Chapter Two
The night passed quickly for those who were able to sleep through it,
but for Aladdin and Iago that night, the darkness seemed long, almost
never-ending. Neither had been able to find sleep that night, with
troubling thoughts tricking their minds deeper and deeper into despair. By
the time morning came, both were exhausted and not at all ready for the
move, let alone facing one another. But Aladdin, at least, realized trying
to avoid the inevitable would be of no help. It would only put more stress
on the already strained relationship forming between Iago and him. On the
other hand, Iago was trying desperately to convince himself that all the
feelings he had experienced the night before were nothing... that he had
never wanted to trust... that he didn't want to change... and that he didn't
want to see Aladdin ever again. His "friend" was embarrassed of him, of
his past, and of who he was now. He probably doesn't want to hear about
anything that happened to me. He probably doesn't even care. And why
should he? Iago knew there wasn't a reason. There wasn't a reason for
anyone to care about him. And that's what Iago was thinking as Aladdin
entered the menagerie.
Aladdin didn't even want to try anymore. He'd spent the entire night
worrying about some parrot who would never worry about anyone but himself.
Why waste anymore time on him? Aladdin also knew there wasn't a reason,
but he just couldn't convince himself that nothing could be done. He'd
taken on evil sorcerers, demonic genies, guards bent on his destruction...
the list was endless. How could he lose to Jafar now? That thought shocked
Aladdin. Jafar... Jafar was dead, wasn't he? But, then again, in some ways
he wasn't. If Aladdin ever gave up on Iago, let him slip any farther
towards evil, Jafar would have gained some control over the world of the
living. Agrabah wasn't in danger anymore, just one life, but he couldn't
help feeling that one life was as important as the lives of thousands.
That was what Aladdin was thinking as Iago came into view.
They didn't look at one another, both unsure of what they might have to
say if their eyes met. Angry with Aladdin, but more so at himself, Iago
vowed not to make the first move, not now, not ever. While seeing Iago
made Aladdin angry all over again, and he was afraid that if he said too
much, the hostility he was feeling could make things all the worse. "Uh...
come on, we're leaving," he said quietly, resentment edging his voice.
"You might be," was all Iago said.
"What do you mean by that?" Aladdin was much too tired to try and talk
to Iago calmly. The resentment was already taking over his words.
"I mean," Iago didn't even sound angry, just tired, "I'm not going."
His answer was simple and cold.
Even with all the rage Aladdin was feeling, Iago's words hurt him in a
way he didn't imagine it was possible for Iago to hurt him. It seemed that
it hadn't even been Iago who had saved them from Jafar only two days ago.
Iago didn't do things like that. All he ever did was hurt the ones who
were trying so hard to care about him... and right now, it wasn't easy. At
that moment, Aladdin didn't want to yell at him, reprimand him; he just
wanted Iago to take it back. He'd nearly lost Iago once before, on that
same day, and now, Aladdin was losing him in a different way. "Iago... you...
you need us," Aladdin realized all this would do was probably upset the
parrot, but it was a last attempt at changing his stubborn mind.
"I don't need anyone; I never did, and I don't now!" Iago retorted. "I
don't need your pity, and most of all, I don't need you!" Iago knew that
wasn't true. He needed someone now more than he ever had before, and the
more he realized that, the more he hated himself. Why do I have to be
like this? I hate this! He screamed at himself in his mind, having to
force himself not to out loud. Because I am... I can't be anything else.
"Fine," Aladdin's voice was hard. "I'm not going to plead with you
anymore. I need you less than you could ever imagine. Do you realize how
much easier my life would be if I didn't have you to look over constantly?
You're not a friend; you're a menace. I only took you in because I owed
you... I owed you. And I've paid you back a thousand times over for anything
you ever could have done for me." Aladdin fought the urge to let a tear
slip down his cheek. It was a lie. He'd taken Iago in because he thought
there was a chance... at least there was a chance he would change, but
Aladdin couldn't admit that now, not after what Iago had just said. And
so, feeling pain he wasn't expecting he said, "You can go. I'm not going
to keep you here anymore."
