AN/... Thank you for all the reviews! Also, I'm mega sorry it's been so long since I last updated, I need to get my butt in gear and write faster =P. I'm aiming for a nice, funny chapter this time, so less serious than the past few. Enjoy!
Chapter 7 - Dysfunctional Romeo and Juliet
Wheatley POV - I jumped off the bed, absolutely full of energy, and began to pull on a clean outifit from the big wardrobe, guessing that in an unspoken way, the rule I had to get dressed in the bathroom (and Chell in here) had been aborted. She joined me to grab a pair of jet black skinny jeans and a long pink top from her drawer, agilely pulling them on. Just as I was planning all the brilliant things Chell and I could do today, like going to our field and maybe a beach and possibly going out for dinner or something, I heard the doorbell calling for us loudly. With a sigh I ran downstairs and opened it with one lithe hand movement. Rick stood on my doorstep, his hair gelled into pointed spikes, rather like rows of pointy teeth. He was wearing a tight, pitch-black t-shirt and jeans. The neck brace had been ditched, even though Rick was supposed to wear it for another two days. I rolled my eyes, preparing to shut the door in his face. I was still slightly angry at him for lying about my lack of humanity. All he proved is that he was completely wrong, and I can get 'laid' before him. At least I think he called it getting laid, all these silly phrases are hard to keep up with.
"Wait!" he cried, jamming his foot in the door. "Don't lock me out! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to cause you any pain!" I reconsidered my previous thoughts on shutting him out, and opened the door an inch wider.
"You know you almost caused me to break up with Chell," I told him in a hushed but angry whisper. I didn't want her to hear our conversation. Rick's eyes grew large with shock, and the colour flushed from his face.
"I am so sorry! I saw how sad you looked in the car yesterday, and I just felt so bad, I didn't mean it to come out like that." Rick pulled a face somewhat like a puppy, green eyes round and apologetic. I couldn't stay mad at that.
"Yeah, it's fine, I forgive you," I smiled, bumping my fist with his (another human custom). Nothing could burst my personal high today, my mood was beyond cloud nine.
"To make it up to you, I thought I'd let you do something you've always wanted to do..." he hinted, though I had no idea what exactly it was. I faced inside, called to Chell saying I was going out, and slammed the door behind me.
"What are we doing?" I asked suspiciously as Rick led me to his driveway, where a familiar dark green car stood. I assumed we were going to drive somewhere cool, as in Rick drives and I watch wistfully, until Rick hopped into the passenger side. He motioned for me to get in the driver's side, and a grin spread across my face. Ducking my head shamelessly, I scrambled in front of the wheel.
"I'm gonna teach you how to drive," Rick grinned. "Don't crash though, okay?"
"I'll try not to..." I said doubtfully. "This is the steering wheel right... So that turns the car... And the pedals do... Something... A lever thingy! That's to... To... Erm..." I trailed off, having absolutely no idea what all these little gadgets do. Rick sighed, and began with the basics, pointing out the handbrake, the steering wheel, the indicator, the hazard light, the accelerator, the brakes and the air con. Cramming it all into my brain was difficult, and I got their names wrong constantly.
"So the brake makes the car go forwards?" I cringed, hoping not to get it wrong again. Rick groaned with frustration.
"The accelerator goes forwards, the brake goes backwards. You know, brake. 'B' for BACKWARDS!"
"Accelerator goes forwards?" I asked for confirmation, trying to lock it into my brain. Rick nodded, looking ecstatic I'd finally nailed the last important driving implement. "Okay, time for you to actually drive."
My hands shook excitedly as I placed the key in the ignition and Rick's car rumbled to life. Driving a car always seemed like such a fun thing to do, I used to listen to scientists talking about them with glee. Trouble was, I used to lack hands... And feet... And a car. I pulled my seatbelt on and took off the handbrake with a sharp click, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. As slow as a tortoise, I lowered my foot onto the accelerator pedal and the car inched off the drive. It felt odd, I decided I didn't like being in control of such a large object. Fear coursed through me, and I stomped on the brake hastily. We jolted to a stop, directly in the middle of the street.
