7)letting go
I'm so evil!
The night passes by and Bella's dreams seem to continue more peacefully.
That's good I don't dare to try and stop singing. She's not ready to get over the trauma of the events of tonight. She will not be willing to be left alone any time soon. When she's a little older she can be reasoned with and let go bit by bit. But for now… maybe I'll advice her new family to let her sleep in their bed for a while.
THE NEXT MORNING
Bella yawns and her eyes immediately travel trough the room. She's probably surprised to be in another room then hers.
"Hello, my Bella. How was your night?" Bella's eyes shoot to me and she start to babble something as if answering my question. I laugh softly.
"I'm happy to hear that… what? How my night was, very pleasant thank you." I'm just having a little fun, as is my family.
"Brilliant!" Emmett exclaims in between laughter's. Bella hears the noises from downstairs and tries to get up to investigate.
I pick her up and carry her downstairs. "That's my family Bella, they like to make fun of me. Isn't that the meanest you ever heard?" I ask. Bella tightens her grasp around me in reaction on the sadness in my voice, not realizing I'm only joking.
"It's alright Bella. I love them no matter what," I declare.
"Thanks Ed!" Alice screams from downstairs.
"Bella's breakfast is ready!" Esmé adds. At that I quicken my steps. I would let her wait if the plan was to keep Bella forever. I mean it's not good for a human to be served at the least mention of hunger, boredom or sleep. I don't want Bella to become a spoiled brat.
But we have little time with her so I let my family treat her like a princes.
"Here Esmé, it's your turn." I say, determination evident in my voice so she won't argue with me.
"Thanks Edward… Oh, I forgot how wonderful it was to have a baby in my arms." This broke my heart. How cruel of me to take this away from her… but I had to. There really is no other choice.
"I, decided to bring Bella with me to Renee. I think she has separation anxiety due to the fire… she was alone and asleep when it started, she won't let go of her protector for long." Esmé nodded understanding. If Bella gets any attack like yesterday evening (which they all heard of course) I want to be close just in case Esmé isn't able to calm her down herself.
"Do you want to come with me? That way you can still look after her… I just want to be close if you need me." Esmé nodded knowing all too well about my protective nature.
"It's alright Edward. I know how you get when someone gives you any responsibility. You would never forgive yourself if something went wrong with her." I was grateful for Esmé's understanding nature. When Bella finishes her breakfast we get in my car. I let Esmé hold Bella, we both know it's not because I don't want to hold her.
"Thank you." Esmé says. I just shrug.
"I mean it." She presses.
"Esmé please, it's just my way to make up for taking Bella away from the family." I confess.
"I know, but you don't need to make up, it's just as hard for you as for all of us." I don't say anything in response. I just can't. Is it really just as hard for me? It should be. I lose nothing more or less than anyone else, maybe it should even be essayer for me then for Rose and Esmé… but it isn't.
We arrive at the hospital in just a few more minutes. Somewhere during the night Carlisle had left for a nightshift and told me where to find Renee.
I go to the bally anyway to make sure nobody will question if Carlisle really is able to keep his hospital business in the hospital.
The receptionist is a girl. Just my luck. Or actually I might be lucky. No stupid long administration process.
"Hello miss." I say with my most attractive voice and a crooked grin on my face. The girls mind immediately goes blank.
"Hello, can… can I help you?" She stutters.
"Well yes actually…" I pause a short moment at her thoughts.
Edward Cullen, towns hero, so hot, please let him ask me on a date!
The pause doesn't help much. "I want to know where Renee Swan is, I visit with her daughter." I finish pointing to my mother and Bella.
The girl is about to scream 'yes I want to go out with you!' but realizes just in time what I said.
"Yes!... eh…" she looks in her computer working as quick as possible to escape the embarrassing moment.
"Room 103 second floor, first hall on your left." She says and smiles indicating I should leave as fast as possible. I nod. "Thank you very much." And leave.
That was so embarrassing.
"Come here Bells. We're gonna visit your mommy!" I say while taking over Bella from my mother who looks at me pointedly, but I pretend I don't see. I hear the receptionist thinking something about me being cute with a baby.
I remember I have heard something from some boy who thought a baby works as the ultimate 'babe magnet'. It's true apparently. Girls like it when a boy shows fatherly instincts.
We go to Renée's room in almost complete silence, Bella keeps babbling and trying to see everything, it has to be wonderful to be a child and see everything for the very first time. I knock on Renée's door and wait.
"In," a week voice says. I open the door and Renee smiles when she sees her daughter, who still tries to see everything around her properly. When Bella sees her mother in the bed she makes happy noises and stretches her arms towards her mother. I walk over to her bed and Renee takes Bella eagerly from me.
"Hello sweetheart, have you been nice for our savior?" Bella mumbles something and stretches her arms for a hug.
"Thank you love. You always know when I need one don't you?" Renee says while hugging Bella.
I wonder how to bring up the subject. Maybe I should let her have her moment with Bella.
And then I see how Renee is looking at me. She knows I know about the cancer, and she knows I'm here to tell her I can't possibly take care for Bella.
"Esmé? Why don't you take Bella to the hall. Then Edward and I can… discuss some stuff." "Of course… Come here my dear I have some pretty pictures for you."
Esmé looks at me, thinks 'Good luck' and leaves.
"How long already?" I just blurt out the first thing on my mind.
"2 weeks or so." I nod. This will be a very awkward conversation.
