Fading Shadows
Chapter XIV
Only a Shadow
I shot up and let out a brief yelp as I glanced around nervously into the darkness. The fading remains of panic flowed through my mind as I tried to gather my thoughts and determine what had just occurred. Letting out a sigh of relief when I heard the soft and familiar ticking of my clock, I sat back down in the bed and stared at the ceiling with a dazed feeling of detachment. The nightmare was terrible. I can remember the last moment and what I had the horror of witnessing. I shook my head to clear my mind from the unpleasant thought and my thoughts reflected on the previous day.
I very well know that the nightmare is the result of what I saw yesterday... The clock continued to tick away while my panicked gasps slowed down. When I saw this disturbing event, I realized I was a part of this. I frowned and glanced at the glowing nightlight against the wall, finally to remember where I left something. I tried to argue with what I saw. That it was not real. It can't be real. It is a lie! A lie! It must be!
The nightmare replayed in my mind. I whispered to no one in particular, more to the world. I fumbled for my watch and checked the time. Nine o'clock. It is time to get up for the day. With a sinking mood I got up to grab a folded note and shoved it into my makeshift pocket while I got ready for the morning routine.
As I repeated my morning preparations, I felt half asleep, as if my mind was not a part of my body and I was watching someone else proceed through his or her life, not my own. The morning seemed as if it never happened at all, so slight an impression it had left in my mind. With a halfhearted effort, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Sonic's number. I stared absently out my bedroom window and sighed as the phone rang several times. "Hello?" A familiar voce asked.
"Hi, Sonic," I greeted him.
"Tails! How you doing, buddy?"
"I'm fine," I brushed my grief aside, to not cause him worry. "Meet me at the clubhouse in half an hour; I need to tell you something."
"Sure thing, slowpoke!" Sonic teased and hung up. I let a second sigh out of my lips. How completely oblivious he is! I shook my head and dialed a second number.
"...Grrr. Stupid phone... Who is this?" I blinked twice before answering.
"Hey, Knuckles. It's me, Tails. I need to meet you at the clubhouse ASAP. Can you get there?"
"Sure, I guess. I don't know why you bothered giving me this thing, Tails."
"It is in case of some news, remember?" I replied with a feeling of embarrassment.
"Okay. Later." The phone went dead.
Third number... Amy. My phone softly rang as it contacted her house. "Hello?" Started a motherly voice, "Who's this?"
"Hi, Mrs. Rose. It's Tails. I need you to bring Mr. Rose, your daughter, and yourself to the clubhouse, please. It's important."
"What is it?" I tapped my fingers on the nightstand.
"I'll tell you when you get here. Thanks, bye." I put my phone in my pocket. I tromped downstairs and opened the front door, leaping into the air and taking off with my twin namesakes. The houses shrank away below me as I ascended into the grey, clouded sky. The bland lack of color in the sky matched my inner turmoil as I turned right and glided over the neighborhood to the clubhouse...
* * * * * * *
All six of us were seated in the living room of the clubhouse, sitting in sofas, a lazy chair, and a loveseat. Sonic grinned at me as he widened his eyes. "Well, what's up Tails? Did ya make a present for me?" He said jokily. The others laughed as I grinned tiredly to myself.
"No, it isn't that, Sonic."
"I know what it is. You used a Chaos Crystal to fry eggs didn't you!?" Sonic, Amy, and Amy's parents all laughed again, as Knuckles just shook his head in shame, as if to say, "What idiots..."
"No," I replied.
"I know! You decided to--"
I cut him off with a bitter snarl that was way out of my character, but then again I was feeling out of character in the first place. "QUIET!!" The others stared at me as fire burned in my blue eyes. They were shocked by my sudden outburst, a violent contrast to my constantly gentle mood. "The news I have to tell you guys isn't about breakfast, and it isn't about presents," I snapped.
"Whoa, take it easy Tails," Sonic said in surprise as he held his hands up in defense.
"I wish I could, Sonic." I sighed with a pained look in my eyes.
"What's wrong?" Amy asked. My words caught in my throat as I tried to speak, as if a ghost had pulled them out of my throat before they could be spoken. With a trembling hand, I timidly reached into my pocket and pulled out the note to hold it.
"This is about Shadow. I brushed him away recently. I was too busy to bother with him. I didn't know it was important; I wanted to focus on the task that was at hand. All of us were busy, one way or another too occupied to bother with him. The only one that did listen was Amy but," I faced her as a tear lingered in my eye before I wiped it with my glove. "Amy left him because he interrupted something before she yelled at him and ran off to brood by herself. I remember what I'd done. I regret that now. Nothing I can do will reverse the final conclusion my decisions lead to."
Silence pervaded the room for a moment as the listeners doubted my statement.
"You joking, Tails? You got all of us together to tell us about regrets? What do you regret?" Amy asked.
