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Chapter 11: Insecurities

"Crap" Hiccup grunted through clenched teeth as he pulled himself out of yet another mud puddle. He had been at this for hours and so far all he managed to do was crash land into what seemed like every mud puddle on Berk. The highest he had managed to get off the ground so far was half way up the trees before he would lose his balance and come crashing back down to earth. He was exhausted, and his flesh was so bruised up that he felt like he'd taken a ride through the rapids without a boat. Sighing wearily, he stretched his sore muscles and quickly regretted it has they cried out in protest.

It had been almost a week since he asked toothless to teach him how to fly, and so far he felt like he had not been making any progress. Just what exactly was he doing wrong? Was he not flapping hard enough? Maybe his angle was off, or his tail position was wrong. He had tried everything he could think of to improve his flight but so far nothing seemed to be working…... But then again, he had never been good at anything resembling athleticism, so it should not have surprised him that he was a failure at being a dragon too.

Hiccup, feeling slightly depressed at his lack of skill, hung his head lower as Toothless approached him from across the clearing. Hiccup sighed deeply as Toothless' shadow fell over him, and he turned to his friend and mentor with a look of insecurity.

"I just don't get it." He said with frustration. "What exactly am I doing wrong?"

Toothless chuckled slightly at his friend's frustration, a look of understanding gleaming in his cat like eyes. "You're thinking about it too much." He stated simply.

"Oh thanks bud, that really helps" Hiccup said with frustration and sarcasm." Would you care to elaborate" he finished with a small huff.

"I would if you'd not interrupted, little one." Toothless said sternly, but not angrily, knowing his friend's attitude was just his outward projection of his always present insecurities. "Flying isn't about analyzing and planning, it's about instinct and feeling." Toothless said as a matter of fact. "Clear your mind and just feel the wind as it curls underneath your wings. Don't try to fight the current, use it to your advantage, and allow it to propel you up and onward." He instructed.

Hiccup listened to Toothless' explanation but was too tired to really absorb what was being said. His Muscles were shaking with exhaustion and his stomach growled loudly demanding to be satisfied.

Toothless shook his head and moved to help his ex-rider back onto his feet. "Come on then, we're done for today, you need to get some food and rest."

Hiccup didn't protest as he was shoved gently back onto his aching feet and was ushered back toward the village by Toothless, who was holding him up on one side as he wobbled slightly.

Toothless had been reluctant to teach him at first, and insisted that he wait until he was fully rested and used to his new body. But Hiccup, being as stubborn as ever, refused to listen to Toothless' mothering and insisted that he was fine. After much arguing the older Nightfury had begrudgingly agreed to start their lessons, but only with the condition that Toothless got to decide their schedule and if he said Hiccup needed a rest then the younger dragon wasn't allowed to argue.

Walking into the dining hall, Hiccup was assaulted with a mix of delectable scents. The smell of freshly caught fish permeated the air and caused his mouth to water with hunger. He also smelt the meat cooking over the fire but, since becoming a dragon, cooked flesh no longer appealed to him. Toothless was right when he had said that cooking took the flavor out of the meat. His dad had made him a yak steak one night but the taste had been nothing like he remembered, all he could taste was char and it sat heavily in his stomach afterward. He'd tried other types of cooked meats since, but they all had the same result.

Hiccup felt more awake as toothless guided him toward the full barrels of fresh fish which the others had set up specifically for them in the corner of the room.

Settling himself down, he knocked over a barrel and allowed its juicy contents to spill out in front of him. The scent of cod and salmon wafted up into his nostrils as he dipped his head down and clenched one of the tasty morsels between his jaws.

His stomach unclenched in relief as the salmon slid down his throat and filled the void. Delighted that the pain in his stomach had lessened some, Hiccup began to greedily guzzle down half a barrel of fish as Toothless ate beside him with calm reserve.

Hiccup was just finishing off his last fish when he felt a pair of eyes on him. Looking up, his gaze locked with a pair of beautiful cerulean blue eyes that widened in surprise at being caught staring at him, with a look that was a mixture of curiosity and fear. However, having been caught, Astrid quickly averted her gaze back to her plate and continued to poke at her food

Hiccup hadn't noticed her when they'd come in, for the most part the room had been empty and he'd been to tired and hungry to care. But now that he'd noticed her he couldn't seem to look away.

He had always thought of her as beautiful, but with his new and improved sense of vision she seemed to glow. Her once just blonde hair seemed to emit a soft glow like spun gold, and he could see the turbulent and vast ocean in her eyes. Her cheeks held a slight pink glow and her smooth skin reminded him of a porcelain doll he'd once seen on trader Johann's ship when he was a kid. Everything about her just seemed amplified, like he was looking through rose colored glass.

His heart squeezed painfully has he saw the look of fear that had been in her eyes. Were they no longer friends? For a short time he thought that they had come to an understanding, some sort of common ground. Heck, he would have even gone as far as to call them friends. So if that was true then….then why, why was she scared of him?

Tearing his eyes away from her he looked down at his feet; the thought of her piercing gaze haunted him, and he couldn't help but wondered what exactly she must have thought of him.

Then he saw his claws, they gleamed menacingly with the blood that had dripped off of his meal. Glancing at himself and realizing just how he must look, all splattered with blood, it suddenly struck him, she must think I'm some kind of….monster now.

Suddenly feeling his depression return with full force, he hoisted himself back to his feet and, with his head hung low, he walked out of the dining hall and into the cold night air. All the while he could feel those blue eyes following him out the door.

Toothless followed him wordlessly back to their house, and when they reached Hiccup's loft he watched helplessly as Hiccup curled up tightly in the far corner, and without a word went to sleep.

Hiccup tossed and turned as his sleep was tormented by nightmares. Nightmares of his Father, Nightmares of not being able to fly, but what tormented him the most was those eyes. Those blue eyes that had gazed at him with fear and made him feel so alone.

A/N: I know this is shorter then my usual posts but I'm planning on posting another very soon. I just wanted to write something to at least post. I'm not too sure about this chapter since I was kind of fighting with my writers block. I'd originally made a rough draft of another idea I'd had but my computer is completely busted and I had to start over again from scratch on a different computer. Otherwise I would have had these up over a week ago. I'm grateful for you patients and I'm deeply sorry it took me so long to update. I'm currently balancing two jobs and college so I don't have as much time as I used to in order in post as often as I'd like. I'm going to swap from one chapter per week to doing one chapter biweekly. I'm going to make them a little longer than usual to balance it out but I just don't have enough time for weekly updates anymore. However rest assured I plan on finishing what I've started, and I'm grateful to all of you who've stuck with me this long.

-tsuchihana