"What on earth are you doing?" Rick cried, slamming his hands down on the dashboard to stop banging his head on it instead.
"I don't like it, I'm gonna crash and die and this isn't safe and I don't think the brake works properly and this is scary!" I cried worriedly, holding the brake down for extra support.
"You're fine Wheatley. Think of how many people drive cars, they're all safe. I promise I will pull the special emergency brake under my seat if we are in danger."
Of course at the time I had no idea he was lying about the special brake, and his encouraging words pushed me into acceleration again. I rolled the steering wheel to my left, so the car was on the correct side of the road, facing the right direction. I hadn't caused any injuries so far, and a little confidence built up inside me. My foot stomped down, and we jolted forwards before I slammed down the brake again. I did this several times, unable to get the right balance. Rick was getting thrown backwards and forwards repeatedly, and eventually I think he must have snapped.
"Oh for God's sake Wheatley!" he shouted, pushing my knee so his car instantly slipped into a normal speed. I chuckled nervously, and the steering wheel wobbled precariously. I had had enough of this driving lark, and pushed the brake down all the way. My brain clouded over with confusion and fear as we suddenly sped up.
"No, no that makes it go faster!" I muttered, suddenly forgetting what all of the different pedals did. I let go of the steering wheel, bending down to prod them whilst the car was still in motion. Rick yelled at me, but it was to late. The car swerved, and we crashed into something. My head made a convincing cracking sound on the steering wheel, and I looked up cautiously, groaning. A lamppost was embedded in the bumper of Rick's car, and a more than tiny dent showed on the hood. I looked at Rick anxiously, and attempted an innocent expression.
"I... Meant to do that... To... Test your efficiency as an emergency brake person, and I have to say, you failed horribly," I lied blatantly, trying to cover my own back.
"Wheatley. Did you just crash my car?" he asked with deliberate slowness.
"I... Erm... It... Maybe... Yeah. Yeah I did," I murmured, looking at my feet to avert Rick's expression. I doubted it was a friendly one. However, his response shocked me.
"Ah well, it's only a little nick in the hood. Just maybe, maybe you shouldn't try driving again anytime soon. Swap sides?" Rick smiled casually, as if this kind of accident happened every day. Actually, scrap that, because accidents do happen everyday when it came to us. We were disaster prone idiots. Just to prove that point, I accidentally stood on something, and the car reversed at high speed into a bush behind us. Rick just laughed at this, and demanded to take my seat.
Safely strapped into the passenger side, I allowed Rick to manoeuvre his damaged car from the tight gap I'd got it stuck in, and park back onto his drive. My head began to ache again, and I looked into the mirror to see a dark bruise beginning to form over one eye - where I banged it on the steering wheel earlier. Oops, I'll have to tell Chell about the crash after all. Rick had fared better, sustaining no injuries, although it was his car that got smashed. We stood outside the dented hunk of metal aimlessly, inspecting the damage halfheartedly. Rick probed the bruise on my eye, and told me it was my own fault for being such an idiot. Nevertheless, it didn't stop him running back inside to grab me an ice pack. He told me it would stop the bruise swelling to the point my eye got jammed shut. That sounded promising, so I took the offer gratefully. It was cold, not to mention wet, so not as pleasant as the first impression suggested, but did the job well enough I suppose. I mean, my eye is still open, despite the purple-black bruises covering my usually alabaster skin like a patch on a bloody Dalmatian. Rick pointed that out happily, teasing me relentlessly. You learnt to tune his jokes out after a while I guess, when the gag was you.
"Now what?" I asked, rubbing my head anxiously, then staring up at Rick through unsure eyes. He shrugged casually, green eyes bright and unconcerned. "Do you have any food at yours? 'cause if you do we're headed there."
