AN: Again, I have to say. . .sorry this took so long. BUT I did write a completely standalone mini-story/novella/long one-shot (as you can see, I have no idea what to call it) for Alaskangirl, who won it in the Support Stacie auction. It's called The Accidental Kiss and it will get posted, one chapter at a time, starting in a few days. So look for that! And for everyone who predicted complete utter fail for TDIG, all I am going to say is this: there are three chapters left after this and three couples. Do the math :)

EPOV

I hated myself.

More than anything else on earth, I'd wanted to be able to force the words out of my mouth, but my vocal cords had been totally paralyzed with terror.

It was not so much a fear of the words itself, as it was a fear of the kind of power that Bella would gain over me if she knew I loved her. And so I had let her stumble out the door, in tears, and in the kind of pain I wished I could show to the world.

I'd waited until she was gone and then I'd climbed in my car and left.

Ever since that day, even though it was almost two weeks later, a horrible, numbing pain had enveloped me. I'd gone through the motions of living, but I wasn't really. I'd lost the only thing worth living for, and it was all my fault.

I never should have bet Emmett he could get Lauren back in high school.

I never should have kept my mouth shut about it.

I never should have told Rosalie about Emmett's ill-fated and extremely short marriage.

I sighed as I unlocked the front door. There were a lot of things I shouldn't have done, and now that the worst had come to pass, a lot of things I should be trying to fix. But really, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and never leave.

Of course, my bed still smelled like Bella, and sleeping (or rather not sleeping) had become an exercise in torture.

I walked into the townhouse and purposefully avoided looking at the spot near the entryway where I'd almost taken Bella that first time on the floor. Some things were just too painful to remember.

The TV was on low and Jasper and Emmett were slumped on opposite sides of the couch, staring at it, but clearly not seeing or hearing anything that was going on around them.

Ever since the disaster two weeks, the three of us had barely spoken beyond the necessary words of living. We weren't mad at each other—not exactly—but we were all so wrapped up in our own misery that even speaking seemed impossible sometimes.

I leaned against the wall and watched them for a good minute before Jasper looked up, startled.

"I didn't know you were home," he mumbled, not even bothering to meet my eyes. Even though nobody had expressed it, I knew that they both blamed me for Three Mile Island, and I reasoned that their angry resentment was well-deserved.

And even though I acknowledged that to myself, some masochistic part of me wanted them to say it—to tell me just how angry they were at how much I'd fucked up their lives. So I baited them.

"Jasper, have you talked to Alice yet?" I asked ever so casually, and as I watched, his face looked like it had been hit by a 2 x 4.

"No," he nearly growled at me and still I didn't stop. As dysfunctional as I was, I still knew that it was wrong. We had to fix this. Sitting here and moping accomplished nothing.

"You should," I told him. "You love her."

Emmett snorted, shocked. "You know," he added, in the same conversational tone I'd used, "when Jasper kills you, I'm not going to hold him back."

"I know," I said.

Jasper's eyes had narrowed and I couldn't remember the last time he'd looked so viciously pissed off.

"I don't think that's any of your business," he said slowly.

"Probably not," I acknowledged. "But you should tell her anyway. She loves you, and it's not fair to her to just let it end this way."

"I know," he spat out. "Don't you think I already know that? If she would only see me. I don't even know where the hell she is."

"You don't?" I asked, rather surprised. "I thought she was holed up in the house with Rose and Bella, presenting a unified front."

I was rather impressed with myself that I'd managed to get out Bella's name without choking on the wave of misery that overwhelmed me when I even thought about her.

"She's not."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say to that. I hadn't expected Alice to simply disappear and this put a crimp in my plans. I'd figured out as I drove home that it would probably be easiest to crack Jasper. After all, he wasn't involved in that whole mess with the past and Emmett and Rosalie and Lauren and well. . .I wanted to start with something easier. Something that meant I didn't have to go confess and possibly get mauled for life by Rose.

Just when I was beginning to think I'd have to try another tactic, Emmett spoke up, and usual, he said more than enough to set Jasper off.

"I don't see why you don't," he said bitterly. "You can just apologize, and likely she'll trust you again."

