Quote of the Day:
Haley: I'm usually one of those people who likes the first day of school. You know, new pens; new book; new backpack.
Brooke: A nerd.
Haley: Exactly!
Chapter Four–The Ones You Left Behind
Her eyes were glued down to her plate. She moved the fork slowly over her food as she listened to Keith and Karen talk about the café. She fought the urge to glance on the side of her and see Peyton and Lucas. It was even harder to keep her eyes off of their two beautiful children. The boy had Lucas's eyes and hair, while he had Peyton's smile and nose. The little girl looked just like Peyton. She had almost cried when she first seen them. She didn't though. Her tears were for her and her alone. She didn't want anyone else to see them.
She didn't get a chance to play Chess with the little boy Hayden. Karen had called them into dinner before they got the chance to play. But now they were all in the same room together and she was nervous.
It was bad enough that she already decided that she needed to see a therapist again. It didn't matter who it was as long as it was someone that didn't know her. It would be the only way that she could pour her heart out. Sitting here now with these people, that's exactly what she needed.
"So where did you go?" Karen asked nicely.
All eyes were on her and she looked up from her plate hesitantly. Thankfully the kids were at a small table a few feet away eating. Keith, Karen, Lucas, Peyton, all of their eyes –his eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat.
"I moved in with Quinn," Haley answered, "…in Dallas."
"How was school there?" Keith asked next.
She looked down at her plate. "Good. It was kind of a big switch. It was more about football than basketball. It was actually kind of nice. And the people were nice."
"Football?" Keith laughed making a face.
"It wasn't so bad," Haley shrugged.
"Well, we missed you, kiddo," Karen smiled sweetly. Haley glanced up and noticed Karen's motherly look. "How about college? I need to be filled in on everything. I feel like I missed so much of your life. You're a big part of this family."
She could still fill all eyes on her and it was unnerving. She felt like everything in her was coming undone and it wouldn't stop. She avoided all pairs of eyes on her. It would only make her more nervous. She felt like she was on display.
"Stanford," Haley answered.
"I knew you'd get in," Lucas smiled proudly.
"That's great, Haley," Karen beamed. "It's always been your dream school. How was it?"
"Great," Haley nodded. "I loved it, actually. It was everything that I hoped it would be. I didn't want to leave. I think I could have stayed there forever taking classes and I would have been fine with it."
"Well, I couldn't wait to leave," Peyton muttered with a smile.
Lucas chuckled. "I was ready to come home."
Peyton hit his shoulder. "Don't let him fool you. I had to pull him out of the library on the day that we moved back home. You should have seen him. It was like making the kids leave the park." Everyone started laughing.
"They do love the park," Keith chuckled.
"Where did you go after college?" Karen asked.
"New York," Haley answered. "I've been living there."
"What brings you back here?"
She could still feel his eyes on her and she glanced up and caught his gaze for a second before looking over at Karen. She shrugged once and smiled. "I don't really know yet."
She really didn't. Sure she had come back because of the therapist, the signs, and stupid Chris. If he wouldn't have run out on their wedding day then maybe she wouldn't be here now with all these people staring at her. What was she supposed to tell Karen? That on the day of her wedding she noticed all kinds of signs pointing to her old life –the life with the people in this very room –they would think that she was crazy. Which she wasn't ruling out just yet, crazy was ok with her.
Why was she here? She could have told Keith no. He would have eventually stopped asking. She didn't have to be here in this room with all these people. She didn't have to look at Lucas and wonder what kind of man he was now. She didn't have to think about why Peyton hadn't stopped smiling all night. She didn't have to be thinking about what their kids were like. And she really didn't have to wonder why Nathan hadn't taken his eyes off of her all night, and why he hadn't said so much as a word. But still, she was thinking these things. These questions flooded around her mind as she tired to pay attention to Karen. Focusing all her energy on Karen was good. It was safe.
She didn't have to worry about getting angry with Karen. She had been the same just as Haley remembered her. Beautiful. Warm. Caring. Motherly. Karen Roe…Scott now, was all those things. When she was little Karen represented all good things to her. Karen had been a strong independent single mother trying to make a good life for her and Lucas. When Lucas had invited her over for the first time, she took one good look around and told them that they needed her more than her family did. Karen and Lucas had been all alone and it was then that she decided to join their family. At eight years old it didn't matter if they wanted her or not. They had been stuck with her. She had decided it.
