Honestly who was expecting the last line of my last chapter? Now what will Edward do? One way to find out.

5)What I want and what I should.

I can't believe my ears. Renee will die? And she knows?
"But, she said…" I mean she has said I just have to keep an eye on Bella till she gets better right? That means she will get better.
"I know Edward. She seems to think you are the right person to take care of Bella and she didn't want you to say 'no' before you got a chance to find yourself liking or disliking Bella. She seemed also convinced that Bella likes you." I frown at that. Bella indeed likes me, trusts me even.
It is something in the look in her eyes that makes me think so. I lock my eyes on hers and focus on her mind to see if Renee can possibly be right…
I hear nothing.
A baby's thoughts are never very noticeable so that explains why I haven't noticed I can't hear Bella's before. Usually when I focus on them I hear at least something.
An impression of colors, faces and sounds. With intelligent kids I can even sort of feel connections with other people than their parents in the early stage Bella is in now.
But nothing here, I thought she'd be one of the intelligent baby's thought. I just know by how she looks at me that she is smarter than other babies of her age.
"What's wrong Edward?" Jasper asks when he feels my confusion.
"I can't hear her," I say, still trying to hear what goes on in Bella's head.
"How is that possible?" Rose asks. Emmett of course is laughing so loud that the pictures on the wall nearly fall and Bella gets scared. I glare at him.
"Oh, come on! You need to give in this is hilarious! Of all humans and vampires you know, a girl of one month keeps you out!" Emmett explains still laughing. I smile a little.
"I'll take care of her–" I don't get any further since everyone in the room is cheering in delight.
"Let me finish!" I say in a loud voice, nearly a shout. Everyone looks at me with a questioning look. Nobody can imagine what more there is to say.
"I'll take care for her till we find someone else. I'm sure she has some other family members who can raise her the way she should be raised. In a human family that can ask her about her day when they share dinner whit her, a father that can kiss her wounds when she bleeds and a mother that can nurse them, people who'll pull her in a warm and soft embrace when she cries… I want what's best for her. And no matter how hard we'll try, we'll never be the warm, human family she deserves. We'll be close, but not the best. I'll support her financially thought…" I trail off, focusing my attention too Bella's eyes, I would almost say she's pleading me to keep her with her eyes. But I know better.
I don't really want to face the reactions of my family. But I still hear them all the same.
Rose is angry with me. She thinks the fact I was the one to save Bella and her mother asking me to take care of her means this is sort of a reward from above… ridiculous. She knows better than to think her prayers were heard.
Esmé is torn. She knows I'm right But she wants a baby so badly. She tries to think about a way to make this work for all of us. It's indeed a cruel trick of fate to give her a piece of heaven only to throw her back at her misery so soon. She was happy with us but she still grieves for her lost child. She sees raising Bella a chance to finally get a step closer to the point where she will be free from missing the child she barely remembers.
Emmett and Jazz are a little disappointed. They'd like a new sister and having a human around is good practice and (especially according to Emmett) can't be less than funny.
Carlisle is understanding, but also sad because of the missed chance to learn and because he wouldn't mind adding Bella to the family at all.
Alice is disappointed and hopeful at the same time. Because the vision of Bella turning 11 with us is not gone yet.
I waver. Alice will probably only see Bella with another family when that other family decides to accept her.
But as far as I know the only family the Swans have is Renees mother and I want to leave Bella with a family. That means mom, dad and maybe a brother and/or a sister.
Charlie has lots of friends here, all young fathers… maybe one of them…
But I will ask them to accept some money as extra support from my side. I will make sure she's taken care of as good as possible. She should be able to get the best care and education possible… But what if she can only find that with me? What if Rose is right and this was a reward of destiny? Or a reminder, or a lesson?
No! I only think that because I want it so much. Bella comes first! I should think of her in the first place.
At that moment Bella reached out to my face a furrow between her beautiful eyes.
I place my both hands at her sides under her arms to hold her up and look face to face at her.
"What's wrong Bella?" I ask. Not expecting a response.
Bella stretches her arms toward me and when I bring her closer she throws her arms around my neck in an comforting hug. Maybe she felt my discomfort, or maybe she felt the heavy atmosphere. Whatever the reason I'm happy she did what she did. It feels good and gives me strength.
"I won't allow anything to harm you Bella. You'll become the happiest girl the world has ever seen," I promised. I would find a perfect family. But first I want to talk with Renee about this.