Chapter Four
Peace of mind. Finally...it had been so long...comfort when everything
seemed so wrong, when looking ahead did nothing but terrify the mind and
spirit. Reluctant, he felt so reluctant to accept that he could rest, rest
and not worry about the coming day. It would reveal itself in its own good
time. Iago wanted to believe that, and more than that, he had to. He had
to have at least a few hours when everything made sense and change was
something he did not fear. His rationality pushed him to look deeper than
he had been, to see that everything was too good to be true. Tonight,
however, none of that mattered. If he could have this one night, maybe he
could hang on just a little while longer, try just a little harder this
time. It was the only chance he had left, his last chance, or so he felt.
Jasmine sat cross-legged on her bed, too tired think clearly, too
disturbed to sleep. Her thoughts were clouded with doubt. She had done the
right thing, hadn't she? All this time, she had thought Aladdin had taken
responsibility for Iago, that in no way was she a part of it, and that his
well-being was not something she would have to deal with, let alone worry
about. She questioned herself; had Aladdin's promise somehow changed her
relationship with Iago as well? She knew that by asking the question, she
was doing nothing more than kidding herself. Their relationship had
changed, and it scared her. There was so much work, so much pain,
something different than any friendship she had ever forged before. She
had always taken care of those around her, and simply, they had always
accepted it; never would they question her caring ways or kind words. She
was trusted; she had trusted. It was just the way things had always been.
Everything had changed so quickly that she had no time to prepare for what
she would deal with, not only in the coming days, but in the coming years.
These questions were something she couldn't answer on her own. Jasmine
knew there was only one person who perhaps felt what she did, only much
stronger. After all, she had never been willing to put everything on the
line for Iago. She didn't even know if she would have. Only one person
did... had ... Aladdin. She got up off the bed, sweeping her flowing hair into
a perfect knot. Jasmine had to see him.
The streets of Agrabah were dark and foreboding at this hour, and
Aladdin's hovel was anything but beautiful, but in it slept her beautiful
prince, someone that nothing could keep her from, especially now.
Approaching the hovel in the shadow of night, she appeared determined, a
warrior of sorts, determined to rescue not only her allies... but what had
been her enemy. She rapped softly on the entrance, daintily, not at all
how she felt. When no one found his way to her, she silently placed her
foot inside the darkened room and took a tiny step forward.
"Aladdin," she whispered, her voice almost inaudible. "Aladdin," her
voice was a little louder this time, at least enough so that Aladdin
stirred, barely looking up, and managed to catch her eyes in his. He
smiled, as if believing it were nothing but a dream, an angelic dream, and
began to close his eyes again, when something in the room caught a feel of
her urgency. Aladdin blinked, astonishment on his face, unsure of what to
say. Jasmine just nodded and stepped out the doorway, knowing Aladdin
would follow.
The light from the just rising sun nearly blinded Aladdin, his eyes not
ready for the day yet. Jasmine gazed up toward the palace, for the first
time, uncomfortable in Aladdin's presence. "He came back last night," she
tried to seem calm and neutral about the whole situation, while something
strange in her wanted to rejoice in the news she had brought Aladdin.
"Iago... he... he came back?" Aladdin did not try to hide his happiness;
his voice shook from it. Through all his relief, Jasmine smiled at him,
almost sadly, and Aladdin felt his voice begin to shake for another
reason, something not nearly as wonderful. "Is... is he all right?" Aladdin
didn't want to ask this question. If he wasn't, Aladdin knew whose fault
it would be, and he would never forgive himself. Aladdin had never been
one to act on his anger, but he had, and like every other action, he was
sure it would have consequences... consequences he couldn't hide from.
"He's, well, he's fine, I guess," Jasmine seemed unsure of her answer.
Her eyes lied to him, and Aladdin had been lied to before; he knew.
"He isn't, is he?" Aladdin's voice was becoming louder, more anxious.
Jasmine shook her head, not sure of how to explain this all to him.
Aladdin's eyes fell. "No!" Aladdin shouted, "How could I do this? How
could I have been so stupid?" He buried his head in his hands, feeling
guilt like he never had before. He had never wanted to hurt Iago; in a
way, they had a special bond only two very different, yet very alike,
souls can have. He had understood Iago, and although he would never had
admitted it, he had felt sorry for what had happened to him, although
Aladdin wasn't even sure what that was. "I'm sorry," his words sounded
almost as if he was crying into his hands.
