Chapter 31
When Jeff came into the house he could hear Jessica slamming things around in the kitchen. He called out her name but she refused to even look at him.
"Honey, please. Just give me a chance to explain." He went up to her and forced her to face him. Jeff's heart broke when he saw that she was crying. "Don't. I'm sorry." He wrapped his arms around her but then she pushed him off.
"No!" She shouted out to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I didn't think about it."
"Back at the hotel, when we talked, I put everything out there and I thought you did too."
"It didn't seem important." Jeff said.
"It didn't seem important? You led me to believe that it didn't mean anything; just a one night stand! You were with her for over three years!"
"I should have told you."
"You think? You made me look like a fool. I stood out there and let that woman speak to me like that because I thought I deserved it. I should have been out there giving her hell right back, but I couldn't because you led me to believe that I had stolen her boyfriend when she was the bitch in the first place!"
"So you're angry you didn't fight back with Meg?"
"Yes," She paused. "No, I'm angry at you. Why didn't you tell me the truth, the whole truth?"
"Jess, I don't know. All I wanted was for us to be together again. I told you the truth about how I felt about you because that's what was important."
"And Meg?"
"I guess I didn't tell you the whole truth because I was scared you wouldn't want me back."
"Well, don't you think I should have been given that choice?" She asked him.
"Would it have changed anything?"
"I don't know. This wasn't just a onetime thing. You stayed with her. You had a relationship for three years!"
"Because I was afraid to be alone."
"Then how do I know you're not just with me because you're scared?"
"No. It's not like that. I love you." Jeff pleaded with her.
"How do I know?"
"I can't believe you just asked me that. Since the day you first entered my life, it's only been about you. I stayed with Meg because whenever I was alone all I could think about was you and how I screwed up."
"And Meg took your mind off of me?"
"With her there I didn't have focus on what I did."
"Wait, I'm sorry. I'm confused. Somehow, the girl you cheated on me with, took your mind off of how you screwed up our relationship? She WAS how you screwed us up."
"I'm not explaining this right." Jeff told her. "I'm sorry."
"How long?" She questioned him. "How long were you two together before I found out?"
"Baby, don't" Jeff pleaded with her.
"How many times? Was it just once?" She looked into his eyes and knew that there was more. The tears began streaming down her face. "How many?"
"Twice."Jeff said looking to the ground.
"I can't believe this. I always thought it was just a one night stand. The first time could be a drunken mistake but the second. That's deliberate," She shook her head.
"It doesn't change how I feel for you."
"How can you say that? You told me it's always been about me, about how much you loved me and then I find this out?"
"I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said desperately. "I told you that I can't change the past. That no matter how much I've screwed up there's nothing I can to make that pain go away for you. All I can do is prove to you now, how much you mean to me and how much I love you."
"Jeff," She started to say then looked away.
"No. Don't do it. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me." He said pulling her to him.
"Stop!" She yelled and tried to separate herself from him.
"What the hell is going on?" Matt said. He had just come back inside and was now staring at the two of them. He took one look at Jessica's tear streaked face and pushed his brother away from her. "What the hell did you do to her?"
"Stay out of this!" Jeff yelled at him.
"No way man." Matt goes over to Jessica. "Are you okay? Did he try to hurt you?"
"What are you crazy man?" Jeff yelled moving to his brother. "Do you think I would actually do that to her?"
"Then why is she crying?"
"Not now!" Jeff went to Jessica with tears in his own eyes. "Jess, I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry I abandoned you when you needed me. I'm sorry I cheated on you with Meg and I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole truth. I was dumb and stupid; I know that but please baby I love you. You've got to know that. I would do anything for you."
"I know and God help me I love you too." Jessica said softly. "But that doesn't make this hurt any less."
"Tell me what to do. How can I make this better?"
"I don't know."Jessica said standing up. "Just please, give me some space. I need some time to deal with this." She looked to Matt. "I'm going upstairs to think." Neither boy said anything to her as she started to head out of the room, then she stopped and turned to Jeff.
"You promised you wouldn't hurt me again." She said, her voice cracking then she walked out of the room.
"What the hell happened?" Matt asked glaring at his brother.
"When I went out front I found Jess talking to Meg. Meg was giving it to her real hard but Jessica wouldn't take the bait. Then Meg told her that she was the one I cheated with."
"Wait. You never told her? I thought you cleared the air?"
"We did, kind of. I just never told her exactly who it was I slept with."
"Why?"
"I don't know. It didn't come up."
"Bullshit, Jeff. You didn't think she'd find out? You were scared and you know it." Matt yelled at his brother. "You set her up to get hurt again."
"No, I didn't." Jeff protested. "Look, I don't know why I didn't tell her but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her again and you know that."
"But you did. And now she's upstairs crying her eyes out because of you. Damn it Jeff, why don't you think anything through?"
"I'm sorry, okay. God how many times do I have to say it?"
"Until you actually mean it."
