Calling it a night, Maura headed to the master bedroom and closed the door a silent statement that Jane no longer needed to sleep with her in the same room. Although Jane felt a little offended, she understood that Maura was trying to bring things to normal and that she needed to feel independent like she used to be before everything that happened.

Jane made sure that the doors and windows were locked before she retreated to the guestroom. She couldn't sleep; no matter what she did she wouldn't fall asleep. Lying on her back she kept staring at the wall, her thoughts drifting back to the honey blonde doctor. She thought about getting up and checking on her, trying to find any excise to inter the master bed room with no luck. By the time it was three in the morning it became clear that she wouldn't get any shut eye that night.

Rolling out of bed, Jane rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand; she dragged her feet across the wooden floor. As she stepped into the hall, her eyes met the closed door of the master bed room mentally debating knocking but quickly dismissing the idea. It's weird how you can be so close to someone and still be so far away. Although Maura was pretending to open up, Jane knew that she was withholding so much more

" I remember you there, I remember the day paddy found me but there is still a gab in my mind " Maura had said that , Jane could tell that it was a lie , that Maura was just trying to make Jane feel less guilty but she didn't call her on it . Jane knew from experience how haunting such a thing could be, how it could eat you up alive. Not talking about it just makes it worst, Jane knew that as well and as she walked around the house with no purpose what so ever, she thought how long it would take to finally break down and raise the white flag.

Her family were coming in a matter of days, she has yet to notify Maura`s family, she wasn't sure if her mother did and she had no idea what was going to happen at Sunday dinner. Seeing Maura react in such a way to Tommy did nothing but make her worry even more. She feared for Maura, it was only a matter of time before she explodes and Jane didn't know what to expect then.

Maura said that she wanted to move forward, to let it go and move on with their lives, but you can't really move on from something before you accept it first, not before going through all kinds of emotions. Jane sighed, not knowing what to do. She wished she could reach Maura, the real Maura not the mask that Maura insisted on wearing. Being strong is something and denying that you`re hurt is something else.

"god this is a mess" Jane breathed out tiredly , she kept looking around the house , trying to find something to busy her mind with but her thoughts kept drifting back to Maura . Maybe I should check up on her Jane finally decided.

It was only when she was face to face with the closed door that she heard the ghost of a sob, she raised her hand as if to knock before she heard a sniff . Jane was conflicted, in the past she would have stormed into the room to find out what was wrong with her friend but now her heart was telling something and her mind another. Should she give Maura the space she wants? Or should she be there to comfort her?

Jane rested her forehead on the door willing her tired mind to work and tell her what to do but when she heard another sob, this time louder than the first her mind was set. She opened the door quietly and stepped into the room to find Maura curled into a tight ball on her bed with her back to Jane.

Jane stood still for a few seconds, Maura didn't move, didn't acknowledge Jane`s present and her body kept shaking. "Maura?" Jane called out to her softly as she made her way to Maura`s side of the bed and kneeling in front of her. Maura was hugging herself tightly, her fingers digging into her pajama's fabric, her teeth were clicking together and her breathing was coming out hard and forced.

Jane was in overdrive in a matter of seconds. She thought that Maura was just crying, but something was wrong and Jane didn't know what which made her panic even more. "Maura, honey" she tried softly and placed a hand on Maura`s back. Maura jerked away from Jane`s hand with a sudden gasp of fear. "Maura….Maura! I need you to wake up ok?" she tried again, cursing under her breath she tried touching Maura`s shoulder this time to try and wake her up. another sharp intake once more with Maura`s body tensing further more but Jane didn't let go this time and started shaking her softly while calling out to her , willing her to wake up somehow .

Maura`s eyes shot open , grabbing Jane`s shirt before she can even take a breath as if trying to calm herself ,anchor herself to something, Jane placed her hand on Maura`s to ease the tight grip

"Maura?"

"Jane" Maura said quietly before sitting up on the bed

"Are you ok?" Jane asked softly , but frowned when she saw that Maura was still shivering " Maura?" she started , concern written on her face Maura shook her head and closed her eyes trying to stop her body from shivering and clearing her mind "do you want me to get you anything?" she heard Jane ask and shook her head again. She didn't want Jane to see her like this, so weak, so broken, she hated it. Maybe if she kept her eyes closed long enough, Jane would understand and leave her be.

"I'll be fine, I just need a moment" Maura said with a steady voice and pulled her legs to her chest

"Ok, ok...um" Jane stood again trying to think of something rubbing her hands together "I could make you something warm?" Maura shook her head, rubbing her tired eyes as Jane sat on the bed in front of her

"What time is it?" Maura finally asked finally breaking the silence

"Don know, maybe three?" Jane shrugged

"Why are you up? I didn't wake you did I?" Maura asked slightly embarrassed

"No, I couldn't sleep I suppose" Maura nodded in understanding "wanna talk about it?"

