Hi guys! I know it's been ages - I'm really sorry! I promise you won't have to wait that long for chapter 5!
Hotch knew he should be listening the team's theories about the unsub, his MO and possible triggers. He knew he should be participating in the briefing, knew it was highly inappropriate to spend the whole one and a half hour flight staring at Emily, but he just couldn't help it. How could she do this to herself? How could he let her do this to herself? Within the past twenty minutes, the words raped, rapist and rapehad come up at least a dozen times! Were they really making Emily cringe every single time, or was it just his imagination? Oh god - this had to end badly!
For the past hours – days, even! - Hotch had been telling himself that he would be there for her. He had made it his personal mission to keep Emily safe – no matter what. He wasn't being obsessive, just... protective. And the perk of being the boss was being the one making the decisions. So naturally, he had decided Emily was going to talk to the latest victim's family with him, while the other team members were assigned tasks like talking to the coroner et cetera. It had seemed like a fool-proof plan: He could be with here, could check on her, could get an idea of whether she was ready to work or not.
Eventually, however, everything went south. It all started with the question every homicide victim's loved ones ask: "Did she suffer?" - A question Hotch had been prepared for: A low "Yes.", followed by a break just long enough to make eye contact and then an empathetic and sincere "We're sorry". It was almost standard procedure. But then the victim's mother had asked another question: "Why? Why did she have to be conscious? Why couldn't he... drug her or...?" A loud, desperate sniff.
The truth was both simple and cruel: The unsub had wanted his victim – their little girl - to suffer. He had wanted to see the fear in her eyes when he had tied her hands together so she couldn't defend herself. He had wanted to see her shame and disgust when he raped her - because that was what excited, what aroused him. But of course this wasn't at all what the families wanted to hear, so instead, the team usually repeated their condolences and reassured the families that they'd do everything in their power to find the man who did this. Sometimes, especially when there were children involved, the wording escalated to hunting that bastard down, but that was it. Anything else was completely off limits. Unprofessional. Unnecessarily cruel.
There were certain lines they just didn't cross. Except today, Emily did: "Do you think that would've made it easier?" Mrs. Warner was shocked by the agent's aggressive tone. And she didn't stop. "Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up hurting, knowing that he did something to you, but not knowing what it was? How can you wish that on your own child? What kind of mother are you?"
A loud smack resonated through the room. Emily held her cheek and stared into the furious eyes of a grieving mother who had just lost her only daughter. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
Hotch all but dragged Emily into the hallway, murmuring an apology into Mrs. Warner's direction.
He knew his "Please excuse us for a minute!" was nowhere near enough, but right now, dealing Emily was top priority.
"You're suspended." He barked.
"I..."
"Go back to the hotel."
"Hotch, I..."
"That's an order."
Emily flinched involuntarily from the harshness of his words.
"I'm sorry, Hotch. I..." Her voice was shaking now, and she seemed like a scared child. Hotch sighed. He knew he shouldn't have screamed at her like this. Eventually, it was all his fault – he shouldn't have let her work the case in the first place! "Just... go back, will you? I'm going to make this right and then we'll talk." His voice was much lower, much calmer now, with a hint of guilt in it, but it wasn't enough. The damage was done. Emily timidly nodded and quickly turned away so Hotch wouldn't see the tears dwelling up in her eyes. Then she ran out, leaving Hotch with a bad conscience and a crying bereaved mother.
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