Chapter 59

There was an eruption of cheering in the Gryffindor common room. Though life was not perfect, there were at least moments of joy, and this was one of them.

Professors McGonagall and Black (who had always been a favourite with the students of his old house) had also come into be part of the celebrations. After their very first Quidditch game of the season (and their first with one Ronald Weasley playing keeper), they had come out on top. Gryffindor were in the led already. While it was not going to change the fact that Voldemort had returned, Ariana still slept on or that Snape had finally achieved his longed for position as teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts, it did at least raise Harry's spirits.

He had, of course, been in the stands with his daughter and Sirius watching the game. As much as a wrench it had been when it came to it, he had stayed true to his word and he had resigned from the team. Though he had been asked on numerous occasions to reconsider (what with Alice posing as his godfathers daughter, he could not very well tell them the real reason he had given up his favourite sport) he had always refused. He had to stay focused on what was really important in life – his family.

He had found though that the less he saw of Ariana, the more he was able to make the pain of losing her so suddenly lessen. As unbelievable as it was, when Christmas came and went, she would have had been gone for an entire year ago. A year that they had not spoken to one another once in. A year when he had not been able to kiss or caress her gently in. He hadn't even heard her laugh.

He tried not to think about what he had been doing by night in November of the year before. He had been sneaking out to see her every night. And it was memories like those that meant he wanted to lessen the pain of his loss. It was not to dishonour her, but to get him through the day. His passion for her was as strong as it had always been.

And so even though he longed to hold her and tell her that she was as loved by him as she always had been, spending the day by her side was no longer the way he preferred to spend his afternoons off. No, he rather be with their daughter.

At three months old, Alice was beginning to grow with alarming speed and Harry found every stage of her development was as exciting as the last. He had never been about baby's that much before he had her. He had not been in contact with one before in the wizarding world and he had sure as hell not held one when he had been living with his aunt and uncle.

So Alice, being both his daughter rand a baby had been an entirely new concept. And one he loved the bones off of.

And so inevitably there had been more than one spot open on the Quidditch team that year. Luckily in Gryffindor, there was more than one Weasley.

When she had tried out for the spot, Ginny had easily been the best and so now; with the game over it was much her triumph as it was her brothers. She was a great seeker. Despite their troubles she retreated to the warmth of Deans arms as the celebrated, but all the time she kept her eye on her brother who had little Alice in his arms. They were standing with Sirius, Hermione and Harry. Alice had become honorary Gryffindor she was in the common room that much, being watched by her 'god brother'.

She had to chuckle as Lavender Brown, Ron's new girl friend went over to the select group though.

"Oh Ron, you are such a natural with kids!" she said delighted.

Ron looked panicked, and the others thought with good reason. To everyone's amusement (except perhaps Hermione's) Lavender was not only going out with Ron but ever so slightly obsessed with him. Either because he was what she thought of as her first serious romance, or just because she was slightly nuts, she had become permanently attached to Ron.

There had been a lot of snogging involved and not much else.

Sirius, as much as he found the situation amusing, was also slightly grieved by it. The humour and the light heartedness of the relationship was what he would have chosen for Harry had it been up to him.

Not Ariana and a baby.

Not that he did not love Alice to bits, he did. And his love for her had only increased since they had been at Hogwarts and he had to spend so much time getting used to one another. She was a whole new light life to love, and he did. The moments he had spoken to Harry about – being up with a content baby in the middle of the night. Well, the two of them had had plenty of those moments together. She had helped soothe and mend him. He knew he was still damaged from the twelve years when he had been in Azkaban – something like that could not fail to have an effect on a person.

But since he had rejoined a family group – since he had had his godson and his daughter in his life – things were easier and they were getting better.

There was more than milk and nappies on his mind though. The term had been full of intrigue and what he was most interested in finding out was, like the sixth years, the identity of the half blood prince.

Whoever that book had belonged to – well, they had got Harry some very high marks.

Slughorn had been a success on his return to Hogwarts. The Slug Cub, which had begun on the train, was in full swing, with Harry and Hermione both being members, just as his brother and Lily had been in their day.

It was inevitable that Regulus should be on his mind so much more than he had been since he had first got out of Azkaban. Especially with darker things afoot.

