Author's Note: I know I hadn't updated this story for ages. But I want to let you all know that I'll finish this story no matter what. I just had the biggest writters block and as for my other Shuuichi and Botan story. I'm going to finish it as well. Anyway here's the new chapter for you guys!!! Again I'm sorry.

RECAP:

Botan pulled her legs up to her, as she hug her legs she waited for Shuuichi to call but none came and it made her cry even more. It's all her fault, Botan thought, if it wasn't for her then Kazuki might have still be alive. If only she hadn't fell in love with neither one of them then none of this would have happen.

As Botan crawled to her bed, she told herself that the reason why Shuuichi hadn't called her is because he blames her for Kazuki's death and somehow she told herself that Shuuichi is right it was all her fault.

Shuuichi and Botan hadn't seen each other until the day when Shuuichi had drop by in her house to tell her that he was leaving to take care of his parents house and he also told her he was sorry for not being there when they were suppose to help each other cope with Kazuki's death and last he said that he didn't blame her for Kazuki's death and that no one should be blamed for it.

After that faithful day, Botan had kept on visiting Kazuki's grave, everyday, she would find a time to visit him and it help her a lot, it help her to move on, she sometimes talk to Kazuki's grave for hours telling him the progress of his life, how she planned on studying again for master's degree so she can have a doctor's license and she even told Kazuki about Shuuichi, if ever she got a news about him from Hiei and last but not the least, she told him how much she regretted not showing him how much he had meant to him that he might not be the person for her to be a boyfriend but he is the person for her who could be a brother and a friend.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Where here." Shuuichi said as Botan opened her eyes to see that Shuuichi's neighbor was standing in front of the door with the twins waiting for them.

Chapter Nine: If Only

"Mrs. Yumi, thanks for watching the twins for me." Shuuichi said giving Mrs. Yumi a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, it's nothing Dear, I'm happy to watch the twins, they're like my grandson." Mrs. Yumi said handing the twins to Botan and Shuuichi.

"Thanks again, Mrs. Yumi." Shuuichi said as he took one of the twins while Botan took the other.

"You're welcome Dear." Mrs. Yumi said, then looks at Botan and added, "It's nice seeing you again Dear."

"You too, Mrs. Yumi." Botan said and they said their goodbyes before Shuuichi and Botan got into Shuuichi's car to head towards his house to get Botan settled.

INSIDE THE CAR...

"By the way, I forgot to tell you, you don't have to cook or clean the house, all you need to do is work in the hospital, go to school and watch the twins from time to time." Shuuichi said glancing at Botan for a few seconds.

"And why are you telling me this?" Botan asked curiously.

"Well, I hadn't forgotten how much you like to cook and clean your house even if it wasn't your house." Shuuichi said as a matter of fact.

'He still remembers.' Botan thought that made her heart jump.

"And don't even think of helping my housekeeper. As for the cooking I'll do it." Shuuichi said thinking that, if he do the cooking then it wouldn't be hard on him to avoid talking about Kazuki's with Botan.

"Shuuichi, you don't have to do all the cooking by yourself since you said you're pretty busy." Botan said wanting to at least cook once in a while because she use it as a form of relaxation.

"No." Shuuichi said a little coldly that Botan didn't miss and Shuuichi didn't miss the shock look Botan had on her face for a split second before it was covered with a fake smile. Shuuichi Sigh before adding, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that, what I was trying to say is no, because you're working, doing operation, seeing patients then you'll watch over the twins then go to your night class later on, I mean if I ask you to cook then you'll get tired even more than it's necessary. At least as a return for the favor, I'll do the cooking."

"I see, I understand." Botan said even though she still can't forget the coldness in Shuuichi's voice even though it's just a little cold. Really, what can she say, Shuuichi never ever use that kind of tome on her, ever, even when they fought before or have misunderstanding. 'I guess he'd change too after Kazuki died.' Botan thought.

"Here, we are." Shuuichi said as he stop in his drive way and help Botan to gather the twins first and put them on their room before helping Botan with her things.

