Chapter 13: The Aftermath of Dying
"What was the question again?"
Dean scrubbed a hand over his face as he let out a frustrated noise. "The spell you used. The one that brought you back to life. Do you remember it?"
"I guess that really depends." Gabriel asked eyeing the hunter's gun that was sitting next to him. "If I say no are you going to threaten me again?"
"Do you remember or not?" Dean snapped.
"How many times do I have to tell you that it comes and goes? My mind is not some book that I can just open up and poke around in." Gabriel snapped back. "Try being me for a minute. We'll see how well you like it when you can't remember bupkes."
Dean threw down his book. "Why did I agree to help again?"
Castiel looked up from his own book. "Because Sam has what Lucifer called 'puppy dog eyes'. Judging from what I have seen it is a powerful weapon indeed. I still do not understand why they are called that. Sam's eyes do not come from a dog."
Gabriel snorted before dissolving into full blown laughter. "Wow. You really are adorable."
Castiel blinked. "Why am I adorable?"
The blonde just shook his head. "Just go with it Cassie. It makes you more appealing."
"Okay. Let's try a different approach." Bobby said grabbing a pen. "You said that the last thing you remember clearly was fighting?"
Gabriel nodded. "Yeah. I was in a lot of pain."
"So you were fighting and in pain. You felt yourself become fatally wounded. That was when you activated the spell right?" The eldest hunter asked, jotting down what he had been told.
The blonde frowned. "I think so. I remember my blade-" Gabriel paused his head tilting a bit. "I...Did I stab myself?" He asked looking a bit lost.
Castiel nodded. "You gave your archangel blade to Sam to use as a last resort in should we have failed. We were very close to succeeding before Crowley decided to stop playing fair."
Gabriel's frown grew. "So I killed myself?"
"To protect Sam." Castiel confirmed.
"Sam..." The archangel whispered, his expression forlorn.
"Great now he's moping." Dean mutter throwing his hands up.
"I'm not moping!" The archangel snapped. "You can't even begin to understand how hard this is me when I can't even-"
Gabriel suddenly cut himself off and looked at the ground, his mood going from angry to upset in the blink of an eye. Lucifer and Michael had assured them that mood swings were perfectly natural in the youngest archangel's condition, his memories dictating how he acted. It was Michael that said that at the moment Gabriel was acting the way he had before Lucifer's Fall, back when everything was right between them. Dean was not pleased to find out that they were dealing with the angelic equivalent of a teenage archangel.
"What's wrong now?" Dean asked. "Talk to us."
"If I do then you can't tell Sam." The blonde said softly. "He can never know."
Dean felt his chest tighten with worry. "Okay. I promise we won't tell Sam."
Gabriel nodded and sat down on the couch between Dean and Castiel, his expression heartbroken. "I don't really remember him."
"Excuse me?" Dean asked pulling a flinch from the angel. "What do you mean you don't remember him? You act like you do."
"I tried to explain it when you first brought me back here but he was just so mad that he didn't want to hear me out." The blonde explained with a sigh. "No one did. Everyone was mad at me."
Castiel reached out and took his brother's hand in his own. "We were mad because we spent six months searching for you because you promised to return to us."
"I didn't know." Gabriel admitted. "After I woke up everything was blurry. I was lucky I knew my own name."
"If you don't remember Sam then how did you know his name?" Dean asked suspiciously. "How come he was the only one whose name you seemed to remember?"
Gabriel was silent, emotions passing over his face almost to quickly to be read.
"Maybe we're going about this the wrong way." Bobby said suddenly. "Gabriel why don't you tell us what you remember from when you first woke up? Start from there until now. Sound good?"
Gabriel nodded. "I can do that. It might be a long story though."
Bobby pulled out a tape recorder. "Take your time."
Gabriel nodded. "Okay. Just...Hold on to your questions until I'm done. If you stop me I might not want to finish."
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"SAM!"
Hazel eyes snapped open drawing in panicked gulps of air. Everything hurt. His chest was burning both from lack of air and something else that he couldn't remember. His stomach churned in pain and he rolled over and vomited, feeling the burn as only bile came up. Once he was done he pushed himself away from the mess and crawled towards the wall where he laid, shivering, the concrete ice cold against his bare flesh.
"Sam..." He cried softly. "Sam? Who..."
Taking a moment to relax, the pain began to slowly fade away. Who was Sam and why was he screaming for him? Was he Sam? No. He shook himself and some of the fog he was in seemed to lift. He wasn't Sam. He was Gabriel. He was an angel. An archangel. One of four brothers. He was the youngest. Michael was the oldest followed by Lucifer and then Raphael. So then who was Sam?
Sitting up he looked around and after moment of inspection, figured out that he was in some kind of cellar. How did he get here? Sitting up he took stock over his body and noticed a fading red mark in the center of his chest. Had he been hurt? Thinking back he could remember pain. Yes, he was hurt because he had been fighting. Fighting what though was now the question.
