If ignorance was indeed bliss, then for the next two weeks, Alex basked in it. For the first time in her entire life, she elected to bury her head in the sand and not overthink the fact that eventually Piper would have to make a decision on how to handle the whole Larry situation. Yes, she realized it was slightly fucked up that Piper would answer his calls and make decisions about flowers or menus and end the night in her bed. But she had to remind herself she had told Piper not to make any life altering decisions right away, that they would take things slowly, that there was a very real possibility that in another month, they'd be back in New York and Piper would marry Larry and that would be it. She wasn't stupid or naive but it all felt damn good. And it wasn't just the amazing sex (though almost instantly she had discovered Piper craved it as much as she did and for someone with limited experience with women, she was more than eager to try new things), it was the way they connected; the talks they had in and out of bed, the way when she would cup the back of Piper's head in her hands, her fingers getting caught up in the hair at the nape of her neck, Piper let a small sigh escape from her lips, how sometimes they didn't speak for hours after sex, content to be tangled up together, limbs lazy, no desire to move from the warm safety their bodies created.

It was a million more tiny little things...Piper's high pitched laugh when she was nervous, in comparsion to the great belly laugh Alex got to hear so often, the type of giggle that was infectious and showed the dimples in her cheeks. How good she always smelled. How good she tasted. Alex was well aware she was in it, right over her head, but she was drunk on Piper, how Piper made her feel. She thought she might've finally gotten what her mom meant when she said, "The heart wants what it wants, Al," all the time when she was younger. Back then, she thought that the whole notion was horse shit, a convenient excuse for making stupid decisions but now it made complete sense. Her head was thinking of the band, always, but her heart, her heart, was slowly becoming captive to sweet smiles that never failed to make her melt, the feel of fingertips that gently grazed her pulse points to get her attention and the rambling tales of a girl who had grown up in a family with privilege but not much warmth.

Before Piper, her nights had consisted of playing a show, eating with the girls, and picking up a reasonably attractive woman to have sex with. There was nothing lonely or sad about it, in spite of not having any emotional connection to any of them. She liked sex, she was good at it , and after a show, the adrenaline was still pumping through her veins and she had to do something to expend the rest of it or else falling asleep proved difficult. The whole thing worked, even if it was only because she had no idea what she was missing. Who she was missing. Now her days were filled with traveling and practice and interviews and lunches and the nights were what she lived for. To be on stage in different cities, the lights hitting her hard as she played, reveling in how they all were in complete synchronicity with each other, something they hadn't been able to achieve in years. Her eyes would meet Piper's and everything else became background. If it was band night, they would dutifully hang out with Poussey and Nicky and then Alex would finally get her alone. And it was one day, after waking up with Piper in her arms, she realized it was difficult to recall a time where she had slept alone because it felt as natural as breathing.

It was one such lazy Sunday morning in Seattle after a particularly raucous show (Alex was incredibly thankful they had a rare two day gap in between traveling), they had slept in and as Piper kissed the space between her neck and shoulders, she was hit squarely once again with the truth of how very much she didn't want this to end.

"We should get room service," Alex murrmured, not wanting to turn over just yet as the blonde ran her hands up and down her back unhurriedly, massaging the skin there. "Mmmm, Pipes...that feels nice."

"We're meeting the guys for brunch," She reminded her but continued kneading Alex's flesh beneath her fingers, placing soft kisses where her hands had been.

"So we'll cancel." Alex knew for certain how things would end if Piper kept touching her and it certainly wouldn't include brunch plans.

"We cancelled already last week, remember? And then we were late to that meeting with Red."

"Oh yeah. She was so fucking pissed." Alex shrugged. "Whatever. She'll get over it." She failed to mention that Red had taken her outside while Piper was on the phone with Larry and cornered her. "You're not fooling anyone, Vause," She had hissed, all but grabbing her by her collar. "Do you think I'm stupid? I have eyes. I know something fishy is going on with you and Chapman and if you're smart, you'll end it, understand? She's all anyone is talking about nowadays and I can't risk losing her. Besides," Her eyes bore into Alex, "I don't want another Nicky on my hands. One emotional mess is enough for me."

"God, I'm so touched you care. I'm a big girl, Red," She had retorted. " I know what I'm doing, OK?"

They had ended it at that but Alex couldn't help but seethe a little over Red jumping into her personal shit under the guise of it being her business because it affected the band. She had gotten smack in the middle of the whole Lorna and Nicky diaster too and her meddling had only added fuel to the fire. As far as she was concerned, the less the manager knew about what went on outside of closed doors, the better.

Piper made idle, deliberate circles on the small of her back, sweeping up to her shoulder blades. Her fingertips traced Alex's salt shaker and the other woman groaned lowly as she dragged her fingernails lightly over the raised ink. "Tell me about this one." She placed a quick kiss to the tattoo. "We never got to it..."