"Yeah, fine, we have food. Come on," I sighed, but couldn't help but laugh. His whole mindset ran on thoughts of how to get to his next meal, I swear. The ice pack he'd given me had started to melt, and cold water dripped through my fingers and down my shirt sleeve. I sucked in air quickly, for the cold wetness wasn't a nice sensation. By the time I dug in my pocket for keys and unlocked the door, the ice block was no more than an ice cube, and half of my torso was completely soaked. Chell had hearing like a bat, and swooped downstairs as soon as I took my first step inside the threshold. With a shocked gasp, she put her hand gently on my eyebrow, above the giant bruise. I raised my brows, so it tickled her slightly.
"What happened to you?" she asked, voice full of concern.
"It was nothing... Well it wasn't nothing of course because something did happen... What I'm trying to say is it wasn't that serious and I'm sure we'll all be fine... You know what I'm getting at? No? Okay so I went over to Rick's and we got in his car and started to drive up the street... Did I mention what a lovely day it is today?... Oh yeah and then we... We were attacked and the car swerved and-"
"I let Wheatley drive my car, and we crashed into a lamppost. He banged his head on the steering wheel," Rick interrupted, probably fed up of my nervous stammering and rambling.
"That's against the law you idiots!" Chell exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "You could have been in a really serious accident, or other people may have crashed into you! You put more than just your own lives at risk by your actions!"
"We didn't mean to..." I muttered, hanging my head.
"I know, I'm just happy you're both okay," she said, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, rocking onto my heels slightly and breathing in the familiar smell of Chell's hair.
"Are you relieved I'm not hurt too Chell?" Rick teased, although there was an underlying tone of hope.
"Yeah, but if you got a brain injury I might change my mind," she replied with a cocky giggle, stepping away from me. He grabbed her against his own body, and wiggled his fingers up and down along her neck. She laughed and squirmed and apologised, struggling for escape. I had no idea what he was doing, but blind anger filled me and I snatched Chell away like a toy at a nursery.
"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded, arms crossed and Chell pushed safely behind me.
"It's just a game called tickling Wheats, nothing serious," he said in mock surrender.
"Why was Chell trying to escape then?"
Rick leapt on me like a monkey would a tree, and began to do the same weird motion to me on my ribs. It was the weirdest sensation ever, and it was a mixture of funny and torture all at once. I burst out laughing, and began a tickle war with Rick. He won, I ended up on the floor in a giggling heap gasping for breath. He helped me to my feet, chuckling at his victory. "That's why."
"Hah, at first I thought it was something bad, and I got really mad. Sorry about that," I told Rick earnestly. They both laughed at me for a second, then left it in the dust of the past.
"Does it hurt?" Chell whispered. We had made our way to the sofa, Rick was sitting on the arm, Chell was sitting next to me, so close she might as well have been on my lap, and kept looking up at my black eye anxiously.
"Not really. I've had worse."
"True," Rick chimed in, eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich he had whipped up in my kitchen, with my bread and my sandwich fillings. He was like a burglar in disguise, so good I couldn't even be mad at him.
"Chuck me half!" I moaned, holding my hand up for a badly thrown, slightly soggy sandwich with a big bite out of it. I caught it expertly, and chuckled.
"Ugh you know how many germs he probably has?" Chell sniped jokingly as I ate the food without hesitating. Rick and I shrugged in unison, clearly thinking in the mindset of best friends.
"I'm going out this evening. You and Rick should do something normal," Chell suddenly suggested, looking happily at me with those big, beautiful eyes.
"What do you mean, normal?" Rick half-shouted, half-sniggered, shattering my daydream and jolting me to a start.
"I mean acting like normal young adults, so no breaking windows or blowing up microwaves or just sitting on your butts doing absolutely nought."
"Eh? What should we do then?" I asked curiosly, pulling Chell closer to me. I didn't want her to go out particularly, although Rick would be an alright alternative I suppose.
"I dunno. Google suggestions or go up to the cinema, just don't do anything stupid!" Chell warned strictly, before letting go of the bossy parent role and becoming the brilliant woman I love and hold so dearly again. I hugged her warmly, and awaited for the evening to come with slight anticipation, no doubt Rick would make it entertaining.
