By six o'clock the next evening, Diana could practically hear the bathtub calling her name. Her uniform was off even before the door had closed. Grabbing the little music player Flash had given her over a year ago, she slipped the buds into her ears, choosing a relaxing song, and sank into her warm lagoon. After her fingers had turned to prunes, she erupted out of the water like a mermaid, flinging her hair into a towel and wrapping one around her body. As soon as she stepped foot into her room, her eyes caught the tiny white envelope on the comforter.

Timidly- and, although she would never admit it, giggly- she cracked open the seal and slid the letter out of its hold.

"Diana,

Join me for dinner at Regas in Gotham at 8 p.m.

-Bruce"

She smiled, sliding the letter back into its case and rushed to her closet for something to wear.

"Madam? Your name?" The hostess caught Diana's attention as she glanced around the establishment for her boyfriend.

"Diana Prince," She smiled, noticing her brown wig and hazel-colored contacts in the mirrors that surrounded the lobby.

"Oh, yes. Mr. Wayne's table is this way," The hostess lead the way to a secluded table out on the veranda, the candlelight flickering as the two women passed each empty table. Diana ordered a glass of water for the time being, knowing that Bruce could always run late due to his work- Wayne Enterprises and Gotham.

She studied the flowers on the ivy crawling over the railing, a beautiful lilac color, as she patiently waited on Bruce. After some time, another waiter appeared at the table, his purple tie a blazing juxtaposition to his white ensemble.

"Mr. Wayne sends his regards, he is running terribly late due to traffic, but said to send out the best wine for you, my dear," The waiter pulled two glasses from behind him, almost like magic, and began pouring. Diana thanked the waiter, twirling the wine in her glass before taking a sip.

"Batman to Wonder Woman," The stoic voice seemed so out of place on this tranquil night.

"Yes, I'm here. What's keeping you so long?" She pressed a hand to her ear, playing it off as a wireless Bluetooth like she usually did when she played Diana Prince.

"What are you talking about, Diana?" The seriousness in his tone alarmed her, eyes flickering to the glass of wine, and to the face of the waiter. His smile reminded her of the Cheshire cat, from some old cartoon Flash had forced her to watch when she had first come to Man's World.

"The note, on my bed. You told me to meet you here for dinner at eight."

"Diana, I haven't got the slightest clue what on earth you're talking about. I'm guessing that Flash must have done it as a joke, just like he ruined the topographical map by spilling an iced mocha on-" Diana could hear Flash's apology cries in the background.

"They said you called in earlier. You sent some wine out because you were running late-"

"Get out of there!" Bruce shouted, even the Joker could hear him through Diana's thick, chocolate colored wig, "Diana, you can't stay there. Somebody's-"

Bruce could hear a slight breath of air over the com-link, before the sound of glass shattering overtook his senses. Then there was movement and a cackling laugh,

"Batman! What a coincidence. I just talked to Mr. Wayne on the phone. I'm sure he wouldn't like you toying with his princess, now would he?"

"Joker!" Batman snarled, catching the attention of every single person in the monitor room as he raced to the computer, knocking Flash out of the way, "How did you-"

"No time for questions, Batman. You should hurry on down here. We can't start the fun without you!" The laughter was cut off abruptly and only a dead buzzing noise filled Bruce's ears.

"What's going on?" Clark questioned, his eyes wide with dread. Batman remained silent, the heroes surrounding him waiting for the pin to drop.

"The Joker has Diana." A moment of calm lay upon the Justice League before the storm began.

"What?! What's he doing with her?

Is she okay? She can get away can't she?

Why does he have her?"

"Shut up!" Superman bellowed, his voice echoing out into the hallway. Even Batman raised an eyebrow, surprised at his usually serene teammate's sudden outburst.

"The only way we're going to find Diana is if we refrain from throwing out useless questions," He turned to Batman, "Is her communicator still on?"

The heroes fled to other parts of the Watchtower, ready to notify other leaguers what was going on. The rest- the original seven minus one- sat in front of the computer, as Flash's fingers sped across the keyboard. At any other time, Bruce would have thrown Flash away from any electronic device, because of the recent spill, but there was no time for that. Diana's well being- even life- was on the line now.

"No, Joker turned it off right after he finished talking."

"What did he say?" J'onn's voice kept Batman's nerves together instead of scattering- which is what they desperately wished to do.

"That he just finished talking to Mr. Wayne on the phone and sometime about how Wayne wouldn't like it if I was toying around with his princess."

The weight of an anchor settled on Bruce's heart and it plummeted to his stomach. "Oh, God. He knows. The Joker knows who Diana and I are!"

"Well, obviously. I mean, otherwise this whole thing would be pointless and-" Flash was cut off by another one of Batman's glares.

"No, you idiot! He knows I'm Bruce Wayne. And he knows Diana is really Wonder Woman!"

"Then how would he capture her? Is he some type of masochist?" John questioned to no one in particular.