Jasper shot to his feet, and I could tell by the way he was glancing between Emmett and I that he wasn't sure who he wanted to attack—but by god, he wanted to attack someone.

"Just leave me alone," he ground out. "It isn't my fault that you fucked up, Emmett, and don't even get me started on you, Edward—you've screwed things up for all of us more than once."

Finally, I thought dispassionately, he was at least saying what he felt, instead of brooding about it alone and silent. The words stung, of course, but they were true, and that's why I was doing it. I had undone it all. I had to fix it again.

"Exactly," I argued, knowing I was seriously risking my own health by continuing, "you made a single, simple mistake. You didn't tell Alice you loved her, right?"

Jasper frowned. "It's not that simple," he said sullenly. "I don't love her. And I don't want to talk about this." But he remained where he was.

I rolled my eyes. "Why you are lying?" I insisted. Emmett's eyes opened wide at my question and Jasper's fists clenched tightly together at his sides.

"I'm not lying," Jasper insisted. "Everyone just assumes that I did. But I never did."

I sighed and sat down in the recliner in the corner. "You totally did. It's okay, you know, to be scared. I'm scared."

"You're scared of being in love?" Jasper scoffed.

Nodding, I examined the fraying threads on the chair's arm. I couldn't look my brothers in the eye when I told them that I was a chicken shit pansy, but I could maybe admit it if doing so would fix anything.

"Wow," Jasper mumbled. "I guess you are."

I was glad I'd managed to convince him but I didn't want this to be about me—yet.

Even though my insides about died with embarrassment, I was just able to look up at Jasper. "You need to be honest with her."

"I was."

"No," I suddenly yelled. "NONE of us were honest. You weren't honest, I wasn't honest and for god's sake, Emmett certainly wasn't honest."

There was dead quiet in the room after my outburst. I wondered, almost idly, if I was about to get my ass kicked.

Emmett's jaw had dropped and Jasper's expression had turned from one of anger to one of contemplation. Good, I was making them think. That was definitely a first.

Finally, after a good five minutes of silence, Jasper spoke up. "You're right. I know you're right. My head knows it. But I'm just. . .fucking terrified."

I told myself that even though we were terrible at sharing our feelings, at least we were trying. Plus one for us.

I was about to open my mouth to offer advice, when Emmett spoke up instead.

"Dude, you don't want to have regrets. I know it's scary. I know it's tough to come to grips with it. But if you want her, you've got to take her."

"How can I?" Jasper asked and he sounded so anguished I hated myself even more, though I'd realized that the problem with Jasper lay inside of him. Not me.

"She's not for me," he continued before we could answer. "I've always known that. But I can't stay away."

This time it was Emmett who rolled his eyes. "That tells you something right there, bro. You can't stay away—that means something." Emmett was so emphatic that I knew he knew what he was talking about, and I hoped that Jasper would recognize that too.

"I don't know. . .she's all wrong for me."

"Says who?" I challenged.

That stumped him because he didn't say a word, just stared at the floor.

"Exactly," I said triumphantly. "You can't really say she is or she isn't. Your heart tells you what she means to you—not your head."

"Don't overthink it," Emmett added.

"Even if I wanted her," Jasper exploded, "I couldn't have her. She's gone."

"I could find her," I promised recklessly. "Rather, I can find out where she went."

Both Jasper and Emmett stared at me. "Trust me. I can find out."

Emmett shot me an incredulous look and changed the subject. "What are you going to say to her when Edward here finds her?"

Jasper shrugged. "Beg her to take me back, I suppose."

"No," Emmett told him. "You need a plan. Something a hell of a lot better than begging."

"I shouldn't beg?" Jasper looked confused and I didn't blame him but apparently Emmett was going to relate some of the advice he'd gathered from what seemed like a lifetime of womanizing.

"No," I agreed. "You should tell her how you really feel and apologize. . ."

"Dude," Emmett interrupted. "A big grand gesture."

Jasper thought that over for a minute—personally I thought that big grand gestures were overrated, but if that was what it took, I'd do ten to get Bella back.

"I know what to do," he finally said. "I just need to know where she is."