"God, you're demanding," Alex shook her head, "You're lucky you're cute, Chapman, do you know that?"

"You love it. Please?"

She turned over, taking Piper with her. "Not much of a story."

"Hmmm, still. I think it's my favorite."

"Oh yeah?" She smiled, propping herself up on an elbow. "OK then, So...I kind of lost my way for awhile. When I was younger. "

"Mmmm," Piper reached out to touch her cheek. "I've been there."

"I never really knew my father. I mean, I knew who he was, but I never-he sang for Death Maiden."

"I don't know who that is."

"Yeah, not many people do anymore. They were big in the 80's. Anyway, my mom was at one of their concerts when she was nineteen, slept with him after the show and got knocked up. He took off after like, two days. My mom never told him about me. We struggled through on our own and I was angry. Alot. I didn't get why she didn't just tell him about me. So we didn't have to decide between groceries or electricity that month and Mom didn't have to bust her ass, working three jobs just to get by."

"That must have sucked, knowing he was out there..."

"It was hard," She admitted, "But my mom, she was adamant I didn't try to contact him. I told her she was being kinda selfish. I thought I was a badass back then. I used to steal her cigarettes, little punk ass shit like that..anyway, the day after I turned eighteen, I drove to New York City to see them play in this little shithole. My car barely made it but I was so fucking excited, you know? Like I wasn't expecting anything, I didn't want money or anything like that... just to see his face, to see if maybe if I looked like him or something..." Alex paused, drawing Piper closer. "I didn't go to the show, just to the greenroom. I introduced myself and I think I said something like "I'm your daughter." And it was just... this total disappointment. He was a junkie, Piper, he offered me a hit and I went and hid in the bathroom. Not how I pictured things going."

"Oh Al..."

"It's totally fine. It was a long time ago. But it fucked me up...I used it as an excuse for awhile for the stupid shit I did. And I did alot of stupid shit. Stuff I'm not proud of. I ended up in rehab for a couple months after I moved to New York. And I wish I could say it was because of the people I got involved with...but it was me. I wouldn't say I was addicted but I definitely got in over my head and that was enough for Diane. She told me to straighten my life the fuck out so I did. And I met Nick there. I could see she had a much harder road than I did, she was in too deep, but she was the only one I could really talk to. I found out she played bass and things kind of took off from there when we got out..." Alex smiled at the memory, "Anyway, I read something when I was there, all I did was read, really, and write songs, but in ancient times, people would spill salt to keep the devil away, you know the old throwl salt over your shoulder for good luck thing? I figured I could use all the help I could get. So I got it to kinda-this sounds crazy, but to keep me safe. To protect me from myself, I guess." She looked to Piper. "Like I said, not much of a story."

"I don't think it's crazy at all." The blonde kissed her softly. "I love the meaning behind it. But I don't think you have to worry about good luck anymore. Look at what you've done with your life...this tour, this band. You said you were going to do something big and you did. You're pretty fucking incredible."

"Is that so?" Alex arched her eyebrow, laughing when Piper blushed. "You're not so bad yourself, Pipes."

And although she didn't ususally wear her heart on her sleeve, although she only let her guard down in front of very few people, Piper's words absolutely melted her and she found herself smiling goofily. It was becoming a regular occurrence.

"So," She swiftly changed the subject, "My mom is coming to the show in Portland. I don't know if I told you.."

Piper smiled. "You did but you were still finalizing the details. That's amazing. I can't wait to meet her. I feel like I know her already though."

"I can't wait for you to meet her either. The thing is," Alex reached out to smooth back an errant strand of hair, "She doesn't know about us. Uh, that we're together. Not together but...you know what I mean."

"And you aren't sure if you want her to know, right? It's OK, Al, I can't say I blame you. It's kind of a conplicated situation."

Alex exhaled. "It's not just that. What am I supposed to call you? I don't want to say we're just sleeping together because that isn't it but it's not like you're my girlfriend either. We don't have titles and friend doesn't seem right .I mean, of course you're my friend, but it's so much more than that. God, I sound completely insane right now, don't I?"

Normally, she didn't give a second thought to how she sounded to anyone because if someone didn't like what she had to say, zero fucks were given. But the situation was different. Piper was different. It had only taken a month for Alex to conclude the singer was indeed her weakness, like how some people craved cigarettes or coffee. She actually gave a shit what the other woman thought of her, how she perceived the crazy electric, chemical thing that was happening between them. It wasn't as if she expected Piper to put a label on them because she really couldn't, not with Larry, and she couldn't figure out when the fuck she had started caring about shit like that in the first place.