"If he's figured out she's Wonder Woman, then he'd pull it off somehow. That just makes it worse," Bruce answered, pacing back and forth through the monitor room.

"Have you tried reaching her at all?"

Bruce nodded his head quickly, "I tried a second ago. Nothing. What about the tracking device installed in it?"

"It can only be located by radio towers. Tracking the communicators through satellites cost too much, and the money we used for the new west wing of the Tower," J'onn explained and moved Flash out of the chair so he could handle the controls.

"Well, if I know the Joker- which isn't a lot- he would have her somewhere in Gotham, right?" Superman glanced over at his teammate.

"Negative," Batman countered, "He knows not to have her somewhere completely obvious. Besides, going down there and finding every single one of his hiding places would be useless and wasting precious time."

"I've got it," J'onn announced and the heroes fled to the computer screen, watching as three red dots blinked across the map, "But this doesn't make sense. There's no way it could be in three places at once."

"What are the locations?"

"Cheranevskaya, Russia, Cape Verde, Africa, and… Bremerton, Washington."

"Great. Now he's just fucking with us," Batman sighed bitterly and leaned his head against the side of the monitor.

Diana, wherever you are, I'm sorry.

The first thing she was aware of was the smell of… hot chocolate. Warm cocoa and the bittersweet smell of marshmallows filled her nostrils as she took another deep breath.

"Oh, goody! You're up. It's been terribly boring here, talking to myself all night long," Joker grinned at her again, the same one from earlier. Even though his appearance was gruesome, his teeth remained a perfect shade of ivory. Oddly, this was even more unsettling than if they had been colored purple, like the rest of his attire. The white was just plain unnatural and gave him more of a crazed look, if that was possible.

"Shouldn't you be used to that?" She inquired sharply, struggling against the chains that bound her to whatever she was seated on. After trying to move her head failed, she collapsed against the slab of metal- perhaps? - and gave into defeat. Knowing that he had no reason to kill her now meant there was no reason to put up a useless fight. After all, she wanted to catch this wicked, little man by surprise.

"Why, yes, of course," Joker turned back around from his computer screen. Apparently, the Joker and the Batman did have something in common. They were both wasting away their vision by staring at pixels every night. Although, she couldn't say she cared one bit about the Joker's future seeing capabilities. "But, still. It is nice to have a fresh face occasionally, right? And I can't say I've ever seen one more beautiful than yours, my Highness." He scraped one long, yellow fingernail underneath her chin. She promptly spat onto his face, yanking her throat away from the criminal.

"One with a little spunk too, doesn't hurt, either," Joker beamed, before making his way back to his monitor, "Don't grow angry too quickly, though. I wouldn't want the camera to bring out the fire in your eyes, little one."

Little one? Little one?! How dare that… that impious fiend! I'm certainly older- and much taller than he.

"Camera?"

"Don't worry. I've almost gotten it all set up. All you've got to do is what for my cue and then presto! You'll be movie magic in no time," Joker explained as she narrowed her eyes at him. "In five, four, three, two...!"

"One! Why, hello there, Bats- or should I say Bruce Wayne. Which one do you prefer? Oh, well," The Joker's face appeared on the monitor in a flash, looming over the Justice League, "I just wanted to check in with you, see how everything's going… oh, wait, I already know! It's going terrible, because obviously you haven't found me yet! What a tragedy," He wiped the fake tears off of his face.

"Where is she, Joker!?" Batman roared, shoving himself to the front of the heroes.

"Now, now, Batty. Don't ruin all of my fun. That's for you to find out, silly willy."

"I won't put up with this bullshit, Joker. You better tell me now or I'll-"

"What?" His enemy cackled, "Hunt me down and torture me? There's just one little problem with that. You still have no idea where I'm at."

"We're tracking your video as I speak. Save yourself the trouble and maybe I won't crush your skull."

The Joker placed a finger under his chin, tapping it and then peered farther into his screen, "Hey, Martian, I don't see your fingers moving. You might want to work faster than that. I'm not sure how long those tigers' appetites last. Maybe… another ten minutes, possibly?"

J'onn glared at the man on the screen. He didn't understand how Batman could put up with this strange being for so long.

"Tell ya what, Bats. I'll give you a hint. You come where the fun is, dressed as Bruce Wayne. I promise that you'll have your princess before the night is over. How's that sound?"

"Where?"

"I told you, silly! Come where the fun is. I promise that you'll have a good ol' time," Joker winked and the video flashed to black. Silence crammed the room before Batman turned on his heel and strode over to the transporter. With a hiss of steam, he was gone, leaving the heroes to twiddle their thumbs and worry holes into their stomachs.

AN: Yes, I'm aware the Joker's teeth were a disgusting shade of yellow in the JLU cartoon, but I thought that white would just be more… peculiar.

I don't own the mention of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland, although I wish I did. I think a vanishing cat would be sweet ass.

Next chapter should be up late evening tomorrow or early Thursday.

You'll learn how the Joker figured out how Bruce is Batman.

You know the drill.