One look at Karen and she knew that the woman hadn't changed a bit. Well, except for the part where Keith was concerned. She glanced at the beautiful wedding ring on Karen's finger and smiled. The fact that Keith and Karen were happily married sent nothing but good tranquilizing feelings all over. It only saddened her that she hadn't been there for them.
"I'll be right out with dessert," Karen stated as she stood up.
Keith stood up as well and started picking up the plates. The two left the room and she could still feel three sets of eyes on her. She lifted her glass of water and took a sip before looking over at the kids. The little boy was coloring and the little girl was making a mess with her food. She smiled at the sight.
"So, Brooke said that you were asking for me?"
She glanced over at Peyton. "Uh-huh."
"What did you want, Haley?" Peyton asked carefully as she looked away from Lucas's gaze. She looked down before glancing up at Haley, a huge smile on her face.
She sighed. "It's actually kind of personal. Can we maybe talk about this later?"
"Like when we're not around?" Lucas muttered.
"Lucas," Peyton mumbled glaring at him.
"It's just private," Haley added while looking at Peyton.
"Sure," Peyton nodded. "Why don't we have lunch Monday at the café?"
"That would be good," Haley smiled.
"Uncle Nate, can we go shoot now?"
Haley turned her attention over to the little blue eyed boy looking up over that the table. He had a hopeful look on his face as he smiled. One look at him and all she saw was Lucas. It was enough to have her heart hammering in her chest.
"My Nat-han."
The little girl held up her hands and looked at Nathan. Her little fists clenched open and then closed before smiling at him. She was covered in ketchup and mashed potatoes. Her little pink dress was completely dirty and she had food smeared all over her face.
"I should probably take her a bath," Peyton laughed as she went to stand up.
Nathan was standing up a second later. "I'll do it." His eyes went from Peyton to Anna and it wasn't a minute later that he was standing in front of the little girl. She laughed loudly as he went to lift her up and once she was fully in his arms she hugged him tight and rested her head on his shoulder. She smiled at Haley before Nathan started walking them out of the room.
"Bye-bye, Mommy."
Lucas huffed. "I don't get a goodbye?"
"I guess not," Peyton smiled while shaking her head. She went to reach for his hand and Haley noticed that she looked up at her first and it was then that she quickly pulled her hand away and put it back next to her glass of wine.
Weird, she thought.
"She's beautiful," Haley commented. "I don't know who she looks like more?"
"It's all Peyton," Lucas smiled genuinely.
Peyton laughed loudly and Haley couldn't help but smile. "Luke, she has your eyes."
"Fine," Lucas shrugged. "It's almost all Peyton. Minus the eyes. Better?"
"It'll do," Peyton smiled.
They were smiling lovingly at each other. It was such a private and intimate moment that Haley had no choice but to look away.
"We're back," Keith declared as he walked with two plates of chocolate cake in his hands. He placed one plate in front of Haley before putting the other one in front of Karen's empty place. He left for a few seconds and returned with two more placing them in front of Peyton and Lucas. Karen placed one in front of Keith and then one in front of the place where Nathan was sitting. She then walked over to the table and placed the last piece in front of Hayden.
"My favorite," Hayden smiled up at her. "With gummy warms! Thanks, Grandma."
"Extra gummy worms," Karen smiled before kissing the top of Hayden's head. She ran her fingers through his thick spiky hair before walking back over to the table. She sat down and smiled.
"I was pulling for ya kid," Keith smirked as he glanced back.
Haley looked over and noticed the little boy smiling with a little chocolate around his mouth. He smiled at her for a second before shoving a fork full into his mouth. She laughed quietly before looking down at her plate. Karen had always been an amazing cook. In fact, the best. It took forever to get used to Quinn's cooking. She had really missed not only Karen but her cooking as well.
"This looks really good," Haley commented.
"It's yummy, Grandma," Hayden grinned.
Lucas chuckled. "Yeah, Ma, it's good."