"Aladdin, calm down!" Jasmine pleaded. "Physically, he's fine..." her
words trailed off.
Aladdin lifted his face from his hands; "What then, Jasmine?" his
broken words were confused.
"Aladdin," Jasmine began calmly this time, "he's afraid. He should be.
After all that's happened, wouldn't you be?" Aladdin looked awe-struck. He
muttered something Jasmine didn't hear. "And he's confused. He doesn't
know where to go from here. He has no self-confidence; in fact, Aladdin, I
think he may hate himself."
"Hate himself?" Aladdin repeated.
"Yes, hate himself. He doesn't believe he's worth the effort we're
putting forth, so he doesn't try. He's afraid, Aladdin, and alone, and
confused. We've all been there... we all have." Jasmine breathed deeply. She
couldn't believe what she was doing... for... for Iago, but she couldn't leave
him to suffer, not like was he was now. He'd suffered before; she didn't
want to admit it, but she couldn't deny it anymore. "He's not all right."
"He's not. I knew that before, and I didn't even try," Aladdin's words
again were plagued with guilt. Jasmine looked deep into Aladdin's soul, a
portal through his eyes.
"And neither are you," her voice was sympathetic. "You may just need
him as much as he needs you. You need each other, because you are the only
ones who will ever understand. It's going to be hard, Aladdin. I'm not
going to lie to you; he has a lot to work through, but if you can get him
to open up, you'll have someone so special in your life. I know he's
special, Aladdin, and so do you."
Aladdin smiled, "Everyone is special."
Life is strange. On some days a person can wake up feeling like
everything going on around makes perfect sense and know just where one
fits in the scheme of things; on others, the day ahead feels more like a
journey than anything else, a journey that stretches out before one until
night falls, and worst of all, one knows the next day will be the same and
the next. In the heart, one knows, there is no way to escape from this
cycle of sleeping and awakening, almost living and dying each day. That
morning was a mixture of the two, a tangled web of belief and lies...one
of those mornings when part of you realizes you're finally falling into
place, and the other part doesn't even know where to begin. Iago felt the
pull of morning begging him to wake up. The night before seemed lost in
sleep and disbelief. Part had been dreams; he was sure of that. The other...
he just didn't know, but whatever was happening, he could only hope it
wasn't a dream.
Things were not as simple as they had previously seemed. Aladdin knew
it, Jasmine knew it, and more than anyone else, Iago knew it. At least
Iago thought, Things couldn't be any worse than they were. There's only
one way to go from here. He barely realized that optimistic thought
had come from his own mind. The feeling was unfamiliar. This morning, Iago
was gracious for the quiet that seemed to cover all of Agrabah. Seemed to,
but didn't.
Stretching, feeling rested for the first time in weeks, things seemed
clearer than they had the day before, more in perspective. One day at a
time... one day at a time. That was the only way he could take it. If he
looked any farther into the future, he wasn't sure he could handle all
that was being bestowed upon him. Things were so much easier, so much less
complicated when all his choices were made for him. Now that he had
freedom, was he more a prisoner than ever? He didn't know it yet, but the
answer had already been determined. It would be proven soon, very soon.
Iago found himself waiting for the usual splash of yellow sunshine to
fall onto the adorned floor, but surprisingly, the sky was still a hazy
orange, speckled with the nighttime blues and purples... slightly gloomy.
A perfect start to a perfect day, Iago's thoughts turned sarcastic,
but for some reason, he stopped the thought in mid-progress. No, maybe
today won't be perfect, but it could be close. Again, Iago was taken
aback by his own thoughts. He had never before questioned that the world
was out to get him; he had never even doubted it. Sometimes, though, it
was hard to be so cynical all the time. Why couldn't he just for once
believe that things could work out; that maybe it wasn't too good to be
true?
He wasn't expecting anyone to knock, so he didn't prepare himself for
what to say if someone did. It seemed like he was always planning his next
word, so that he would never say anything he didn't want them to know. But
exactly who was "them?" They weren't who had they had been to him before.
Maybe that was why what to say to them now totally threw him off. Really,
he wasn't sure what he could say and what he couldn't, what they would
even want to hear. It was too early, and he was much too tired to be
planning what they would say in their next conversation. After all, no one
entered this room; no one even knew he was here, except for Jasmine. From
the looks of the morning, she wouldn't be up for hours. What was there to
worry about?
