"So my least favorite person is married to my… other least favorite person." Mal stated, surprised.

"You two've met?"

"Twice. The last time, she also had a job for us. Almost didn't go so well."

"The job's good, Mal." She stated. "I promise."

"Uh-huh. Anyway, as much as I'd love to stick around, I think I'll go throw myself into a pit of live snakes. Would the happy couple care to join me?"

"Honey, could you leave us for a minute?" She asked Badger.

"Of course. I trust you, dear." He replied, looking pointedly at Mal.

"That makes one of us." Mal added.

As soon as Badger had gone, Saffron turned to Mal. "Alright, let's go."

"What? Go where?"

"The job, you sagwa (1)."

"How 'bout we," he gestured to his companions, "go and you stay. I know it doesn't smell as nice as the place Inara left you, but could be worse… I think." With that, the trio turned and left.

Meanwhile, a thickly accented voice called out, "Alright, I'm in bed. I'm also naked, handcuffed, and blindfolded. In other words, I'm ready. You comin', hon'?"

"I think that must'a been the smartest thing you ever done, Mal." Said Jayne as they headed back to the ship.

"As much as the idea scares me, sir, I agree with him." Zoe added. Turning to Jayne, she asked, "Wait a minute, you can think?"

"Me, I have to wonder the tale she told Badger." Mal stated. "Or why she thought him useful. Nice driving, you shee-niou(2) idiot!" He added as a hovercraft sped past them.

"Me, I'm still tryin' to wrap my brain 'round the idea of her marryin' him."

"That's 'cause you wrapping your brain around anything is like trying to wrap a hankie around an engine." Zoe coldly replied.

Settling in the pilot's chair, Mal eased his beloved off the dirt and into the black. "Well, looks like you've got no choice now." Came a voice from the room just below the bridge.

"How'd you get on?" Mal asked as Saffron made her way up the stairs.

"Simple: everyone not visiting hubbie and I were elsewhere, so I just let myself in."

"Ok, supposin' that's true and lipstick wasn't involved. How'd you know where to find us?"

"Who else flies a ship this ugly?"

"Ugly, but dependable."

Fiddling with a plastic stegosaurus, she sweetly said, "Anyhow, now that I'm on the ship, we can talk about that job."

"Oh, you mean the job that, since this is you I'm talking to, probably doesn't exist?"

"C'mon, Mal, I need this." She stated, sidling up to him and caressing his cheek.

"If you need it so bad, why us? Why not get it yourself?"

"Because I had the knowledge, but not the means. So I married Badger until I found someone that did. Besides, I can be very… useful." She said with a sultry wink.

"Last time you tried that, I fell asleep. I believe you did the same with Inara."

"Ok, so we're tabling the sex idea for now. I can do other things. Remember the time I made that dinner for you?"

"The one that you forgot to put the cyanide in?"

"Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, I need this job, Mal." She added, going for the gusto by fluttering her eyelashes.

"Alright, you can be our chef for now. Now for the ground rules: 1) you will make meals for the entire crew. 2) You will be under constant supervision when on duty. 3) When off duty, you will be locked in your cabin. 4) You will only be allowed to stay on until we hit planetside, unless you turn on us, when 5) you will be packing your bags slightly sooner. Agreed?"

"I, well, uhm… Ok, agreed."

Hitting the intercom, Mal asked, "Jayne will you come to the bridge? Oh, and uh, this is gonna sound weird, but no weapons."

A few minutes later, the man-ape-gone-wrong thing thundered in. "Alright, cap' whaddya- You!" He roared as he saw the seductress."

"She's with us for the moment. You are to watch her at all times during the day."

"You trust me to do that?"

"I trust you as far as I can throw you. However I know that you'll do it because you're cut'll be twice your usual." Seeing Jayne attempting to add, he kept on. "That means you'll get more. Now, will you kindly escort the, for lack of a better word, 'lady' to her quarters?"

"Sure thing, cap'. Uh, which quarters?"

"The bunk nearest the galley should do."

"Just one more thing: does it have to be done kindly?"

Meanwhile, down in the infirmary, Zoe was just pulling her pants back on when Kaylee walked in on her, Simon standing well back cleaning off some of his equipment. "What's going on?" The engineer asked, having noticed Zoe's actions.

"Kaylee! What's up?" The surprised young man blurted out.

"You tell me! I came looking for you, and here you are coupling with her! And Zoe, what would Wash say, were he still alive?"

"It's not what it looks like. If you'll just…" Simon didn't have time to finish that thought.

"I don't wanna hear about it." With that, Kaylee stormed out of the room, struggling to hold back tears.

"Kaylee, wait!" Simon called out.

Holding the young doctor back, Zoe sweetly stated, "I'll go talk to her. This calls for some girl time."

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A/N: Don't worry, Simon really wasn't cheating on Kaylee.

Translations:

1. Idiot

2. Cow dung