"Eat up then," Karen smiled. "Where are Nathan and Anna? Did they have another SpongeBob emergency? Those two can't keep still for nothing." She shook her head and laughed.
"Let's just say that there was a mashed potatoes and ketchup explosion," Lucas chuckled.
"I had to make her favorite," Karen shrugged innocently.
Peyton glanced over at Haley. "I swear she wears more food than she eats."
They all laughed and it wasn't long before Nathan walked back into the kitchen with Anna on top of his shoulders. Her hands were holding fists full of his hair as his hands held her. Before he made it to his seat he flipped her down and she giggled loudly. He took a seat and placed her on his lap. Her hair was brushed back and wet and she wore nothing but a diaper.
"I have a feeling that the bath before dessert was a bad idea," Lucas commented.
Before Nathan could say anything Anna reached into the plate and took a huge piece of cake into her hands. Everyone laughed and she smiled brightly looking around the table before holding her hand up to Nathan's mouth.
"You eat," Anna giggled.
Nathan shook his head no. "I'm full. You eat."
"You don't want it?" Anna asked looking at her hand.
"You eat it, Sweetie," Peyton stated as she glanced at her daughter. She reached over and placed her hand on Anna's back and she rubbed her hand up and down slowly. "Uncle Nathan is full. That's for you."
She turned her head and looked at her mother for a few seconds before bringing her hand to her mouth. She shoved it into her face and when she pulled away her face was covered in chocolate cake.
"So much for that bath, huh?"
She held up her hand to Nathan's face. "You eat."
Nathan chuckled before bringing his mouth down and eating a little piece out the little girls' hand. She giggled loudly before clapping her hands together sending cake flying all over Nathan and herself. Haley couldn't help but laugh and when Nathan quickly looked up at her she felt a shiver run up her spine. She quickly glanced away.
"And you thought that dessert wouldn't be a hit?" Keith teased.
Karen rolled her eyes. "I'm just shocked. It's usually you with the mess."
"Hey."
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take Karen's side on this," Peyton smiled at him.
"Me too, Dad," Lucas chuckled.
"You should see him when we're out to eat. He spills on himself every single time. It's actually pretty funny. We've learned to bring an extra change of clothes."
"She's being dramatic. I'm not that bad," Keith explained before shaking his head.
"Uh, Keith?" Haley muttered with a smile.
"Yeah?"
"You have cake on your shirt," Haley pointed out. She smiled and everyone started laughing. For the first time that night she felt really happy and excited. It was as if she hadn't left at all. With the way they were looking at her –the way he was looking at her –it was like they wanted her here. She felt like she belonged. They all finished their dessert and once Karen stood up to pick up the dirty dishes she did the same. She lifted her plate and then Keith's.
"Can we please go play now, Uncle Nate?" Hayden asked again.
He smirked and she felt her heart pound hard in her chest. "Sure thing, little man."
She shook her head and glanced away. What was she doing? Getting sucked back in again. She blocked all thoughts of him as she made her way into the kitchen. Karen and Peyton walked in a second later and soon all thoughts of Nathan Scott were forgotten.
~***~
She was sitting in the living room listening to Karen talk about how good things had been at the café. She was telling her how a few people wanted her to put a few other Karen Café's around a few of the surrounding towns. She was in the middle of explaining to her why she didn't think that was a good idea by saying that the café was one of a kind and if they built more than it wouldn't be. Haley agreed completely and told her so. It was just her and Karen and everyone else was outside playing basketball. She along with Karen had decided not to go. She was sure that they had their different reasons.
As they were sitting there talking, Anna came walking in. She took one good look around the room before walking over to the sofa. She smiled at Haley doing her best to try and climb up. She made a little noise as she pulled on the edge and jumped up a little. Haley laughed and Karen smiled before trying to get up to help her. Haley quickly helped the little girl up. Without knowing what to do, Haley placed Anna on the spot next to her and let the little girl go.
"Hello, Anna," Haley smiled as she reached out and tickled Anna's stomach. The little girl giggled loudly as she moved from side to side.
"Tell Haley hi. Go ahead. Say Haley. Haley," Karen coached.
She removed her hands from Anna's stomach and watched as the little girl looked from her grandmother to her. She stuck her finger in her mouth for a second before pointing her finger at Haley.
