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When Ariana woke up she found she had been moved from the hospital wing and was back in the room in her brothers rooms. She was back where she had been in the summer. For a moment it seemed as if it was still summer. As if school had not begun yet. She felt clearer then she had in a few days but sill exhausted. It was then everything that had gone on came back to her. And she knew it was not still summer.
She had got ill and she had let everyone who had helped her get this far down so much.
Running her hands through her hair, she shook her head. She felt so guilty. She felt as if the attack had been her fault. She had lost her head. She should have stayed calm. Anything but let everyone down. That was what hurt the most.
Looking about she saw Sirius was sitting in the chair by her bed. He had been with her when she had had the attack. He had seen her at her worse. And he had stuck by her. He was really something.
She offered a small smile.
"Hey you," he said to her gently.
"What happened? How long have I been asleep." she asked.
"It's been two days since you got sick." He replied sympathetically.
She nodded as she got her bearings back. It seemed longer some how.
"Where are Albus and Aba?" she asked him.
"Aberforth is at the pub and Albus is sorting things out for the tournament. But they have been with you most of the times." Sirius explained to her.
She nodded.
She felt so humiliated. She felt everything, all the hard work that well everyone had done had been for nothing. She shut her eyes and turned away. Figuring out what she was thinking Sirius looked desperately for a way to calm her. She had done nothing wrong and what had gone on had not been her fault.
"Hey you, don't look away. Don't be embarrassed Ariana. Not in front of me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about." But that was obviously not the way she saw it. Shaking, she begun to cry. It was all she could do, she thought to herself. Cry. She was such a baby at times. Yet she couldn't stop the desperate tears. "I am so sorry Sirius." she said to him.
"I told you, you don't have to be." he said to her gently, trying to comfort her. He knew he wasn't good at it. He had never been a great comfort giver. Maybe if he had raised Harry he would have been more sensitive. But he wasn't.
"Ariana?" she heard a voice say as the door opened. It wasn't Sirius. It was Aberforth.
"Aba," she said pathetically as he came towards her. She had never been so glad to see him she thought to herself.
"Oh my poor baby sister," he cooed as he came over to the bed. Sirius had never heard his voice so tender. The rough barman was not one for sentiments. Unless it was towards her. "I am so glad to see you have decided to wake up. Do you know how scared you had me when I heard what had gone on." he asked her. She shook her head and tears fell on to her cheeks.
"I didn't mean to it just sort of happened. I couldn't control it." she said to him. She was really shaken up.
"Well that's ok. No one thinks you did this on purpose, and none of it is your fault." he reassured her.
Wrapping his arms about her he kissed her forehead. This was all going to be over for her soon he thought to himself. No more worries and no more stress. Just a nice simple quiet life, the two of them. It was what she needed. "Breathe Ariana." he said, feeling how panicked she still was as she continued to cry. She needed to take deep breathe as there mother had taught her to do when she had been young.
Sirius on seeing he was clearly no longer needed left them to it. They needed time alone and Dumbledore had to be told she had woken up. He was going to be relieved.
Ariana did as she was told and tried to take control of her body again.
"There's a good girl. Don't worry, I am here and I am not going any where till you are ok…" he said to her quietly. "My Ariana." he said as he felt her collapsed heavy into his arms. He forgot how tired she used to get when she had b en young and she had had an attack. She had had to be in bed for days after wards sometimes. Their mother had said she had made herself sick by getting so wound up and she probably had. But who could blame her. It was beyond her control, and he knew that. He knew everything about her, he thought to himself and about her illness. And that was why she had to come home and be with him again.
"You have a sleep my darling. And everything is going to be ok." he said. When she had been young her mother had reassured her everything would be fine too.
How much did she remembered of Kendra, he wondered to himself? If anything. Sirius said she had cried out for her when she had been ill. Was she evey going to be able to accept that their mother was gone for good?
He doubted it. She had believed when she had been small if you wished for something long and hard enough that you would get it. When she had been five she had sat up wishing for a toy all Christmas night. Luckily her mother had got it for her. That time she had been allowed to keep her innocent eyes. The next year she wasn't going to be so lucky. She hadn't even been able to understand what Christmas was…
"A cuppa soup. It isn't much, but its some sort of food and it is tomato. Will you please try and have some ?" said Aberforth as he carried it in to his sisters room. Albus was back with them now and was sitting by her bed. Knowing with the two of them there and her having just been so ill, she knew was never going to win the argument. She nodded. It was the only thing she could do.
"How are you feeling now Ariana." asked Albus gently.
"If I am honest I have to say I don't know. I just feel a lot of things." she said to him as she sighed sitting up warm in bed. Outside she could hear people laughing. And there she was sitting in bed like an old invalid. Old before her time. She wanted to go out and find her friends and go and have fun. But even if her brothers would say yes to that she knew she was physically still to weak.