After having a shower, doing my hair, letting Rick borrow my comb to do his own hair, letting Rick choose something to do this evening and eating more junk food than I have room for, the clock had done a speed-up trick and it was magically seven. Time flies when you're having fun, but honestly, should it fly when your getting ready to go out? For me that never seemed so exciting. Sighing slowly, I kissed a beautifully made up Chell goodbye, watched her leave sullenly, then turned to Rick, who was still somehow fussing over his fringe and gelling spikes.
"Oi, Rupenzel, stop messing with your hair!" I shouted in his ear, making him jump at least ten feet high.
"Man, that's not funny," he gasped, his heart racing so fast I could pratically hear it.
"Lighten up, it was hilarious. Anyway, you're wasting possible activity time, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know. I have no idea what 'normal young adults' do," Rick muttered, a bit shaken from me sneaking up on him still.
"Shall we do what Chell said? You know, google it? I dunno what that is but it must be quite cool for her to suggest it," I told him, a hint of excitement in my voice.
"Wheatley, Google is awesome! How can you have not discovered it? Basically it's like this super AI inside your computer, and it's name is Google. You can ask it anything at all, and it knows the answer. Pretty cool huh!"
"Wow," I exclaimed, grabbing Chell's laptop from underneath the sofa (don't ask) and pressing the on button.
A little opening screen, and the laptop was ready to go. I typed in the password, seeing Chell do it so many times it only took so long to figure out what letters she used and I took it from there. Master hacker here! Now, this password was a good one: 'Wheatley3'. I liked it. Then I handed the laptop onto Rick's lap, so he could conjure up this so-called Google. A small gasp escaped my lip when the Google screen popped up.
"What do normal young adults do for a night out?" I asked the computer in a slow, clear voice. Rick gave me a what-the-hell look, then snorted.
"Computer can't hear you, you idiot!" he laughed at me, then tapped the keys so my question appeared in a little box on screen. With a roll of my eyes, I crossed my leg over my knee, folded my arms, and let him do all the work.
Rick nudged me hard in the ribs with his stiletto elbow, and I glanced up. A new screen was showing - a grey background with blue stripes. There was a small list going down the left.
"So we can go to... A party?" I read. Rick shook his head.
"We can go to... A club?" Rick shook his head.
"We can go to... A pub?"
"There's one of them on the other side of town. I don't know what it does though, probably something quite cool. You wanna check it out?"
"Sure," I grinned flipping my house keys around my finger at lightening speed and waiting for Rick to pull on his old, grey-white, abused trainers.
"I'm driving," Rick told me as we left my house and I locked it thoroughly, hoping Chell didn't forget her keys. God only knew which one of us would return first.
"I wouldn't want to drive thanks. The pedals in your car don't work properly," I lied, trying to sound like I could drive, just couldn't drive Rick's rubbishy thing. Rick laughed, gave me a gentle whack across the head, and climbed into the drivers seat of the slightly abused car. Well, very abused car. I called shotgun in my head, even though I was the only other person, and climbed into the passenger side.
"So, what are we supposed to do at a pub?" I asked, having no idea whatsoever.
"No idea, let's just copy some other people our age and see what happens. Unless they like kiss or something, in which case don't copy," Rick mock shuddered, and flicked on his headlights. He should have done that two streets ago, but he wanted to see if he had 'night vision'. Stupid ninja wannabe. There was no way he would ever master any form of martial art, he just likes to think he owns every single one out there. He sped along the dark roads, narrowly avoiding the various cats and foxes that darted around in the evening, whilst I turned his radio up on loud volume and sung along (badly).
"Shut up!" Rick moaned on the third song I happened to know all the lyrics of. I just laughed, and carried on. We enjoyed teasing each other, I wasn't doing any permanent harm... Probably.
"Don't make me give you another patch, you already look like a dog!" Rick warned, rubbing his temples with both palms.
"Hands on the wheel," I cautioned, not wanting another accident.
