"Alright, practice is done. Gotta go grab Diane from the airport," Alex annouced, putting her guitar back in its case. "If I don't see everyone beforehand, call is at six tomorrow at The Showbox, got it?"
She exchanged a look with Piper who was dissembling her mic stand. The blonde shook her head, mouthing "It's fine," but Alex didn't know if she fully believed her.
Rehearsal had been tense to say the least. The place Red had gotten them was spacious but didn't have much ventilation and it didn't take long for the room to become almost unbearably warm, even with the portable fan they'd brought. On top of the uncomfortable heat, the tension between Poussey and Nicky was palpable and Nicky refused to speak more than a few monoslyic words to Piper, who wasn't too thrilled with the bassist's hostility at brunch a few days back. They managed to get through the set once before Alex had called it quits (for her own sanity as much as having to grab her mom). It definitely wasn't their best practice by far, but she knew not to beat a dead horse.
"Give Mama my best," Nicky wiped sweat from her brow, "If I don't see her before the concert."
"Why wouldn't you see her, dumbass? She asked for you."
"Yeah?" Her expression softened. "I don't wanna get in the way of your plans, that's all, man." Nicky had a soft spot for Diane, especially since she didn't speak to her own mother.
She was referring to Alex hanging out with Piper, she quickly inferred, and she shook her head. "You wouldn't be. Seriously, Diane wants to see you. She saw pictures of Dallas online and she said she needs to feed your skinny ass."
"Well, in that case..."Her friend smiled slightly. "Tell Mama D I hoped she smuggled some of that mac and cheese on the plane."
Truthfully, Alex didn't have a plan of attack for the weekend. She knew Piper wanted to meet Diane and Diane would definitely want to meet Piper but the second she did, her mother would know. The same way she knew Alex had fallen for the singer just by the way she had said her name. Diane's keen intuition was simultaneously her best and worst quality. It had seriously driven her insane when she was younger as her mother seemed to sense she was going to do something she shouldn't, even before she did it but she couldn't help love that Diane knew her so well, especially given both Nicky's non relationship with her mother and Piper's tense relationship with hers.
She desperately wanted her mom to like Piper and she was almost positive she would. The woman was well read and kind and a damn good conversationalist and it wasn't as if she needed Diane's approval (their relationship had never worked like that), it was more that she didn't want the fact they were having an affair to cause her to think any less of the blonde. They were the two most important women to her (excluding her bandmates) and the idea that her mother might get the wrong impression of Piper made her heart sink just a little.
"You sure you don't want me to come with you to the airport?" Piper spoke into her ear. "I'm super fun company on a road trip."
"Mmmm, tempting," She pressed a kiss to her forehead, ignoring Nicky's not so subtle eyeroll in their direction. "But it's not exactly a road trip, Pipes. It's only twenty minutes away. And in all, honesty, it's probably better to pick her up by myself, you know?"
"No, I get it. You're totally right. I'll meet up with you guys for dinner." A brief look of hurt flashed over her features and she attempted to cover it with a smile.
"I'm not trying to be an ass here, Piper," Alex took her hands, running her thumb over gently over Piper's knuckle. "I just-"
The blonde shook her head. "Absolutely no explanation needed. I'm fine. I really don't have any right to be offended, do I? I don't know..."
"What is it?"
Piper sighed. "A part of me just wishes it was simple...that you were my girlfriend and I was meeting your mom for the first time and I was nervous for all the normal reasons, not because I was afraid your mother is going to think I'm this whore who's jerking her daughter around."
"Oh Pipes," Alex said quietly, "She's not going to think that. Diane's cool. It's just a crazy situation and to have explain it to her when I haven't seen her in person in months..."
"It's fine, Al. Really it is. You better go though, it's already noon. You'll be late. We'll talk soon, OK? "This time it was Piper who kissed her and though it was no more than a quick peck, it warmed Alex to know she didnt care that their bandmates saw.
"See you later?" She touched their foreheads together briefly before grabbing her guitar case and heading out.
The ride to the airport gave her time to refocus, to breath, as time alone tended to do. She blasted some Queen and felt herself relax as the soft summer breeze flittered through the window. Despite all the drama of late, she really was excited to see Diane, to have that little piece of home there with her. In the midst of chaos, her mom had always been her touchstone.
By the time Alex had parked and got to the correct gate, her mom's plane had landed and she stood by anxiously scanning people coming through.
All at once she saw her, looking exactly the same as the last time Alex had seen her, dark hair and flashing green eyes and maybe a bit less weary since Alex convinced her to cut back some of her hours. Before she could even lift her arm to wave, she could feel her eyes mist over.
