A/N: As I'm working on this chapter, the preview to the hardware store scene was released. Wow. LaFontaine has more chemistry with a syringe than they do.

We get back into Carmilla's apartment and I excuse myself to 'my' bedroom for a bit of privacy to check my phone for the time. I should probably get home so I can get a full night's rest before my interviews.

I also notice that I've missed a call from Betty. Kirsch's comments come to mind as I call her back. She picks up after a few rings.

"I need to speak to you about antagonizing Carmilla," I hiss as she starts to say hello.

Betty just laughs it off. "She needs antagonizing; then you can see what she's really like. Be careful, Laura - she's controlling."

"I KNOW WHAT SHE'S REALLY LIKE - YOU - DON'T!" I yell into the phone. I wish I could wring her neck right now!

"Wow, well, excu-u-se me for trying to help!" Betty snapped back.

"That's just it Betty, you're not helping! You may think that your actions come from a good place, but right now I am tired of your attempts to manipulate my relationship!"

"Oh, but Laura-"

"-don't 'but Laura' me. You weren't there when Danny tried to take advantage of me when I was drunk, and then later on? You played it off as no big deal!"

"I thought you two were headed into spoons-ville and thought that maybe a little bit of alcohol would socially lubricate you two to get there faster! God knows you've needed to get your cherry popped!" I have basic standards, Betty!

I fume as I want to crush my flip-phone. She just doesn't get it.

"I... have to go. Unlike you, I have interviews tomorrow, so goodnight."

I walk back out to the living room, huffing in annoyance. Carmilla turns to face me and I reach out to put my arms around her, and I see her back away nervously. Right, I can't touch her and she always keeps her shirt on. Is she ashamed of her breasts?

"Is your neck okay?"

"Yeah, and don't worry. I don't bruise easily." She looks at my neck where her hand was and nods in agreement.

"I wasn't expecting you to just ask for that then. Usually when I script out a scene, I won't add in something that wasn't pre-negotiated. But I'm still trying to expose you to the different types of play I might want to do with you."

"I was turned on and thought it was hot in the moment. I don't regret it." But I could see someone else regretting it after the fact, and how that could leave Carmilla in a lot of trouble.

"Anyways, l it seems my brother likes you." she murmurs.

I nod and shrug. Yeah, Will. Okay.

"What?" she asks, her voice quiet.

I flounder momentarily, wondering if I should even mention it. No - I'll tell her.

"I was just talking with Betty." My voice conveyed more annoyance than I meant to. "I'm sorry I didn't mention that I hung out with Danny-"

"-it's okay. I'm not about to tell you whom you can and can't hang out with."

Oh. "You just seemed really upset for a moment there."

"Well, I don't like having things hidden from me, particularly if I don't trust the individual. I do, however, trust you and hope that you'll be more vigilant when you go out to drink with friends. You did explain to her that you don't want her like that, right?" I nodded.

She smiled, looking relieved. "That's good. As long as we're honest with each other, I don't care who you have as a friend."

"And you also trust me that I'm not going to use our relationship to get myself promoted in whichever news company I intern for?" I asked.

"Well, it feels like your friend Betty did just that." Carmilla said, annoyed.

"Yeah, well I'm not her."

"And you won't tell me which station, will you?"

I shook my head. "No, because I don't want you to exert any influence there. I want to earn this on my own." Carmilla winced at that, but said nothing.

Perry clears her throat, grabbing our attention. "Ms. Karnstein, the weather in New York calls for rain so I've included your raincoat and leather trench into your suitcases, just in case."

She nods in thanks.

"New York?" I ask.

"I leave tomorrow for a weekend of meeting and schmoozing a few jewelry executives." Jewelry?

"Okay, that's probably a good thing for me. I need some time alone to think."

Carmilla seemed to go still, unnaturally still. Her eyes narrowed in concern.

"What do you need to think about?"

"Us," I whisper.

She stares at me, impassive.

"You said you'd try," she murmurs, looking away from me.

"I know."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"Possibly."

She shifts as if uncomfortable.

"Why?"

I stare momentarily out of the window. I have two interviews in the morning for internships. Why did this have to get brought up now? What can I say? I think I love you, but I'm just number sixteen in your line of submissive toys to enjoy. I can't even touch you because I worry you'll give me another spanking or worse...