"Yeah yeah. We don't all drive like you," he replied arrogantly, but his fingers found the steering wheel again. I smiled, proud I'd saved us from another accident, and stopped singing for the rest of the short(ish) journey.
So, a pub. Granted I had no idea what one was, but I imagined something a bit less... Loud. It was a massive hub for activity, and it was still only early evening really. There were people standing outside in a big circle, smoke rising from the little stick things that were called cigarettes, and they had drinks in their hands. A few people were standing around the unlit corner, smoking something that had a slightly odd smell which I hated immediately. Ugh, why do some people put a bunch of chemicals into their mouth then set it on fire? Doesn't make much sense if you ask me. Wouldn't catch me doing that. I couldn't help but notice most of the people were our (physical) age or younger, I couldn't spot anyone under around eighteen and above around late twenties.
With a grin, Rick parked his car among the other mostly crappy little cars, and we climbed out. People stared up at me, obviously due to my height, but nobody seemed hostile towards us newcomers. Rick wandered inside curiously, and I followed. The interior was dark, with black walls and dark wood floors. Music was playing quite loudly, and there were little tables set out in the corners. I dodged around them, following Rick up to the back, where a long counter set up with bar stools stood. Behind it, lit up like a shrine, was a wall of bottles, filled with a drink of some description, all different colours. Rick nudged me, and I turned to him loyally. He was no doubt the leader in our outings, and I had no objection to this. With me in charge everything would go horribly wrong, even more wrong than it always goes anyway.
"What do you reckon this place is for?" he asked, emerald eyes wide and curious.
"No idea. Everyone just seems to be getting some of that," I pointed to the wall of bottles, "and then just laughing and mucking around."
"Hang on, lets copy these people. You got your wallet on you?" Rick asked me.
"Yeah. I guess I'm paying then," I chuckled. I didn't mind to be honest, I wasn't really poor. Stealing bags of money from Aperture wasn't exactly honest, but to be honest with a business declining like it was, what would they need the money for apart from building torture tracks for innocent humans? I was doing everyone out here a favour. I shook the bad memories from my head, and listened in on the people in front of us, a couple of men around early twenties.
"Two pints of beer please," they asked the man at the counter, who poured them a couple of glasses full of frothy orange liquid, and took a few coins off them. Not badly priced, quite cheap really. I allowed Rick to do the talking, and just handed the guy some money in return for the drinks with a subdued thanks. He gave one to me, smiling.
"So are we officially 'normal young adults' now?" Rick asked, taking a sip of the drink before him.
"Yeah!" I agreed enthusiastically, having a bit of my drink too. It had a weird taste, strong and overpowering, but I kinda liked it.
"Do you wanna hang outside with the other people?" he asked me, turning for the door casually.
"Sure," I agreed, willing to follow him around if it meant any catastrophes couldn't be entirely down to me. Although they usually were.
The wind had picked up a bit, blowing my hair slightly, but apart from that it was quite a mild evening. We leant against the wall, chatting aimlessly about the people around us, like a pair of gossiping teenage girls. We laughed a lot, and when the glasses were empty we went and got another one. God knows how much we had drunk, but I started to feel a little... Odd. It was like when I ate loads of sugary sweets before and had bags of energy and Chell said I was 'hyper'. The world seemed to shudder slightly around me, and lampposts would magically appear in front of me when I tried walking. I looked over to Rick, laughing, and he dropped his glass with a little sneeze, causing us to guffaw loudly. We weren't the only people who had started to go a little crazy, some people had actually started shouting and screaming and punching each other. The moon was high overhead, lighting the scene like the glare of a police helicopter beam, searching for the sane ones. Clouds shivered and shuddered in the harsh air, whipping my cheeks and ambushing my eyes. I rubbed my eyes roughly, then turned to Rick, who was having a conversation with a random man about cats. At least I assumed that was what he was talking about, I doubted the high amount of code words the english language had.