Aladdin's words cut Iago. So, what he had always suspected was true.
Aladdin was doing him a favor... only a favor. He wanted him gone. Like
everyone else, Aladdin didn't care. He'd paid Iago back, and now their
relationship was over. Iago didn't want to believe what he was so sure was
true. "What..."
"You heard me," Aladdin hated himself for the words he was saying, but
he couldn't let one bird ruin the relationships he'd worked so hard to
build. If Iago stayed, he would destroy every friendship Aladdin had. That
was something he couldn't let happen. "I want you to leave. If you don't
need me... then don't stay and cause any more problems than you already
have."
Iago choked on tears. He hadn't cried in so long, and in these last few
days, he'd cried three times. "I will then, and don't worry about me; I'll
never cause you any trouble ever again."
Part of Aladdin wanted to tell him not to go... that he did mean
something to him, but that part was overweighed by the part that felt too
deeply scarred by Iago to ever look at him again. "Good," Aladdin tried to
keep his voice from shaking. He didn't watch as Iago as he turned away,
preparing to leave. Aladdin knew that Iago wasn't just leaving the palace;
he was leaving the chances they all had given him. At one time not so long
ago, he had promised to take full responsibility for Iago, but now he knew
it was pointless. As much as Aladdin hated to admit it, some of what he
had said was true. Iago did complicate his life in so many ways, too many.
It had only been a little while, and look how bad things were already. How
much worse would it get?
Iago knew he couldn't say anything to change Aladdin's mind... maybe he
didn't even want to. But still, he couldn't say goodbye. It would hurt him
too much. No, Aladdin can't hurt me. Nobody can. People like me can't
be hurt. Iago only said one thing, and not to Aladdin to but himself.
"We're not worth enough."
As he found himself flying away, Iago looked down to see Jasmine
rushing to the menagerie. He sighed and something unexpected happened. He
was actually already missing his new "friends;" he was hurting. He'd let
them too close. How could it be that he was already missing them? How
could he have let himself become so vulnerable? All Iago knew was that
when he was with Aladdin or any of them for that matter, he felt
different, and he liked it. He'd let them too close.
"Aladdin, are you out here?" Jasmine called.
Aladdin turned quickly to meet Jasmine's greeting. "Yeah," he barely
whispered his response, "I'm right here."
Relief overtook Jasmine's face. For a moment, she visibly brightened,
but upon seeing Aladdin's devastated expression, her smile disappeared.
"Aladdin, what... what happened? Are you all right?"
He didn't know what to say. Nothing was all right, but how could he
tell Jasmine that? She was already having a hard time seeing him move back
into that hovel. That hovel... all it was doing was causing more problems
for him. So, why was he so desperate to return to it? Why when all that
was left there were shadowed memories and broken dreams? "I told him to
leave." Aladdin's voice was empty. There was nothing else he could say. He
was still in disbelief over what he had done and why he had done it. Maybe
somewhere inside of him, Aladdin wanted to be able to change what that
hovel had been. Maybe he wanted to change what his life had been. Why he
had done it meant very little now; all that mattered is that it was done.
"Iago?" Jasmine's voice was questioning. She had known Aladdin for only
a short while, but he had never seemed one to give up one someone so
easily. After all, he'd never given up on himself.
"Yeah, him," Aladdin said, trying to sound angry, while all he felt was
sadness.
"Aladdin, why?" She knew the reasons were countless, but it was a
question she couldn't help but ask.
"Because, Jasmine, he doesn't want to be helped. And he can't be, not
if he won't try. He's got to try, and if he's not going to, all we're
doing is wasting our time."
"Oh," Jasmine answered, although it wasn't much of an answer.
"I mean, it's not like I don't know that it's hard to change. I had to,
too, ya know, Jasmine?" Aladdin begged to be absolved from what he felt he
had done so wrong, but that was something Jasmine could not do.
"Aladdin, you do know you're trying to convince yourself more than you
are me, right?" Jasmine said knowingly.
