Pain on Pain
Written by Coquette
Chapter Two
Where had he come from? And why did he come back?
Those were the kinds of questions running through my mind as Angela walked beside me down the empty school corridor. I paid particular attention to my footsteps and the mechanics of walking -- one foot forward, then the other -- otherwise I think I would have stopped walking entirely and sat down in the middle of the hallway.
Would he stay? Would he leave again? Why would he show up at school if he was just going to leave again? Oh, God...Oh, God...
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard Angela speaking to me in her quiet, subdued way. Scolding myself for not paying attention, I tried to focus in on what she was saying.
"I didn't know how to warn you," said Angela as we turned a corner. "He just showed up this morning in class, out of the blue. Even the teacher was surprised. You really need to get a cell phone, Bella."
What I needed was some answers.
Why was he so angry? Did I do something wrong?
How strange he had looked -- more beautiful than I remembered -- yet unexpectedly rumpled and weary-looking. And those shadows under his eyes.... If I didn't know for a fact that he was a vampire who didn't need sleep, I'd say he was in serious need of some rest and relaxation.
But what was I saying? Edward was fine. He was always fine. Perfect. Impermeable. Unbreakable, unlike me. He didn't need me the way I needed him.
"I heard Alice and Jasper are back at school, too," Angela continued. "I haven't seen them myself, but other people have. There was quite a bit of ... talk this morning. Before the bell rang." She had the decency to look apologetic. "It wasn't bad, I promise. Most people just wondered whether or not you knew they were back. I guess you didn't, huh? I'm so sorry, Bella."
***
When we reached the nurse's office, I slid onto the checkup table, the thin paper coverlet crinkling beneath my thighs. I wrapped my arms around my stomach to stop myself from shivering. Whether or not I was actually cold, I couldn't say.
I seriously needed to get a grip.
The nurse knew me by name, of course, though for the life of me, I couldn't remember hers. My brain was on overload. She greeted me with a slightly teasing, "Oh, if it isn't you again, Bella." She peeled back the bloody tissues from my face and tisk-tisked under her breath. "Had another accident, did we?"
I swallowed hard. Nodded. Couldn't speak, though I felt something bubbling its way up my throat. Not words exactly, though more than a few questions ricocheted around in my head. No, what I felt inside -- what was keeping me from speaking and causing me to tremble -- was a labyrinth of emotions I wasn't ready to process yet. It wasn't until I pushed it all down and shut off that part of my heart that finally felt myself start to calm down.
"My, you're really shaken up," said the nurse. "You're not going to faint, are you?"
I shook my head again, a bit of snap to my movements this time. "I'll be okay."
She eyed me warily, as if not fully convinced. After she sent Angela back to class, the nurse donned a pair of bifocals and inspected the cut on my cheek with the ever-present squint of a far-sighted person. "You're going to need stitches," she said. "I'll call your father so he can bring you to the emergency room."
I blanched. "Wait, I have to leave? Now?"
"Afraid so," the nurse said. "You cut yourself good. If I just patch you up, you're likely to get a scar on that pretty face. Don't worry about the stitches, dear. They'll be done before you know it."
I didn't tell her I was well-acquainted with stitches. All I could think about was that if I left, I wouldn't get to see him again. Initially that thought was enough to send me spiraling into a panic.
What if he left Forks again before I had a chance to see him?
I forced myself to calm down -- forced the thought right out of my head because I just couldn't deal with it. The truth was, I wasn't ready to face Edward, no matter how much I wanted to.
Maybe it was for the best that I had to leave school. I had some thinking to do.
***
On the drive to the emergency room, Charlie eyed me carefully, fingers tight on the steering wheel as he sped down the wet highway. "You okay, kid? Look like you've seen a ghost."
I considered his words, thinking he might actually be onto something. I really did feel as though I'd seen a ghost -- that Edward had died, and I'd spent the last few months mourning his loss. And then this morning in first period, I'd been confronted by some sort of specter. No wonder I'd reacted the way I did.
"Just a little dazed," I said, which was the honest truth. Charlie didn't need to know the rest of the details. "Do you think I can make it back to school this afternoon?"
Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Day'll be nearly done by the time you get through the emergency room line. Why don't you just rest up this afternoon? Give your old man some peace of mind, knowing you're not going to tumble down any stairs or through a window. Again."
"There are stairs and windows at home, Dad."
Charlie shifted in his seat. "You have a test or something? Paper due?"
"No."
"Then what's the problem? Take the day off, kiddo. You don't look good."
I opened my mouth to argue, then shut it again. Eventually, the subject dropped, the only sound in the car the sloshy road-noise and the impatient drumming of my father's fingers on the steering wheel.
***
Charlie agreed to stay in the waiting area at my request. Stitches were something I preferred to do on my own, without the police chief interrogating the doctor as to what medical school he or she graduated from. Besides, I didn't want to deal with his questions right now. He watched me like a hawk these days, and I was afraid if I appeared to be anything but okay, he'd ship me off to Florida to live with Renée. I loved my mom, but I didn't belong there.
I calmed down considerably in the waiting room, and by the time I was brought to the back for my stitches, I could even walk in a straight line all by myself.
But when Carlisle Cullen walked into the room, I nearly fell off of the checkup table.
He laughed -- fondness, wariness, and maybe a little sadness all intermingled in the sound. "Hello, Bella. It's good to see you again. Though I admit, I didn't expect you here at the hospital so soon."
"Carlisle..." I breathed. "You're back."
