Fading Shadows
Bonus Chapter I
Dead Memories
A.N. Someone mentioned to me that there should be a chapter for the end in Shadow's point of view. I didn't do that until now simply to throw a twist into the plot, leaving all of you guessing what on Earth happened when he 'woke up' in the room he never had. There will be two more chapters, one of Shadow as he ends his own life, and the next is a brief glimpse of his afterlife. The featured lyrics are from "Dead Memories" by Slipknot. I think the song is so beautiful and sad at the same time. It fits this ending well. Reading the lyrics is not the same at all, since the lyrics are redundant but the song is so good. Only actually hearing it will do it justice. I cried as I wrote this chapter! I cried! It was so sad... T_T
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My tears may have been concealed by the rainstorm, but I did not care if I could feel my tears or not. I simply did not care at all. I didn't care that it was raining heavily, I didn't care that the rain was soaking my fur and causing me to start shivering, and I definitely didn't care my soaked gloves were making my hands numb. Trudging forward, I narrowed my eyes as rain fell on my head and sent itself flowing steadily down my fur, dripping into my eyes and off my nose. I was soaked to the skin, but my indifference was unchanged. I didn't care...
The barrage of cold droplets sapped the warmth from my body, and my fur tried to stand on end in defense to the cold. As the thought of the cold making my quills bristle, I let a pained smile curve my lips. It would have kept me plenty warm if it wasn't wetter than the very air around me. I slipped on something that caused my foot to give way, landing my already waterlogged and hapless heart into a puddle. I fell unceremoniously back first into a cold puddle, causing chills to run through my spine as my already bristled quills rose even more in reflex to my fall.
I tiredly turned my head to the side to locate the offending object, only to see a figure in a black leather jacket and with wild red, spiked hair run to the uninteresting back door of a building in a nearby alleyway. I guessed to myself that the figure was running to the shelter inside and failed to notice me. I strained a sigh through my nose as I looked next to the puddle. I tripped on an object that shined with a silver glint, but I had to blink falling rain from my eyes to focus on it and determine what it was that had caused my unintended journey into the puddle of water.
The thing I tripped on was a knife. Without hesitation, I stretched my arm forth to pick it up and observe its metallic shine before standing back up to continue forward. Ironically, though the knife caused initial hassle, it would serve me in the end. I grinned sadly as I walked a familiar path through a familiar forest. Unlike the previous time I came, every aspect of the forest was changed. The weather was not bright and sunny, the sky was not a calming shade of blue, and rain pattered on countless leaves as it rolled its way to the soft forest floor. My mood was one of absolute despair and dejection. The cold air gradually caused my skin to feel numb...
I was almost home. There in the distance the old and massive chestnut stood defiantly, unfazed by the rain and thunder. The giant tree has heard the thundering blasts of the gods for hundreds of years. I have grown fond of this tree. With the knife dangling in my hand, I propped my back against the tan, furrowed trunk of the behemoth to sit there and contemplate my life for one last time...
For an hour I sat there, for an hour I watched drops of crystal clear water slip its way down the shining face of the knife. Night had fallen, and the sky, once grey, was now dark blue, and I could barely see anything at all in the dim light. The rain's assault upon everything below it was diminishing. The raindrops became smaller and less copious as I bothered to look up at the shady canopy of my giant chestnut. One fat drop landed square on the bridge of my nose as I felt a small splat of water and squinted my eyes. I continued to wait. For what, I honestly don't know. I could have ended my abomination of a life right then and there, but I wanted to relish my natural hiding place... for one last time...
Sitting in the dark, I can't forget.
Even now, I realize the time I'll never get.
Another story of the bitter pills of Fate.
I can't go back again. I can't go back again...
The rain stopped a while before then. I could see the light from the sun light up the dull, grey overcast of the sky and let a bittersweet smile form on my lips for a brief moment. A lone tear softly rolled down my cheek. My entire life has been one of suffering. Ever since I was only five years old, I have become the victim of confinement, starvation, beatings, broken bones, mockery, anguish, betrayal, rape, and worst of all, loss. Another tear formed on my face as the first one dripped onto my chest.
A steady stream of tears rolled out of my eyes as I closed them and buried my face in my hands.
Years ago I stood under the chestnut's equally gigantic cousin, an ancient oak tree. When I was beneath the shading leaves of the oak those many years ago, my entire family was alive. I was at the peak of my life. Finally, after years of isolation on the colony, I had the priceless gift of witnessing Nature in all of her glory. The bleak and dull surroundings of steel, copper, and glass that I grew accustomed to were whisked from my mind, freeing the realm of my heart from the iron confines of my colonial prison. I was in Heaven, and that Heaven was Earth.