Diane spotted her immediately and enveloped her in a tight embrace before she said a word. "God, I missed you, kiddo." She held back her daughter at arm's length. "You look tired. Are you gettin' enough sleep?" And damn, you need to eat more! You're skin and bones."
Alex laughed. "Good to see you too, Ma." Diane never changed and for that, she was always immensely grateful. Her mother had been the one constant in her life from the beginning. "C'mon, lets go grab your luggage." She took her carry on and slung it over her own shoulder. "How was your flight? I figured we could go back to the hotel and rest for a bit."
Diane shook her head as they headed toward baggage claim. "You know me and flying, baby. I took two Xanax and went right off to dreamland. You wanna show me around Portland? We can have some lunch and catch up."
"Whatever you wanna do, Mom. I'm just so happy you're here. You have no idea how good it is to see your face." Her expression darkened unintentionally. "Alot's been going on."
"Oh I figured. You sounded pretty preoccupied the last few times on the phone." Diane wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "But we have plenty of time to talk about it, right? Let's go."
The afternoon was a pleasant one. As usual, Alex basked in her mother's presence and they had a wonderful time taking in Portland after a late lunch .They opted to do a self-guided tour, most of which they did on foot. It turned out not to be too hot and by the time they ended with a couple of drinks at an upscale downtown restaurant, they were spent but happy.
"Man, I haven't had a day like this in years," Diane mused, sipping her Sex on the Beach. (Alex loved to tease her about her "hoity toity" taste in drinks). "And you spoil me, Al." She gestured to the Birkin bag her daughter had insisted on buying when she'd caught Diane looking at it.
She shrugged nonchalantly, secretly pleased that she was able to show Diane just how grateful she was for the sacrifices she'd made for her when she was growing up. Back then, she couldn't quite grasp quite how hard her mother had worked to make ends meet but she was determined now to make up for it. And although Diane had insisted Alex spent too much money on her, she knew that she was incredibly proud and bragged to her friends all the time how Alex had bought her a house and a car with some of their album sales.
"You love it," She smiled, clinking her glass against Diane's for an unofficial toast. "Besides, what the hell good is money if I can't spoil someone with it."
"You know how much I appreciate it, Al, I mean, c'mon...I'm the one who told you were gonna be someone someday...when those snotty bitches started giving you a hard time?" She reached out to touch her hand. "I'm so freakin' proud of you, I can't see straight. But honey, you gotta start thinking toward the future. Use your money on you, OK? What if you want a house of your own, or a family down the line? Gotta consider these things, ya know? Cuz all of this is great and exciting but it ain't gonna last forever. One day you're gonna want more."
Alex shifted uncomfortably. The conversation was delving into matters she wasn't ready to discuss. As ususal, Diane seemed to sense her uneasiness.
"I'm not ready to buy a house yet, Ma. I'm not home for half the year and I love my apartment, you know that. And a family is so far off, it isn't funny. You may not believe it, but I'm happy with my life. Just the way it is." She shrugged, as if it was a casual statement.
"Sweetie, I'm not tryin' to make you feel bad. I'm not. But something is up. I can tell." Diane's bright emerald eyes, not unlike her own, piereced through her. "You're seeing somebody, aren't ya?" She held her hand up, "And there's no use denying it. I can tell by the look on your face right now that I'm right.".
Try as she might not to react, Alex felt her cheeks get hot. Oh for fucks sake. Again with the blushing, huh?" Yeah, I guess. I mean, kind of."
"And when were you plannin' on telling me, young lady?" Diane broke into a wide grin. "This is major!"
"I don't know," She demurred, swirling around the stirrer in her gin and tonic. "Like, never? Seriously, Mom, it's not a big deal."
Diane nudged her. "Of course it's a big deal! Are you nuts? Here I am, worried you've closed yourself off to the possibilty of love and you've met someone." She grasped Alex's hand across the table. "What's she like? Where did you meet her? Am I ever gonna meet her?"
"See, this is exactly why I didn't tell you. You're like, freaking out. We haven't known each other that long. I'm not gonna marry her and give you a grandchild anytime soon, OK?"
"God, my expectations aren't that high, Alex. I know you, remember?" Something in Diane's expression changed. "But you love her."
There was no use in denying the obvious as Alex knew it was written all over her face. "Yes."
"That's amazing, baby...that's-" She paused, sensing Alex's trepidation. "It's not a good thing, is it?"
"It's a very complicated thing," Alex replied thickly, feeling her chin tremble ever so slightly. Breaking down in front of her mom was the last thing she wanted to do but Diane always could see through her bravado, even when the rest of the world couldn't.
