Chapter Thirteen
We played Call of Duty IV for about three hours before I got too fed up with it. Even when I'm doing well, I'm not much of a video game person. I just genuinely don't enjoy them that much, even if I do get to shoot people. Anyway, after I quit, Matt decided to keep playing, though for him, it's not so much a choice, but a need to satisfy his addiction. I got up and went to the bedroom, looking for some clothes. I only had a few sets of leather, so I just decided to wear a pair of Matt's baggy jeans, no need for a top. I just felt I should be at least a little clothed when I made a business call.
I figured Matt would be in the living room for some time playing out his addiction, so I'd have enough time to make at least one call. And my first call, because I was worried most about him, would be to Jay. I needed to know. I picked up my cell phone from Matt's desk, and dialed Jay's number while walking back to the bed. I had to sit down and take a few deep breaths before actually pressing the send button. I finally built up the courage after about a minute, pressing send and holding the phone up to my ear.
My breath caught when I heard the automated voice telling me that this number was no longer in service. I pressed end and redialed. I had to make sure it wasn't a mistake. When I heard the automated operator once more, I knew. I knew Jay had been killed in the blast from the bomb at headquarters. I knew because, much in the same way that L and Wammy's computers had been set to erase everything when they died, I had set all my subordinates cell phones the same way. The number would cancel when the owner died.
I dropped my phone and lay back on the bed. I didn't even realize when Matt came in the bedroom and sat down beside me. I was too dazed, lost in my own thought and self pity. I felt a hand on my face and tensed, then relaxed again when I realized it was Matt. He was looking down at me like he'd never seen me before.
"Why are you crying?" Ah. That's why he was looking at me funny. I don't cry. Like ever. I did when I was younger, but I haven't since we were about six.
"I hadn't noticed I was," I said, wiping away the stray tears. "Jay's dead."
"How do you know? Did you get a hold of one of your other subordinates?"
"No. I set all the mafia's cell phones up the same way L's and Wammy's computers were set up. Number gets disconnected when the owner of that specific number dies."
"I see." Matt leaned over and hugged me. I don't think either of us has ever really hugged, not even when we were little. It just never occurred to us to do so. But it felt nice, and I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around him. I laid my head down on his shoulder, eyes pressed into his neck. I hadn't realized how much Jay had meant to me. Not the way Matt meant to me, but more like a father figure. A very odd father figure, but a father figure none the less.
"Sorry I'm acting like such a chick.." My breathing was a little thick, but the longer Matt held me, the calmer I got.
"You're not acting like a chick. You're acting like a normal human being who's just lost someone close to them." Well, I'll give Matt credit. He did follow me around for two years, keeping himself hidden, watching over me. He must have seen how close Jay and I were. Jay was always near me. Kind of like my own personal father/bodyguard. I smiled, pushing away and looking at Matt. Must've been a pathetic smile, the way Matt smiled back at me.
"Thanks for understanding."
"No need to thank. I'm always here for you. You should know that." I smiled, a better smile this time.
"Yeah, I know." I laid back down on the bed. I don't know how or why, but Matt always made me feel better. If not happy, at least better than I would have felt without him. "You always have been." He laid down next to me, both of us just staring up at the ceiling.
I remembered doing this plenty of times with him in the past, when one of us was depressed. We'd just lay down and stare at the ceiling, picking out random patterns our eyes saw, kind of like the Greeks did with the stars. This time was a little different though. All I could see were tiny explosions on the ceiling. And people flailing away in flames. Matt must have sensed something, because the next thing I knew, Matt flung himself over me, blocking my view of the ceiling.
"Stop thinking about the bomb. It's not good to dwell on depressing thoughts."
"I can't help it. How many people did I kill with that blast? How many of my subordinates died without knowing why?"
"I said stop. There were only five of you in that building. I saw three stumble out before you, and then when you stumbled out... Well, I grabbed you and brought you here. That's the end of it. I don't know if the fifth person made it out. I was too concerned about you.. If I hadn't been there.. Even though I was..You could have died."
"The fifth person didn't come out.. It had to have been Jay. I killed Jay.." And the tears started falling again. I couldn't help it.
"Jay knew what he was getting into. He's the one who set the bomb, even I know that! He knew about the Kira case, and he knew the possible consequences. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, and stop dwelling on what you can't change. Think about something else." I looked up at him. I knew he was right, but I couldn't just stop. It's impossible to stop. I generally have a one track mind. Not my best quality, I know.
"Like what? Please, give me an idea, because I'd like to stop thinking about the bomb.. I don't cry, and this whole tears thing is ruinging my image."
"I was thinking me. Maybe you could think about me. I am kind of on top of you, you know." I smiled. Matt had successfully changed the topic.