"No, it's too early" she mumbled before leaning forward and placing her head on her friends shoulder

"Wanna try and go to back to sleep?"

"No"

She wished she could close her eyes without seeing it, but the truth is she couldn't have a good night sleep in some time

"Well, since were both up, maybe we could fix some breakfast?"

"Do you know how to cock anything beside pancakes?" the brunette gasped as if insulted

"Pancakes as so not the only thing I can cock"

"Could`ve fooled me"

"Y'know what? I think you`re just saying that because you miss all of your green crab" Maura chuckled slightly before pulling away

"So, we`re cocking something green today?" Maura said with her eyes brightening

"God, I just doomed myself didn't I?" Maura gave Jane a wicked smirk before getting up and heading to the bathroom


"Yeay, this so much fun" Jane said sarcastically as she stirred the sauce, Maura was busy chopping the carrots "how long is it going to take?" she whined

"Till its thick"

"Why can't I just wait for it on the coach?"

"You do know you sound like a ten year old kid?"

"I don't care!"

"Hey, don't blame me, I just wanted something green, you wanted a lasagna" Maura said pointing the knife at Jane

With everything done, there was nothing left but to wait for the lasagna in the oven. Jane left for the bathroom while Maura stayed at the kitchen island, leaning on her forearms. Her eyes were focused on the knife set in front of her and her thoughts drifted away.

"You`re not thinking about stabbing me are you? I knew that the lasagna was a bad idea" Jane said entering the kitchen, Maura`s eyes raised to Jane`s face but did not smile.

"no, I wouldn't stab you" she smirked and stood up to face her friend "too messy" she wrinkled her nose "all I have to do is place my hands like this" she held the brunette`s nick between her hands "and just push with my two thumbs and that's it, death in a second" the brunette swallowed hard, just now realizing that the blond who was smirking held her life in her hands

"Good tip…I'll remember it the next time I want to kill someone" the brunette tried nervously, Maura gave her a disapproving look before loosening her grip and finally letting go

"but then again, there`s the body issue" she continued ignoring Jane`s comment

"You can always call your mob boss father to get the job done" she suggested

"I guess there`s that" she nodded "but why bother? With all the grease you eat, might as well just wait for the heart attack" she smirked

Jane opened her mouth to reply but stopped midway when she saw the way Maura winced as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other, how could she forget about that! how could she let maura stand on her leg all that time!

"Wanna go sit down while we wait?"

"No" maura shook her head and focused on the floor under her feet

"Don't be too hard on yourself" this earned Jane a small laughter

"look who`s talking"

"I`m serious Maura"

"You don't really think that you`re having that lasagna for breakfast do you?" Maura said trying to master a smile trough the pain

"stop changing the subject" Jane said flatly.

"fine" Maura replied, smiling was getting more difecult with the increasing pain

"From 1 to ten, how bad?"

" poof, its nothing" Maura tried brushing it off as she leaned some of her weight on the counter top and looked at her finger nails but finally gave under Jane`s stern glare "maybe a six? Seven?" she said raising her eyes to meet Jane`s with a pleading look

All Jane wanted to do was run to her friend but she saw Maura`s eyes, it took her all of her will power not to move and wait for Maura`s decision. Maura didn't want to be nursed; she didn't want anyone to treat her like a helpless creature. She needed to be in charge. Jane understood how she was feeling; she felt it too after Hoyt. she hated the way everyone used to look at her , hated the way her mom did everything and she couldn't even use her hands at the time so she could only image how frustrating it could be for Maura , to think that your fine while everyone around you keep telling you that you're not.

"You`re even more stubborn than i am" Jane said as she crossed her arm, waiting for Maura to say something

"Don't be ridicules, no one is more stubborn than you" Maura countered

"Says the woman who is refusing to set down when her leg is killing her I might add, just to be a badass"

"Really? A badass?" this forced a giggle out of Maura who was clearly in pain

"Honestly, you`re trying too hard to prove yourself. Might want to take it down a notch" she continued trying to keep a straight face

"Ok, I think that's enough. Give me a hand please" Maura said motioning for Jane to come closer, Jane was confused for a second by the sudden change but she wasn't complaining. Jane lead Maura to the couch that as soon as she throws her weight looked at her watch while still breathing hard, Jane gaped

"Please tell me that you weren't timing that just now" Jane pointed back to the kitchen,

"What? I just wanted to know how long will i manage to stand on my own" Maura looked at her innocently and shrugged, Jane`s mouth hung open with shock "you know it is taking longer every day. That progress" Maura said proud of herself. that made Jane`s shock even stronger "Jane?" Maura said, finally aware of Jane`s state

"I jus-you were-but I" Jane blurred out pointing at crazy location, not knowing how to explain to Maura who was waiting for an explanation " god woman, you`re killing me here"