Knock, knock. A deep thudding sound came from the heavy door. It
reminded him of... of... no, it couldn't be. Still, the sound was all too
familiar. No... Jafar was gone; hadn't he confirmed that last night? "Uhhh...
yeah, I'm in here," he barely whispered, pleading to himself that it was
Aladdin or Jasmine or even... a guard.
The door opened in silence, Iago not daring to breathe. He waited,
wishing that if he blinked, the door would be still, and there not a sense
of danger would remain in the room. Then, it was over.
The door stood opened, and in it was a figure as quiet as its essence.
Iago didn't recognize whoever it was; in fact, he was glad he didn't. Its
features were dark and shadowed, another thing Iago felt blessed for. The
eyes were the only defined features. They laid on the forehead and shone
like two tiny crystals blinking out from inside of a darkened cave. If
only they too had been hidden... It was cloaked in a shawl of fear; Iago
felt it. He couldn't imagine what was waiting there. The horrors he'd
faced before meant little now; this was something new. There was no
expectation for what would become of this. Lingering before stepping into
the light, the being seemed to find pleasure in the suspense it was
causing. It basked in Iago's fear. Iago just stared, choking on what to
say. He wanted to save himself, but in sheer panic, he didn't know how.
"Well," the voice voice was soft, seductive, "aren't you going to
invite me in?" It paused momentarily, knowing it would receive no answer.
"Well, then, I guess I'll just have to invite myself, won't I?"
With each movement towards the shallow light from the window, Iago sunk
farther back onto the bed. Curiosity gnawed at him; he wanted to look. His
better senses told him to look away, for he would never forget what he
would see. However, the internal argument was short. The being wasted no
time stepping nearer and nearer to the patch of light, watching as Iago
waited in growing horror. In time, it set its foot into the dull light,
and Iago found the urge to look away. A beam of light spread up the being,
beginning at the foot that first found its way into the patch and making
its way up and up into its core.
The "it" was a she, although unlike anyone Iago was accustomed to. Her
hair was long, falling around her delicate waist. The color of sun at
midday, it was something Iago had never seen before. Her eyes were a blue
resembling that of the sky surrounding the sun. Her skin was pale,
untanned, unlike the dark honey color of the women of Agrabah. Altogether,
she was a portrait of a beautiful Arabian day, but in the warmth of her
beauty was still a terrifying presence, something Iago couldn't identify.
He gasped, not knowing what else to do. She wasn't what he had been
expecting... what had he been expecting? He almost wished she had been
something horrible, a creation of pure evil, for then his fear would have
been justified, but this woman created more dread than he had felt a long
time...maybe because she was everything he shouldn't have feared, but knew
he had to.
"What do you want from me?" he asked.
"I think you know," her voice continued smooth and flowing.
"N-no," Iago stuttered, his voice breaking.
"But you do. You can deny it, but you do. Isn't all you ever wanted to
just be accepted, no questions asked about you or your past? Isn't that
all you ever wanted?" Iago gulped, trying to swallow the lump in his
throat. She knew everything about him; how he felt; why he felt that way.
Although she never said it, she knew his entire life story. He could feel
it when he looked into her piercing blue eyes. When he saw his trembling
reflection in them, he didn't want to admit that she was right, but in his
heart, he knew she was. Somehow, that wasn't at all comforting. Her smile
was evil; he remembered a smile much like that. "It is, Iago. I know more
about you than you'll ever know." Her smile spread. "And you're lucky to
have me."
Lucky?" Iago questioned harshly, finding his voice. "How can I be lucky
when I don't even know who you are, why you're here? When everything
you're doing is scaring the heck out of me?"
"Iago, Iago," her voice lowered, almost soothingly. "You know me. I've
always been here. How else would I know everything about you?"
Her answers were unconvincing. He'd learned not to trust when answers
were vague or even when they weren't. "I don't care," his words were cold.
"I just want to know who you are..."
"Who I am?" she laughed cruelly. "Who am I? What does that matter to
you? Don't you see that I'm here to offer you everything you need to be
happy?" Iago opened his beak to protest, but the pale woman cut him off.
"If you think Aladdin and his friends are going to change anything about
your life, you're wrong, very wrong. They're different; you're different.
Can you honestly tell me that you think for one moment they have a clue of
what you've been through or who you are?"
The words caught Iago off-guard. He had thought he had made up his
mind, but maybe she wasn't so wrong... Isn't that all you ever wanted? It
was... They're different; you're different. He was. Where he was now...
could he really stay there, each day pretending that where he lived was
his home and that he belonged there? Home is more than the place where one
lives, so much more. He had lived in the palace for years, and never had
it been his home. Even now, why should he keep pretending, when each day
was a fight with himself, with those around him? It was all he ever
wanted, and she could bring it to him.
