Chapter 5: A Much Needed Talk

Sam tensed as Gabriel shifted uncomfortably, reaching for the cup of piping tea on the table. A warm hand stopped him and linked their fingers. With a smile Sam leaned down and kissed the angel's sweaty cheek, the smile fading at the heat he felt. Using his free hand, he removed the rag from Gabriel's brow and dipped in the the ice water near the tea and rung it out and replaced it.

"Sam...You should rest." Gabriel said, his words slurring slightly.

"No. What if you need me?" Sam said, bringing up the angel's hand to kiss the back of it.

Gabriel chuckled weakly and shifted moving slowly until he was sitting, his injured wing pulling slightly drawing a hiss from him. "Sam I'll be fine for an hour or two while you sleep. I promise."

"You wouldn't have been hurt if I hadn't fallen." The hunter said adamantly. "You never would have let your wings out if you hadn't been for me. You were trying to save me."

"I don't know if you realized it but you are worth saving. I would have needed to let them out to fight anyway." The angel said. "It was my fault for underestimating just how fast he was. I still managed to win."

"You turned that thing inside out." Sam said flatly.

Gabriel flinched, pulling a loud cry from him, making Sam grab the tea and forcing him to take a drink before he was able to speak again. "Yeah. I wasn't trying to. He broke my wing the same time I was casting. I couldn't control myself because of the pain. I really wasn't trying to kill him."

"I'm glad you did. I don't think he would have let you live if you hadn't. I...I was scared when we couldn't find you." The hunter admitted softly.

The archangel held out his arms and Sam moved forward and curled up in the angel's arms. With a smile Gabriel's good wing came around and wrapped tightly around the hunter. Sam was grateful for the warm feathers since he kept the room at a near freezing temperature to help with his boyfriend's fever that came and went as his wing healed. Gabriel's hand went into his hair and Sam felt himself start to relax a bit.

"You never did answer me Sam." Gabriel said softly. "Who told you how to fix me up?"

Sam hesitated on answering. When Gabriel's pain had begun to die down enough that he was able to focus he had been confused and began trying to tell them how to fix him up but Castiel had managed to use his Grace to calm the archangel enough for him to realize that he was already bandaged up and starting to heal. At the time when he asked how they knew they just brushed it off, wanting Gabriel to focus on healing instead of worrying. It appeared now that he was more coherent that the angel wasn't going to let the subject drop.

"I don't know how to answer it really." The youngest Winchester admitted. "I got a phone call after we got you back here."

"A phone call? That's awfully vague."

"Gabriel, it was Lucifer and and Michael on the other end. They walked us through everything. Somehow there was even a shot of morphine here for you. I don't know how they did it but they did. It's because of them that you're healing." Sam admitted.

The blonde frowned. "Have you tried calling them back?"

"Yeah. Disconnected." The hunter said. "Lucifer also made it quite clear, as did Michael, that neither of them wanted Crowley near you while you were hurt and trying to heal. Lucifer said Crowley was trying to court you which is why he brought you a drink and the potion."

"Stupid demon." Gabriel said, with a pain filled chuckle. "Not in a millions years would I ever willingly touch a demon like that. Besides, I wouldn't be able to accept anyway."

Sam looked up at the angel curiously. "Why not?"

"Because when I gave you my feather that I know you keep in your journal, it was my courting gift to you. Until you decided to either accept my offer of bonding or you decide to reject me I can't engage myself with anyone else." Gabriel said, closing his eyes and resting his head back. "I'm bound to you and you alone Sam. It's not something an angel takes lightly."

"Did...Did Cas give one to Dean?" Came the curious question.

"Yeah. Dean wears it all the time even if you can't see it." Gabriel said. "Castiel gave him a small tertial feather. They merged it with his ring. Dean gave Castiel a feather as well. A small, black, metal one that he merged with the hilt of his angel blade."

"Wow. I never even knew."

"It's because our wings are our source of power here. They represent our Grace in a mortal form Sam. We hardly ever show our wings, even to other angels. It's not a common thing to do. I think that Cassie and myself are the only two angels left that share our wings with each other. Then there's the taboo of us sharing them with you, two non angels, even if our brothers are mated." Gabriel explained. "If someone gets a hold of one of our feathers they could easily control us. The only way around it is a mating bond. That protects the feather we give from it being used against us."

