She'd thought they'd discuss it on the bus but they slept instead and when they weren't sleeping, they were watching movies on Alex's laptop, Piper resting her head on her shoulder, feet tucked underneath her.
They didn't discuss it once they hit Dallas either. Once they'd checked into the hotel, everyone headed to their respective rooms to relax, making a plan to meet up for dinner at the Mexican resturant next door.
And they didn't discuss it at dinner but Piper sat next to her. They split a giant burrito plate and Piper kept making their knees brush under the table and sneaking little secret smiles at her when she thought no one was looking. Having something be just between them was nice and Alex certainly didn't feel the immediate need to change it, regardless of any talk they had to have.
Nicky didn't seem to notice anything amiss because she was too busy doing shots of tequila with Poussey who, Alex observed, had put in an extra effort to look nice. The drummer was an attractive woman naturally but she'd put subtle make up on, done her hair and was wearing fitted jeans that she was pretty sure were new and Alex couldn't help but wonder if it was for Nick's benefit after the strange conversation they'd had in the ice machine room.
"You look beautiful tonight," Piper smiled at Poussey and the drummer blushed a little. Damn, Alex thought, Interesting.
"Thanks," She replied lightly, turning her attention back to her liquor. "Yo, I don't think I can do any more of this shit. Cheap tequila gives you a mad hangover."
"So let's go grab a bottle of Patron and bring it back to my room," Nicky shrugged. "Vause, Chapman, you guys game?"
Immediately, Alex saw the look on Poussey's face and quickly shook her head. "I'll pass. Early day tomorrow, remember?"
"Yeah, me too. I'm just gonna crash." Piper agreed, sipping her margarita. Alex had teased her when she'd ordered it, asking if the amount of tequila she'd consumed last weekend wasn't enough to turn her off the shit altogether but she'd flipped her off, a gesture that'd earned cheers from Nicky and Poussey. Alex had been relentless though and even more so when the waitess brought Piper a drink the size of her head. The blonde had grinned. "Everything's bigger in Texas."
"Whatever. C'mon, man. You're driving," She tossed the keys over to Poussey, throwing down money. "Shit, Chapman's right. You look hot as hell."
This time the drummer did not blush but took Nicky by the hand. "Let's go."
"Wow," Piper turned to Alex when they left the restaurant, "What do you think is going on there?"
"Nick says they're just friends but it doesn't seem that way to me."
"Do you think they're sleeping together? I mean, don't you think it's kind of weird they were so cuddly during the movie and now Poussey is putting on make up? It doesn't add up."
"Do you think they think we're sleeping together?"
Piper half smiled. "We are sleeping together. I mean we slept together." She stopped, searching Alex's eyes with her own. "Now is probably a good time to talk, huh?"
"About us? Or Nicky and Poussey?" Alex smirked coyly and Piper smacked her arm.
"Jerk. My room or yours?"
Piper's face was innocent but her tone had the slightest suggestive lilt, so subtle that Alex might of missed it. She felt the heat rushing to her face and she had to shake her head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Pipes. The truth is," she lowered her voice, leaning in, if we're alone, I don't think I'm going to be able to keep my hands off you."
Sucking in a tight breath, Piper downed the rest of her drink and set down the glass. "Good point."
"OK then," Alex turned to make sure they could talk without being interrupted. "Excuse me," she called, signaling their waitress. "Hi, I'd like to pay now," she handed her the check along with a wad of bills, "but we need the table to talk privately for just a few minutes."
The waitress, a middle aged woman with big hair and red lipstick glanced down at the generous tip and nodded. "Shouldn't be a problem, darlin'. Not too busy tonight. I'll leave you girls to it."
When she cleared the table, Alex folded her hands in front of her. "This is awkward. I mean not this...sitting right next to you." She moved to occupy Nicky's empty seat across from Piper. "Better. OK..." she trailed off. Shit, it was hard to focus when Piper looked so good. She wore a strapless black and white patterned jumpsuit she'd picked up in Chicago with wedge sandals and Alex was having a difficult time not staring at her chest.
"Larry called," The blonde glanced down at the table. "While I was resting. He wanted to know how things are going...and he also wanted me to make some wedding decisions."
"And what did you say?" She struggled to stay neutral. The pressure Larry was putting on Piper pissed her off and she acknowledged some of it was personal now.
"I said everything was good but I couldn't really talk about wedding stuff right now and I'd call him later." Piper twirled her engagement ring around her finger as she spoke. "You know what I feel really shitty about? The fact I'm not guilty like I thought I would be. I cheated, Alex. I should be like, wallowing in regret right now...but I'm not. And I don't know what that means."