Jasper looked straight at me and I knew I was going to have to make good on my promise.

"I can do it. I can find out where she is."

"Sure," Emmett openly scoffed. "None of them are going to talk to you."

He had a point. I wouldn't exactly be welcomed with open arms, but I did have something to say that Rosalie might be interested in hearing. And if I could get her to listen to me for even fifteen seconds, maybe, just maybe, I could get her to tell me where Alice was.

"Emmett," I began, knowing I was going to be going up against a huge road block. "You need to let me tell Rosalie about Lauren and the bet. Otherwise, I'll never be able to find out where Alice is."

"No," Emmett said instantly, his voice rising. "Absolutely not."

I really didn't want to beg him for anything. Really, I just wanted to reason him through why it was a good idea Rosalie finally discovered the truth, but I had a feeling I'd be begging. Anything, I swore to myself, anything to get Bella back.

"Come on, Emmett," I said, "she needs to know."

"She said she didn't, that it didn't matter anymore," he argued bitterly.

"Yeah, and obviously that was bullshit," Jasper added.

"Obviously," Emmett snapped back. "Thank you for pointing that out."

"And dude, you should have told her about Tanya."

Emmett glared at me and I was only momentarily distracted from my ultimate goal with worries about my own personal safety.

"You shouldn't have," he growled. "It wasn't your place. Why tell her about Tanya and not Lauren?"

I shrugged. "She asked. I wasn't going to lie anymore. And she's never asked about Lauren."

"Duh," Emmett roared, "she has no idea you even know about Lauren. And guess what? It's all your damn fault."

Finally. Finally, he admitted it. I closed my eyes and let the guilt wash over me.

"Em, it's not just Edward's fault. You kissed her, after all," Jasper argued, and before I could open my eyes, I heard a huge crash.

Emmett had tackled Jasper onto the coffee table and had totally snapped the thin wooden legs. I sighed. That was the fourth coffee table Esme had bought us this year alone.

Sighing, I got up and grabbed Emmett's collar, pulling him back off Jasper with all my strength before they destroyed anything else.

"Stop it," I ordered. "We're supposed to be working together, not tearing each other apart. We need to stick together."

Emmett sullenly stuck his bottom lip out—or maybe it was swollen from Jasper's fist—I couldn't tell. I took a short detour into the kitchen to grab a pack of frozen peas just in case, and tossed them in his direction.

"Thanks man," Emmett muttered, clearly not happy that I had stopped him from destroying our brother.

"Listen," I barked. "Emmett. Jasper was right. I'm partially to blame. And so are you. But you need to stop dwelling on the past and there's no way any of us can stop if you don't come clean. And by coming clean, I mean letting me tell Rose."

"Why you?" Emmett asked, clearly still annoyed.

"I'm the one who started the ball rolling. Yeah, you agreed and did it, but I not only convinced you to do it, I led Rose right to where you were."

I braced myself for the impact, and when Emmett came charging, I just let it happen, not even trying to shield my face from the blows that he was landing.

The physical pain, I told myself philosophically, was a good stand-in for the mental and emotional anguish I'd caused.

I felt rather than saw Jasper drag Emmett off of me, who was swearing a blue streak.

"God damn it," Emmett yelled. "Just let me kill him."

Unlike before, Jasper actually had to keep holding Emmett. Slowly I stood up, holding my aching jaw.

"Emmett, I'm sorry. I never should have done it. It wasn't my place. I caused a lot of problems that I couldn't understand. But let me fix it. Please let me fix it."

I knew it would come to the begging and the moment I said 'please,' Emmett stopped struggling in Jasper's grasp.

He looked defeated and I hated myself even more in that moment.

"Fine," he said, his voice so full of latent pain that I nearly winced.

He turned and walked away, out of the living room, and I heard a door slam shut behind him.

"He'll be okay," Jasper said, coming over to me. "Are you okay, though?"

I took a deep breath and assessed. "Yes. I'm going to go find Rosalie."

"She's not going to want to see you," he cautioned.

"I know."

"She's going to take you apart."

"I know."

"Well," Jasper said, cracking a smile. "Good luck then."