"Why, Laura?" Carmilla presses me for an answer.

I shrug. I don't want to lose her. In spite of all the demands, her need to control me in that room, and my surprising willingness to give her that control... it scares me. And on top of that, there's her needs and her fetishes... I have never felt as alive as I do now. She's so unpredictable, sexy, smart, and funny. But she wants to hurt me. She says she'll not break my hard limits, but it still scares me. I close my eyes. What can I say? Deep down I would just like more - more affection, a more playful Carmilla, more normal relationship... I want her love.

She squeezes my hand.

"Talk to me, Laura. I don't want to lose you. This last week... " She trails off.

This woman, whom I once thought of as a romantic hero - a brave shining white knight, is more like the dark knight as she said. She's not a hero, she's got serious, deep emotional scars, and she's dragging me into the dark. Can I not guide her into the light?

"I still want more," I whisper.

"More?" She responds, nerves on edge.

"Yes. More. Not more kink, not more pain... more... normal. Getting to know each other, find out your favorite foods, what motivates you. And the same for me. Do you even want children someday? That's what I want."

"I know," she says. "I'll try."

I blink up at her, and she takes my hand in hers.

"For you, Laura, I will try." She's radiating sincerity.

And that's my cue. I step closer and cup her cheeks in my hands, taking her completely by surprise. Tilting my chin up, I kiss her, long and soft, conveying all the emotion I have for her, and immediately she's responding. Her breath shudders as she blinks her eyes a few times as she opens them again.

"Stay with me, tonight," she breathes. "Because I won't see you at all this weekend."

I smile slightly at her request.

"Please."

"Yes," I acquiesce. "And I'll try too. I'll sign your contract." And it's a spur of the moment decision.

She gazes stunned eyes at me.

"Sign after this weekend. Don't rush into this. Think it over, Laura."

"I will."

I nuzzle up against her, eyes closed, my nose buried in her throat, drinking in her sexy Carmilla-incense fragrance, my head on her shoulder. I let my mind drift, and I allow myself to fantasize that she is in love with me. It hurts to think this way as I snuggle into her embrace as she holds me tightly.

I yawn, and exhaustion seems to creep up on me.

"Tired, Miss Hollis?"

"Yes, Ms. Karnstein." I reply automatically, getting a kiss on my forehead for that.

"Let's get you to bed."

I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Can I sleep in bed with you?"

She gasps quietly, but just enough for me to know she's not comfortable with the idea.

"Sweetness... I don't... I toss and turn all night, don't ever really sleep well." Her body posture changes; she goes from skittish to seductress. "Let's go to your bed and we'll see how things go from there."

She's using sex as a defensive mechanism.

"Maybe I should just go home instead."

"Oh." She frowns. Her expression changes; confusion, disappointment, worry. "Don't you want to fuck?" she asks.

"No," I breathe.

Okay, here goes... deep breath.

"I don't want us to just fuck. I want you to make love to me."

She stills and stares at me blankly. She's pulling away mentally. This doesn't look good.

"Laura, I... " She runs her hands through her hair.

"I want to touch you."

She takes an involuntary step back from me, her expression for a moment horrified, until she carefully reins it in.

"Please," I whisper.

"Oh, no Miss Hollis, you've had enough concessions from me lately. And I'm saying no. Please respect my boundaries."

"No?" No? Damn it, Hollis, don't screw this up!

"No. Look, you're tired, I'm tired. Let's just go to bed," she says, watching me carefully. She still keeps the distance between us.

"So touching you is a hard limit?"

"Yes. This is old news."

"Please tell me why."

"Please. Just drop it for now," she mutters exasperated.

"It's important to me."

Again she runs both hands through her hair, and she utters something beneath her breath. Did she just say 'Hellfire and Damnation'?

Turning on her heel, she goes into her room and comes back out with a handful of new panties with the tags on and hands them to me. These were the ones missing from the dresser in my room.

"These belong in the dresser in your room. And you're just asking to hear the nightmares that keep me up at night. Please understand I'm not ready to be that vulnerable with you."