"I do mean it. You know I love her. Anyway what business is it of yours?" Jeff demanded.
"What business of it is mine? She's part of my life too and I care about what happens to her." Matt told him. "It's not always about you.""What's that supposed to mean?"
"Stop only thinking about yourself. Try to thinking about other people and their feelings." Matt told his brother. Jeff took a moment to think about what his brother said.
"What the hell am I gonna do?" Jeff asked him and Matt sighed.
"Just give her some time. In the meantime, I'll go check on her."
"Thanks man."
"No problem." Matt said and before he walked away he swung at Jeff landing his fist squarely on his jaw.
"Ow! What the hell?"
"I warned you." Matt said calmly. "Now don't do it again."
"Yea." Jeff said rubbing his chin. Matt went upstairs and knocked on Jessica's door.
"Jess its Matt. Can I come in?" She didn't say anything so he opened the door. He found Jessica staring out the window. "Hey. I thought you could use a friend to talk to." He sat down on the bed and gestured for her to come over.
"I don't know what to do." She said slumping on the bed next to him. "Why is it never easy?"
"What is?" He asked.
"Love, Jeff."
"My brother has always been complicated, you know that. He acts before he thinks and usually makes stupid decision."
"So how do you deal with it?"
"Me? I'm his brother I don't really have a choice."
"Wow that helps." She said sarcastically.
"Jeff's always had his good and his bad qualities, you just have to figure out which one outweighs the other and if it's worth it. If he's worth it."
"Did he love her?"
"I don't think so. He was afraid of living without you, so he had Meg. It never was like it was with you. He tried to convince himself that he was happy, but I never saw it. I'd catch him always looking off, not being with it and somehow I could tell he was thinking of you. He does love you, for what it's worth."
"Then why did he do it?"
"All I could tell you is that when everything was going down back then, he was a wreck. He felt things were falling apart and when he gets scared he acts stupid. So my guess is instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, he destroyed it himself."
"Yea, but why not tell me the truth now?" She asked him.
"Honey I can't explain everything that goes on in head. No one can."
"So, what do I do?"
"You have to figure that out for yourself. Do you love him?" Matt had to take only one look at her to know that she did. "Do you want to be with him?" She nodded. "Well then you have to talk to him, but make him sweat it out a bit longer. It's more fun that way." He smiled at her.
"Thank you." Jessica gave him a hug.
"Why don't you hang out here for a little bit? Take a bath, relax and I'll bring you up some lunch. Okay?" She nodded at him. "All right, I'll be back in a few." He kissed her on top of her head and left the room.
Jessica sighed to herself and laid back down on the bed. Unable to rest, she was soon back up and pacing around the room. She glanced at the window and saw Jeff working on the ring. She stared down at him, watching as he hammered away. Even after everything, she felt her pulse race.
"Stop watching." She muttered to herself walking away from the window. "I got to do something." She looked around the room and didn't even see a television to distract her. She went back to the window and saw that Jeff had stopped working. He was sitting on the edge of the ring with his head down. She wanted to run down there and tell him that she still loved him and wasn't ready to give up on their relationship but she held back. Was she really ready? The pain that she felt when Meg revealed the truth was still with her. She knew that although she felt betrayed that Jeff had misled her, she the real hurt came from reliving his unfaithfulness. How can they honestly move forward if she can't get over the fact that he cheated on he?
"Jess?" Matt knocked on the door and came in with a plate of food. "It's nothing fancy but I tried." He said putting the plate down.
"Thank you." She told him.
"Wait, I'll be right back." Matt left the room and came back with a laptop. "I figured that you'd need something to do." He opened it up and started typing. "Just let me get you online." Jessica came over and watched him bring up his YouTube page.
"What's this?"
"I took the liberty of setting something up for you. When you're ready, watch it." He smiled at her. She glanced at the page and saw icon pictures of her and Jeff. "You know fans, they put together some great videos."
"So you think I should…"
"I think that it's not up to me." Matt interrupted her. "But since you're fishing for my opinion; you two love each other and no matter how hard you both try to screw it up I don't see it changing. You both need each other and I'm not just saying this cause he's my brother. When you guys were apart neither of you were happy."
"I don't know Matt."
"About what?"
"If I could ever really let go of everything that's happened. I know I made mistakes but there were circumstances. Shutting everyone out was wrong, I can see that now."
"I'm not condoning what Jeff did. Cheating on you was wrong but you were both in a tough place at the time. You had your way of dealing with it and so did he. You cut people out; he self destucted. Neither of you handled it in the best way but I see how you are together. You're both happy and that's all I want." She reached out and hugged him.
"You are so great."
"I know." Matt smiled. "Now eat your food and watch those videos because I had to sit through some really nauseating love songs."
"I will." She said to him and he headed to the door. "Matt, about Jeff…"
"Don't worry. I'll talk to him and make sure he's okay. Just think about what I said." He walked out of the room. Jessica brought her sandwich to the bed and clicked on the first video.
