AUTHOR'S NOTES: From this point on, it's all AU after season two's finale.

ALLIANCE – CHAPTER 09

You and me bleed the same lies

Three days had passed since Mt. Weather had fallen by the hands of Clarke Griffin.

The young woman couldn't bare looking at her companion's faces inside Camp Jaha without remembering everything she had to do in order to get them back home. She also was feeling a little guilty for not being able to be happy for them. It was just so hard to feel anything at that moment that she just decided to let it go. She stopped trying.

After carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders for so long, Clarke simply decided to just be for a little while. She didn't know how long she needed to stay alone in the forest thinking – actually, not thinking at all – and her people finally seemed to understand that after those three days.

The first night was the hardest. When Abby heard that her daughter was missing she immediately removed her most trustworthy soldiers from the victory party and organized a rescue team to go looking for Clarke in the woods. Bellamy tried to stop her, arguing that the girl didn't wanted to be found and needed some time for herself, but the Chancellor was resolute. She had been far too long kept away from her daughter, even though that separation was caused by her own decisions.

Clarke was sitting by a waterfall watching the water go through her toes. It was the same river she and Finn had bathed together during their first days on Earth, so the cool water also brought a memory of faint happiness and lost innocence. Back then he made her stop worrying about everything and enjoy herself for a few moments. He was no longer here to help her forget, but when she closed her eyes really tight it was almost possible to listen to their laughter and the water splashing around.

Her trance was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming by. She didn't move to check who it was. She just didn't really care anymore.

The footsteps came closer until they suddenly stopped and she felt a presence by her side. The man sat down and put a hand inside the river, brushing his fingers through the current water. It was David Miller, Nathan's father and Chief of the Guard.

"My mother sent you."

The man nodded but did nothing to show his intentions. If he was trying to complete his mission and bring Clarke home, he was failing miserably.

"You did the right thing, Clarke."

She was also so tired of hearing this kind of supporting speech. Sure it was nice; she knew they were just trying to make her feel better, but those words did nothing to ease her pain because she knew it wasn't right to murder innocent people, doesn't matter the reason behind this act. And it wasn't the first time she did that.

"I would like to be alone."

David looked at her for a few seconds with concern as if she was his own daughter. She was about the same age as his son and he couldn't imagine what he would say to sooth Nathan's pain if he was on her place. But that girl had done enough to earn their respect and now she deserved some peace.

"Just take care."

Soon she was alone again, and the rescue team came back to Camp Jaha without finishing their mission that night.

OOOOOOO

The second day was a little better, since no one came looking for her. Clarke wasn't very far from the camp, so maybe they had just given up and decided to give her some space, which was exactly what she expected from them. All these people were just so nice and also so mean and cruel at the same time. The Ark's ways had made very complex human beings of all of them.

But nothing compared to what Earth brought into that mix.

Clarke just knew one thing for sure: she didn't want to be their leader anymore. Ever again.

Turns out that Lexa was right at the beginning, back at the day they first met, when she said Clarke was strong but not strong enough. She would always allow weakness to bring her down. No hard decision would ever pass like it was nothing, no battle was going to finish without leaving scars all over her soul, no person would die under her watch without her resenting it for the rest of her days.

She was no Heda. She was just Clarke.

And then she cried for minutes or hours, she wasn't sure. Clarke couldn't sleep or eat: all she was able to do was cry. And she wasn't even sure what she was crying about because there were so many things to cry for, things she did without even blinking, let alone shed a tear in the past. At this moment, forty days of pain were being poured from her eyes. The last time she ever cried was when her father was killed. Back then she thought there would never be a sharper pain.

OOOOOO

Day three began with the sun kissing her face softly as the first sunrays appeared. Her eyes were big and red after all the crying and now she felt numb and empty, but not relieved.

That day she just walked, not carrying that she was getting too far from Camp Jaha. She walked until sunset, long after her feet started to protest, and when she sat down it actually felt good. Reaching inside the bag looking for something to eat she found a ration bag and chewed its contents fast. Eating was just an obligation – she was never hungry.

