SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER: Up to episode 15 of Season 2 – "Blood Must Have Blood – part 1".
ALLIANCE – CHAPTER 07
Hope
Clarke knew this probably wasn't the best time to walk around aimlessly in the woods, but she couldn't help herself. Her mind was racing almost in synch with the frantic beating of her heart as she tried to get as far away as possible from the camp so she could be alone.
A few minutes later, the only sound nearby was the wind blowing on the trees and the faint rustle of the soldier's voices not so far away, getting more anxious every single second to engage in combat.
The blonde sat on a huge log and let a long sigh leave her body. She could still feel Lexa's stare, like if it had burned her skin. The Commander had never been so honest, and Clarke was starting to wonder if she shouldn't have been as well.
But the truth is she didn't know what the hell she wanted right now. Love was a very complex feeling, especially less than two weeks after stabbing the man she thought was going to be her partner for a lifetime.
She remembered with nostalgia the first days the Hundred had gotten on Earth and Finn and her lived a few moments of happiness inside the small bunker he found near the Dropship. At the time it felt complicated and rushed, but compared to what she was living now it was like a child's play. Whatever she had or was about to have with Lexa would be nothing like that – and neither she wanted it to be, for she was now a completely different person.
Guilty pierced through her heart when she looked up and saw Mt. Weather. Right now, while she was having memories and hopes of love, her friends were being slaughtered. And for each time she allowed herself to remember the softness of Lexa's eyes, her mind was infiltrated with the faces of Jasper, Monty, Bellamy, Nathan, Harper and all the others trapped inside the mountain.
"Clarke of the Sky People, are you there?"
The guard's voice echoed through the forest and Clarke jolted, getting her gun ready to shoot. She stood quietly and hid behind a trunk, letting only the top of her head be revealed so she could see who was there.
Luckily, it was just Lexa's guard. Or maybe that wasn't luck at all.
"The Commander requires your presence."
OOOOOO
Lexa was waiting for Clarke looking more vulnerable than ever, a sight that made Clarke's heart flutter. When the Commander announced that Octavia had nothing to fear from her, the blonde knew for sure that Lexa was in love with her. For the first time, she made a decision as herself, not as the Commander. This line that they were crossing was a very, very dangerous one.
But not for Clarke, since she had the advantage of not having shown her feelings. Even though they existed.
I do trust you, Clarke.
Clarke couldn't fight the urge to get closer, to somehow try to make Lexa not feel so lost, so powerless. She wanted to make the woman see that she understood what she was risking by acting like this.
Lexa, on the other hand, just wanted Clarke to see her for what she really was, despite all the things she had done in order to survive.
Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.
Clarke didn't know where that line had come from because all she had been doing for the last weeks was just surviving. Maybe she was finally giving up on that cold façade, just as Lexa had just done. Was it worth fighting so hard to stay alive if they had nothing to actually live for?
Of course they deserved better than that.
The moment they silently agreed on that was when the mood suddenly changed. Lexa decided that she didn't want to go into battle without knowing at least once what Clarke's lips felt like against hers.
She pulled the blonde by the neck quickly, as if she didn't want to let this burst of courage pass, and crushed their lips together.
But the kiss wasn't hushed or hungry. As soon as their mouths connected, it became a soft stroke, an action revealing once again that what they shared wasn't just lust or desire: it was a much more powerful feeling. That kiss was about two people who cared about each other enough to allow themselves feel each other for the first time, memorizing forms, smells, curves and shapes.
And it was not that Clarke didn't want more, she did want to keep feeling Lexa's body as close as possible to hers because for the first time since they started planning wars and thinking about battles she was able to feel like herself and not like some leader of an entire civilization who was fighting for survival. But the blood of the man she once loved was still burning on her hands, like if it had never been washed since that fatidic night.
She was getting better at not thinking about him. Even better at not seeing him around the blocks of Tondc or hidden behind a tree staring at her. Everything that happened between her, Finn and Lexa was so strong and so intense that it build a wicked love triangle in which only two vertices could exist at the same time. Clarke still needed time to recover from the harshness of it all and to forgive herself.
So she stepped away from Lexa before the Commander could start another kiss, hurrying to give her an explanation so she wouldn't feel rejected, because that was absolutely not the case. She said she wasn't ready to be with anyone, and that would be just enough for now.
But something slipped from her mouth before she could hold it back.
Not yet.