No! His thoughts flashed violently. When he looked at her, Iago
knew she wasn't like him, not anymore than Aladdin or Jasmine. After all
this time, he was coming the closest he ever had to finding a home. He
couldn't throw that all away. He knew nothing about this woman, nothing
except that her empty blue eyes were able to take in all that was his, and
he wasn't ready to give everything up... at least, not yet.
"You're not ready to give up what you have here?" her sweet voice
turned caustic as she noticed the bewildered look on Iago's face. "Oh,
please. Of course I know what you're thinking; I've seen enough of you to
know." The slender figure shook her head, almost in pity.
"Enough of what?" Iago was tired of her word games and half answers.
What did she have to hide?
"All of you," she sighed. "Oh, poor me; what do I do; I'm so lost?" her
voice changed to a whine. "I mean, come on here, isn't that the way half
the world is, Iago, lost just like you?" Iago didn't know how to react to
her direct attack on himself, on everything he was hiding, on everything
that was him. "It is..." her voice trailed off, and her eyes met the window,
looking out into the distance. "I used to be one of you," her voice was
finally quieting, almost reverend, and for just a second, Iago thought he
could hear just the slightest trace of longing.
He looked at her, his eyes searching for something to grab hold of,
something he could understand that would perhaps calm him, maybe make up
his mind. "Well, all that matters is that I'm not anymore," Iago could
hear a trace of tears tugging at the edges of her words. She fought them
visibly. Iago had to wonder why if she could make things so much better,
why she was on the verge of tears. Suddenly, her saddened tone of voice
turned deathly serious. It happened so quickly, Iago wasn't so sure that
the pain had even been there a moment ago. "You do want to be happy, don't
you, Iago? You do; you want to be happy... like me."
"Uhhh... I-I don't know," Iago's words were shaky, unsure.
"Don't you understand?" she snapped. "I was lost once! I was lost, but
I found my way! Iago, you don't have to be lost anymore. I've found you,
and I'm not the only one. Where we're going everyone was once like you,
lost, alone, uncertain, but now... now they're glorious! You've been found,
Iago; for Allah's sake, don't let us lose you again. You can be just like
the rest of them. They'll be no one to hurt you, to tell you who or what
to be, what to do. For once, you'll be in charge. You'll have freedom.
You'll have everything, Iago."
The thought was so tempting. Happiness, unending happiness. It was so
close, if only he would reach out and take it. What would he really be
losing by leaving Aladdin? Friendship? Only if that's what one would call
it. Aladdin had never proven anything beyond the fact that he was paying
Iago back for a favor. Hadn't he told him to leave, to never come back?
Isn't that what Aladdin really wanted? To get rid of the nuisance that
complicated his life? They'd never understand him... ever. Iago didn't even
feel like he was worth understanding; maybe, where he would go, people
would understand, and he would be worth it. Jasmine may have thought she
meant what she had said the night before, but she didn't; she couldn't
have. How long had she known Iago? Too long to really care for; no one who
knew him really cared about him. However, if there creatures were like
him, could they?
Realizing that finally she had drawn him into her trap, the siren
smiled an evil, burning smile. "You have nothing to lose... and everything
to gain," she spoke through upturned lips. "Take my hand, Iago. Trust me.
Everything you ever wanted and it's right here for you. Those people
probably won't even notice you've left; maybe you're doing them a favor.
You've been found, and now the process can begin, the healing process.
Take the first step; just take my hand." A dark presence covered the
already darkened room. Iago should have been terrified, but instead, an
awful calm was falling over him, calm that chilled him to the bone. With
no will left to fight, only visions of the life he would be leading,
perfect in every way, he landed on her pale, outstretched arm.
He breathed deeply. No matter what he was expecting, thoughts of the
previous days mixed in with his hopes for the future took a toll on his
heart. Transparent images of Aladdin and Jasmine reached for him, trying
to pull him back into reality, but Iago fought it. He didn't want to
experience any of it anymore. He wanted what he had been promised.
"By the way," the mystery woman whispered, "my name is Reena." With
that, her words were lost in a thunderous roar that enveloped the room.
Above the two souls opened a blackened hole in the ceiling and up into the
sky. Iago's choice had been made; it was too late to change it.
They were gone.