"Pipes..." Alex began carefully, "I can't tell you-I won't tell you what to do. I know it's not a cut and dry thing. But you know where I stand on the whole issue. If marrying him doesn't feel right, then don't. Yes, I'm definitely saying it for purely selfish reasons but ultimately, you have to make that decision. No one else."
"I know and I hate lying," she sighed, reaching out to rest her hand on Alex's forearm. "The thing is," she bent her head in, "I don't want it to be a one time thing. Do you?"
Alex realized instantly it was her chance to jump in and end things before shit got extremely messy, before everything she worked so fucking hard for for so many years was compromised, before she fell any harder for Piper with her blye eyes that seemed like they could see directly into her soul. All it would take was for to open her mouth and say it could only ever be a one time thing. She'd hurt Piper and she'd suffer too and worst of all, she would be lying. A lying, coward and she didn't consider herself to be either. Still, Alex was well aware how much potential heartache she could save herself (and Piper) if she just stopped shit from spinning out of control then and there.
"No," Alex admitted, their eyes meeting. "I don't."
And with her admission, the singer beamed, her eyes crinkling in the corners as she smiled and Alex couldn't help but smile back.
"I think we should take it as it comes. No plans, no big decisions right now. We can do that, right?"
"I think so. And just so you know, I meant what I said on the bus to Chicago. I know this band is everything to you. There's nothing that's going to make me leave. I'm here as long as you guys will have me."
"I certainly fucking hope so. Your voice...man,that critic from the Tribune only touched on like a tenth of how incredible you are up there." Alex said. "Everyone is going to know who you are now, Piper. The record label wants another album so that'll put you completely out there. All good things."
"All good things," Piper echoed. "This whole week has been a dream...like it's happening finally when I thought it never would. And I owe it to you, Alex. If you hadn't taken a chance on me, even after I told you I didn't have any professional experience...I wouldn't be here right now. So thank you. And getting to know you, that's just made it even sweeter. You're an amazing person."
"Right back at you, kid." Her reply was casual but the way Piper was looking at her, coupled with her praise, had her heart beating fast. "So, are we good?"
"No big decisions right now. One step at a time. Right?"
"Yeah." Rising Alex gestured for her to do the same. "C'mon."
"Where are we going?"
"I wanna show you something," She took the singer by the hand and didn't let go as they strolled back to the hotel.
The midsummer night was quiet and cool and as they walked hand in hand, Alex felt a rush of happiness flow over her, unexpected and abrupt. It wasn't that she never allowed herself to experience joy. She had always had moments of fleeting happiness but they were all connected to music. Being in her mom's warm presence always automatically steadied her and melted her prickly exterior but that life had been hard with them struggling to make ends meet and Alex knowing how damn exhausted Diane was from supporting them alone. Being happy had been a difficult concept to grasp and the few times Alex felt like she could capture it, the feeling slipped out of her fingers.
She refused to allow herself to think about anything but the moment. How Piper's hand was warm tucked into hers. How they walked, side by side as if Piper's was hers and she was Piper's. She took the rush of happiness and grasped onto it with two hands, determined not to let it go. Not yet.
Piper held her hand in the elevator and still as they got off on the restaurant floor. "We just had dinner," she giggled as Alex led her in.
Putting a finger to her lips, she ordered two glasses of champagne from the bar and led them outside onto the terrace.
"God," Piper stood beside her as they set their drinks down on a nearby table. "This view..."
"Incredible, right? I came up for a drink earlier, before we all met for dinner. I think the food here is way overpriced but this is fucking beautiful."
The terrace overlooked the sprawling land, and the sun was just dipping below the horizon, its brilliant hues of oranges and pinks leaving them both in awstruck silent.
"Sunsets and sunrises never get old," Piper said quietly, leaning into Alex. "I must have seen them a million times but they always take my breath away."
"I used to sit on the hood of my car sometimes after a late gig with a coffee and just watch the sun come up. The band was just starting out and we were playing these tiny clubs and dive bars and we made shit money but...watching that sunrise, it was so peaceful, you know? And it's like I knew we were on the cusp of something. That we were going to be somebody."
"I wish I knew you back then. You definitely would've told me to stop being such a pussy about everything." She shrugged. "I was just so afraid of what people thought of me that I couldn't be authentic. It sucked."
Alex laughed. "Try to find any kid who's completely authentic, Pipes. I was so moody and emo, it was almost a joke. I fed into that persona because I thought that's who I was."
"So I'm getting to know the real Alex Vause?" Piper brushed their elbows, laughing when Alex grabbed her hand, managing to tickle her in the process.
"Flaws and all," She grabbed their champagne glasses with her unoccupied hand and gave Piper hers. "To the rest of the tour. And to taking it as it goes, no pressure."
"To this," Piper gestured around her. "And to you. I'm really glad you came into my life."
"Me too," Alex clinked her glass against Piper's. "Me too."