OOOOOO
Bellamy had done it, and now they could finally attack the mountain. The smaller teams who had specific quests where already on their marks and started to execute their missions. As for the army, it was hungry for blood, and Lexa greeted them on the top of a hill shouting words of war and battle.
Just after a few moments of celebration from the soldiers facing the upcoming battle, Lexa raised her hand and everyone went silent. She looked briefly at Clarke, as if she was asking permission to do something, and the blonde quickly understood that it was time to come clean about their bond. She stood by the Commander's side as she began to address the twelve clans and the Sky People.
"I want all of you to remember that this is a war to be fought together. Our strength to win will come from our partnership. As of this moment, three of our strike teams are already moving to their positions so we can start the mission, and all of them are composed of both Tree and Sky People."
Some soldiers shouted out words of support, but most of them stood quiet, listening to the Heda's speech.
"What will win this war is this alliance. So what I ask of you today is that you fight this battle treating the person on your side like he was a member of your own". Lexa stopped for a second and looked at Clarke, taking her hand. "To prove the strength of our bond as a team, me and Clarke of the Sky People have married according to both our clan's laws."
Shocked gasps came from the crowd, mostly from Clarke's people, since the Grounder's usually didn't show emotional reactions. Clarke looked around and hoped that this news would be well received. They wouldn't have another moment to speak with their entire army like this, so it was now or never.
"So if death is our destiny tonight, may all of you remember that even though our bodies no longer walk on this land, our souls will remain linked together, looking over our united clans."
OOOOOO
Lexa's mind was completely focused on the battle once they got to Mt. Weather's main door, but she was finding it a little harder than usual to concentrate with Clarke standing by her side. She was constantly worried that something would happen to the blonde, even though she had seen Clarke defend herself quite well more than enough times.
Clarke, on the other hand, had gotten a little distant. That worried look she always carried around was back on again. She felt like she was carrying the fate of her entire race on this single plan, a plan that had so many ways of going wrong that it would only work by a miracle. Of which they had their fare share already.
As they got closer to the mountain's entrance, guilt hammered inside her heart again. And from that moment on, there was nothing she could think about other than the faces of her friends who were inside, having life drilled out of their bones while still alive and awake.
That trail of thinking before a battle was exactly the kind of thing Lexa would disapprove. A good warrior does not worry about things he can't do anything about. Right now, all there was left to do was stand still and wait for the power to go down so they could blow up the lock and get inside.
The Commander was doing a fine job on letting her mind drift to remain calm. She imagined herself walking around the streets of Polis without a single worry on her head and her people safe inside their houses, reunited with their families. She couldn't help picturing Clarke by her side curiously looking at the products on display at Polis' central market while Lexa laughed and explained to her what they were used for.
But Clarke didn't want anything after the battle, as she had told Lexa while waiting for the energy to go down. The Commander was talking very softly to her, wondering if they would have any chance after this was all over. It was almost like pleading for another life – one that they had both earned.
Clarke didn't think she deserved anything. She still thought she had to pay for her sins, for all her decisions that led to death. And the only thing she cared about was finishing this mission once and for all, saving her people and delivering them to the closest place they had to home – Camp Jaha. Everyone, except for her.
She had no home.
You should come to the Capitol with me.
Clarke turned her head slowly, falling into Lexa's intense gaze. Her green eyes were glowing, reflecting the torches nearby and something else. Was it hope? She hadn't felt it in so long that she didn't remember how it was anymore.
Maybe it will change the way you think about us.
Clarke gave her a sad smile, but also an honest one.
You already have.
And it was enough for Lexa to understand that her daydream about a good life in Polis with Clarke by her side would never happen. Clarke wasn't ready, as she had already said before, and even if she were she probably wouldn't leave her people behind to go to Polis. Neither would Lexa abandon hers to live among the Sky People.
All hell broke loose when the power went down and the enemy shooters came from the top of the mountain showering the soldiers with bullets. Lincoln managed to trigger the explosive with an arrow, but they still needed to take down the shooters so everyone could pass through the door safely.
When the Commander decided to go up to the mountains and lead the attack, she didn't look at Clarke, because she was too scared to be looking at her like if it was the last time. She just ordered Lincoln to stay behind and make sure she entered Mt. Weather safely.
Clarke, on the other hand, watched Lexa go with an expression of worry and care as the woman climbed up the hill to fight an army of machine guns while holding a single sword. If the Commander only knew it would be the last time Clarke ever looked at her like this, she would've turned back, even if it was just for a second.