"I could use your feather to control you?" Sam asked pulling away from the angel, nausea pooling in his stomach.

"If you decided to end the courtship, because I willingly gave you that feather, you could easily make me your slave and have complete control. An unwillingly taken feather makes a much weaker slavery bond and I'd be harder to control." Gabriel said softly, his gold eyes opening to look at the hunter. "I trust you that much Sam, even if I have a hard time saying such things."

Sam suddenly sat straight up and his face became serious. "Is you having a hard time saying these things also why you pulled away from me Gabriel?"

The angel sat up suddenly before almost doubling over in pain as his broken wing jarred. Sam reached for the tea but the blonde shook his head. Taking a few deep breaths the angel pointed to the needle of morphine. Sam grabbed it and pulled the cap off and quickly found a vein. The hunter quickly pressed the plunger, give the angel a thousand milligrams of the drug before removing the needle and recapping it. Gabriel waited until the pain began to recede before he shifted into a better position, making sure that both wings were well out of the way.

"Okay I know I've been acting strange lately-"

"You went out and got blackout drunk, had drinks with a demon, and then disappeared for a week. You're even hesitant to touch me." The youngest Winchester stated. "Strange doesn't cut it."

The Fourth Born hung his head. "When you put it that way then yeah. Strange doesn't begin to cover it much less explain it huh?"

"That's putting it mildly."

"Okay. Where do you want me to start?" The angel asked softly.

"The beginning is normally a good place to start." Sam replied. "And you can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

The blonde nodded and the hunter could see the angel visibly steeling himself. "I have a very bad track record with relationships. I guess you could say that they all ended in disaster. My first relationship was probably the most normal of them barring this one. I was with another angel then and it was a mutual breakup because well... we both knew how it was going to end and he said he didn't want to put me through it. That was his last good deed before...before Lucifer was cast out of heaven and locked in the Cage. He said he didn't want to condemn me too."

Green eyes went wide. "You and Lucifer?"

"He was different back then Sam. He was-Nevermind. There's no point in explaining it. You won't listen. To you he's nothing but a monster and that's all he'll ever be." Gabriel said softly turning away, but not before Sam saw the tears in his eyes.

"No. Please. I may not want to hear it but you need to talk about it. Something tells me that even if it was mutual some part of you still hasn't let it go." The hunter said softly.

"I never got to say goodbye. Raphael started a fight with Lucifer just before his Fall. I tried to stop it. That was the first time my wing was broken. Everyone saw it happen. Even my Father. Raphael attacked when my back was turned. I never did find out what happened afterwards but I know that Lucifer nearly killed Raphael in his rage. It took a long time to heal because I was the first angel to ever break a wing. While I was healing Luci fell and Raph was punished for what he did. I left afterwards.

"Back then Sam, Lucifer was one of the kindest, most caring angels you'd know. He was a lot like Dean in terms of being a big brother, with the teasing and pranks. He was not only my brother but my mentor and after much convincing and Michael's blessing, my lover. It was only thanks to Lucifer that I was able to figure out that my next relationships weren't right.

"My next lover, her name was Tatiana. She claimed to love me but...I woke up one night with her trying to place a magic collar on me. She didn't like that fact that I was so strong willed and didn't jump when she said. When I tried to leave her parents tried to placate me saying that they were trying to help me. That was when I found out that they were in on it too. That night...Not one of my proudest moments. I ended a bloodline that night. Something I still regret."

Sam reached out and took his boyfriends shaking hands. "I think you did the right thing. If you hadn't who knows who else they would have done that too Gabe. You were lucky you were able to stop her before she did anything."

"Yeah. I guess. The next time I was with someone, her name was Solveig. I met her while I was deep in my role as Loki. She was just as bad. While she didn't try and collar me she did just want me for my power too. She'd ask for things and I'd give them too her. When I didn't she'd throw the most amazing tantrums. I stuck around for a while hoping she's change her mind but when she asked me to kill the chief of her tribe so she could take over I set up my own trap and reveal to her people what she was doing. I left after that. Last I heard she was given to the enemy as a gift of peace."