"Hey, hey Rick!" I shouted, smiling slightly, and letting my empty pint drop to the floor too. Sharp shards of glass flew across the path, cutting it open into fresh wounds.
"Rick, do you... Wanna go back to m... Miiiiiiine? ... We can watchhhhh stuff," I slurred, not even making much sense anymore.
"Let's go!" he agreed loudly, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards his car, whistling out of tune songs happily. I laughed, banging into the car heavily.
"There's a carrrrr there," Rick attempted to say sarcastically, but ended up laughing halfway through, joining me. It took him several goes to get the key in the ignition, but eventually we managed to get the engine going, and Rick reversed slowly. His hands shook on the steering wheel, and the car swerved slightly in answer.
"Drive better-er..." I muttered. "You drive like my mum."
"Shut up! You don't have a mum!" he replied, hitting me playfully.
"Ohhhhh yeaahh," I slurred in agreement. "We're too awesome for them."
"Hell yeah! Also, we... used to be cores, so that... would be... another... reason."
"That too," I shrugged, then pointed with a fast escalating squeal. "Oooh look, a pwetty tiger!" Of course at the time I was unaware of the fact it was just a little ginger cat that happened to be watching us as Rick's car stumbled through the roads, trying to reach home. Rick had proceeded to flick his hazard lights on and off, whilst imitating a deranged police siren though, so we might not have made it home in any form of record time.
One deliberately ran over squirrel (survived to tell the tale thank God) and four crushed flower beds later, Rick double-parked wonkily on his drive, and we staggered out into the biting wind again. I felt slightly queasy, and goosebumps had appeared on my arms, even though I didn't feel cold at all. Rick laughed, hiccuped then spewed out a liquid of dribble-like consistency down his front.
"Ugh what's that?" I cried, mortified. I had never seen something like that come out of a person before, and so began to freak out.
"Is that normal? Oh God, are you dying!" I said, clearly distressed. Rick didn't seem too bothered. "It's... Just... Puke... I'll be fine."
"It's all down your top though! And it smells weird," I said, taking a step back from him confusedly. My brain was a jumble, and a headache had started to wriggle its way into my skull. Rick laughed, obviously still at the high point of our condition, and pulled his top off.
"There, all gone," Rick squawked with giggles, ignoring the fact he was now shivering. I handed him my warm jacket, and he pulled it on gratefully. I swear I always give people my coat, first Chell then Rick. I didn't particularly mind, I don't feel the cold usually.
With a bit of Rick's encouragement, I found my way back to the high point of our... Whatever it was that made us act so weird. The drinks must have been spiked, I thought with a chuckle. We headed down the road to my house, and as I made my way slowly up the driveway, I stumbled over a lone, small, plum-sized pebble. I picked it up, tossing it between my two hands with half my usually decent coordination. I didn't drop it at least. My brain seemed to force me down memory lane, I remembered watching Romeo and Juliet with Rick and Chell. Chell said that most people know the story of Romeo and Juliet, and we should too. Rick said the only good bit was when everyone died. I thought it was cute. Chell yawned and said the story is always being repeated, sometimes in different contexts. I liked the bit where Romeo went to see Juliet on her little balcony.
Rick banging into my back shook me out of that flashback, and I grinned insanely. He laughed with me, looking at the rock. With romantic thoughts filling my head, I thew the stone towards our bedroom window. It would serve well enough for a balcony. However, I fell short, and it hit the glass on the front door instead. My biggest mistake was assuming the stone would bounce back, causing no damage at all. But of course, I was wrong, and a smash tinkled loudly across the drive to my ears.
