It's dark. I look around me but all I see is darkness.
Where am I?
I stern to hear anything but I'm met with silence.
I don't know how long I've stood there before the sound of footsteps came. They were too light to belong to a male. I waited, hearing the sound getting louder and louder , the beating of my heart racing as the footsteps came closer and closer . I can hear the footsteps in front of me now, no more than ten feet away. I narrow my eyes trying to see past the darkness when the dark mane comes to view.
I feel the relief washing through my body along with happiness; I would recognize that mane anywhere.
Jane
I call out to her filled with joy. She has here back to me; she doesn't turn at the sound of her name. She keeps walking, away from me. I frown and start jogging trying to catchup with her and the ground shifts under me. I stood for second trying to balance myself
"Jane" I call out again but she doesn't stop. I try running again but my legs won't budge. "Jane!" I call out again, fear griping at my heart with the thought of losing her. I start pounding on my legs with closing fists "please" she keeps drifting further and further away from me and I feel the lump forming in my throat. "jane!" I shout but she`s already gone.
I woke up in my bed covered in sweat, my heart beat sounding loud in my ears. I look around for her but she`s not there. a noise comes from the kitchen and I'm jumping out of the bed , running "jane" I call out , it was just a dream I think to myself as I almost trip on my own legs descending the stairs . I don't even feel the pain in my leg as I run to the kitchen "ja-" the rest of the word die in my throat as I scan the empty kitchen . I hear the noise again and find bass trying to push past one of the island stools "bass" I breath out
It wasn't a dream, Jane did leave. I walk back to the couch, the adrenalin starting to fade and the tiredness catching up with my body. I curl in on myself and close my eyes, hoping that it would stop the tears from falling. If I'd only had the courage to stop her, if I'd only been strong enough to tell her.
But I'm not. I couldn't stop her, I couldn't tell her.
I'm weak.
I'm broken.
I`m ….. Alone.
Jane paced her apartment, occasionally glancing at her phone on the counter. Maura hadn't called, was that a good thing or a bad thing? She`d picked the phone up a few times but caught herself before she called Maura. She was disparately trying to respect Maura's space. Should she call? Text? Something?
She tried distracting herself, clearing, vacuuming, anything to take her mind off Maura. It was past midnight when she thought that it was time to finally get some shut eye. She kept the phone on the night stand near her head and turned up the ring tone so that she wouldn't miss any calls from Maura. Why did her bed feel so foreign? She tried getting comfortable, turning and tossing even punching the pillows didn't help make it comfortable. Finally giving up, Jane grabbed her phone and quickly texted
Hey, you`re up?
She waited, tapping her phone impatiently
Yes. Came the simple reply after a few minute, Jane frowned
Is everything ok?
Again came the simple 'yes' answer
I miss your mattress already Jane typed with a smile, trying to get a different respond from the blonde
Jane waited and waited ,non-came.
Maura?
Yes Jane?
Want me to come over?
No. goodnight Jane she frowned
Goodnight Maura
Jane woke up to the sound of her phone ringing, cracked an eye open long enough to see the caller ID and the clock before she closed it again and rolled over in bed grunting
"Jane!" came the too loud respond making Jane wince
"Hey ma, what is it?"
"Cant a mother call her daughter without having a reason to?" Jane sighed "anyway, I'm calling to tell you to come to Maura's house today"
"Maura's house?" Jane rubbed her eyes "is everything ok?" she sat up on her elbow
"Yeah, it's Sunday Jane."
"Uhh"
"It's ok Jane, I talked to Maura this morning and she said to have it at her house"
"Ma, are you sure you didn't influence that respond from her?" Jane asked suspicious
"Of course not! Anyway I'll see you tonight ok?"
"Uhhh, sure" Jane tried to hide her confuse, why didn't Maura call to tell her? Didn't they agree to discuss this? Jane checked her phone for any missed calls and texts from Maura frowning when she didn't find any.
Jane made sure to arrive early; she wanted some time to talk to Maura before everybody arrived. She found her mother alone cocking in the kitchen with no sign of Maura
"Hi sweetie"
"Hey ma, is Maura upstairs?" Jane pointed to the staircase
"Uhh, no. she went out" Angela threw over her shoulder
"Out? She went out?!" Jane asked surprised, her mother nodded
"Where could she possibly go" her mother shrugged "well, when is she coming back?" Angela didn't respond "ma" Jane called again annoyed when her mother didn't turn , why was her mother taking this so lightly ?
"What?" Angela asked innocently when she turned around to find Jane glaring at her
"where`s Maura?" jane repeated slowly , making sure to show how annoyed she was
"She went out for a jog" Angela replied simply
"A jog?" Jane repeated in disbelieve "she has a leg injury, she can't jog!" jane was beyond irritated
"It's what she said!" Angela defended; Jane ran her fingers through her hair trying to compose herself
"What happened ma? Did you say anything to upset her?"
"Janie I would never-"Angela stopped when she saw the disbelieving look in her daughters eyes "look, Maura came downstairs this morning while I was making breakfast, she said to call everybody for dinner tonight and that she was going out to get some fresh air and maybe jog a few miles before coming home, she told me that she may be a little late and not to worry. That's it, I swear!"
