Alex had to hand it to Piper. She was obviously preoccupied (evidenced by her barely saying two words to Alex as they got ready and not much more than that to anyone else) but if Alex had thought for a second it was going to affect her performance, she was wrong.
If anything, the blonde was hyper focused, feeding off the buzzing, almost manic energy of their audience. Her voice was as pure and open and honest as it had ever been and people were going absolutely nuts for her, cheering so loudly, they could hardly begin the next song.
The only disappointing part of it all was the fact Piper completely avoided eye contact with her. Whereas in St. Louis, she had sought her out, like they were both in on the most, amazing, crazy secret, the blonde looked at anything and everything else on the stage. It made Alex feel strangely empty, even though she pretended not to care. She got it, she did, but it stung nonetheless.
The Riv was as old school as The Fox but without the meticulous up keep. It was an eyesore to be sure but as Red put it, "The place has got a certain charm about it." For Alex, it was all about the history. They were playing the same stage as Patti Smith, Garbage, Tegan and Sara...the fact it was also a standing room venue was also pretty cool though she had to admit the acoustics left something to be desired.
Sound issues and aesthetics aside, the crowd was responsive as hell and as they played through the set, she returned Nicky's shit eating grin. She lived for the adulation as much as she pretended not to give a flying fuck about much, and honestly, Alex was relieved to see her almost completely back to her old self.
"You guys rock!" Alex boomed into the mic half way through the show. "In case you don't know who we are and I fucking hope you, do since you're here, we are Solitary Confinement!" She paused as the crowd screamed. "On drums, we have Poussey Washington!" Poussey played a little fill, amid cheers. "Next up, Nicky Nichols on bass," The bassist flashed an anarchy sign and riffed a bit. "Piper Chapman on vocals!" Instead of singing, Piper leaned in close to Alex, saying into the mic, "Oh my God, you guys are amazing!" This was met with cheers and applause but it was not lost upon Alex that despite their close proximity, the singer still would not look at her.
Putting aside her slightly wounded pride, Alex shouted, "And I'm Alex Vause. Chicago, you fucking rock!"
"Marry me, Alex!" A female voice from the crowd shouted as they started up to play again. Nicky shook her head, snickering. Alex, for her part was unphased, poised to begin the intro to "Inevitable". Her bandmates liked to tease her mercilessly for being the "femme fetale" of the group, with boys and girls alike hitting on her at the stage door. Alex had used it to her advantage on occasion, singling out girls she thought were hot but it the groupie thing had gotten old and she'd become more selective in who she chose to take back to her hotel.
They finished up the concert, heading backstage after two encores, sweaty and triumphant at how well everything had gone.
"How come Vause gets all the marriage proposals?" Nicky complained as she pulled her shirt over her head. "Like c'mon...I'm not marriage material?"
"That's cuz they see right through you, man," Poussey laughed, sitting down at her make up station to quickly blot her face with a baby wipe. "They know you'd fuckin' chew em up and spit em up out."
"Yeah, probably," Nicky agreed, shrugging. "Hey Chapman, you sounded damn good out there. Good thing too cuz word is the reviewer from The Tribune was here. At least that's what Red was sayin'."
"She mentioned it to me too," Piper replied easily. "I tried not to think about it, honestly. He either liked us or he didn't. It's not going to change anything. We were almost sold out tonight."
"Look at you, all calm and collected," The bassist started to pick up her clothes which were scattered all over the dressing room. "You know you don't have shit to worry about."
"Whatever they say, I'll be OK. Really. I have a thick skin."
"Get em' girl," said Poussey. "Yo, Vause, you've been quiet. You good?"
The truth was, she wasn't. The silent treatment from Piper was beginning to wear her down but instead of the lonely feeling from before, it was actually starting to piss her off. They were adults, weren't they? Alex didn't think it was too much to ask for them both to be handle the situation in a mature fashion. Apparently, Piper did.
"Great show, ladies," Red rushed in the dressing room unannounced, her trademark locks wildly sticking up all over her head from nervously running her hands through her hair three hundred times while she was watching the show. Other people bit their nails or their lips, but Red played with her hair when she was on edge, making Alex almost certain she'd go bald sooner rather than later. "I just talked to Marc from The Tribune and the review will go in tomorrow's paper." She turned to Piper. "I'm sure he'll have nothing but good things to say about you, my dear."