Chell POV - I returned home reasonably early, at about midnight. I guessed Wheatley would be at home or at Ricks. However I found both homes dark and empty, so decided to sit and wait. When the clock drew near one in the morning, I began to panic heavily. What if they were in an accident or lost or had been hurt? It would all be my fault. My heart longed for Wheatley, and would be at rest to see Rick too surprisingly. He was a decent friend most of the time after all. The sound of smashed glass woke me from my worried state, but caused a new type of fear. I thought it could be Aperture related, or at the very least a burglar or psychopathic mass murderer. Shaking heavily, I suppressed a scream, and stalked into the kitchen to grab Wheatley's baseball bat. For some unknown reason he likes to keep it in the freezer, and that is where I found it. He said it made more sense to knock someone out cold with a frozen bat. I just told him he was an idiot and kissed his cheek affectionately. What if I had seen Wheatley for the last time today? A lump formed in my throat, but I clasped the icy cold bat determinedly, and made my way to the hallway with hushed footsteps.
I nearly tripped over a small pebble that lay on the floor, and I picked it up curiously. There was a hole in the glass on the front door, and I could hear subdued laughter outside. It has to be some teenagers having their idea of a joke, I thought angrily, raising the bat slightly and wrenching the door open. To my shock and surprise, Rick and Wheatley stared back at me, equally flabbergasted. They were looking with fear at the bat, and I figured I must have looked quite angry holding it. I let it clatter to the floor, releasing a sigh. Rick was wearing Wheatley's jacket for some reason, and they both looked like they had been dragged through a bush backwards. Stepping nimbly around the glass and the bat, I wandered outside, several paces closer to them. Wheatley shook himself from his trance, and grinned lopsidedly at me.
"Hug me, my Juliet!" He cried, deranged, and pulled me into his strong arms. He reeked of alcohol. Surely they couldn't be drunk? How would they ever discover the incentive to do that? At any rate, he wasn't himself, and he seemed to be trapped in the mindset of some form of dysfunctional Romeo and Juliet.
I pushed Wheatley away, and grabbed his unusually cold hand. He gripped it back, cocking his head to one side curiously. To answer my question on the boys' sober levels, Rick suddenly pulled a distorted face, bent over, and threw up. They were both solidly drunk. With a groan, I pushed Wheatley inside, then went back for Rick. He was standing on the drive rubbing his head, but at least he'd stopped retching.
"Come on Rick," I called, holding the door open for him. He could barely walk forwards, and it took him an age to meander into the house. I shut and locked the door once we were all inside, not wanting to have to go searching for two drunks when they sauntered off somewhere. Wheatley lurched around the front room, whilst Rick lay down on the sofa and passed out.
I hugged Wheatley worriedly, not sure what I could do except keep an eye on him till he passed out or sobered up. He hugged me back tightly, lifting me up unstably so his breath was stale and alcoholic on my neck. At least he hadn't tumbled yet. Yet. Despite the fact they both got drunk somehow, at least none of us experienced angry drunks. I don't think I could have coped with one or two strong men on a rampage. At that point, Wheatley quivered slightly, and I looked him in the eye anxiously. He seemed okay, but I slid to the ground just in case.
"We need to go to bed now," I said slowly and clearly, holding my hand out to my dazed boyfriend. He shook his head, and giggled.
"I'm not tired," he retorted, taking a step back and tripping over the sofa behind him. With a small yelp, he flipped onto Rick, who although groaned, did not wake, and landed on the floor with a loud thud. As hilarious as that was, I didn't laugh, and instead rushed to Wheatley's side. He had passed out on the floor, breathing heavily. I struggled helplessly, trying to haul Wheatley upstairs, but I could barely drag the heavy man more than a few feet away from the sofa. All I could do was grab some pillows and blankets, take off his belt so it didn't cut into him whilst he slept, and wrap him up as comfortably as possible on the hard floor. Even Rick received a blanket and a couple of pillows from me, despite the fact I knew damn right he had got Wheatley drunk with him. Rick didn't get a goodnight kiss on the cheek like Wheatley did though, for obvious reasons. I swept up the broken glass, put a cover over the door to keep out any bad weather that may come through the hole, and switched off all the lights with a sigh. I guessed it would be a lonely night as I climbed into bed without Wheatley, but I was relieved he made it home safely, and he wasn't a burglar or murderer or worse trying to break into the house. In fact, his drunken intent was sweet and romantic, but the carrying out went badly wrong. I closed my eyes, and attempted to fall asleep.