"This morning?! She`s been gone since this morning?!" jane shouted, Angela nodded "damn it ma!" jane pulled her phone and dialed Maura's number
"I'm sure she`s fine sweetie" jane gave her mother a death glare before she brought the phone to her ear
"Hello?" came the neutral respond
" where the hell are you?" jane placed a hand on her hip in annoyance
"Excuse me?" Maura sounded confused "oh, didn't Angela tell you that I might be late?" Maura replayed with an upbeat tone , something that felt weird to jane
Jane sighed, calming herself. Maura is a grown woman, she doesn't need a baby sitter "Maura, I told you that we didn't need to have Sunday dinner if you weren't ready, no one will judge you if you weren't" Jane said softly
"That's not it Jane, I just needed to-" Maura trails off and you can hear someone calling in the background "I have to go now Jane, have a nice dinner and say hi for everyone for me. Bye" and with that Maura hung up
"Bye" Jane whispered to no one. What the hell was Maura doing? Did she really have somewhere to be or did she just want an escape?
" I told you she was fine" she heard her mother say but she could sense that something was wrong , the way Maura sounded , her texts last night . Something was off, she could just feel it.
She wished she was wrong, but five days with no Maura proved otherwise. Maura had actively avoided Jane. She never made it to Sunday dinner that night, according to Angela Maura had come home no more than half an hour after everybody left which made Jane wonder how Maura knew they were gone. Texts were replied with one or two words tops, phone calls felt rushed and jane had a feeling that the only reason Maura answered was because she knew jane would come barging into her house if she didn't .
Jane decided to swing by Maura's on the sixth but her mother told her that Maura had left early in the morning with the same excuse. Jane had a feeling that even if she did call Maura she wouldn't tell her where she was. Jane wanted to butt out of Maura`s private issues , she really did but apparently Angela Rizzoli genes were stronger than she thought . She spent the day with her mother (though she couldn't take it anymore after two hours and slipped out of the guesthouse and into Maura's empty house)
It was almost midnight when she heard the locked being opened by Maura; Jane sat up on the couch and rubbed her eyes turning off the TV . Maura paused when her eyes landed on Jane and a confused look took over the features "is everything alright? I wasn't aware that we were meeting today" Jane could see the nervous smile that started forming on Maura's lips. She looked better , great actually. More like her old self
"I come to check on you" Jane stood and crossed her arms
"Well, why didn't you call?" Maura walked into the house, reaching the fridge and pulling a bottle of water
"I wasn't aware I had to take an appointment to come and check up on my best friend" Jane walked toward the kitchen, standing across the island from Maura, who was sipping water quietly
"I obviously wasn't home, wouldn't it have been easier if you just called and checked when I was coming back instead of wasting your day waiting for me?" Maura asked politely
"Why? So you can blow me off like you did on Sunday?" Jane accused, Maura choked on her water
"I did no such thing!" Maura sounded offended
"Maura, I love you too much to stand her and see you having a vasovagal episode" Jane calmed down a bit
"I didn't!" Maura raised her shoulders in defense "you just caught me at a bad time is all" Maura reassured
"So where have you been these past few days?" Jane asked still not convinced
"Jane" Maura sighed
"No, I want to know. Did you really have somewhere to be or were you just running away?"
"Of course not" Maura looked offended. Jane's body relaxed, as far as she could tell Maura was telling the truth
"Then what is it?" Jane asked desperately
"I can't tell you" Maura could see jane preparing for a fight "it`s nothing to do with Doyle or anything like that I can assure you, it's just something I need to do on my own and I need you to respect that" jane opened her mouth to protest "please, jane" jane saw the desperation in Maura's eyes, hear it in the way her voice broke.
Jane sighed, Maura's eyes were always one of her weakness "ok, what do you need? What can I do?" Jane offered, Maura gave her a tired thankful smile, Jane matched it Maura rubbed her forehead looking at her shoes before she looked up into Janes eyes
"just some space" she said quietly, jane`s mouth twitched
"Am I really that suffocating Maura?" Jane asked softly, her heartbreaking . what do you know? Angela Rizzoli was right for a change
"No! Jane never! Please understand that this has nothing to do with you" Maura said with pleading eyes, the last thing she would want was jane thinking that it was her fault, "this is simply something I needed to do a while ago but I kept holding it off" Maura shrugged, jane can see tears forming in the hazel eyes "spending time with you made me believe that I didn't need it. I thought that things were getting better , that I was getting better and that in time I was bound to stop feeling like this but I didn't" Maura swallowed against the emotions that were making it hard to breath
"feeling like what?" jane asked again feeling the fight leaving her
" I can't tell you" Maura said quietly
"why not?" jane huffed
"because I don't think we can recover from this if I did" Maura finally hissed , watching as janes eyes grew bigger before taking a deep breath to calm her nerve "I need to get better" Maura said desperately breaking eye contact . jane stood there with a blank expression, Maura cleared her throat "now, if you can excuse me I'm really tired and would like to call it a night" Maura walked passed jane sniffing softly.
By the time Jane recovered, Maura had already walked up the stairs and closed her bedroom door. Jane grabbed her things, throwing away the box of pizza she had ordered before slipping out and using her key to lock the door behind her.
it`s me again!:) soooooo, what do you think ?
thank you for reading . please review , have a nice one ;)