20 MINUTES LATER...

"You can just leave it there." Botan said as Shuuichi carried her things upto her room.

"I'll leave you for a while so you can unpack, my room is the door beside you so knock if you need me, if I'm not there go down stairs and there's a double door there, that's my house office and library." Shuuichi said and took the baby monitor Botan was holding. "I'll take this." He added before closing the door behind him.

Botan look at her empty hand and then around the room. She felt alone and somehow she felt that after this nothing would be the same again ever. At the same time Botan was contemplating in her thought outside the door, Shuuichi leaned against the door, as he thought of Botan, his undying feelings for her which he thought his heart had finally forgotten after these long years, his promise to Kazuki's in his best friend's grave and last is how a while ago the woman he love is just few steps away but somehow feels like she was a million miles away. Shuuichi sigh before he left to his bed room to do some paper work that he hope he would be able to finish before he thought of the woman who had his heart on her hand.

'Damn! Hiei, you better come back soon.' Shuuichi simply said as he thought of his friend. 'You better come back soon, before I loose control.'

After Botan finish unpacking, she went out of her room and knock on Shuuichi's door, when no one answered she went to the room that Shuuichi had mentioned, she found Shuuichi there playing with the twins. And she felt a familiar warmth feeling while watching the domestic scene unfolding in front of her. The same warmth feeling she had after she woke up from her dream that consist Shuuichi playing with a young boy, there boy.

"Don't just stand there, if you want you can join us." A voice disrupted her thought and brought her back to reality.

"Sorry." Botan said and approach Shuuichi and the twins.

"It's okay, I know I look weird with babies in my hand. You should see my secratary's face, if I known better she would have fainted but she just look like a fish out of the water with her mouth open and closing." Shuuichi said that made Botan laugh. 'Damm, her laugh is still the same. The same laugh that Kazuki and I had fell in love with.' Shuuichi thought and his mood change again.

'I guess he didn't totally change after all.' Botan thought but before she can finish her though she saw Shuuichi deminure change and the smile playing on his lips just a while ago had vanish.

"Your not going to work today right?" Shuuichi asked business like with no emotion.

"No, I took a day off, but I'm going to school tonight though." Botan answered trying to figure out what cause the change in Shuuichi's mood.

"I see, anyway it's almost time for lunch, why don't you play with the twins while I'll fix our lunch." Shuuichi said and without even waiting for Botan's reply he left the room.

Botan look at the twins who were looking back at her and she knows that if only the twins can talk they'll say 'What's with him?' cpmplete with a bewildered look.

AT THE KITCHEN...

Shuuichi busied himself in making lunch at the smae time cursing himself for acting like that in front of Botan, she didn't deserve it, but damn it's hard not to remember Kazuki, everything about Botan makes him remember Kazuki and he can't blame it on her, it's after all his entire fault, if he just kept his mouth shot then maybe all of these wouldn't have happen. Kazuki would be alive, probably married with Botan and the twins could be theirs. And he could content himself with someone else. But, who is he kidding, what's done is done and he can't turn back time, how he wish he could though, if he could then he would change everything. As Shuuchi continue to ponder in his thought he accidently cut his finger (A/N: Not really cut that it nearly came off but it was deep that it wouldn't stop bleeding unless stitch.)

'Shit!' he thought as he was stop from pondering by a sharp pain. He tried to stop the bleeding at the same time cleaning the cut as a single tear fell from his eyes, not from the pain, he's use to that, but from something else.

IN SHUUICHI HOUSE OFFICE/LIBRARY...

'How, I wish Kazuki was here, if his here, he would tell me and explain as much as he could, why Shuuichi was acting like this.' Botan said as he continued to play with the twins who are now cooing and laughing in their little hearts content.

As Botan watch the twins she look around the room for the first time and saw a calendar and what she saw made want to smack herself in the head. 'How can she forget that tomorrow is Kazuki's birthday.'

I know a very short chapter anyway please review and update soon!!!