"I think that is to be expected. No one saw what was going to happen so near in the future, and less of all you." he said kindly and she nodded. But with him it wasn't as it had been with Aberforth. She felt as if she had let him down. She felt as if he was disappointed. She knew she was most likely imagining it. He wasn't like he had been when he was young. Not now and he had proved it to her on a number of occasions. But the moments of there childhood when he had been angry had indented on her for ever.
"What is going to happen now" she said to him.
"I think that is really up to you." he said. "You can do as you wish. You can recover here and then go back to class. You can go to the Hogshead and recover before coming back to school. Or you can go back to the hogshead permanently." he said to her looking back at Aberforth who nodded encouragingly. She had to come back in his mind. It was the right choice for her. Albus had a different view.
"You have had a good shot at school. No one could think ill of you for coming home."
"I don't think I want to yet," she said to him. Going home would be like giving up." And she had never been one for that. No she had to carry on. She wasn't done with learning yet, of that she was sure. She had to give it a fair shot. He had been right when he had said that at the beginning of term, a month ago. And the pub was always going to be there as a fall back plan. But she was not quite ready to fall back yet. She had had a set back. That was all. She was sure of it.
Albus beamed. He had been right. She did want to carry on for a while yet. He knew she was going to pull through for him. On the other hand Aberforth looked appalled at the thought of her staying on but it was too soon to give up. She had to go on for as long as she could.
"I think you are making the right decision." said Albus to her.
"Well Ariana I have got to say this." said Aberforth to her. If he didn't then what sort of brother was he? If he didn't give her the advice he thought she needed. He would only regret it if he didn't. "I think this is all going to be to much for you and that you should come home. If it is seeing Harry, Ron and Hermione that is worrying about, not seeing them, they can visit every weekend. But if I told you I thought you carrying on was a good idea then I think I would be failing you as a big brother. That is something I swore long ago I would never do sweetheart." he said to her. She could tell he was serious. So she had one brother telling her one thing and the other said the opposite. So who did she trust to give her the best council on this matter? Who had her best interests at heart? She was sure that they both did. They wanted the best for her.
"I need to think about this." she said to them.
"Well, of course, it is going to take some time." Albus shrugged. He appreciated that. It was a big decision. "Now drink your soup dearest." he said to her with a smile. She nodded and did as she was told but kept her gaze away from Aberforth. She had always done as he had told her too. She trusted him. But she wanted to carry on at school and prove to him he was wrong and she could cope. She didn't want to hurt him. But she had to do this.
On Tuesday, four days after the attack Harry found Ariana down by the lake. She always seemed to go there when her heart was hurt and when she had to think. It was her favorite place in the school grounds. He had been told by Sirius that she was considering dropping out of school. Maybe it was for his own selfish reasons but he did not want her too. The two of them were so close and he didn't want her to leave him there. She wasn't liker the others. She didn't try to understand what she knew she couldn't. and to her he wasn't the Boy Who Lived. He was Harry. Just Harry. Since she had come he had begun to understand what the Weasley brothers felt for Ginny. When you thought someone needed your protection that you thought you would do almost anything to give it to them. To keep them safe and out of harm.
He still felt awful about what had happened. He was still sure he should have gone after her. Not ignore it as he had. He had been selfish and wrong.
"Hello stranger," he said as he came up behind her.
Turning to see him she smiled. She had needed a friend who was not part of her family.
"I thought of that day in summer when we met down here. That is why I came," she said to him. "It was so peaceful, do you remember?"
"Yes." He said. No one else would have thrown him in to conversation. But she cared nothing for niceties.
"Harry what so you think I should do . Do you think Hogwarts is the right place for me?"
"Of that I am certain." he nodded. He wanted her to stay. She was part of his life.
"I think so too. But Aba wants me to duck out. It is only because he loves me, I know that. But Harry it is to late for me to give up every thing I have worked for. It has only been a month. But I feel as if I am different person from the one who you met, in the woods. Tell me you agree, for I would have you do so."
She still spoke at times as he imaged someone of the Victorian period would have.
"I do, Ariana I really so. You keep going and you can do anything. That is what I have learnt since I left my aunt and uncles." he said to her.
"You know me Harry." she said to him. "I think you know me better than I know myself."
On that he could not agree. Something's he did know but at other times she was a riddle to him. There was so much he didn't know about her. And that he had a feeling he was never going to know. "All I can tell you is what I think is right. I might be wrong." he shrugged. It was after all, Hermione who got everything right, not him. But she meant a lot to him. He didn't want to bring anymore pain to her.
"How am I going to tell Aberforth I am not coming back to the pub?" she questioned him. Then her mind was made, he grinned. She was going to stay.
"He is going to understand in time. I think once you get into the swing of things again you are going to be fine."
"I hope so." She said giving him a nervous smile.
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