"Of course I know that!" frustration coated his words. "And I know I
was wrong. I've never given up before, Jasmine. Why now?"
Jasmine ran her slender fingers through Aladdin's thick, black hair.
"Don't beat yourself up like this. You've been trying so hard... so hard.
Aladdin, I doubt anyone would have held on as long you have. What you've
done is amazing. This is just one tiny setback. I know Iago better than
you do, and believe me, he won't last ten minutes on his own. He'll be
back, and then, maybe things will be different. All you have to do is
wait. You have all the time in the world, and you have me." She took her
hand from Aladdin's hair and ran it down his tan cheek.
"Maybe, Jasmine."
"Aren't I always right?" she teased playfully. "And don't forget you
have three friends waiting for you right outside. They're ready to move
on. Are you?"
"Yeah," Aladdin's smile said it all.
By the time night fell, the four friends were situated comfortably in
Aladdin's hovel. It should have felt like home; it almost did. If only... if
only something wasn't missing. There should have been five. Iago may have
been new to all of them, but without him they felt nearly empty. It was
hard to imagine their new adventures without him. It had been so hard to
watch him put aside everything that they had seen change and return to his
fear and aggression. Not one of them knew it, but they all were thinking
the same thing. The hovel, which should have been alive with the sounds of
excitement of embarking on a new adventure with new friends, was quiet,
silent as the starry night.
How could a place filled with so much depression look so inviting,
appear such a haven? To Iago, that night, it did. From a windowsill only a
few feet from the hovel, he watched the tiny group sitting together,
glowing in candlelight. Together... I should be there... together. Iago
took his eyes off the scene and looked around him, to the empty darkness.
All around him, people were sleeping, surrounded by those who loved them.
Inside every home, it was warm and comforting... there were families. How
could they be so close and yet, so far away? He could have been a part of
something special that night, but instead, here he was, alone. Again,
alone.
He shook his head, feeling those same familiar arguments arise. I
want to be alone. I don't need someone to take care of me. I'm not weak.
I'm not. That's the way he felt... weak. He was so tired, so afraid, so
lonely. Time after time, he felt himself almost give way to the urge to
call out to Aladdin. Iago knew he couldn't fight it much longer. He needed
to sleep; if he didn't, he wouldn't have any control over what he would
say. But I am.
"I just don't understand it, Genie," Aladdin was saying. "Why can't
anything just ever go the way I want it to, just once?" He stopped and
waited for an answer, but at this point, even Genie was speechless. "I
don't know what I've done to deserve this..." he stopped again. "I haven't
done anything. The only thing I've done that was wrong was to myself. I
give up my self-respect, my good judgment, and my happiness to make sure
everyone else is all right. Why don't I ever just worry about me?"
This time, Genie did have something to say. "Hey, Al, ya know you could
never do that, little buddy. We all know you're the brave, selfless,
hero-type. What kinda adventures could we have without a hero? No, you're
not changing anything."
Aladdin couldn't help but smile at Genie's description of him. "You
know I'd never do that, Genie," he said, chuckling a little. "I just don't
know sometimes."
"Know what?" Genie placed his big, blue hand on Aladdin's shoulder,
attempting to comfort his "little buddy."
"About Iago... about everything," Aladdin wrung his hands. "I don't know
what I expected. I knew from the beginning this wouldn't be easy, but I
never thought... I never thought it would be like this. I thought we could
work it out. I had always believed that it was never too late to be who
you could have been, but this, it just isn't what I thought. It's
impossible... and now, it's too late."
"Aladdin, nothing is ever impossible," Genie reassured. Abu chirped in
agreement and scurried up Aladdin's arm, to where he threw his arms around
Aladdin's neck. "And you always loved a challenge. Just give it time...
Nothing is too hard for you, and it's not too late."
"Maybe," Aladdin wanted to agree. He just didn't know if he could.
Iago was almost asleep as he heard just the shadows of these last few
comments. "Never thought it would be like this," "Impossible," "Too late."
Somewhere in the back of Iago's mind, behind all the walls he had built to
keep his heart safe, he argued them. It's not too late; it can't be.