The hunter's stomach felt like a ball of lead now. "Gabe I don't care about your power. I really could care less about it. I don't need your power to be happy."

Gabriel lifted one of Sam's hands and kissed the back of it. "I know this. It's why I don't mind doing things for you and your brother. Just another reason why I began courting you.

"This last one...It's the worst. His name was Kyran. Everything was good for the first few months then...He started getting a bit rough with me. To the point where I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. Whenever I said no he would make me feel bad and I'd give in. I finally tried to call it quits after six months. It didn't go as planned."

Sam's heart went into his throat at the undisguised pain in those gold eyes. "Gabe..."

"He started hitting me. He told me I was only good for one thing and half the time I was barely good enough for that. I took three months of it before I was able to gather up enough willpower to fight back. I almost killed him. He didn't understand how a Trickster had so much power. When he found out I was an angel he freaked out. I left and didn't look back. I found out from another demi god a few months later that he was convinced that my Father was going to kill him and took his own life. After that I quit. I had a few flings but I never tried putting my heart on the line like that again Sam." Gabriel said softly. "I was too afraid to try."

"I would never...I can't even imagine... I would never try any of those things Gabriel." The hunter stressed, wanting to put his boyfriend at ease. "I don't want you for your power and I can't imagine trying to hurt you like that ever again. I know there were the times with the whole stake in the heart thing but that was before."

"I know Sam. You sitting here with me while I try and heal proves that. Not to mention the flowers and candy. I know for a fact that at the very least you care for me in some way." The blonde said. "What I don't know and can seem to understand is why you don't think I care for you."

Sam froze, his mind going back almost a month and a half. He was talking with Dean at their motel. Dean had asked him about how things were progressing with him and Gabriel. Having had more then a couple drinks he spilled his heart out to his brother. Sam remembered admitting that he was nervous about dating a male and Dean took great pleasure in explaining how male sex worked, making him turn multiple shades of red by the time his brother was through.

Then it turned serious with the question coming up about taking the next step with the angel. Sam had admitted that he wasn't sure about taking it. He had told Gabriel on several occasions over the past month that he loved the archangel. He hadn't gotten a reply but his gold eyes had lit up and his smile had shown with genuine happiness. Sam remembered telling his big brother that even though he had told Gabriel that he loved him, he wasn't sure if Gabriel loved him in return because the angel hadn't responded to his declarations and that maybe all the angel wanted to do was break in a male virgin. Dean had laughed at him and asked if he was blind because even if the archangel hadn't said anything, it was clear that Gabriel pretty much worshiped the ground he walked on.

That night when he went to bed he thought it strange that Gabriel wasn't in their room but in his buzzed state he hadn't thought much of it because Castiel had gone out as well. He assumed that the two of them had gone and done something together much like he and Dean had. It never occurred to him that maybe Gabriel wasn't with Castiel and had stopped by to see them.

"You heard us talking." Sam said flatly, he was feeling a mix of shock and anger. "You were eavesdropping on us that night?"

"I wasn't meaning to. I just heard my name mentioned and got curious." Gabriel said looking away. "I realized I shouldn't have done it and left. I only heard the one part."

"But that was enough wasn't it? It was enough to make you start doubting us." Sam asked, his voice dark. "That's why you've been acting so strange. Because you heard me say to Dean that I didn't think you loved me?"

The angel turned a way a bit but nodded. "Yes. It shook me. I...I thought that I was doing something wrong again. That maybe you were just going along with me to humor me. Or...or worse. To hear you say that you thought I was only in it for sex...That hurt more then I thought was possible."

"Did it even cross your mind as to how much this would hurt me?" Came the bitter tone.

Gabriel looked up, shock clear on his face. "What?"

Sam got off the bed and started grabbing his keys, wallet and phone. "Instead of talking to me about this you ran like a coward Gabriel. You started pulling away from me. You went from caring and affectionate, to being cold and withdrawn. I've spent the past few weeks trying to figure out why you didn't want me anymore!"