A shiver ran through him and he pushed himself to his feet, noticing that he was shaky but stable. Going over to the stairs he had noticed, he slowly made his way up frowning when he came to the door. The door was locked from the inside. Glancing back down at the cellar he wondered if maybe he had run down here to hide from the fight. Maybe his attacker was on the other side of the door? Shaking his head he realized that he didn't feel threatened. He felt safe.
Unbolting the door he stepped out into a, thankfully, much warmer room. It was a small cabin with a bed on one side of the room opposite a fireplace that had a large fire burning in it. At the other end of the room was a kitchen with a door next to it. A partially open second door revealed a small closed off bathroom opposite the kitchen and next to the cellar he just came out of. Seeing a dresser next to the bed he opened it and began pulling out clothes and pulling them all. He could only guess they were his as everything was in his size.
Once dressed he sat on the bed trying to get his scattered thoughts in order. The good new was that he knew who and what he was. The bad news was that he could barely remember anything else. Knowing that sitting there wasn't going to help anything he began looking around the cabin hoping it would have something that would help. It took nearly twenty minutes of searching, not counting the five spent in the bathroom staring at a face he didn't recognize in the mirror, but he finally did find one thing. A picture of a house with an address. Knowing he had nothing to lose he decided to go.
When he arrived at the house he was shocked to find that not only did it sit on a lay line, but he wasn't affected by the energies. How long had he stayed here for that to happen? Going inside he was amazed to find that his Grace covered the place. This must be his home; too bad he didn't remember it. Deciding to start in the living room he was greeted by the sight of the whole back wall being nothing more then a glass wall the was facing the ocean. At least he had good taste.
Stepping a bit further in the room he found a couple pictures sitting on the mantel. One was of a dark haired man in a trench coat sitting next to himself with much longer hair. The dark haired man was glaring at him while he held two giant ice cream cones, one of them half devoured. That didn't make sense. He was an angel. He didn't need to eat. He leaned in a bit closer and stared at the dark haired man before the truth hit him. He knew the man! It was his younger brother. The one he had led along the beach one night.
"Don't step on that fish Castiel." Gabriel muttered as the memory came to him. "Castiel..."
Moving onto the next picture it was of Castiel with a tall rough looking brunette. Castiel had a smile playing on his lips as he stared at the other. The man was also smiling but his eyes were drawn to the giant slice of pie that was sitting in front of him. They both looked happy. It was then that he noticed that the two were holding hands.
Shaking is head he drew a blank. He didn't know this man but if there was a picture of him then he must be important. Or maybe he was important to him because he was important to Castiel? Rubbing his eyes he sighed; this was giving him a headache. All he was doing was ending up with more questions and no answers. Turning to the next picture his jaw dropped and his eyes went wide before he grabbed the picture and held it close.
"Sam..."
Gabriel wasn't sure how he knew it but he was certain that the man he was looking at was Sam. It was him and a tall brunette sitting at a table in a restaurant. It looked like they were near water and it was dark. The remains of dessert were sitting before them. There was a smile on Sam's face and his green eyes were sparkling with happiness. Surprisingly his own expression matched. Setting the picture back down he noticed a long strip of six pictures laying next to the frame. Glancing over it he saw that it was him and Sam making faces and goofing off but the last picture was of them kissing.
Setting the pictures back down, Gabriel glanced around, taking in how neat everything was. It seemed like no one really lived here. Maybe this house was just a safe haven for him when he needed to be alone? Maybe he had a life with Sam, Castiel, and the other man somewhere else. Were they even missing him? He wasn't going to find his answers here that was for sure. Taking another look around Gabriel realized that even if he couldn't find his answers here, he could still make sure he was prepared.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Gabriel left the dinner with a smile, placing the picture of Sam back into his pocket. Four months of serching and he finally had a lead. One of the waitresses had recognized Sam. Even better he finally had a last name. Sam best part was she even heard him say that he was headed to Suiox Falls. Sure he could have just used his Grace to find out everything but where was the fun in that? Besides, it was enjoyable traveling and seeing the world. The only annoyance was that. The demons that had been following him since he left North Dakota.
Deciding it wasn't worth the trouble he started towards the bus station only to pause. Something was wrong. He could feel the Grace of his brothers. Taking a moment to hone in he realized that it was Michael, Lucifer, and Castiel. If Castiel was here then there was a good chance that he could take him to Sam, provided that Sam still wanted to see him. Frowning at that thought he spread his wings and headed for his brothers.
When he arrived he was shocked. To say he was surprised at finding them all fighting together was an understatement. Not knowing how they would react to seeing him, he ducked behind some large crates. He watched as Lucifer took out a demon that had been threatening Sam and listened with confusion as Lucifer praised Sam for what he did. Turning him back into the angel he was? Had his family back? A cage? What had he missed? What wasn't he remembering?