My heart throbbed harshly in a painful manner. I miss my family so much. They were caring, innocent people and I must bear the fact that they died. They are gone. There is no way I can reach them on this Earth, no way to see them ever again. When I was under the oak those years ago, I was with Maria. I loved her more than anything on this earth. She was my best friend, my companion, my sister. I miss her golden blond hair. I miss her gentle, blue eyes, her smile, her heartwarming laugh...
I choked on a sob as my ears folded down in my despair. "Maria..." She was an angel, and now she is in Heaven with our parents, where they belong...
But you asked me to love you and I did.
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit.
And when I got away, I only got so far.
The other me is dead.
I hear his voice inside my head...
I will never see her again. Everyone I loved had died for some greedy coward's whim. Just because he wanted to break me and turn me into his toy. I hate that man. I absolutely hate him. I want to literally whip him, cut his fingers off, chop his privates into bleeding pieces, burn him alive... I hate him. He ruined my life. He raped me. Now he will never get what he wants once I'm gone. He won't control me, but even if he did, it wouldn't be much of a burden; after all, I am a useless toy...
We were never alive, and we won't be born again.
I'll never survive with Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
The second person that has ruined my life was even more painful to bear. This person was someone I thought was my friend. I loved him. After so much suffering and pointless beatings from two brutes that loved to spill my youthful, innocent blood, he became my friend. I knew him for almost a year. And then, suddenly, he betrayed me...
Another series of tears spilled from my eyes as I screamed my misery into my hands as I thought of his betrayal...
Out of nowhere, my own "friend" joined the two men that used me as a punching bag. "Why? Why did you do this to me? Why?" I mumbled into my gloves. I asked him the same question through my bitter tears and burning sobs that day. They kidnapped me, chained me up, and stole my innocence. I no longer was just a punching bag. Now I was a punching bag and a sex toy...
You told me to love you and I did.
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit.
So when I got away, I only kept my scars.
The other me is gone.
Now I don't know where I belong...
I suffered after these traumatic events. I began to doubt my importance and lost my self confidence completely. I had nightmares of the events. Time after time after time, I would wake up with a jolt from my bed, shivering as cold sweat covered my face before finally quietly sobbing by myself in the darkness. And then, my family was murdered. The very solid and dependable foundations that my heart leaned upon were reduced to ashes and dust... I wanted to die. I wanted to die... My life was destroyed completely.
We were never alive, and we won't be born again.
I'll never survive with Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Visions in your name...
Dead Fingers in my veins...
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
Dead Memories in my heart.
And finally, I was awakened from being frozen in a secret military base. The rest is history...
By that time, I had dried out from the prolonged exposure to warming air. "WHY!!!!!??" I screamed at the top of my lungs to the grey sky. I clenched my fists and completely broke down crying. "Why?" The people I hoped could love me back, the people I hoped would help me pick up the shards of my miserable life have left me behind to die. Just like everyone else has. I should have ended my life right then the first time, for that promise was worthless. To Hell with that stupid promise! I hate that promise, Maria! I hate it! I followed that damn promise! And what happened? I am alone—AGAIN! I cry my heart out—AGAIN!! You said give everyone a chance to be happy... What about ME!? I have suffered long enough! This ends now. Forever...
One more sob escaped my sore throat as I lifted the knife and watched its blurred silvery shine. I could not see it clearly through the tears of my watering eyes. With a fierce grasp, I pointed the sharp object at my aching heart and thrust it into my chest. I felt it rip through me, and blood trickled down my chest tuft, staining its soft, silky white fur with a disturbing orange tint. My heart throbbed softly in my chest as I felt the knife slice apart the membranes and muscles that formed the vital organ. The knife felt like nothing compared to the grief I have carried for my entire life. I pulled it out...
Crimson spurted onto my chest each time my heart tried to beat. I could feel a hot, burning liquid fill my throat, and I coughed it up. I saw a spray of red mist fill the air from my mouth and could taste the sweet metallic blood on my tongue. My throat softly gargled from blood and I lifted my eyes to the sky before closing them for the last time. I closed my mouth and could not help myself from letting a small grin remain on my bleeding lips. Darkness was engulfing my mind. Unlike the darkness that has plagued me for my entire life, this darkness was soothing. I felt as if a warm blanket was wrapped around me, ending my shivers and the harsh chills that continued to tingle across every inch of my body. And the pain was finally dissipating. The pain was gone. The agony, the loneliness, the guilt and shame, it all was finally gone. I am free at last...
A.N. Please review. Please? It was hard to write! I spent HOURS writing this, and HOURS revising it. REVIEW!!!