I frown, uncertain how to react to that. "I need the bathroom." My voice is a whisper.

She chuckles, exasperated.

"Now you're asking permission?"

"Err... no."

"Well, you know where the bathroom is. And you don't need my permission to use it." She cannot hide her amusement.

Carmilla walks off to her own bedroom to change as I sigh and get ready for bed.

I stare at myself in the mirror, somehow surprised that I still look the same. After all that has happened in the past week, I'm still the same ordinary girl looking back at me. What the hell are you doing? Touching her is her hard limit. Too soon, you idiot, and I know that she needs to walk before she can run.

We are trying to find balance in this strange arrangement - she needs kinky fucking and I need an emotionally satisfying relationship. We both need to compromise but I'm not certain I can delve deep enough into her strange world of pain and sex to satisfy her. And yet I told her I'd sign her contract; sign my body over to her for her pleasure. Maybe having this weekend away from her will do us some good. I change into come comfy PJ pants and a top and am brushing my teeth when she knocks.

"Come in," I splutter through a mouthful of toothpaste.

Carmilla stands in the doorway, her black lace and silk chemise nearly hanging off of her shoulder - in a way that makes every little cell in my body want to push it over by half an inch and let it slip down her arm - and I realize I can see more of her now than ever before. There seems to be small circular scars, tiny dots like a burn, just over her left breast. I try to not stare as I spit the toothpaste out and rinse. My honey brown eyes get caught in her dark brown eyes as she smirks and the rest of the world falls away from me.

"You know this is not how I saw tonight panning out," she mutters petulantly.

"Well, imagine if I said that you couldn't touch me."

She clambers onto the bed and sits cross-legged.

"That's not fair." She points to herself. "Fifty flavors of fucked-up. I had a real rough start in life - stuff I don't ever want in your head. Okay?"

"But I want to know you better."

"You know me well enough." She leans back just enough to make the hemline rise and catch my eye. "You know me... intimately."

"That's not the same and you know it."

"When's your first interview tomorrow?" she asks softly. She's changing the subject, but she's staying here.

"Noon."

A slow wicked grin spreads across her face.

"Good." And before my eyes, she subtly changes. She's harder, predatory... hot. This is Dominant Carmilla.

"Get off the bed. Stand over here." She points to beside the bed, and I scramble up and off in double-quick time. She stares intently down at me, her eyes glittering with promise.

"Trust me?" she asks softly.

I nod. She holds out her hand, and in her palm are two round, shiny, silver balls, linked with a thick black thread.

"Don't worry, these are new," she says emphatically. "I replace all insertables when I get a new partner."

I look questioningly up at her. Insertables?

"I am going to put these inside you, and then I'm going to spank you, not for punishment, but for your pleasure and mine." She pauses, gauging my wide-eyed reaction.

Inside me? I gasp, and all the muscles deep in my belly clench.

"Then we'll fuck, and if you're still awake, I'll impart some information about my formative years. Agreed?"

She's asking my permission. Breathlessly, I nod. I'm incapable of speech. She's going to tell me about her past.

"Good girl. Open your mouth."

Mouth?

"Wider." I comply as she very gently puts the two metallic balls into my mouth.

"They need lubrication. Roll them around in your mouth." she orders, her voice soft.

The balls are cold, smooth, surprisingly heavy, and metallic tasting. My dry mouth pools with saliva as my tongue explores the unfamiliar objects. Carmilla's gray gaze does not leave mine. Holy hell, this is turning me on. I squirm slightly.

"Keep still, Laura," she warns.

"Stop." She removes them from my mouth. Moving toward the bed, she throws the duvet aside and sits down on the edge.

"Come here."

I stand in front of her.

"Now turn round, bend down, and grasp your ankles."

I blink at Carmilla. Just grab my ankles? Her expression darkens.

"Don't hesitate," she admonishes me softly with an undercurrent in her voice, as she lowers my pajama pants to my knees.

I follow her orders immediately. She places her hand reverently on my backside and very gently moves my panties to the side to slowly run a finger up and down my sex. My body braces itself in a heady mix of wild anticipation and arousal. She slides one finger inside me, and she circles it deliciously slowly. Oh, it feels good. I moan.