"I am sure it is Draco who planted that locket." Harry declared to him one snowy afternoon, in the week that followed the Quidditch victory. Katie Bell was in the hospital wing, cursed. All roads led back to Malfoy.

"Yes, well I must agree, he is a likely suspect. But Harry, until we any real proof there is very little we are going to be able to do about it."

"So how are we going to get that proof?"

Sirius had no idea. Shaking his head, he considered all he had been told about his young cousin and all they thought they 'knew' so far.

Crabbe and Goyle always on the lookout from the Room of Requirement – Snape being more than just a tad over protective of the Malfoy heir. There was something going on. Sirius was just as curious as Harry and determined to get to the bottom of it and he agreed- the most likely story was that whatever was going on it led to back to Draco. But they had to more careful than ever before.

It was ironic perhaps that the hot-headed marauder now cautioned patience to Harry.

"I honestly don't know." He sighed. "What about Slughorn? Are you any nearer to getting that memory?"

Harry shook his head. While following Draco Malfoy was a personal crusade he had gone on, Dumbledore had encouraged him to get closer to the new Potions Master. In fact that was the reason he had been brought back, so that Harry could get close to him. Harry was – and it really was the best way to describe his role in it all – bait for Dumbledore. He was everything that Slughorn loved. Famous, talented and affable.

"Not yet but I am going to get there." He said with a firm resolution. After all he had seen so far about Tom Riddle's childhood and then his school days – it was imperative that he found out what he had asked Slughorn.

There were so many riddles to solve for Harry that term. But he wasn't scared. Even though he knew that Voldemort was out there and he was stronger than he had been in years, he was not scared and he refused to be so. If they knew what he had done to himself all those years ago – if they solved the riddles, then he was not going to be able to get to them.

It was all in the preparation, he told himself.

Before either of them knew it or could justify the time that had passed to themselves, the holiday season was on them again.

It was a terrifying prospect as it meant that Harry could not bury thoughts of Ariana. Christmas had so much significance where they were involved. It had been Christmas when they had got together first – when they went to the Yule Ball together and laughed all night.

It had been just before Christmas when they had had there one sacred night together. Their skin had touched, and their daughter had been created. No blocking out the images of them during the holiday season was not an option.

But there was one option he did have. Whether to go back to her, or to spend Christmas at Hogwarts and go to the Slugclub and be with his friends. He felt disgusted with himself as he realised that the latter option was the one that he wanted to take. There was also the fact he might possibly get the memory he needed there.

He confided this in Hermione.

"Well, the two of you have been apart as long time now. So much has happened to you since she went to sleep," she said putting what the girl had been through gently. "Maybe you could visit her, but stay here?" she suggested and he nodded. That was the sensible thing to do and he knew it.

"I feel like she is still there some days though. There are times when I think if I just reach out I will touch her once more and she will respond." Hermione was the one person he could confide in over Ariana as they had been so close. Hermione had known everything that had gone on between them. "I wonder where her head is really, and what she is going through. I know she is going to be torturing herself." He sighed.

Hermione took his hand.

"What she did – I know it wasn't her fault, you know it, Sirius does, her brothers do. And we can justify it. She was out of her mind and she was afraid. I suspect had she known, understood – well I know her mother would have lived a lot longer. But knowing you are the reason your own mothers life was cut short... I don't know if I could handle that either."

"I handle it."

"Your mother gave her life willingly. Harry there is a difference."

"I know there is...I know." he said gently. "I want to love her so much and I do. But it is getting harder."

She nodded. She had known it was going to get hard for him one day. Maybe too hard. "Harry, there is a price we pay for love. Distance...time...loss. If any of us are every secure enough to be truly in love, then we risk that we have to pay our debt."

He nodded as a tear escaped his eye. He didn't want to betray her. But he felt he was in his mind every time he thought he felt that little bit further from her.

-

In the end, he decided that he and Hermione had been right. The best thing not only for him but also for Alice would be for the two of them to remain at Hogwarts over the holiday season where they were going to be able to be with their friends and family and enjoyed the festivities in the best of spirits.

So on the night that would have been somewhat of an anniversary for them both, he left his daughter in the care of Sirius and flued back for the first time in three months to Grimmauld Place. He had owled Aberforth to say that he was coming, but there was no one waiting for him.

A note lay on the table.

I thought you might like some time alone, so have gone down to the library. Be back in an hour.