The blonde smiled, taking a sip of water."Thanks but these guys worked just as hard as I did. They deserve all the credit."
"That may be," Red conceded, "but you, my dear Chapman, you are a gift." She took her face in her hands and kissed both cheeks. "Ladies, expect my call later on...Marc is emailing me a copy when he's finished. And stay out of trouble, you hear me? The bus leaves at 8:00 on the dot and whoever is not on it, gets left behind in Chicago."
"Red, you need to relax, seriously. Go out, have a nice glass of wine..." said Nicky. "We'll be on the bus."
"You better be. A glass of wine does sound good. Maybe a book, a nice hot bubble bath..."
"You deserve it," Poussey told their manager. "Go. We'll talk later."
"Good night, ladies. Not too much to drink now, OK? And Vause, I'm counting on you to have these girls on the bus for eight tomorrow, understand?"
"No problem, Red," She replied. "See you tomorrow."
As soon as the older woman left, Alex rolled her eyes. "Does she think I'm your babysitter?"
"Forget her," The bassist slung a bag over her shoulder, "The real question is what the fuck are we doing tonight? No sight seeing, dude," she added for Poussey's benefit. "This one," she grimaced, "dragged me all over the city yesterday. I felt like a fucking tourist."
"You are a tourist." Her friend said. "And it was culture, yo. Don't you like learnin' about the history of a place?"
"Not as much as you do. Besides, I'm a New Yorker, man. You've seen one museum, you've seen em' all." Nicky looked to Alex. "Vause, you up for going out?"
"Not really." Her irritation from Piper's deliberate snubbing remained, bubbling at the surface, and even though she knew it was petty and stupid, she was letting it get under her skin. "Let's order pizza and hang out in my room."
Nicky made a face but rules were rules and Alex knew they would comply. "Me and Poussey will go pick up pizza and beer and we'll meet you guys in half an hour."
"Sounds good."
"If Nick can make it past the stage door without getting stopped for twenty minutes like last time," Poussey said. "Man, those people were intense."
"That's what the security guards are for." Nicky grinned. "See ya."
She turned to leave the dressing room, Poussey trailing behind and finally, for the first time in hours, Alex and Piper were alone.
Alex watched silently, arms crossed in front of her chest as Piper methodically picked up each and every item that lay on her make up station and placed it in her kit with such painful percision, it could not have been more obvious she was doing so to avoid Alex all together.
The other woman had had enough. "For fucks sake!" she exploded, striding across the roon. "This is getting kind of ridiculous, don't you think?"
Piper glanced up. "I'm not sure what you mean," she replied evenly. "Is there a problem?"
"Yes, there's a problem. You're the one who wanted to have a discussion but you haven't said two fucking words to me all night."She pursed her lips. God, she sounded like a whiny bitch. Get a hold of yourself, Vause, Jesus.
"Oh I'm sorry, I was concentrating on performing. I thought that's what we were doing out there."
"And I don't know what I did for you to act like a condescending bitch." Alex retorted hotly. "You wanna talk and not get into it, you can call me." She picked up her bag and turned on her heel to go, practically sprinting down the long hallway, past the security guard that was waiting to escort her out, out the stage door, past waiting fans, and down the street.
Catching her breath, she paused outside the Red line stop. Thankfully, a train had just come by so the entrance was empty. She still was in her full concert look so odds were she would've been recognized. After the frustrating non conversation with Piper, talking to a gushing fan would've put her over the edge.
Now she wasn't so much pissed as perplexed. One minute, the blonde was kissing her, the next minute, it was like she wanted Alex wiped off the face of the earth. It was a confusing situation to be sure, but she wasn't into games and it wasn't something she was going to stay and deal with.
"Alex, wait."
Standing behind her was Piper, in a tank top and shorts, her face clear of make-up, looking incredibly young. And incredibly remorseful.
"You were right," She touched Alex's shoulder. "I was being a condescending bitch. And you don't deserve that. Can we talk? Please?"
Her blue eyes were sincere and the guitarist felt her steely resolve melting. "Yeah. Let's go."
