliment. He frowns.
"Where is Betty?"
"She's already on campus."
"Should we head on over?"
"Dad, we have half an hour. Would you like some tea? And you can tell me how everyone back home is getting along. How was the drive down?" We chit-chat over tea for awhile before we realize that the crowds will be a small disaster to navigate through and decide to leave sooner rather than later.
Once we're on the campus proper, we follow the stream of humanity dotted with ubiquitous black and red gowns, heading toward the sports auditorium.
"Laura, why do you seem so nervous? Are you worried Perry or LaFontaine didn't graduate or something?"
Holy crap... why has Dad picked today to be so observant?
"No, Daddy. It's a big day." And I'm going to see her.
"Yeah, my baby girl got into college and is starting her last year. I'm proud of you, Laura."
"Aw... thanks." Oh I love this man.
The sports auditorium is crowded. We sit with the other parents and well-wishers in the tiered seating, while I try to make out where my Dorm Don and her best friend are among the graduates. There is no one on the stage yet, but I can't seem to steady my nerves. My heart is pounding, and my breathing is shallow. She's here, somewhere. I wonder if Betty is talking to her, interrogating her maybe.
At eleven precisely, the Chancellor appears from behind the stage, followed by the three Vice Chancellors, and then the senior professors, all decked out in their black and red regalia. We stand and applaud our teaching staff. Some Professors nod and wave, others look bored. Last on to the stage is Carmilla. She stands out in her ash-gray suit, her white blouse giving her a healthy glow under the auditorium lights. She looks so serious and self-contained... and I realize this is her cool, business facade. As she sits, she crosses her legs and undoes her single-breasted jacket, and I watch as her finger runs up her cleavage and dragged across her lip suggestively. Holy hell! I cannot take my eyes off her - her beauty as distracting as ever - and she knows that I'm looking at her. Carmilla just winked at me! I can feel my mouth go dry as I realize I've been panting. The audience sits down and the applause ceases.
"Look at her!" One of the guys near me pointed out to his friend.
"She's hot."
I stiffen. I'm sure they're not talking about the Dean.
"Must be Carmilla Karnstein."
"Is she single?"
I bristle.
"I don't think so," I murmur.
"Oh." Both guys look at me in surprise.
"I think she's gay," I mutter.
"That's kinda hot." one of them says. I roll my eyes at that.
"What a shame," the other groans. Dad looks at me for a second as if trying to figure something out, before turning back to the stage.
As the Chancellor gets to her feet and kicks off the proceedings with a speech, I recall my dream from this morning as muscles begin to repeat that delectable clenching. I inhale sharply as she catches my gaze again. I can see the shadow of a smile cross her lips, but it's fleeting. She briefly closes her eyes, and on opening them, resumes her indifferent expression.
I try to pay attention to the droning speech, but I only have eyes for her. She, however, doesn't turn her eyes toward me again. Despite my attempts to beckon for eye contact with my staring, she just stares fixedly ahead.
Why won't she look at me? Perhaps she's changed her mind? A wave of unease washes over me. Perhaps declining yet another illicit liaison was the end for her too. She's bored of waiting for me to make up my mind. I remember her email last night. Maybe she's mad that I haven't replied.
Suddenly, the room erupts into applause as the Chancellor rises and introduces Carmilla... holy shit, Carmilla's going to give a speech. The Chancellor touches briefly on Carmilla's achievements: CEO of her own extraordinarily successful company, a real self-made woman.
"And also a major benefactor to our University, please welcome, Ms. Carmilla Karnstein."
The Chancellor pumps Carmilla's hand, and there is a swell of polite applause. My heart's in my throat. She approaches the lectern and surveys the hall. She looks so confident standing in front of us all, the two guys near me lean in, enraptured. In fact, I think most of the male members of the audience inch closer and a few of the women. She begins, her voice soft, measured, and mesmerizing.