"Love is complicated, baby girl. Hell, life is complicated."
"No, uh, she's with someone else. Like as in engaged to someone else." Alex looked her mother in the eye. "We're having an affair."
She hadn't anticipated her mother's reaction in advance, there had been no point because ultimately, she knew she wasn't going to end it. But she definitely had figured even without blatant disapproval, Diane wouldn't have liked the fact she was someone else's side play. Her mom was a mama lion when it came to her feelings and Alex had seen the claws come out several times over the years. It was never pretty.
The older woman didn't bat an eyelash. "Does she love you?"
"I don't know. We've never talked about it." Her shoulders slunk. "It doesn't matter. I knew the whole thing was kind of doomed from the beginning."
"Of course it matters. If you love her, you need to fight for her, Al! I didn't raise a quitter. And before you jump in and tell me it's not that simple, I'm gonna say yes, it is that simple. If Piper loves you half as much as you obviously love her, she's gonna do the right thing. Trust me."
"How do you know it's Piper?" Alex was floored once again by her mother's ability to know what was going on in her life, even from hundreds of miles away.
"Not that hard to figure out," Diane shrugged. "You mentioned before she was engaged and after that whenever I asked about her, you were really quick to change the subject. One look at you and I knew you were crazy in love...I assumed it was with her."
"Jesus, Ma," The brunette threw back the rest of her drink and slid foward in the leather chair. "I was just gonna let you figure it out when you met her.""
"Don't you think that woulda made it more awkward?" She laughed. "Oh c' mon, baby, lighten up. I know the situation is heavy but ya gotta see the positives, right? You're in love. And that's something I hoped for you all the time. You only want your kid to be happy."
Yeah, I'm sure you didn't think I'd fall in love with a woman who was engaged to a guy," Alex mused. "It's funny...at first, I held my feelings in for the sake of the band and then it was because Piper was straight...one day, I stopped holding on to all of it because I was so fucking tired of fighting it. Honestly, I've never felt like this about anyone else."
"Then you need to ask her to make a choice, Al."
She exhaled slowly. "I just wanted to be with her. If that meant not fully having her, I was OK with that. Or I told myself I was. But everything's changed now. Like I don't remember what my life was like before she walked into it."
Love had always been an analomy to her and Diane, to her enormous credit, had held her tongue when her girlfriends in high school never seemed to last more than a week. She supposed her mother had attributed it to being young but when her habits hadn't changed as adult (Alex never shared just how many women she slept with during their conversations because there was such a thing as unnecessary information), Diane had more than once expressed that it wasn't so much that she wished Alex would settle down, it was more that she could find someone that was well suited to her, who understood how important her music was, who complimented her reserved nature with a subtle confidence. Alex had been skeptical that such a woman was out there and even if she did exist, she'd convinced herself her life was perfectly fine as it was.
And then Piper came into the picture and just like that, her world came crashing down and she was able to understand the kind of love Diane wanted for her. Because she wanted it too. All of it...dates, and the hand holding and candlelit dinners at home, everything she'd deemed cliche, she wanted. And she wanted it with Piper.
"I'm scared," She admitted quietly, focusing back on her mother. "It's brand new for me...to need somebody this much."
"Sweetie, that's love. It's scary as hell. But it's worth it in the end," Diane's eyes were warm. "Look at me. Did I plan to get pregnant when I was nineteen? Your grandparents kicked me out and I had nothin'. Yeah, times were tough and God, it was fuckin' terrifying not knowing if I was gonna make it but I got you out of the deal. Made everything better." She met her daughter's gaze. "What exactly are you scared of, huh? You can tell me anything, Al, you know that."
"What if she picks him? What if I lay all my fucking cards out on the table and ask her point blank to make a decision...and she still chooses him?"
"Well then," Her mother was matter of fact, "You cry and you grieve and you get pissed as hell...and then one day, you wake up and it won't hurt as much anymore. That's when you know you can move on."
"I-"
"You listen to me, Alex. You don't give up, understand? Do not go down without a fight. Fight like hell, OK?" Diane was all fire and grit and Alex felt her spirits lift. Her mother was the ultimate example of not throwing in the towel when shit seemed impossible. And she was her mother's daughter, after all.
A few hours later, after they had freshened up a bit, they drove to meet Piper at a farm to table restaurant Alex had made them reservations at as soon as she secured plans for Diane to come to Portland.
The restaurant, though elegant, had a cozy atmosphere, including table side lamplight which she hoped put Piper at ease. She had texted earlier, asking what she should wear and Alex got the indication that she was a little anxious.