After an hour of being unable to sleep, I grabbed my pillow and a blanket drowsily and jolted downstairs to curl up with Wheatley. He was lying on his side, and as I lay beside him, my nose leant against his. Funny how as soon as I was reunited with Wheatley, I fell asleep immediately.
My eyes opened wearily as I felt movement beside me. Wheatley's eyes were open too, and he was fidgeting anxiously.
"I fell asleep here didn't I?"
"Yeah. I couldn't sleep so I joined you," I replied truthfully, yawning acutely.
"I went all weird because someone spiked my drink Chell, I promise I'm not usually like that!"
"I know. You drank alcohol, didn't you?"
"It was called beer technically."
"Yeah, beer is a type of alcohol. Alcohol, when taken in bulk, will make you drunk. Being drunk is basically when you lose all control of your behaviour and faculties, so I don't think you should do it again," I grimaced, holding his hand and tucking my head into his chest. He wrapped his free arm around me, warm and safe.
"I won't. It was horrible, and now I have a huge headache. I'm sorry,"
"It's fine," I murmured, closing my eyes again. Wheatley copied, and we soon fell asleep again.
The next time I awoke was when Rick poked me repeatedly.
"What?" I snapped, looking at him with an annoyed glare. Wheatley needed his sleep, otherwise he would have to deal with the hangover. I didn't want Rick to wake him, just like a mother with her baby.
"What happened!" He demanded. When I didn't answer within his millisecond time limit, he continued in a rush. "Why do I have a massive headache, why am I on your sofa, why did I sleep here last night? Why are you sleeping on the floor with Wheatley? Why do I smell weird?" he looked down curiously, then added, "Why am I wearing Wheatley's jacket?" He unbuttoned the first few buttons, then looked up with disgust. Underneath the coat he was topless. I looked at him and then the sleeping Wheatley in quick succession, slightly weirded out. Apart from the topless one, I answered all of Rick's questions, let him have a shower and borrow some of Wheatley's clothes, and gave him a cup of coffee. When Rick was positive I was telling the truth, he left to go back home, and knocked on the door wearing his own clothes half an hour later. Wheatley's clothes were folded neatly across his arm. He handed them to me, then admitted he was going back home. I nodded sympathetically, then went to have a shower and get dressed myself, leaving Wheatley to sleep.
Wheatley POV - I woke up and looked at the clock, sensing a long time had passed. It was five in the evening. Whoa. My throat was dry and my stomach rumbling, so I heaved myself to my feet unsteadily. The headache had disappeared at least. I walked sleepily (how I was still tired I did not know) towards the kitchen, and found Chell making dinner. The washing machine was whirring its' little head off, and I could see my jacket in there among other clothes. The noise it emitted allowed me to sneak up behind Chell, and I grabbed her into an affectionate hug from behind. She laughed, rocking back into me.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too," she replied, holding my hands around her waist in the cutest of ways. With a grin, I leant over her head to grab a cup from the cupboard, and poured myself a glass of water, drinking it quickly without breath.
I watched Chell make dinner, occasionally kissing or hugging her, but mostly staying out of the way for fear of my disastrous cooking skills. We sat down to eat it not long after, then spent the evening curled up on the sofa chatting, with a film running in the background. I then helped her gather up the blankets and pillows that I had strewn across the floor (it looked like a scene from a sleepover party) and we went up to bed, falling back into our usual routine again. Tomorrow Chell had work, and I would probably play my guitar or invite Rick over to watch TV. I was pretty sure that I had experienced being drunk one too many times, and could live without it. Life could go back to normal, or so I presumed...
AN/... Yay chapter 7 is complete. Whilst Rick and Wheatley are drunk, ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes, I probably put them there on purpose =P and I hope you found this chapter at least party amusing. Oooh cliffhanger, sorry about that =D this chapter wasn't really relevant for anything, but I thought I'd give you guys a short break before I went back into the serious stuff hehe, love everyone who reads New Life!