"I'm profoundly grateful and touched to have been invited to speak here today at this year's graduation. It offers me a rare opportunity to talk about the impressive collaboration between the biology and alchemy departments here at Silas University. Our aim is to develop viable and ecologically sustainable methods of irrigation and farming for third world countries; our ultimate goal is to help eradicate hunger and poverty across the globe. Over a billion people, mainly in Sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and Latin America, live in abject poverty. Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world and the result is ecological and social destruction. Because of the limited resources, tyrants rule by withholding something we here take for granted: water. Fertilizer. Tools to grow your own food. I have known what it's like to be profoundly hungry, to the point where your own morality is tested because of the need to survive. This is a very personal journey for me, as I have seen first-hand the damage that it has done when a child soldier talks without remorse over cannibalizing his enemies to become stronger."
My jaw falls to the floor. Carmilla was hungry once. That explains a great deal. And I recall the interview; she really does want to feed the world. I desperately rack my brains to remember what Betty had written in her article. I swallow, my heart constricting at the thought of a hungry, dark-eyed toddler.
Oh no. What kind of life did she have before she was adopted?
I'm seized by a sense of raw outrage; poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Carmilla - though I'm sure she wouldn't see herself this way and would repel any thoughts of sympathy or pity. Abruptly, everyone bursts into applause and stands. I follow, though I haven't heard half her speech. She's doing all of these good works, running a huge company, and chasing me at the same time. It's overwhelming. I remember the brief snippets of conversations she's had about Darfur... it all falls into place. Food.
She smiles briefly at the warm applause - but doesn't look my way, and I'm off-kilter trying to assimilate this new information about her.
The ceremony takes another hour to conclude. It's interminable, but I applaud loudly when Kirsch, LaFontaine, and Perry all walk across the stage. Finally, the Chancellor leads the faculty members off the stage to yet more rousing applause, before we all conclude the graduation and begin to disperse. An eager Kirsch seems to almost tackle me as he finds me in the crowd.
"Ms. Karnstein wants to talk to you," he calls out. The two guys who were now standing beside me turn and gape.
"She's sent me out here," he continues, "also, I get to borrow the R8 for tactical driving." He turns to see my dad. "Oh hey, you must be Mr. Hollis."
My dad shook hands as they went through a brief introduction. Before very long, he's focused back on me. "Are you coming? She can be... very insistent." I roll my eyes as he grins.
"I wouldn't mind meeting her either. I can be insistent, too." I smiled awkardly at that. You have no idea. I glance up at Dad and hold my fingers up indicating five minutes. He nods, pointing he'll be outside by a statue as I follow Kirsch into the corridor behind the stage. Carmilla is talking to the Assistant Chancellor and two of the teaching staff. She looks up when she sees me.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," I hear her murmur. She comes toward me and smiles briefly at Brody.
"Thank you," she says, and before he can reply, Carmilla takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like a women's locker room. She checks to see if it's empty, and then she locks the door. Holy shit, what does she have in mind? I blink up at her as she turns on me.
"Why haven't you emailed me? Or texted me back?" She glares. I'm confused but not too worried.
"I haven't looked at my computer today, or my phone." Crap, has she been trying to call? I catch myself before I bite my lip. "That was a great speech."
"Thank you."
"Explains your food issues to me."
She runs a hand through her hair, exasperated.
"I don't want to go there at the moment." She closes her eyes, looking pained.
"I've been hoping for your reply, or at least more questions."
"Sorry."
"I want an answer from you. This waiting around is driving me crazy."
"Carmilla, I... look, I've left my dad on his own." I didn't know how I would answer.
"Tomorrow. I want an answer by tomorrow."
"Okay. Tomorrow, I'll tell you then." I blink at her.
She steps back, regarding me coolly, and her shoulders relax.
"Are you staying for drinks?" she asks.
"I don't know what Dadd-um, my dad wants to do."
"I'd like to meet him." Oh no... why?