A female demon appeared and began screaming threats. Gabriel stared hard. He was certain he had never heard the language she was speaking and yet he understood every word she said. She was yelling at Lucifer and calling him a traitor. She said he was going against everything that he had stood for and that he was betraying the very children that he created. When his older brother didn't seemed fazed by it she had attacked.
Gabriel's heart nearly stopped as he watched the crates behind Sam start to fall. There was no way that Sam would be able to move in time. Without thinking he flung himself at Sam, slamming hard into him and sending them both to the ground just at the crates fell in the exact spot they had just been. With panic gripping him as Sam didn't get up he healed him and helped pull him to his feet. When Sam turned and just stared at him he became even more worried.
"Sam are you okay? Did I miss something?" Gabriel asked, his grip grow a bit tighter.
Sam pulled away from him and he let him, thinking maybe his grip was hurting him. Instead he was shocked when Sam pulled back and slapped him hard. Gabriel let out an 'oof' as he hit the ground shocked by blow. He rolled over and wiped his mouth confused as to why Sam was acting like this. Wasn't he happy to see him? Or was it something else? Well at least there was one thing he was sure of.
"I'm not sure I deserved that." Gabriel said softly.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sam turned off the recorder and stared at the little silver device as if it were the source of all his problems. Gabriel didn't remember him. His angel didn't remember him but he wanted to. That was obvious. The only question he had now was how was he going to take this? He could just forget that he ever heard it and try to move on or he could confront the angel and ask him what the hell he was thinking with keeping something like this from him.
Shaking his head he grabbed the recorder and slid it into his jacket pocket. Picking up the bag of guns he left the garage headed back into the house. When he came in he was greeted by the smell of a home cooked meal and the sight of Lucifer in the kitchen wearing a tasteful black 'kiss the cook' apron. Sam raised an eyebrow at the sight but wisely said nothing as the Devil turned to glare at him.
"Smells great." Sam said. "Need any help?"
"No." Lucifer said, his tone clipped. "Do me a favor though please. Don't ever let Michael go shopping alone with Adam ever again. As soon as this dinner in done I am taking this horrid apron out back and burning it."
"I think it looks good on you. They could have gotten you something much worse." Sam said. "Where's Gabriel?"
"Sleeping on the couch." Lucifer said pointing with his spoon. "He had a sit down with Bobby about the spell and him telling everything left him with a massive headache and his nose started bleeding again so I made him lay down. Castiel and Michael went to get some medicine for him and I sent your brother and Bobby to the store for a few more things I needed."
Sam eyed the Devil. "You planned this."
Lucifer shrugged. "I did. Now go wake him and talk. You've got a half hour."
The hunter gave the Fallen a half smile and ducked out of the kitchen, not surprised when Lucifer closed it off behind him. Going over to the couch he looked down at the sleeping angel, taking in the slight bags under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, and the traces of blood near his nose. Sighing he reached out and ran his fingers through the angel's shorter hair, watching as he began to stir, his hazel eyes slowly opening.
"Sam?"
The hunter gave him a soft smile. "Yeah. I'm back."
The angel sat up and reached for him. "Good. I wanted to talk to you about something. You had me make a promise right? To talk to you first about any problems concerning us. That happened right?"
Sam nodded not sure where this was going. "Yeah. You promised right before you were taken."
"I have something to tell you." Gabriel said, looking at his hands.
Sam noticed that the angel was digging his nail deep into the inside of his wrist and quickly took the angel's hands in his own to stop him. "What did you want to tell me?"
"I...Sam I..." Gabriel swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. "I don't remember you." He whispered. "I know you're important to me but I can't remember but...I promise I'll remember if you just give me some time. I know I will. Just...I don't want to have to leave. I'll do whatever you ask but please don't send me away."
Sam felt like he was just punched in the stomach at the angel's words. "Send you away? Gabe what makes you think I'm going to send you away?"
"I don't know. Just a feeling." Gabriel whispered. "I just had this fear that you would get mad and sent me away because I was hiding this."
Sam pulled the archangel close and gently kissed him. Gabriel tensed under him but slowly relaxed allowing Sam to deepen the kiss. After a few moments in which their tongues dueled, Sam slowly pulled away. The hunter smiled at the look on the angel's face. His eyes were wide and he had a half smile on his face.
"Wow..."
"I said the same thing the first time we kissed." Sam admitted. "My first time kissing a guy."
"If it makes you feel better...You are the only person I can remember kissing." Gabriel said with a chuckle. "Can we do it again?"
Sam leaned in and kissed the angel again. Gabriel's hands went to is chest hesitantly before he seemed to gain confidence. Those warm hands traveled up his chest, to his shoulders and finally settled around his neck. Sam smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around the angel's waist and pulled him from the couch and manhandled him to the floor, their kiss never breaking.
"I said for the two of you to talk. Not to try and remove each other's tonsils with your tongues." Came Lucifer's scolding voice. "If you don't want any of our brothers to catch you making out then I suggest you either knock it off or move it upstairs. Dean and Bobby are back and Michael, Adam, and Castiel will be here in a few moments."
