Chapter 5 – Some Pop Psychology

Heading towards her next destination, The Auto Shop teacher whirled at a clinking sound.

"Don't get all ninja on me, Joss," a voice slurred. "I'm unarmed."

Nurse Shaw hiccupped as she carried a recycle bin full of empty soda cans towards a dumpster. Her steps were jerky and unsteady and several cans spilled out of the bin, rolling away into the darkness.

"You okay, Sam?"

"Yeah…just had a little drinky...well, a lot of drinkies…I'm popped…from soda pop!"

Nurse Shaw was showing the effects of too much High Fructose Corn Syrup – emphasis on the High, Joss thought. She must have had a doozy of a counseling session with Fusco.

As the Nurse bent over to pick up a can, there was a loud noise as she passed gas. "Sorry," she giggled. "When I bend over, I make music! Won't need a horn on the expressway tonight!"

Joss took the bin out of the Nurse's hand, setting it on the pathway. "You shouldn't drive, Sam. I'll give you a ride home."

Nurse Shaw shook her head. "Nah. Poppin' Fresh, I mean Fusco's, givin' me a lift." Rubbing her stomach, she sighed. "The Counselor's good…told him stuff I hadn't told anyone – not even myself." She raised an eyebrow at the Auto Shop teacher. "You could use some 'pop' psychology' yourself, Joss – then you wouldn't be such a dick, Dick."

"Excuse me?"

The Nurse laughed. "You were a Detective, right? A Dick."

Trying to reason with a woman hopped up on sugar and caffeine; I am so going to regret this, Joss thought, but Fusco wasn't anywhere around and in her present state, the Nurse shouldn't be left alone. "I was a police Detective, Sam. Cops aren't called 'Dicks'. Private detect – "

"Yeah, yeah, but you're still a dick, Joss, a limp one. You managed to hook up with the one man who was dead before that horse fell on top of him."

Joss ignored the small voice in the back of her mind that agreed with Nurse Shaw. "Beecher was a good man."

"The only thing he was good for was keeping you away from the guy you really want, Joss. You need to stop actin' like a dick and get some dick." She belched and giggled again. "And not just any dick, you need Chef Boy-How-Hard-Is-He, Bobby F-lay you down, Chef No-Tell-Motel, the Galloping Orgasmic-uet, Tom Co-lick-you-all over, Paul No-Prude-homme, Curtis Stone Fox and of course, Wolfgang F-"

"Sam!"

"He's just as crazy about you as you are about him, Joss, and he needs something other than starch to stiffen his shorts." She waggled her eyebrows at the Auto Shop Teacher. "He needs you!"

She began dancing in a circle around Joss. "Don't be prick, go sic that dick, lick that dick, flick that dick, nibble, but don't nick that dick, slick it up and watch it tick, don't be quick with that dick, oh noooooooooo, take it nice and slooooooooow, put your lips at the top and then go way down looooooooow, suck it deep and then watch him blooooooow, one night with him and you will glow, you got the row that his seed wants to sow –"

"There you are!" Fusco bustled up. "Thanks for lookin' out for her, Carter. She took off while I was airin' out my office and –" he paused at the expression on Joss' face. "Everything ok?"

Nurse Shaw stopped dancing and winked at Joss. "Oh, yeah. I was just telling Joss about my favorite word from the," she swirled her tongue in her mouth, "dick-tionary."

Joss rolled her eyes. "Just…get her home safely, Fusco. Now."

"Headin' right out. Hey, Wonderboy was looking for you earlier." He tilted his head at her. "You know, now that Beecher's gone, you ever think about you and –"

"For the last time, we're just friends!" Joss stalked off.

"We'll talk – I'll buy you a soda!" Fusco called after her.

Shaw snorted. "A soda? Non-starter Carter needs a truckload – no, an IV, just pump it right in!" She looked down at her uniform as though she'd never seen it before. "I can help you with that – I'm a nurse!"

"Let's get you home, Sameen."

"Okay – but you'll have to drive."

Fusco chuckled. "You really are wasted."

A/N: "…Chef Boy-How-Hard-Is-He, Bobby F-lay you down, Chef No-Tell-Motel, the Galloping Orgasmic-uet, Tom Co-lick-you-all over, Paul No-Prude-homme, Curtis Stone Fox, and of course, Wolfgang F-": Chef Boyardee, Bobby Flay, Chef Tell, The Galloping Gourmet, Tom Colicchio, Paul Prudhomme, Curtis Stone, Wolfgang Puck

Next, Strangers in the Night and one of our characters introduces a new game.