"Hey you," She greeted easily as she spotted the blonde waiting at the bar, sipping a Chardonnay. "Missed you," Alex grazed her cheek with her lips, breathing in the light scent of her perfume.
"You too," Piper murrmured, glancing over. "Where's your Mom?"
"Smoke break," She explained, finally getting a good view of the other woman. "God, you look incredible.
"You sure it's not too much?" Piper questioned, frowning. "Like too much cleavage?"
"Are you kidding? No such thing."
Piper wore a short, black cocktail dress that clung to her athletic body perfectly and black Christian Louboutins that showed off her toned, long legs. Alex thought she would have to wipe away drool from her chin.
"The things I wanna do to you right now, Pipes..." She whispered in her ear, her eyes glinting evilly.
"Al!" Piper instantly reddened (Alex absolutely loved that it was her and only her that could make her blush at will) and swatted her away. "Don't tease...I want to make a good impression on your Mom."
"Who's teasing?" Alex shrugged, grinning, but she oblidged, creating some space between them.
"You're looking hot yourself tonight," The blonde allowed, her eyes scanning Alex's body in such a way that heat instantly pooled in the bottom of her stomach.
"Oh this?" She glanced down at the fitted red blouse which she had paired with a particular pair of jeans she knew Piper loved her in, "I picked it up when were shopping today." Alex arched her eyebrow cockily. "You like?"
The blonde nodded, her blue eyes clouding over with Alex was easily able to identify as need. "I just wanna get through meeting your mother," She managed tightly and the brunette laughed.
"OK, OK, I'll be nice, I swear." She couldn't resist leaning over to speak in her ear again, "No promises once we're alone later."
Alex could see the pink in her cheeks rising again just as Diane strode into the restaurant and bypassing her daughter, walked directly up to the blonde. "You must be Piper."
"Hi, Ms. Vause...it's so nice to finally meet you." She greeted warmly, extending her hand.
Instead of taking it, Diane pulled her in for a hug. "Oh God, honey, please, Diane. I feel like I know you. Jesus, Al, you didn't mention she was frickin' stunning! I knew you were pretty from pictures online but they can't do you justice in person."
"Stop, Ma, don't embarrass her," Alex protested but she was smiling. "C'mon, let's go get our table."
They were seated and made easy small talk while looking over the menu. Piper's nerves had eased up under her mother's presence and not for the first time, Alex was incredibly grateful that Diane was who she was.
"So, Piper," Diane began once they had ordered, "Al tells me you went to school at Smith. We moved to Northampton when Alex was two. I'm from Dorchester but my aunt owned a bed and breakfast out there and we ended up stayin'. Did you grow up in Massachusetts?"
"No, Connecticut. But I ended up moving to Boston after school to pursue music." The blonde shrugged self deprecatingly. "It really wasn't until I auditioned for Solitary Confinement that I got somewhere. Your daughter is the most amazing woman I've ever met. She took a huge gamble on me. Without her, honestly, I don't know where I'd be right now."
Alex shook her head. "All I did was capitalize on how incredibly talented she is. You'll see for yourself tomorrow," she directed toward Diane. "We hit the fucking jackpot with this one."
"Mhmmm," Diane stared at them, her green eyes darting between them. "Can't wait."
"Alex is a leader in every sense of the word. She pushes us, she holds us accountable, she makes us strive to be excellent. We want to make her proud, you know?" Piper laid her hand on Alex's forearm. "It's the truth. We all feel that way."
With Lorna's abrupt departure, the band was compromised and if Alex had laid everything out on the table, she would've admitted that the future looked uncertain. Of course she was still going to do everything in her power to ensure they stayed afloat but the turmoil had been alot to bear. Although it was her band, her baby, during those few months, she had never felt more defeated, not that she ever let it show. She hadn't felt much like a leader then. In actuality, she was just as lost as everyone else, more so really, because it was so difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But to hear Piper's words and to know they were coming from the whole band made a light switch on inside of her. They had made it through the other side.
"Alex is very special. Always has been...even as a little kid. Everyone would say to me, "Diane, that kid's gonna be someone someday." They didn't have to tell me. I knew it from the day she was born." She smiled at Piper. "It's nice to know you think so too."
Something in Diane's tone made Piper avert her eyes and she stared down at her newly arrived salad like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"Jeeze, Ma, now you're embarrassing me," Alex joked in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood since she was well aware that Piper realized Diane knew about them. "Thanks guys. But I'm nothing special. I'm just me."
"Not true. Piper, what do you think?"
The blonde looked to Alex, her expression unreadable. "You told her?"