"I'm not sure that's a good idea."
Carmilla unlocks the door, her mouth in a grim line.
"Are you ashamed of me?"
"No!" It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the woman who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship'? You're not wearing running shoes, and I'm fairly certain he's got his service pistol on him."
Carmilla glares down at me, and then her lips twitch up in a smile. And in spite of the fact I'm mad at her, my face is unwillingly pulled into an answering grin.
"Just so you know, I can run quite fast. Just tell him I'm your friend, buttercup." Friend. Out of the many things I want with this woman, 'friend' seems lacking.
She opens the door, and I head out. My mind is whirling. The Chancellor, the three Vice Chancellors, four professors, and Kirsch stare at me as I walk hastily past them. Tell her I'm your friend... friend with benefits. I shake the unpleasant thought away. How will I introduce her to Dad? He sees me, waves, and I make my way down. Perry and LaFontaine are once again inseparable as they shake their head to make the tassle dance suggestively. Perry is doing her best to be all smiles despite having her family disown her last year. When that had happened, my father had automatically adopted her into our family and disclosed that he was one of the founding members of his town's PFLAG group.
Ironically, when LaFontaine explained their preference for gender neutral pronouns, my dad impressed them both by taking it in stride by explaining his love for Hollywood actress Katherine Hepburn. Apparently she wished she could have not been a woman in that era because of the gender typecasting and Katherine always went out of her way to play assertive, educated and liberated female roles which was unheard of in the 1930's. She even broke convention and wore trousers before it was the fashion, and her best film was possibly Desk Set with Spencer Tracy in 1957. Needless to say, he got LaFontaine's stamp of approval.
"Mr. Hollis, would you like to come and have a drink in the marquee?" they asked.
"Sure. It's your day. Lead the way."
"We don't have to if you don't want to." I said, backpedaling. Please say no...
"Laura, I've just sat for two and half hours listening to all kinds of jabbering. I need a drink." He extended his arm to me and the four of us strolled out with the throng into the warmth of the early afternoon. We pass the line for the official photographer.
"Oh, that reminds me." Dad pulls a digital camera out of his pocket. "One for the album, you guys." I roll my eyes at her as he snaps a picture of us.
Perry's face hurts from holding her smile too long. "Can I take the cap and gown off now? I feel kind of dorky."
LaFontaine beamed at her. "You look kind of hot, actually."
"Okay, now just the graduates." I pull out of the frame as my dad takes a few more. "What's it like finally graduating from Silas?"
"Relieved," Perry said. "There have been quite a few odd incidents and I'll be glad to leave this and have a normal life."
"I don't know about you, but I thought that at the least, the Dean would turn into a giant snake or something." LaFontaine replied. My dad just laughed it off as we made it to the marquee. I was handed a glass of what must have been sparkling wine (too cheap to technically be champagne) as I sipped it and felt someone tapping me on the shoulder.
I turn and look up into the frosty eyes of Carmilla Karnstein. Betty is beside her with a mischievous grin.
"Hello, Dave," Betty hugs my father, and I can hear a wicked tone in her voice. "Have you met Laura's girlfriend? Carmilla Karnstein?"
Holy shit... Betty! Fuck! All the blood drains from my face.
"Mr. Hollis, it's a pleasure to meet you." Carmilla says smoothly, warmly, completely unaffected by Betty's introduction. She holds out her hand, which, all credit to my dad, doesn't show a hint of the surprise she's just had thrust upon him.
Thank you very much, Betty Spielsdorf, I fume.
"Ms. Karnstein," Dad murmurs, his expression indecipherable except perhaps for the slight widening of his eyes. They slide over my face with a when-were-you-going-to-give-me-this-news look. I bite my lip and I see Carmilla's jaw flex for a split second.
They shake hands. Carmilla holds her hand out to me.