"Hay-wee."
Haley nodded and smiled.
"She's got the talking thing down," Karen pointed out. "She knows exactly what she wants and she makes sure that everyone knows it. She's got us all wrapped around her pretty little finger. Don't you, Princess?"
Anna clapped her hands and her little blonde curls started to bounce. "Hay-wee." Karen laughed and when Anna noticed she started laughing along with her. She crawled the distance until she was pushing herself up on Haley's body. It was a few seconds later and Anna was standing on Haley's legs as her hands moved to Haley's face. She pointed and smiled.
"Eye. Nose."
Her finger landed on Haley's nose and she giggled.
"That's right," Karen commented sweetly. "Who is that?"
"My Hay-wee," Anna giggled as she smiled at her. Without even a second thought, Haley realized that she loved the little girl. It hadn't been something that she planned, but just like that it had happened. She loved Anna. She smiled at the beautiful little girl in her arms as Anna started on her eyes and nose again. Those soft beautiful innocent ocean blue eyes were shining into hers and her heart couldn't help but thump loudly in her chest. Things continued like this for minutes until Karen finally took Anna in her arms.
Haley stood up quickly and pushed down on her dress. It fell to her knees and she crossed her arms over her chest as she watched Karen place Anna in her playpen. Before she even realized it, she was hugging Karen.
"I've missed you so much," Haley whispered.
Karen laughed softly. "We've certainly missed you, too, kiddo."
"Are you mad at me?" Haley asked hesitantly.
Her eyes were still closed as she held Karen. It felt good. Comforting. Karen's hands were rubbing her back soothingly and it worked. Everything in her just faded away as she let Karen comfort her. It felt amazing. Karen was Superwoman.
"I can never be mad at you, kiddo," Karen answered. "I do wish that you had said goodbye before you left but I know why you felt the need to leave. I can't be mad at you for that. I just hope that you'll say goodbye before you leave again."
"Thank you so much for tonight," Haley muttered.
"Nothing to thank me for," Karen said smiling. "It was nice seeing you again. You look amazing Haley James. Don't be a stranger. You come over anytime you like."
"I guess I should be going," Haley commented.
"Leaving already?"
"Uh-huh. I've got things to do. Taylor is waiting for me." She held onto the older woman for a second longer before letting her go. "Thanks for dinner. It was really nice seeing you, Karen. I did miss you."
Karen smiled. "Promise you won't leave without saying goodbye this time?"
"I won't," Haley agreed. "I'll see you later. Bye-bye, Cutie." She blew the baby a kiss before reaching for her purse and walking out of the house. She found Peyton sitting on the porch swing and she hesitated for a second before walking slowly over to her.
"Have a seat," Peyton offered.
She shook her head. "I've got to get going. But it was really good seeing you, Peyton. I uh, I…your kids are beautiful. Are we still on for lunch Monday?"
"Of course," Peyton nodded. "See ya then."
She nodded before walking away. Once she was down the steps she noticed the four guys playing basketball. Keith and Hayden against Lucas and Nathan. She waved as she started down the walkway. Keith was the one with the ball in his hands and he instantly stopped bouncing it.
"Let me drive you," Keith said tossing the ball to Hayden.
"No thanks, I'm good. You guys have a great night. Nice meeting you Hayden." The little boy grinned as he waved at her.
Keith sighed. "You can't be serious, Haley. It's late. I'll drive you. It's no problem. I don't want you walking home all alone."
"Yeah, Haley," Lucas agreed.
"I'm a big girl," Haley pointed out. "I can take care of myself. I'll talk to you later Keith."
Before any of them could object again she took off walking down the sidewalk. It was ten minutes later when she heard footsteps behind her. She stopped walking for a second and listened before walking again. She walked faster this time as panic started to kick in. It was dark and she was scared and it sounded like someone was following her. She walked faster as she crossed the street. It was only then that she glanced back slightly and saw who it was.
"You jerk!" Haley snarled. "I thought I was being followed by a serial killer!"
Nathan walked faster until he was beside her. She hadn't stopped walking. "You very well could have been, walking home alone at this late hour."
"And what you followed me to protect me? Please," Haley laughed bitterly.