Alex hailed one of the cabs that had parked near the train stop and they jumped in, not talking but by now, all of Alex's anger toward the other woman had dissolved. She could feel her apprehension and more than once, she wanted to grab her hand and tell her everything was fine before she remembered she was the reason for Piper's nerves.
They reached the hotel and Alex paid for the cab. "Meet me in my room in ten minutes. I'll text Nicky and tell her they don't have to rush back."
"OK," she agreed softly and they parted ways, Alex taking the elevator while she opted for the stairs.
Alex had just enough time to scrub her face clean and change back into her jeans and tank top before there was a knock on the door almost exactly ten minutes later.
"Hey," Piper walked into the room and sat down on the bed, crossing her legs.
"Hey."
"Are you uh...going to sit?"
Alex realized she was still standing and shrugged sheepishly. "Oh...uh, yeah." She sat in the desk chair across from the bed. "So..." she began awkwardly.
"So..." Piper looked down at her feet. "Look, Alex," she rushed ahead, "I don't really know what I'm doing here. I mean, what I'm trying to say. I...I don't follow my instincts all the time...but...when I kissed you..." Her eyes darkened. "It felt right. Obviously, this was after I overanalyzed everything to death, every conversation we had, every time you touched me. And yes, I thought about Larry too and I love him very much," Piper brought her hand to her lips almost unconsciously. " But I can't stop thinking about you."
"Pipes," Alex sighed, "You have a crush. But have you been with another woman before? It's more than just-"
"Oh no. No." Piper protested, shaking her head. "You do not get to label my feelings just because you're uncomfortable."
"That's not what-"
"Yes you were."
"You said you were confused."
"I am confused. Because I'm engaged, Al. I'm confused as hell to where Larry fits in with all of this but I'm not...it's not because you're a woman. I'm not having some sexual identity crisis. And it's not like I can control it." Piper's gaze bore into hers. "I guess the question is...how do you feel? Is this whole thing totally one sided? Because if it is, I'll pack all this shit away in the back of my head and I will move on, I promise." She let out a strained breath. "But I have to know, Alex. Either way. Because tonight, not being able to look at you during the concert because I was so fucking afraid? It was killing me."
There comes a time in everyone's life when a book of revelations is opened and a person has the choice of accepting them or shoving them back down, never to be thought or felt or uttered again. Alex swallowed hard and forced herself to study the woman sitting across from her. Piper was physically beautiful, that was a given, but as Alex's book of revelations flew wide open, she realized the singer, in a week's time, had settled into her heart, into a place that she'd forever closed off. And it should've felt foreign and scary but it didn't.
"Piper," she heard herself whisper in a voice that was not her own, "You don't have to ask."
"I don't?" Piper was small and uncertain and Alex shook her head, her eyes dancing behind her glasses.
"No. Look at me."
Slowly, obeying, the other woman lifted her head, her eyes scanning Alex's face. And then, she grinned, a grin so genuine, she glowed from it. "Come here," she commanded quietly.
There was something in her tone that made Alex listen and she rose from her chair to sit beside her. They sat, ummoving, until Piper picked up her hand and took it in hers, running her fingertips over Alex's.
"You know," The brunette studied their intertwined fingers, "It's not just Larry and you being engaged. It's everything...things are bound to get messy."
"I can't think about that though. All I can think about is you," she confessed. "All. The. Time. And I probably should feel weird admitting that or guilty...but I don't. Not right now. My whole life, Al, up until I decided I wanted to play music, was about being what everyone else wanted me to be. Who everyone else wanted me to be. My parents, my professors, society...even Larry has certain expectations. But not you. Never you. Wanting you...it makes me feel free."
"Pipes," Alex said again, this time reaching forward and cupping her face in her hands, "This is a bad, bad idea."
"Mmm," Piper agreed breathlessly. "Then why doesn't it feel that way?"
Instead of answering, Alex pressed her lips against hers and kissed her hungrily, banning all thoughts from her head that didn't involve Piper and her lips that tasted of vanilla gloss and the swell of her breast under her tank top as Alex gently cupped it and how damn good it felt to touch her.
A really, really bad, bad idea, she thought as she moved her lips down Piper's neck, making the other woman moan as she reached the hollow of her throat.
Fuck it.