"Laura, darling," she murmurs, and I nearly expire at the endearment. Cold chills run through me because I'm fairly certain she's angry at my roommate's machinations. Carmilla smiles icily at Betty as I take my place at her side. Betty grins at me, and I realize what she thinks she's doing. She thinks she's helping me.
"Lola, Susan, I think these three have some catching up to do." Betty says sweetly as Perry and LaFontaine glare daggers at her.
"So how long have you kids known each other?" Dad looks impassively from Carmilla to me.
The power of speech has deserted me. I want the ground to swallow me up. Carmilla puts her arm around me, her thumb skimming the open back of my dress before her hand clasps my shoulder. I do all that I can to avoid whimpering.
"Couple of weeks or so now," she says smoothly. "We met when Laura came to interview me for the student paper."
"Didn't know you worked there, Laura." Dad's voice is a quiet admonishment, revealing his irritation. Shit.
"Betty was ill," I murmur. It's all I can manage.
"You mean Betty was hungover." He offered, and I gave a crooked smiled in response, confirming his guess. He faced Carmilla and let me out of the hot seat. "Fine speech you gave, Ms. Karnstein."
"Thank you, sir. I understand that you're a bit of a classic movie aficionado."
Dad raises his eyebrows and smiles - a rare, genuine, bona-fide Dave Hollis smile - and off they go, talking about Hollywood's gilded age. In fact, I soon feel like the third wheel when they talk about Flight of the Phoenix. She's charming the pants off my dad... like she did me. I excuse myself to go and find Betty.
She's talking to her parents, who are delightful as ever and greet me warmly. We exchange brief pleasantries, mostly about their upcoming holiday.
"Betty, how could you out me to my dad?" I hiss at the first opportunity we won't be over-heard.
"Because I knew you never would, and I want to help with Carmilla's commitment issues." Betty smiles at me sweetly.
I scowl. "It's me that won't commit to her! Do me a favor and don't out me again."
Betty shrugged it off. "She seems cool about it, Laura. Look at her now - Carmilla can't take her eyes off you." I glance up, and both my father and Carmilla are looking at me. "She's been watching you like a hawk."
"I'd better go rescue Dad or Carmilla... I don't know which. You haven't heard the last of this, Betty Spielsdorf!" I glare at her.
"Laura, I did you a favor," she calls after me.
"Hi." I smile at both of them on my return.
They seem okay. Carmilla is enjoying some private joke, and my dad looks unbelievably relaxed given she's in a crowded social situation. What have they been discussing apart from movies?
"Laura, where are the restrooms?" I point it out to my dad he nods his thanks and kisses my forehead.
"See you in a moment. You kids enjoy yourselves."
Dad heads out as I glance nervously up at Carmilla. We pause briefly as a photographer asks to take a picture of both of us.
"Thank you, Ms. Karnstein." The photographer scurries off. I blink from the flash as I swear I hear a slight growl from Carmilla.
"So you've charmed my father as well?"
"As well?" Carmilla's dark eyes burn, and she raises a questioning eyebrow. I flush. She lifts her hand and traces my cheek with her fingers. "Oh, I wish I knew what you were thinking, Laura," she whispers darkly, cupping my chin and raising my head so that we gaze intently into each other's eyes.
My breath hitches. How can she have this effect on me, even in this crowded area?
"Right now, I'm glad you don't know Legilimancy." I breathe.
She chuckles.
"Oh, I still think I know how to get inside you." She purrs as I gulp. "You look lovely, cupcake. This halter-neck dress suits you, and I get to stroke your back, feel your beautiful skin."
Suddenly, it's like we're on our own in the room. I never realized how such a light touch of skin could evoke so much of a response. My whole body has come alive, every nerve ending singing softly as an undiscovered current pulled me towards her, my eyes locked on her pouty lips.
"You know it's going to be good, don't you, baby?" she whispers as her fingers trail down my spine. I close my eyes as my insides uncoil and melt.
"But I want more," I whisper.