"Did Charlie know?" Renee keeps quiet, that's enough of an answer to me.
"When?" I leave the question open, there are different 'whens' where I want to know about.
When she had planned to tell him, before the fire that is, when she would… die.
"I was going to tell Charlie after I knew sure there was nothing they could do and when I knew when I'd die… They give me 2 more months…" I look at her incredulously.
"They said a year or 2 before the fire, but they often see a traumatic experience shorten the time. Losing Charlie has been very stressful and the smoke in my lungs wasn't the best help either. But I don't sound that sick huh?" I shake my head. She sounds quite healthy for someone that was due to die in 2 months.
"I'm a fighter Edward and if I can't win a fight I lose with my head held high. Charlie was a fighter too, but you can't beat the elements, can you?" I nod. I'm not saying as much as I thought I would.
"Bella's a fighter too, I can feel that. The doctors don't think the cancer is genetic but they are going to keep a close look at her. They might try to steal her away from your mother now for some investigations.
And now you're going to tell me why you're here except from asking me what I've been keeping from you." Renee is a very unique person I have to give her that.
"I… can't be her guardian Renee. We both know that. I haven't even finished highschool I can't offer her anything. I'm sure there are enough other people you can trust with her." She nods.
"Sure, I think I would trust her to the Blacks or the Clearwathers. They are… where Charlie's best friends, they would do anything for Bella." I'm surprised.
"Oh, I thought you would object." Renee smiled at me, at that moment a doctor asks Esmé if he can take Bella for a few investigations like Renee predicted.
Esmé asked me in her mind if it was alright for me. I said yes, too fast and too low for Renee to hear.
"I don't have to." Was the only answer Renee gave me.
"Well I'll ask the Blacks if they're alright with it when they visit. Bye Edward" I look at her startled. Just as I'm about to leave a family spots my mother sitting in the hall.
"Are we sure this is the right room?" the man asks his wife. He sounds scared and holds his one year old daughter tighter.
"Sure why?" the women says, while wiping some drool from her other daughters face. The two children where twin sisters.
"Because, thát's a Cullen," he whispers urgently.
"Sweetheart, I know it's hard for you but behave." The women whispers.
"Hello? with who have I the honor?" my mother sais as if she hadn't heard every single word they said.
"I'm Sarah Black and this is my husband Billy. Those two little droolers are our daughters Rachel and Rebecca. We're here to visit Charlie, Renee and Bella." My mother is silent for a couple of seconds I decide to jump in.
"Mom, Renee says she'll ask… oh," I pause a short moment before I call over my shoulder:
"eh, Renee there are some other visitors for you!"
As if he doesn't know who we are and why we are here. Wait did they give Charlie another room? Why that? The Blacks clearly have no idea about what happened yesterday, but they do know what we are how?… Wait a minute? Black!
This is not good.
"Why don't you all come in?" Renee asks I gesture towards the others for them to follow me in.
When we are all inside Esmé realizes she hasn't introduced herself yet.
"I'm Esmé Cullen by the way, and this is my youngest son Edward. He's a volunteer as a firemen. He helped with the fire yesterday." Esmé beamed at me.
"And saved my Bella of course." I look to my feet feeling as if I should be blushing right now and mumbled: "was nothing"
"Don't be silly! I'm happy Bella will be alright. That makes one of us, if you weren't there we'd all be dead." Billy and Sarah looked confused. Renee looks like she only just realized what she had said.
"Where's Charlie?" Billy asked.
"He didn't make it. He was dead before Edward and his friends arrived," Renee says softly. Billy is totally shocked.
"I'm so sorry Billy," Renee said, Sarah gave her husband a hug.
"But what did you mean with that all of you would be dead without Edward? Did he save you to?"
"We better leave." I say quickly, already heading for the door.
"No, the doctor can bring Bella any moment… then you can say goodbye if the Blacks say yes." This was way too fast for my liking.
"Billy, Sarah, I have cancer, I won't live much longer and someone needs to take care of Bella. I asked Edward but he decided he's too young and that he will not be her guardian as long as there are other options. Would you?" Billy and Sarah look at each other and nod.
"We'd love to take care of her Renee." Sarah's voice shakes with hidden tears. She's a strong women.
Billy hides his sadness and pain as well.
"Yes, Charlie would want us to make sure she's safe." He glances at me while saying that. There's a knock on the door.
"In!" Renee is a little annoyed by the now very full room. I know it's Carlisle with Bella.
"Hello… wow, that's a lot of people. I came to say that Bella is alright but she needs a checkup every year to make sure she hasn't cancer as well." He looks at the Blacks wondering if he has said too much.
"That's great Carlisle." Renee says "I want you to meet the Blacks, good friends of Charlie they'll take Bella from here." I take Bella from Carlisle she looks at me with curious eyes.
"Be nice for them okay?" I say as I hand her over to Sarah who gives her baby to Billy.
"Hello Bella." She coos.
"She can wake up with breathing problems during her nap… holding her or playing some music should help. I'll send you a cd with a song of which I'm sure she likes. The fire has scared her." I say. Sarah gives me an assuring smile and Billy is battling with himself. He sees I really care for Bella and that doesn't fit with his idea of the monstrous cold ones. I turn around and walk away a little too fast. I'm not going to change my mind!
Don't hate me yet! Wait for the next chap until you decide this isn't a good story after all!