Lying down on her back, Clarke gazed at the stars and remembered her life at the Ark. Back there everything was planned, even people's lives. If the station still existed and she had never been sent to Earth what would she be doing right now? Would she look down at Earth the way she was now gazing at the stars and thinking what would her life be down here?

If she had a chance to go back there and start over, would she take it?

"Feeling homesick?"

The voice startled her and this time she quickly got up, pulling out her gun. It had been two days since she had heard or seen another person. What she saw was enough to make her jaw drop.

Commander Lexa was standing before her, full armor still on as if she had never left the battlefield, war paint firmly framing her eyes mixed with red from the enemy's blood. Exactly how she looked the last time they met.

"Lexa, what are you doing here?"

"I told you that we would meet again."

But something was different about this Lexa. Her expression showed no signs of pain and duty. It was much softer now, almost like when she invited Clarke to go to Polis with her, and the girl definitely looked happier. The weight of the war was off her chest at last.

As Lexa approached the blonde and started to sit by her side Clarke quickly took a few steps away, opening as much distance between them as she could.

"What the hell are you doing? Did you actually expect to suddenly come after me and sit by my side like if we were friends after what you have done?"

"Well, Clarke", she began, a hint of a smile starting on her lips. "That's why I'm here. We need to talk."

"Why are you so… Carefree? Happy?"

Lexa didn't answer, just broadened her smile as she kept looking at Clarke. The blonde suddenly was hit by realization and hurried back to Lexa's side, searching inside her bag for something. When she found another bag of ration, which looked exactly like the one she had eaten before, she opened it and rolled her eyes throwing the contents on the floor.

"That's why", she stated pointing at the scattered nuts. "You're an hallucination."

"That doesn't mean we can't talk, right?"

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the imaginary Commander, thinking that she might be going crazy. But it was just a temporary hallucination after all; it would pass. She just needed some sleep.

The blonde lay down on the grass, turning her back to Lexa, and started to relax her mind so she would be able to get some sleep.

"I thought you of all people would understand my decision, Clarke."

Lexa wasn't going to vanish any time soon, as it seemed. Clarke just kept her eyes closed, trying her best to ignore the Commander.

"As I said before, you would have done the same."

The blonde was starting to get irritated by this nonsense. She sighted deeply, refusing to open her eyes and fall into this crazy conversation.

"You and me are very much alike, you know."

That was it. Clarke sat down again, now fully facing Lexa, who still looked calm and relaxed, which was very conflicting with her war wardrobe and facial paint.

"No, Lexa! We are nothing alike. I would never have betrayed you!"

"You have this tendency of thinking you will never do something until you go and do it. Tell me, when you were at the Ark, did you ever thought you would have the nerve to do the things you did down here?"

Clarke felt silent, not feeling like arguing with a ghost. In part because she knew this was her subconscious mind trying to tell her something and also because it could have chosen anyone other than Lexa to do so.

"I was fighting for survival."

"So was I."

"No, Lexa. You were trying to save your people. If you didn't do so, they would have died, but the rest of you would have survived anyway. You were not defending yourself, you were attacking."

Lexa shook her head in denial.

"Are you blaming me for my betrayal or because it ended up on you having to kill three hundred people to save your friends?"

"Both, actually", she stated. "If you had stick to our plan, I wouldn't have been faced with that decision."

"Well, that's true, but I didn't pull that lever and let the radiation in. You did."

"I had no choice", shouted Clarke, and her voice echoed around the forest. "You left me with no other option!"

"I left you without an army", replied Lexa, now looking more serious. "Everything that happened since then was your doing."

"So what you expected me to do? Let them kill my mother and all my friends? After what it took to get inside and try to save them?"

"I didn't expect you to do anything, Clarke. The only thing I want you to do now is learn how to live with your decisions."

Clarke stood quiet for a moment, eyes studying the Commander's face.

"You say it like it's an easy thing."

"It isn't. Until it is."