"More?" she looks down at me puzzled, her eyes darkening. I nod and swallow. Now she knows.
"More," she says again softly. Testing the word - a small, simple word, but so full of promise. Her thumb traces my lower lip. "You want hearts and flowers."
I nod again. She blinks down at me, and I watch an internal struggle play out in her eyes."Laura." Her voice is soft, and I've come to realize she doens't use my name lightly. "It's not something I know."
"Me either, Ms. Karnstein." My eyes reflect the pleading in my soul.
She smiles slightly. "You don't know much," she murmurs.
I shake my head slightly. "You know all the wrong things."
"Wrong? No, just different." She shakes her head. She looks so sincere. "Try it," she whispers. A challenge, daring me, and she cocks her head to one side and smiles her crooked, dazzling smile. I gasp as her hand pulls away from my back, and I'm left wanting, yearning... it's a Faustian bargain, but who turns down a deal with the devil?
"Okay," I whisper.
"What?" Her eyes widen in surprise. I have her full, undivided attention.
"Okay. I'll try."
"You're agreeing?" Her disbelief is evident.
"Subject to the soft limits, yes. I'll try." My voice is so small. Carmilla closes her eyes and pulls me into an embrace.
"Gods below, Laura, you're so unexpected. Thank you."
She steps back, and suddenly Dad's back, and the volume in the marquee gradually rises and fills my ears. We are not alone. Holy shit, I've just agreed to be her submissive. Carmilla smiles at my dad, and her eyes are dancing with joy.
"Laura, should we get some lunch?"
"Okay." I blink up, disoriented, trying to find my equilibrium. What have I done?
"Would you like to join us, Carmilla?" He asks. He can use her given name?
Carmilla! I stare up at her, imploring her to refuse. I need space to think... what the fuck have I done?
"Thank you, Dave, but I have plans. It's been great to meet you, sir."
"Likewise," Dad responds. "Look after my baby girl."
"Oh, I fully intend to."
They shake hands. I feel sick. Dad has no idea how Carmilla intends to look after me. Carmilla takes my hand and raises it to her lips and kisses my knuckles tenderly, her scorching eyes intent on mine.
"Later, Miss Hollis," she breathes, her voice full of promise.
My belly curls at the thought... oh my. Hang on... later?
Dad takes my elbow and leads me toward the entrance.
"Seems a solid young woman. Knows where she's going in life. You could do a lot worse, Laura. Though why I had to hear about her from Betty," he scolds.
I shrug apologetically. "I've only seen her a few times; Betty decided to call her my girlfriend when we hadn't even decided on the term yet."
"Well, any woman who likes and knows her classic movies is okay with me."
Holy cow - Dad approves. If only he knew. We caught up with Perry and LaFontaine, and dad was surprised to hear that LaFontaine was able to hardball Carmilla into hiring Perry at a salary that she would never have gotten straight out of college. He seemed happy to know that all three of his kids would still be together even though I've got my senior year ahead of me.
First thing I do when I get back to my dorm is check my cell phone. It needs recharging, so I have to hunt down the charger and plug it in before I can collect my messages. Four missed calls, one voice message, and two texts. Three missed calls from Carmilla... no messages. One missed call from Danny and a voice mail asking if we can hang out sometime soon.
I open the texts.
'Are you home yet'
'Call me'
They are both from Carmilla, why didn't she call the dorm room? I sit on my bed and check my email.
What can I say that I haven't already?
Happy to talk about the soft limits anytime.
You looked beautiful today.
Carmilla Karnstein
I thought about it and realized that if I wanted to try this out, I'd have to discuss all of the issues and limitations that I'd need to have.
I began to compose my reply.
I can come over this evening to discuss if you'd like.
Laura
Her response was almost immediate, making me jump to get ready.
I'll come to you. The campus is full of drunk college students and I'd rather not see you try to bike your way up here.
I'll be with you shortly.
Carmilla Karnstein