"Uh, she guessed. I just kind of confirmed it." She gestured to Diane, "Mom has this uncanny ability to know what's going on before you even tell her."
Diane shook her head. "It's fine, Piper. No judgements from me. It's obvious you make Alex happy and I can see you care about her. And that's all I want for my daughter, because she deserves it. "
"Yes, she does," Piper agreed softly, turning toward Alex. "And she makes me really, really happy too."
"Then the rest is just details. Which you kids will figure out. You're both smart."
"Hey, still here," Alex frowned. "You guys do realize that, right?"
"Shush, Al. I'm just tryin' to get to know Piper. " The two women exchanged a smile and the brunette couldn't help but grin herself. Already they were ganging up on her.
When Piper had gotten up to go to the restroom, Diane leaned across the table. "I like her, Alex. She's absolutely perfect for you. Minus the whole engaged to someone else thing. And not that I'm into labels but since she's engaged to a guy...what, does that make her bi?"
"OK, first, please don't ever say bi again," Her daughter shuddered. "And it's not really something we discuss. She was attracted to girls in college but I'm the first girl she's actually been with. What does it matter?"
"It doesn't. I was just wonderin' is all. It's obvious she's crazy about you. And she's gonna make the right decision, Al. I don't know her fiancee but tell me, does she look at him the way she looks at you?"
"No," She paused, seriously contemplating . "She doesn't."
After they had shared a delicious dinner, they drove Diane back to the hotel and hugged her goodnight while Diane whispered in her ear, "Not gonna wait up for you," and winked to which Alex rolled her eyes.
Finally, they were alone and the cool night air and sky full of stars was too perfect not to take advantage of. "Walk?"
In way of an answer, Piper linked their arms and together, they strode out of the lobby and into the quiet darkness.
They walked the hotel grounds in comfortable silence, Piper with her heels in her other hand, leaning in close to Alex as they traveled.
"Your mom is amazing," The other woman said softly, "So easy to talk to. I mean, I'd figured she would be, since she raised you."
"Flattery will get you everywhere, babe."
"Babe?" The blonde questioned, smirking. "Where did that come from?"
"I don't know, actually... it just kinda came out. You hate it, don't you?"
"No, not at all," She replied emphatically, her blue eyes widening. " Just something I never expected to come out of your mouth in a million years but I could definitely get used to it."
"Why didn't you expect it? I'm not the terms of endearment type?" Alex teased as they made their way to the back garden.
"I don't know...it's just funny hearing you say it. I mean, look at you and look at me. Honestly, this sounds like such a high school cliche, but that someone like you is even remotely interested in me is-you're everything I'm not, Al. You're brave and bold and you don't care what anyone thinks."
Alex laughed. "So not true, Piper. I fake it well, that's all. And please...putting yourself out there in front of a thousand people, when you had no professional experience...I'd say that's pretty fucking brave, wouldn't you?" She led them over to a wooden glider where they settled comfortably, knees touching.
"You," She continued, placing her hand lightly on Piper's leg, "are everything I could possibly want."
In the pale moonlight, Piper intertwined their hands, as she raised her gaze to meet Alex's own. "When Nicky said you were in love with me when we were in Seattle, I never asked you if she was right."
"You already know the answer to that, Pipes."
"I think-I think I need to hear you say it." She demanded gently. "Tell me."
Alex reached forward to cup her face in both of her hands. "I'm in love with you. I love you." She let out a strangled breath. "There. You happy now?"
"Were you afraid to tell me? Because you don't think I feel the same way?"
"No," Alex whispered into the top of her head, "Because I think that you do."
"I never meant to. I didn't plan to fall in love with someone else but...God, I'm-" Piper swiped at a stray tear that had slid down. "I'm so in love with you, Alex. So much that it actually hurts. And that should make it simple but...it's not. There's all this shit floating around in my head and it's not fucking fair to you."
"Shhhh," The brunette stroked her face softly with the pads of her thumbs, wiping away the moisture on her cheeks. "Say it again."
"I love you, Alex. God help me, but I do."
"So let's leave it like this, right here, right now. We're in love. Because tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, we'll have to deal with reality. And choices. But tonight, I want to enjoy this." She kissed the blonde slowly, unhurriedly as if they had limitless tme. And it was just Piper and her and the balmy night and the slight sway of the glider as Piper ran her hands through Alex's hair and how she tasted like a thousand summer nights Alex had lived already and the heady scent of the English roses growing in the nearby garden.
In reality, time was running out and Alex chose to ignore the tapping at her shoulder and the little voice inside her head that whispered she was so fucked, that the situation was so fucked. Because just for that moment, Piper was hers and hers alone and she didn't have to share her.