Aberforth.

Christmas miracles never failed to cease, thought Harry to himself.

Going up to her room, he crept in. Apart from the pyjamas she was in nothing had changed. It was as if he had said goodbye to her the day before.

"It's me." he said as he went into her. "I'm back baby."

Going over to her he kissed her forehead and took her hand gently as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"Merry Christmas darling," he muttered. It seemed pointless but it was something to say to her at least. How she would have laughed at him being all tongue tied.

He shut his eyes and for a moment they were fifteen and making snow men over the holiday season together. That was what they should be doing.

"It doesn't seem so long ago we were together – as one. Does it?" he questioned. The moment he had got into the room – the boy who had made some sense of everything when he had been at Hogwarts was lost in memories and thoughts. "Alice is so big now."

When she was there – when he could smell and touch her, all logic went out of the window and it was as if nothing had ever come between them.

Her delicate bond structure, her pale skin, her long hair... This was her! His Ariana. She had always been his.

"Come on baby, come back to me." He said as he observed her. She made no acknowledgment of his request. "You must free yourself Ariana." he said and a new emotion rose in him. Frustration. All the time when she had been awake and she had got herself in to trouble, there had always been someone else therefore her. Always someone to pick up the pieces and put her back together. Now it had been left to her – and she was suffocating under the weight of it all.

"I can't stand without you anymore. You're everything to me, you know you are. So you must come back. So we can be together as we were last year again. Do you remember that night? That bed, with roses climbing up it? You were flushed and so beautiful. We have to be like that again. But if you don't come back– then I will wait for you forever. I'll still wait forever." He promised kissing her hand.

"Forever is a long time Potter." He nearly jumped out of his skin when the rough voice came from behind him. He didn't know how long he had been in there, but he supposed it must have been a quite a while as Aberforth had returned.

He always lost track of time when he was with her.

Aberforth stalked into the room and stood at the end of the bed. "I should know. You're not the first man to make that promise to her." He said and for a moment, Harry was able to imagine a teenage Aberforth tending his sick sister gently, promising her she was going to be alright and they were going to be together one day again.

"My sister is my world Potter," he said to him. Aberforth was an aging man, and had all the sincerity that went along with that age. But also the bitterness. "I waited for her once and I will do so again. But Harry you're a young man. Can I give you some advice?" he asked and Harry nodded.

Beckoning him out the room, Aberforth lead the boy to the kitchen. They didn't know how much she heard and he did not want her to hear this – none the less, it had to be said.

"Get over her while you still can." Chocked out Aberforth. If Ariana knew he had said that to the person she had always considered to be the love of her life, he knew she would not only be hurt but also furious with him.

"What?"

"She is an impossible dream Harry – she always was and always will be. You'll never have all of her. She'll only ever be half present in your life." There was a sadness to Aberforth that had always unnerved Harry in the way it never had with Albus.

"Is this another attempt to break us up?"

"Don't be so pathetic." Aberforth spat. He was finding this harder to say than Harry could ever know or understand.

"She is the mother of my daughter – how can I walk away from her?"

"And you seriously think that she will be able to be a mother when she wakes up? Ariana can't even look after herself!"

"Because you never let her try to!"

It seemed relations between the two were hitting an all time low. It was Christmas. A time when they both wanted to be with her. Loneliness meant that Aberforth had fallen into the depths of despair.

And in that despair he had had to face facts.

"You listen to me Potter, and you listen good. If I was ever over bearing it was because I saw this coming and tried to protect her from it! You couldn't just leave me, her and Albus be could you? You just had to have her. But she was never meant for you! She should be an old woman by now!" he said with his rage pulsing through him. He took a deep breath to compose himself. He hadn't wanted to fight Harry – as hard as it was to believe, he had wanted to help him. "The point is this can't end in happily ever after. If she wakes up – and believe me, it is an 'if' – she'll need around the clock care. Let go while you can. Walk away Harry. The body up there is not the girl you loved. It is merely a breathing corpse. Regain control of your life before she takes control of it."

The one thing that made Christmas bearable that year was the presence of baby Alice. Aberforth's words went round and around Harry's head, his fears set out in front of him.

He wished he had said no when he had offered advice, because no matter how unwanted it was, a tiny part of Harry agreed with what he said.

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