"Yeah, Tails. This isn't funny. Shadow can take care of himself," Sonic added.
"It definitely isn't funny. You're right, Sonic." I continued as my eyes narrowed in bitter sadness. "Shadow is gone," I stated as the others became only more confused.
"Shadow runs off all the time, Tails. He can care for himself and he's fine," Sonic commented.
"Tails, don't worry about Shadow, he's a lot tougher than slowpoke, here," Knuckles chuckled as Sonic playfully hit his arm.
"Who you calling slowpoke, weakling?" Their carefree attitude burned through my sanity as I stopped with the subtle hinting and told them...
A tear dropped from my eye, and I didn't attempt to conceal it. The others stopped their jokes as they watched me in silence. The others held their breath, and even time itself seemed to do the same. With a silent moment that was full of my pain and tears, I told them the news. My voice was honest and calm; absolutely solemn. "Shadow is dead... he killed himself..."
Eyes widened in shock. Complete silence dominated as my news was heard and shattered the easygoing mood of the others like a crystal goblet that was crushed under a cinderblock. "I was wandering around the forest a while back when I saw him camping out. I returned to the spot yesterday after it rained and found him. He..." My voice broke. Sonic stared forward in disbelief as Amy started to softly cry. Knuckles' eyes started to widen as they held a distant look of guilt. "He stabbed through... his heart with a sharp knife... he was just laying there against a giant oak tree, and he... looked so peaceful... I panicked and rushed over... his wet body was still warm, but... he was..." I let out a lone sob as more tears left my eyes.
"No... Tails... No..." Sonic stuttered in denial as the impact of my message was sinking in. I choked on a sob.
"He... left a note...and this... is it." I raised my hand to reveal the folded sheet of paper with the stain from tears and telltale stains of blood... crimson as Shadow's hauntingly beautiful eyes...
* * * * * * *
To whoever might find me...
You may be shocked to see me laying here like this, but don't worry about me. I have endured many hardships in my past life. It may have contributed to my end, I don't know for sure if it did, but I believe it has. When I was a boy a babysitter I loved raped me, and he scarred my heart for the rest of my life with shame and overwhelming fear. In addition, my entire family was carelessly slaughtered by the GUN organization when they tried to capture me, and I never forgave myself for their deaths. I have been wallowing in despair for quite a while now, but the last event was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Recently, I'd finally made a friend. The bond was God-sent, a priceless blessing that I greatly cherished. Once again, I ruined it after I broke my friend's heart. I've been the source of misery and death for many people around me, and now that I'm alone, I realize that it is meant to be that way. I'd rather be dead than live completely alone, so I have decided to destroy the source of my suffering forever. My heart...
I am just a Shadow that is left in pain
The sun does not shine, the clouds cut with cold rain
A person that is cursed with relentless fears
A person that weeps through countless tears
They keep me away from the light
I am doomed to hide in the night
Every night that I go to bed,
I am cursed with this death that stays overhead
I am fearful of nightmares, afraid to sleep
All I can do is worry and weep
The light gives others joy and peace
Their hearts are content, never to cease
But it forces upon my heart cold neglect
Treating me like a plague that wants to infect
The darkness is so empty and cold
Their torture for me is cruel and bold
The light is a soft and gentle warm breeze
Yet I am taken out here and left to freeze
I bring darkness to all around,
The only fact I have surely found
People hate me, though I have fought
No one cares if I die or not
My heart is cruelly crushed and shunned from any love
Though I beg angels that curse me from high above
Since long ago I can plainly see
That there is no one that loves me
My heartbeat stills its own faint pace
As blood and tears freeze to my face
I struggle to draw... my final breath
The darkness... is freezing me to death
Panic chokes me as all life... deserts me on my own
I am only... a Shadow... I will die all alone
-Shadow Hedgehog Ro...
* * * * * * *
More sobs erupted from the mortal silence and I started to cry, lurching forward and grabbing onto Sonic with a death grip. "SHADOW!!! NOO!!!" Amy's heart breaking scream incited both of her parents to embrace her as they both cried themselves. "I'm so sorry, Shadow! I am so sorry..." Tears poured out of my eyes as the dam retraining my heart crumbled. "He is gone... He was such a good boy, Amy. He was a sweetheart," Mrs. Rose sobbed as she protectively embraced her daughter "I know... I know, Mom..." Amy choked out. I had one more statement as I choked on more sobs and my throat burned with my bitter grief. "Shadow... didn't kill himself... all of us... Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and I... we killed him..."
* * * * * * *
A.N. Wow... The angst! It burns!!! Didn't see that coming, did ya?
I found music that matches this bleak poem flawlessly. Shadow's poem with that music in the background brings his anguish to life.
www. forwardmusikradio .com /Forward_Musik_Radio /IshamDotComRadioPlayerSadness .html
(Erase the spaces.) Song #2, "Museum Of Tolerance."