Gabriel's voice stuck in his throat, he hadn't even though about what he was making Sam feel like; he'd only thought of himself.

"Do you know how upset I was to see you drunk and in Crowley's arms? To know that you were more willing to open up to a demon then to your boyfriend? Then when I think we'll have a chance to talk, you run off for a week!" Sam snapped. "You didn't even take your phone so I could call you when you stormed out. I was worried sick for a week, not knowing if you were okay, not knowing if you went out with that demon, or just needed to blow off some steam. Hell I didn't even know if you were coming back at all Gabriel!"

The angel watched as his boyfriend-could he still call Sam that?-headed for the door and a jolt of fear shot through him. "Sam?"

The hunter didn't answer as he pulled on his jacket.

"Sam?" The archangel called out again, his voice cracking.

"I can't deal with this right now Gabriel. I just need some space. I need to think about everything you've told me and I need to deal with what I'm feeling. I might need a few days." The hunter said, refusing to turn and look at blonde. "I'm sorry Gabriel but maybe if you had just told me this from the start, then you could have avoided causing us both a lot of pain."

Sam opened the door and started out, pausing for a brief second as he heard the strangled sound come from behind him, but it didn't stop him. He locked the door and pulled it shut behind him. He rested his back against the door and from inside he could hear the sounds of Gabriel sobbing. It hurt his heart but he needed time to think. Time to recover. It wouldn't take long. He just needed to get his head on straight. He had to go talk to Dean.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Gabriel sat still as a statue in the darkness of the motel room. Dean had come by a couple hours ago and collected Sam's things. The hunter had booked another room just to get away from him. In all honestly the archangel felt numb. No, not numb. He was freezing because he couldn't go over and turn off the air conditioner and he was hurting because he had finished his tea hours ago and wasn't able to get up and make more and it was dark because he couldn't turn on the light either. He was bedridden for all intents and purposes.

Last time his wing had been broken Michael had stayed with him. He hadn't needed to do anything because Michael did it all for him. Even helped him figure out how to fly again when the time came. Now he was going to need to figure out how to do things without help. He was just grateful that no one was around to see his shame. As it was he was thankful that he didn't actually need to eat and use the bathroom like a normal person. So now all he had to do was wait until his wing healed.

There was the rustling of feathers and a shadow appeared in the darkness followed by the voice of a very confused Castiel. "Gabriel? Why are you sitting in the dark?"

The archangel sighed as he heard his brother moving towards the lamp. "I'm sitting in the dark because Sam left and since my Grace is focused on healing my wing I can't use my power to turn it on. I also don't seem to be able to...I can't get out of the bed. It hurts too much."

Castiel turned on the light and looked around with a frown. He walked over and after a moment figured out how to turn the air conditioner down. That done he walked back over to Gabriel, noticing his glass was empty as he did so. Picking it up he poured him a new hot cup of tea from the coffee machine and brought it over. It was only when he sat on the bed to hand it to his brother that he realized something else was amiss.

"Gabriel? Have you been crying?"

The archangel reached up and scrubbed at his face with his hands, trying to wipe away the signs of his breakdown. "A little. Sam and I had a fight. He said he needed space so he got a different room."

"He willingly left an injured archangel alone?" Castiel asked darkly. "What if someone had come after you? Or you managed to damage your wing again?"

"It was my fault. Don't blame Sam." Gabriel said softly, before draining his glass, pulling a cry of protest from his younger brother. "Just do me a favor please?"

Castiel nodded, seeing that Gabriel was in a bad mind set at the moment. "You have only to ask."

"Get my room key from Sam. I don't want them in here. If they ask just tell them I don't want to be disturbed while I heal." Gabriel said softly, his voice cracking. "And come check on me when you get the chance? Just so you can get me a refill until I feel better?"

Castiel reached out and steadied his brother and gently tucked him into bed; it seemed that Gabriel was now injured in more ways then one. "I'll do one better. Just send me a message when you need me. Dean won't care. You need me."

Gabriel nodded and his eyes slid closed. "Thank you."