"No, I get it. I do. It's your Mom. Of course you want to explain-I don't think we can put a title on what this is, honestly. Even if things were different. Do you?"

"I guess not. My mom will figure it out anyway. All I have to do is introduce you and she'll know. She's ridiculous like that." Alex shook her head.

"I'm jealous. My mother and I...we aren't like that. Not even a little bit."

Alex could detect the sadness in her statement and she kissed her temple. "She has no idea what she's missing out on then."

"Have I told you what an incredible person you are?"

"Hmmm, not in the last fifteen minutes, but we can totally work on it." The brunette reached out to tickle her ribs, knowing fully well it was her most sensitive spot.

"Stop!" Piper cried out in protest, wrenching away. "Seriously, Al," she managed between squeals, "you suck. Oh my God, uncle. You win."

Grinning mischeviously, Alex ceased her attack. "Yeah? What do I win?"

"What?"

"What do I win?" She repeated lasciviously, "What's my prize?"

Piper looked at her, biting her lip. "What do you want?"

"What do you think?" With that, Alex pushed aside the blanket, pulling Piper on top of her.

Oh yeah, Alex thought hazily as Piper kissed her neck, Definitely going to be late now.

An hour later, and a hurried text to Nicky, Alex and Piper managed to put themselves together and meet their friends at a trendy down town restaurant.

"Sorry again," Piper apologized after ordering coffee, "I overslept."

"We overslept, you mean," Nicky deadpanned, closing the menu. "I'm not a moron, guys. You both have that fresh just fucked look." She smirked at Piper. "Chapman's practically fuckin' glowing over there."

Alex had to admit Nicky was right. Piper was emanating a warmth that really could only been seen as a glow and nol for the first time, she marvelled at how effortlessly gorgeous the other woman was. Piper had jumped in the shower for three minutes, brushed her teeth, and ran a brush through her hair. She wore Alex's black tank top and her own jeans from the night before ( they had stayed in Alex's room) and she still managed to look completely put together.

"Yeah, well...whatever. It's all good. We're all adults here." Alex tapped Nicky's arm with her menu. "I mean, kinda."

They hadn't exactly been discreet around their bandmates, despite not coming out with any official announcements. But there was no real effort to hide anything either. Piper, while not clingy, was extremely affectionate and couldn't help but touch Alex every ten minutes or so whether it was a hand on her shoulder or a quick squeeze of her fingers. The guitarist for her part, initiated a constant close proximity between them; going over a song with their heads bent together, sharing a meal side by side, how on stage she never needed to look over at Piper (though she did that too)to know where she was and how palpable their connection was. The mere thought of the other woman close by calmed her, set her at ease. She was certain her bandmates had noticed but she could have given a fuck less. And she had indeed considered that it made her a bit of a hypocrite when she had sworn up and down she wasn't going to get involved with Piper but that was before the blonde had settled somewhere deep in the recesses of her veins.

"And some of us are adults who are engaged to other people," She shrugged, ignoring the daggers Poussey shot her. "By the way, how is good ole Larry?"

Alex started to reply but Piper cut her off. "Are you seriously going to lecture us on morality right now? Because the truth is, it's really none of your business."

Poussey and Alex froze in stunned silence but Nicky crossed her arms in front of her chest, unphased. "It affects the band, so I'd say it is my fucking business. It also affects me because you're fucking around with my best friend and no matter what she says, she's gonna get hurt. You're gonna marry Larry and where does that leave her? Because in case you haven't noticed, she's insanely in love with you."

This time Piper was stunned into silence as well and she could only stare at Nicky who shook her head as other patrons turned to look at them.

"Jesus fuckin Christ, dude, really?" Poussey, who had been quiet up until her friend's outburst glared at the bassist. "You don't get a say about who Vause chooses to sleep with. Or who Chapman decides to marry. It's none of your damn business either way. Just cuz you don't know how to be fuckin' happy don't mean you gotta bring other people down."

"Whatever," Nicky gulped her coffee iindifferently, but Alex caught her eyes beginning to water. "I'm done." Abruptly, she stood and slammed her chair into the table, exiting the restaurant.

"OK, where the fuck did that come from?" The brunette asked incredulously, glancing around the table. "Like I get the concern...we have each other's backs but the anger...I don't get it." Something clicked and she looked at Poussey. "You're kinda quiet, P. Did something happen?"

"Yeah, I mean kind of. She didn't wanna say anything to you guys but...Lorna texted her."

"Oh shit, really? When?" They hadn't heard from their former singer since she had jumped ship in the middle of the tour.

"Mad early this mornin'. Around 2." Poussey sighed. "She want to meet up when we get to Boston. That's where shes from," The drummer mentioned to Piper. "I told Nick it was a fucking shit idea but you know her..."