"What's so funny about that?" Nathan asked curiously.
She stopped laughing and glared at him. Was he serious?
"Go home, Nathan."
"I will as soon as you're home safe."
"As soon as I'm away from you," Haley muttered while crossing her arms over her chest protectively. She tried walking faster but he had no problem keeping up with her. She kept her eyes focused on everything in front of her. She could feel his eyes on her every few seconds and she fought the urge to yell at him. He had no right to look at her now and she wanted him to know it. But she didn't want to fight with him and saying anything would lead to a fight with him, she knew.
When they finally reached her house, she wanted to jump up and down, she was so happy. She didn't bother looking at him as she rushed up the walkway and onto the porch. It was while she was fishing her keys out of her purse that she heard him behind her. Glancing back she noticed him leaning against the post next to the stairs. True to his form, he was checking her out and she rolled her eyes. Her hand moved more forcefully inside of the small purse. The sooner she found them, the sooner she could be free of him.
"Can we please just talk," Nathan asked nicely.
She snorted. "Not a chance in hell!"
"I just want a –"
She found her keys and then turned abruptly to face him. "I don't give a damn about what you want and I sure as hell don't want to talk to you! Stay the hell away from me. I don't want to see and I sure as hell don't care about what you have to say! Just leave me the hell alone! You got that?"
"Haley," Nathan started as he looked down and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I just…I…fine. If that's what you really want." He shrugged before looking up.
"It's what I want," Haley nodded.
"Is there any chance…" his words trailed off as he looked away. "This isn't fair."
"Fair?" Haley laughed.
"What I meant was –"
"Fair?" Haley repeated in bitter laughter. "Don't talk to me about fair, Nathan. Nothing about this whole fucked up situation is fair. You making me feel like nothing wasn't fair! Don't talk to me about fair!"
"I made a mistake," Nathan tried to explain. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah," Haley replied looking away. "And if you followed me tonight thinking that I would listen to a word you have to say then you made another one. I didn't come back here for you." His eyes closed and his body tensed up like she hit him. Good.
He sighed. "I know you didn't."
"Good. We're on the same page. Things can go back to the way they were before. You know when it was all about Nathan and screw everybody else because King Nathan is the only thing that matters."
"I'm not that guy anymore," Nathan stated confidently. "You know that I'm not that guy anymore."
"I don't," Haley shook her head. "I don't know you. I never did."
He looked down at his feet and she took the time to really look at him for the first time. She wanted nothing more than to turn and walk inside but something was holding her out here. She was pissed at him and at the world, but still she took in every inch of him. He stood there looking more sexy than ever with his blue buttoned up shirt, dark jeans, and his always perfect hair. He wasn't the same boy that she had remembered. He was a man now. A nice built –muscles everywhere –kind of man. God, she hated him!
And he was just standing there. Not moving at all. Just standing there looking at the ground like she wanted him there or something! She wanted him gone. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to know him. She didn't want to stand here and have some deep part of her want to hug him. What was she thinking? This was the guy that made her feel like nothing. He was the whole reason she ran away from her life. He had no right to make her feel anything! She found herself getting angrier with him by the second.
But with that anger, there was also a yearning. She hated it, but it was sure as hell still there when she looked at him.
"I'm glad you're home," Nathan said timidly.
She closed her eyes. "Tree Hill is not my home anymore."
"Either way I'm happy you're back. We all are," Nathan said with a half smile.
"I'm not," Haley stated brazenly. "And I'm not staying."
"How long?" Nathan asked hesitantly after a few minutes of silence.
"Not that it's any of your business but not long," Haley answered brusquely. Without waiting for him to answer she quickly turned to face the door. She pushed the key inside and unlocked the door before walking inside and slamming the door. She didn't glance back once to see his face. Once she was inside she leaned against the door and slowly slid down until she was sitting with her head resting on the door. It was only then that the tears came. Why did she come back and why did he have this effect on her were the only things on her mind. She would think about everything else in her bed later when she was ready for bed. Peyton, Lucas, and their kids. Keith and Karen. Him.
It was going to be a long night. She didn't know it then, but it was going to be the first of many. Coming back was just the beginning.