Chapter 13

When Ariana got up the next day the first thing on her mind was what a show she had made of her self when she had been out with Aberforth. She was so stupid, she thought to herself. She had been unable to stop herself panicking though. She had just got so work up when all the banging had begun.

Getting herself out of bed she dressed herself quickly in a blue dress that she had brought with her brother the day before. She had to say she had thought what people had been wearing in Diagon Alley had been very weird. Just like what those girls who had been wearing at the party. She didn't think she would ever like to wear trousers. They were for men! Her father and her brothers wore trousers. Not women…that had been how she had been brought up.

Going out in to the rooms she shared with Albus she looked to see if he was up as of yet. If he was she could not see him. Going over too the door she decided to head down to the lake before breakfast. She thought she could make her way there and back again find now. And dhe needed a bit of fresh air.

Making her way through the castle she smiled. She hadn't thought she was ever going to get to Hogwarts when she had been young. She had watched her brothers walk out the door. Lord, she had missed them when they went away. She thought she must have been worse when they were gone. In fact she was sure, positive she had been. Her poor mother. What sort of life had she had after she had been attacked Ariana thought to herself. It couldn't have been a very good one. She must have given everything up to be a mother. To be her mother.

Her parents. How she missed them she thought to herself. She had never thought they were going to be going she mused walking down the stairs. They were always going to be there because they had been her mother and father. For the first time she really had to face up to life without them; it wasn't something she relished. Rather something she hated.

As the latter half of August drew in about the castle Ariana walked out in to the golden sun light, unaware she was being watched by her eldest brother who stood within the castle.

Albus shook his head. He still wasn't sure if he was up to the job of raising her from then on. Run a school, fine. Advise the minister for magic, why of course, for what reason wouldn't he? Guide his little sister out of the darkness which had held such power of her life. He didn't know if he could. It was too bigger responsibility. He couldn't afford to get it wrong. Not again.

Ariana when she got to the lake sat down by the side of it. The blue reminded her of the colour of the lake by the side of the house of her childhood home. Not Godrics Hollow. She wasn't sure if any of her family had ever really been able to call that place home. No, she meant the house where they had been happy. When it had been all five of them. The Dumbledore's…

The peace of that time. The summer of 1888. It had been a good one. She had been four.

"I don't even really remember it…" she whispered. But it had been fun, she knew that much. But not much else. She didn't remember any specific moment. Couldn't pin point any thing…

"Remember what?" she heard a voice ask her.

She turned to see Harry. Clearly he had needed time out too.

"Home I guess. What home feels like…I mean I love the Hogshead, and being with my brothers. But it wasn't what I had when I was a child." she shook her head. "I want it back."

Harry looked at her. She was one of the most interesting people he had ever encountered and that was saying some thing considering who he had met in the time since he had left Privet Drive. He wondered if she knew who he was if she would have still confessed that too him. Most people on account of his past would never say anything like that to him, as they would consider it selfish. But she knew nothing. And that made her special.

"You must be confused."

"Yeah…"

"Makes two of us," he shrugged.

He knew it was selfish, but in a weird way, in the tiniest part of him, it was a comfort to know there was another person as screwed up as he was. Some one else who was as alone. And although he wished he could make her pain stop, he knew they both felt comfort just sitting there by the lake staring out wondering what that day would bring.

More fun with Sirius he supposed, beaming. His god father he had come to believe really was the best thing that has ever happened to him. But there was always what had happened at the Quidditch world cup hanging over them.

Just like the things that tormented Ariana hung over like a dark cloud refusing to move.

"My brothers want me to begin school when the term starts." she said to him.

"Really?" he said, startled though he didn't know why. Maybe it was her size. And her nature. She was so tiny and child like. Still he thought to himself, she would at least fit in with the first years. "What do you think about it all?"

"I don't know," she said to him. "Excitement I guess. And fear. Mother never let me start school; I couldn't when I was sick. I want to know what she would say to me, if she could see me now. I just want her to guide me."

"Well I know that feeling better than any other in the world, Ariana. That I promise you." he said to her gently.

She looked up at him. There was a truth about him. Something that reminder her of Aberforth. As they stood there in the silence she felt like she had made a friend for the first time in her life.

"I know you do." she said and he gave her a sad smile. "You've lost your mama and papa too haven't you Harry? That's why they weren't at the party," she concluded.

"Yeah, your right." he nodded.

Any other person he thought to himself would have said how sorry they were about that. But she didn't. She just looked out over the lake, thinking to herself.

"Then we both know how it is to feel lost."

"Yeah. I guess we do…"

--

"No, not after yesterday."

It was mid morning and as the three siblings stood together the boys remained in there resolve that Ariana needed a wand if she was ever going to get on in life.

She knew for all her lessons she was going to need one. But… there was some thing about magic that terrified her. It was so dangerous. She was sure she was going to make the worse witch ever. What sort of witch was afraid of their own powers? She was. And she couldn't do it.

"Ariana I understand…" begun Aberforth.

"No, you don't," she said in a way that cut him slightly. "How can either of you ever hope to understand what this feels like…"

She looked at the wand that lay on the desk. Her mother had always used it so seamlessly. She longed for Kendra even more. She was only fifteen… she felt too young to be motherless.

Sighing heavily she looked from the elder of her brothers to the younger, hoping one of them would give in. She didn't want to use magic, why didn't they understand that?

"Ariana, you're right. Most likely we are never going to understand. But you have to try and understand us as well my sister." said Albus, to her as he took her hands gently. Looking in to her eyes, he tried to see if the madness which had haunted her when she was young had returned. He was sure it hadn't. There was nothing that was holding her back but fear. "If you are ever going to be able to live normally - Ariana you can be free again, like you were when you were young. But you have to over come this."

"I'm a freak Albus," she said to him, tears filling her eyes as she recalled what she h d been told on that terrible afternoon.

"No, your not. You're a witch Ariana. And to us, that is normal. Your fine." stroking her cheek. "You can do this."

"Ari, this is mother's wand." Aberforth said to her. "The wand she used when she was bringing the three of us up. She would want you to have it and use It." he told her.

Looking at the wand that lay on her brother's desk, she nodded. She did recognize it. Her mother…taking a deep breath she nodded. Taking out her hands from her brothers she moved them towards the wand. Picking it up, she felt a bolt of electricity go through her. It wasn't like it had been in the shop. It felt good. For a single flash she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she saw nothing. But she knew for a moment Kendra had been with her.

"I can do this."

"That's right. Good girl Ariana." Albus praised her.

She turned to her brother and nodded.

"Your ready." Aberforth beamed.

"Yes, I do believe you are." Albus said his eyes shinning.

But in her heart, fear remained. She had a long way to go.