"What the fuck could she possibly want?"

"Maybe to check me out," Piper offered, putting a hand on Alex's shoulder comfortingly. "Maybe it has nothing to do with Nicky at all."

"Oh no, it does. She wants to fuck with her head some more. Either that or sleep with her one last time before she gets married...either way, it's no fucking good, Pipes. You gotta understand...Nicky was head over heels in love...I've known her since we were nineteen and I've never seen her like that. When Lorna left, it really fucked her up. She's still not back 100 percent."

Piper turned to Poussey. "You sure she's going to go?"

Poussey nodded. "When she puts her mind to something...well, ya'll know as well as I do, there ain't no changin' it."

"Wait," Alex put a hand up, "Where you with her when she got the text?"

Poussey flushed. "Uh, yeah."

"I knew it! I knew you two were fucking," Alex burst out. "Fuck, here she is telling me she's all concerned about the band and meanwhile, she's hooking up with you the whole time."

"No, no...we're not...it ain't like that."

"Really? Then what's-"

"Al," Piper nudged her.

Suddenly, it dawned on her exactly what was going on and instantly, she felt like a complete moron. "Jesus. You're in love with her, aren't you? Where the fuck have I been? All the time you guys spend together...how you're always trying to keep her safe...it -how long has- how could I not have noticed?"

"Cuz you had your own shit to deal with. Anyway, it don't matter now."

"Does she know?" The blonde asked gently.

"Kinda," Poussey shrugged, "I mean, it's not like I came out and said it but...we kissed. It was when she was drunk though so I let her think it was just that...shit is complicated. Not that I gotta tell you guys but...like I said, it don't matter. She's still hung up on Morello, even if she don't wanna admit it."

"Well, shit," Alex slunk back in her chair. "Talk about fucking self absorbed. All this was going on right in front of my face and.." She rose suddenly, "I'm gonna go catch up with Nick. She's hurting right now and-"

"Go," Piper motioned toward the door, "Poussey and I can talk."

"It ain't gonna do much good," The drummer said glumly and Piper patted her hand.

"Thanks for understanding," Alex leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I'll catch up later."

It took a quick text to find out Nicky was stationed at a park downtown. Wnen Alex finally found her, she was taking up residence on a bench, smoking a Camel and watching a family of ducks waddle by.

"Is this bench taken?" Alex asked, plopping herself down without waiting for an answer. "You buy a pack of cigarettes? Since when did you take up smoking again?"

Nicky shrugged. "Keeps me away from smack." She looked to the ducks, walking in a row past them and jumping into the nearby river. "Don't you ever get jealous of those ducks, man? Like they know just where they're headed...and they stick together. No one is left behind."

"You don't have to worry about me, you know," Alex spoke lowly. "Piper and I-it isn't...I knew what I was getting into when we started it."

"Doesn't make it suck any less when it's over. She's gonna pick him. And I know you think I'm saying it cuz I'm bitter and because of how shit went down with me but I'm saying it cuz I don't wanna see you crushed like I was...it's the truth, Alex, and deep down, you know it."

"I do," Her admission sent a sharp pang directly into the center of her chest and she swallowed hard. "But God fucking help me, I can't not be with her. I tried...you know how hard I fought. And it's gonna hurt and I'm gonna be in alot of pain when it ends but I'm gonna have to find a way to deal with it because she'll still be a part of this band...and I would rather see her every day and know I can't be with her then to have her cut out of my life." She let out a tense breath. "I don't think about it. I can't."

They sat in silence, Nicky blowing out a steady steam of smoke. "P ok? She's fucking pissed, isn't she?"

"Because she cares."

"I know. And I care too...she's not just some random girl to me. I'm not just gonna hook up with her and run. But I think she wants more than I can give her right now and she fuckin' deserves better."

"Look at us," Alex said humorlessly, stretching out her long legs, "We're pathetic."

"Totally." Nicky paused. "You get it though, right? Why I'm meeting up with her?"

"You think you need closure. But you don't, Nick. Your closure will come when you let yourself move on."

Nicky snorted. "You should talk. When is your closure gonna come, huh? When we're in Boston next week and Larry finds out you're in love with his fiancee or when you're a fucking bridesmaid at her wedding?" She looked at Alex. "Ask yourself, dude, are you willing to put up with being her dirty little secret? I think Chapman's great...but she's playing you, man."

And it was with that, Alex knew Nicky was correct, that there would be no happy ending. And even more startling, if Piper was playing her for a fool, she couldn't bring herself to care.

Author's Note: The Nicky/Poussey sideplot was an idea bubble planted by an interview with Natasha Lyonne where she was talking about how much she loved Samira Wiley and had one time hoped for a relationship between their characters. Wish granted (in AU form)!