The blonde exhaled hard, looking away. The worse thing about hallucinations is that they always spoke in riddles.

"Retrieving my army and leaving you there was both the easiest and the hardest decision I ever made."

"What?" Clarke turned her head back to face Lexa, who was once again gazing at her with those beautiful and adoring green eyes.

"It was easy because it relieved the pain of seeing my people die in combat. But it was also obviously hard because in order to do so I had to break your heart."

"Breaking my heart was the smallest of the consequences of your actions, Lexa."

Imaginary Lexa just shrugged and looked around as if she was enjoying the nature before her eyes. It was a really strange sight to see the Commander like that. But Clarke thought that it would be even stranger for someone who was able to see her right now, sitting alone in the middle of the woods and having a heated argument with herself.

"You know", Lexa began again, "you get so angry when I say that we are alike, but if you think about it, it's true. I sacrificed the lives of 250 innocents so I could save my people and you did the same with 300 inside Mt. Weather to save yours. Both times it was also your decision and both times you managed to blame me alone."

Clarke didn't like where this conversation was going because she knew Lexa was right. Better saying, deep inside her brain she knew that blaming Lexa for her doings and not accepting that they were alike was just a defense mechanism to shield her from her actions.

"We are leaders, Clarke, and that's not a job: it's who we are. There is no such a thing as stopping being a leader to your people. In my case, I'm bonded to them by the soul of the older leaders that reincarnated inside my body; in yours it's your conscience that won't let you leave."

"But I did left. I'm here now and I don't want to come back."

"Oh, but you will. As soon as you're ready."

Clarke let her eyes lower a little and started playing absentmindedly with the hem of her shirt, just like if she was a teenager lost in thought (which was exactly what she was).

"I wonder when will that be."

And when she looked up again to demand an answer from Lexa, the Commander was gone.

OOOOOO

"Clarke! Where have you been? Are you alright?"

Abby crunched her daughter in a tight hug before she could answer any of these questions. Clarke just hugged back slightly, still a little overwhelmed to be near so many people again.

The others were all ready to welcome her back with open arms – from the adults of the guard, members of the council, workers of the ship, to the soldiers and the kids and her friends from the Dropship.

"I'm okay, mom."

"Let's get you inside. You should have some rest... and a shower."

Clarke just smiled weakly, waving to a few people as her mother escorted her inside the fallen ship. But before they could enter the sound of a horse galloping fast caught everyone's attention and suddenly all weapons were in sight once again.

The horse stopped in front of the camp's electrified gates and the guards were able to see its rider: it was a very young girl, not older than twelve, wearing some typical Grounder clothes. Her dark skin hid well the paleness of her face, but her weakness could be seen from a distance, since she was struggling to find balance on top of the animal.

"Who are you?" The guard inquired the mysterious visitor, but she didn't have time to answer because she lost her senses and fell from the horse landing with a loud thud on the floor.

Abby and Clarke rushed to the fence, trying to get a better look on the girl. Octavia and Lincoln joined them right away.

"Open the gates", Octavia asked the guard, but he looked at Abby for permission first.

"It could be a threat", warned the Chancellor. "We don't know who she is."

"I do", stated Lincoln, coming forward. "This is Malia, she's from Tondc. Please, let her in!"

Abby looked at the girl again and then back at Lincoln, not sure of what to do. It was her daughter's hand on her arm that made up her mind.

"Mom", started Clarke. "Let her in."

As soon as the gates were open, mother and daughter kneeled together by the girl's side and checked for her vital signs. She was alive and woke up scared, looking around to remember were she was. When her eyes landed on the blonde she grabbed the Clarke's arm in despair.

"Clarke of the Sky People", she whispered in a weak voice, "please help us. Everyone in Polis is dying."

And before they could ask for more information, she fainted again on Clarke's arms.

OOOOOO

The title of this chapter is a slightly altered excerpt from the song "I Want You To Know" by Zedd feat. Selena Gomez (the original verse is "you and me bleed the same light").