It's not impossible; there's more to me. It's not! With that, he fell
into a sleep coated with future dreams and past nightmares.
Red... the sky was red, the same red it had been when... when he had
witnessed Jafar for the last time, the same red it had been when he had
had to make his choice, but that day was gone; everything about that day
was gone. It had to be.
Things started to replay... a movie reel turned, almost like watching an
old rerun too many times. It was almost as if he could predict everything
that would happen, every word that would be spoken. Every moment familiar,
but without that warm sense of comfort that usually precedes it.
He watched the scene as he'd watched it before, with horror and growing
anxiety. Jafar, now in his genie form, swept up in cloud of red dust.
Rumbling, rumbling, deep in the ground, adding to the fear, fear he knew
too well. Iago struggled with the pulling to leave, to just fly away and
forget everything. Here was his chance to leave, to gain exactly what he
thought he'd always wanted. The struggle wasn't new to him, neither was
the tugging at his heart to just... just leave.
Leaving seemed right, at least that's what he told himself. He'd stayed
once before; he'd risked everything. Even in this surreal environment, he
remembered. He remembered that risking it all would mean losing it all.
Maybe not right away, but eventually. He'd been there; he didn't want to
be there again. And he wouldn't. Once again, he turned his back on
everything. Something was different this time... until the rumbling changed.
It wasn't so deep, so far away. It was right here, right now. Even Iago
couldn't stand to hear the sound, knowing full well what it would bring.
Slowly, telling himself he didn't want to and knowing it was true, he
turned his head to see the ground below his perch crumbling away into
nothingness. Everything he knew assured him that he didn't want to look
up. He didn't want to look in Aladdin's eyes and see the pleading, the
pleading that rarely enters a hero's face.
That's when things changed. The dream took on a life if its own. What
he'd lived through was different. Then, he'd had more courage. He didn't
know how hard things would be. Maybe he'd never admit that, but things
were hard, maybe harder now than ever before. Maybe he'd been more naïve;
maybe it was better that way, but none of that mattered. He flew away, not
looking back, realizing if he did, he'd never forgive himself. Iago tried
to block out the images he could never forget: the red-hot lava, the pure
evil formation of Jafar, and that look... the pleading. Aladdin...
"Iago," a voice growled, a voice as familiar as the dream itself. "I
knew you'd never save them. I always knew you were nothing more than I
made you, and now, you know it, too. How ironic, I never even had to prove
it; you took care of that little detail yourself." Evil laughter. Jafar...
"NO! I saved them; this is only a dream! Reality has already been
written; you can't change that!"
Screaming... his own screaming, only his own. Nothing in the night to be
afraid of, except himself, bute inside him was something to be afraid of:
a monster he'd tried to leave behind in shadows of a memory. He thought
he'd won against it; he'd thought it was the end. Somewhere in the darkest
corners of his soul, that monster still lurked, finding any chance it
could to take away anything Iago had managed to gain. In that dream, it
took the last bit of hope he had for himself. If he had the chance again,
would he really leave them, just leave them there to die? Would he just
forget everything they'd done? Had he already done that? What had he given
up? What had he lost through his own ignorance and cruelty? And the most
important question: Was it really too late?
Aladdin tossed and turned for the second night in a row. Somehow, he
could feel what Iago was feeling. Flashes of Iago's nightmare found their
way into Aladdin's mind and twisted what Jasmine had taught him to
believe... Things can be changed. It's never too late. The future is not a
set path, but what one makes of it. Maybe none of it was true, but if it
wasn't, what in life was there to live for? Was he still the street rat
he'd always been? For once, Aladdin knew Iago was feeling the same, asking
himself the same questions. Somehow, knowing Iago was hurting, too, made
Aladdin's burden a little lighter. If the two of them could both have the
same ambition, the ambition to be something more, to have something more,
how could they be so different? Maybe they weren't. Even if things weren't
exactly as they had planned, they could be changed. "It's not too late."
Aladdin smiled.
"It's too late." Iago closed his eyes, almost afraid to sleep, waiting
to see morning light.