Her breathing halts, and I hear her gasp as she repeats the motion.

"Tell me you want these in your cunt." I feel myself clench at the word cunt.

"I um... I want them in my cunt."

"I don't believe you." She withdraws her finger and very slowly inserts it again, curling it to tease me even more.

"Mistress please put them in my cunt!"

She chuckles as she pushes the one warm, round, heavy ball in at a time. They're body temperature, and I find it a curious feeling. Once they're inside me, I can't really feel them - but I know they're there.

She straightens my panties and leans forward, her hands patting my behind gently.

"Up-up," she orders, and shakily I get to my feet.

Now I can feel them... sort of. She grasps my hips to steady me while I stand up straight.

"You okay?" she asks, her voice stern.

"Yes."

"Turn round." I turn and face her. The balls pull downward and involuntarily I clench around them. The feeling startles me but not in a bad way.

"How does that feel?" she asks.

"Strange."

"Strange good or strange bad?"

"Strange good," I confess, blushing.

"Good." There's a trace of humor lurking in her eyes.

"Cupcake, I want a glass of water. Go and fetch one for me please."

Oh. Why didn't she get that earlier?

"And when you come back, I'll put you over my knee."

Over her knee? Right, a 'fun' spanking.

As I leave the bedroom, it becomes crystal clear why she wants me to walk around - with each step, the balls make themselves noticeable inside me, massaging me internally as gravity pulls them slightly down. It's such a weird feeling, but not entirely unpleasant. In fact, my breathing accelerates as I stretch up for a glass from the kitchen cabinet, and I gasp. Goodness, I may have to keep these. They make me needy, needy for sex.

She's watching me carefully when I return.

"I wanted ice in the glass."

That damned woman. I go back to put ice in her glass, feeling the two heavy balls pressing on the inside of me as I make my slow way back to Carmilla.

"Thank you," she says as she takes the glass from me.

Slowly, she takes a sip then places the glass on her bedside table. I realize she's doing this to build the anticipation as my heartbeat has picked up a bit. She turns her dark gaze to mine.

"Come. Stand beside me. Like last time."

I obey her, my blood thrumming through my body, and this time... I'm excited.

Aroused.

"Ask me," she says softly.

I frown. Ask her what?

"Ask me," her voice is slightly harder.

What? What does she want?

"Ask me, Laura. I won't say it again." And there's a bit of a vague threat implied in her words, and it dawns on me. She wants me to ask her to spank me.

She's looking at me expectantly, and I see a mischievous glint in her eyes and remember that this is how she is being playful. The 'threat' of a spanking, making me ask for it, saying she'll put me over her knee... it's all an act of anticipation and delayed gratification.

"Spank me, please... Ma'am," I whisper.

She closes her eyes momentarily, savoring my words. Reaching up, she grasps my left hand and she tugs me over her knees. I fall instantly, and she steadies me as I land in her lap.

My heart is in my mouth as her hand gently strokes my behind. I'm angled across her lap so that my torso rests on the bed beside her. She takes a moment to smooth my hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. Her gentle touch seems so odd as I'm ready for her to spank me. Once she's done smoothing my hair, she grabs my hair at the roots and tugs gently to get my attention.

"I want to see your face while I spank you, Laura," she murmurs, all the while softly rubbing my backside.

Her hand moves down between the cheeks of my behind, and she pushes against my sex, and the full feeling is exquisite.

"This is for pleasure, Laura, mine and yours," she whispers softly.

She lifts her hand and brings it down in a resounding slap against the junction of my thighs, my behind, and my sex. The balls exert their presence inside me, and I'm lost in all of the sensation. The stinging across my behind, the fullness of the balls inside me, and the fact that she's holding me down. I can't even recognize the emotions going across my face as I attempt to absorb and process all these different feelings at once. I note somewhere in my brain that she's not smacked me as hard as last time. She caresses my backside again, trailing her palm across my skin and over my underwear.

Why has she not removed my panties? Her palm disappears, and she strikes my backside again. I groan as the sensation spreads. She starts a pattern: left to right and then down.

The down ones are the best. Everything clenching tighter, inside me... and in between each smack she caresses me, kneads me - so I am massaged inside and out. It's such a stimulating, erotic feeling, and for some reason, because this is on my terms, I don't mind the pain. I seem to be enjoying getting hit.

It's not painful as such - well it is, but not unbearable. It's somehow manageable, and even pleasurable. I groan as I feel her slowly peel my panties down my legs with deliberate slowness.

I writhe on her lap, not because I want to escape the blows, but I want... need... release, orgasm, something. Her touch against my sensitive skin is almost too much; it's overwhelming, and she starts again. A few soft slaps then building up, left to right and down. As she goes down, I realize she is spanking my labia and clit as my own wetness is pooling on her hands with each blow.

"Good girl, Laura," she groans, and her breathing is ragged.

She spanks me twice more, and I almost climax - the feeling is out of this world. Moving swiftly, she gently turns me over. "While you were getting water, I was getting something else, cupcake." Her voice was mischievous as I saw a large white oblong device in her hand. It looked like a large handle with a small round head on - oh god, that's a vibrator.

"Is that what I think it is?" I ask, panicked, as I realize that this wasn't just any vibrator.

"It's a Hitachi. It only has two settings: make you come violently hard, and death by orgasm. We'll start with the lower setting."

I groan loudly, having heard about these from a friend of a friend online.

"Don't freak out, sweetness, you can always call 'yellow' or 'red'..." she whispers as she places it on my mound and switches it on.

"HOLYFREAKINGCHRISTONACRACKER!" I shout, squirming and trying to crab-walk away from it. Carmilla turned it off and feigned innocent surprise.

"Oh, goodness me, I think that was the high setting." Her eyes were wide as she shook her head minutely. "Let's try the lower setting first."

My clit was sensitive and throbbing from that. "Yeah, you think?" Her lips touched mine momentarily and I narrowed my eyes in annoyance.

"You did that on purpose."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow in doubt.

"Do I look like the kind of person who would do such a thing?" She asked, the corner of her mouth fighting a smile.

"Yes!" I exclaim, laughing at how Carmilla can be sadistic with something specifically designed to give pleasure.

She turns it back on, and this time I can tell it's the low setting as she moves it back and forward over my labia and clit. It is the most gentle thing she has ever done to me, but with the powerful vibrations from the Hitachi, it takes no time at all for me to fall over the edge, spiraling into a delicious, violent, exhausting, orgasm.

Oh my goodness. That was hard and intense. I realize that my vagina feels numb now, kind of like your lips after the dentist injects you with that needle.

"Looks like you enjoyed that," she whispers, and then kisses me sweetly. "You need to push the balls out, sweetness."

I nod, feeling drunk on endorphins.

"Can you do that for me?"

I nod again, and I realize that I'm unable to talk right now. It makes me chuckle as I slide two fingers in and remove one of the two balls, dropping it onto the bed.

"I think I fucked you stupid." I nodded, and tried to get the second ball out but my hands were too sluggish to respond. Carmilla took pity on me and fished it out with a simple crook of her index finger. I lift my head to try and kiss her, but my head lolls and falls on a pillow instead.

Carmilla rises, covers me with the duvet, and disappears into the bathroom. On her return she's carrying a bottle of white lotion. She sits beside me on the bed.

"I left the ben wa balls for you to clean in the morning. The cleansing solution is under the sink. Now roll over," she orders, and begrudgingly I move on to my front.

Honestly, all this fuss. I feel very sleepy.

"Your ass is a glorious color," she says affectionately as she tenderly massages the cooling lotion into my pink behind.

"Spill the beans, Karnstein," I yawn as I realize how warm my butt must be since her hands feel this cold.

"Miss Hollis, you know how to ruin a moment."

"We had a deal."

"How do you feel?"

"Short changed."

She sighs, slides in beside me, and pulls me into her arms. She kisses me very softly beside my ear.

"The woman who brought me into this world was a whore, Laura. Go to sleep."

Holy fuck... what does that mean?

"Was?"

"She's dead."

"How long?"

She sighs.

"Morbid much? I don't want to remember her. I only remember the really bad things, anyways. Please go to sleep."

"Goodnight, Carmilla."

"Goodnight, Laura."

My eyes are wide awake at this revelation and only exhaustion makes me finally fall asleep.