"Not officially, yet," he said, taking a light out of his pocket and fiddling with the knob. He leaned close and shone it in my eyes, checking for whatever doctors checked for. "I came this morning to reapply for my old position here at the hospital, and since they were shorthanded in the ER, I decided to stay and help out for a few hours."
"You're going to work here again?"
He nodded. "Under contract, this time. Looks like I'm stuck in Forks for at least a year. Not that I mind. Something about this place keeps drawing us back. Now let's take a look at that cut on your cheek. Chin up."
As he guided my face to the right angle and inspected the wound, I thought about the greater meaning behind his words. The Cullens weren't going anywhere for the next year. Well ... Carlisle wasn't, at least. It didn't mean Edward was going to stay -- or any of the others, for that matter. But the idea of having at least one of the Cullens around made my heart swell with happiness. They were family to me. All of them.
"It's good to have you back," I said, proud that my voice was so steady. "How is Esme? Is she...?"
"Yes, she's back as well. Worried about you. But otherwise, she's doing just fine." Carlisle released my chin and said, "Stitches is it, Bella. The cut isn't too deep, but deep enough to scar if we don't do something. This should only take a minute."
Carlisle set about finding some supplies, lining them up with careful precision before me. "Why is Esme worried about me?" I asked.
Carlisle didn't look up from what he was doing, but his face tensed almost imperceptivity. "You gave us all a bit of a scare this weekend."
I frowned, wondering what he meant. What had happened this weekend? My mind was in such shock, I could barely remember. On Saturday, I had gone hiking by myself to the meadow. And what else had happened? Oh, yeah. I had almost been killed by Laurent and a pack of overgrown wolves.
"But how did you ...?" And then I realized exactly how Carlisle knew about that. "Oh. Alice."
Carlisle's smile tightened. "She had a vision of Laurent confronting you. And worse still, she couldn't see what happened after that. We're not certain why, but everything in her vision went blank for her. Naturally, that caused quite a stir among our family. It's been a ... very interesting weekend. We were relieved to discover you were unharmed."
I stared at him. "When exactly did everyone come back?"
"We've arrived at different times," said Carlisle. "Edward arrived last, sometime late last night. He was out of the country, you see." Carlisle looked up at me then. "Hasn't Edward spoken to you yet?"
I swallowed and shook my head. Edward had spoken, only none of the words had been directed at me. Just that glare...
Carlisle frowned. "He wasn't at school this morning?"
I swung my legs, drumming my feet against the checkup table. "Oh. He was there all right."
"Well, perhaps I shouldn't say anything else until he's had a chance to speak with you. I'm sure the two of you have some catching up to do. Chin up again, Bella. Let's get you stitched up." He grinned at me. "Just like old times, isn't it?"
***
Charlie was mid-swig into a cup of coffee when I reached the hospital waiting room. He looked up, did a double-take when he saw Carlisle standing next to me, and promptly choked on a mouthful of hot liquid.
"Dr. Cullen?" said Charlie, eyes watering as he tried to stifle his coughs. "But I thought..."
Carlisle chuckled and held out his hand to my father. "How are you, Chief Swan? It's been too long."
Visibly shocked, Charlie shook hands with Carlisle and sputtered off an obligatory reply.
"Bella shouldn't have any scarring," said Carlisle. "I've called in a prescription for her at the hospital pharmacy. If you wouldn't mind picking it up for her?"
Charlie didn't appear to have heard him. His eyes were wide but hard, and I saw his cheek twitch the way it did when there was trouble in town and Chief Swan was needed. "Rest of your family back as well?" he asked gruffly. I'd heard him talk that way before -- when he was interrogating suspects.
"All except the older two," said Carlisle. "They're away at college."
Charlie stared at Carlisle hard. Then he trudged off without saying goodbye, muttering something cryptic under his breath. It wasn't very gracious, and that surprised me. I never knew Charlie to dislike Carlisle. Quite the opposite, actually.
No, my dad must thinking about another Cullen.
I could see already that was going to be a problem.
***
Charlie barely spoke as he drove me home, though he took every opportunity to curse at other drivers. I could see the wheels turning in his head. He checked the rearview mirrors often and turned up the police radio, even though the only thing coming across the airwaves was an announcement that there was free coffee at the local diner.
When we got to the house, Charlie idled at the curb rather than pulling into the driveway. I got out of the cruiser, closed the door, and leaned down to speak through the open window. "Dad? You okay?"
"Hmm?" he grunted. "Oh. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's starting to rain again, Bells. Why don't you go on inside and uh ... lock the doors. I need to get back on patrol. Be home by supper."
He drove off without another word. I flinched as a raindrop struck my forehead. More pelted my jacket, my hair. Pulling up the hood on my jacket, I turned toward the house.
And froze.
My truck was sitting in the driveway. But I had left it at school, gone to the hospital with Charlie in his police cruiser. So how had it gotten there?
I stuck my hand into my jacket pocket and pulled out my truck keys -- exactly where I'd put them when I'd arrived at school that morning. Eyes shifting back to the truck, I realized whoever had brought it here must have hotwired it.
Charlie hadn't noticed it in the driveway when he'd dropped me off. Too caught up in his own thoughts, I supposed. I was glad he hadn't spotted it. He'd never have left otherwise.
A shaky breath eased from my chest as I trudged toward the truck. The cabin was empty, the windshield speckled with raindrops except where the wipers had recently been turned on.
The door was unlocked. With shaky hands, I opened it and peeked inside. Edward's smell greeted me like a mallet to the face.
I inhaled deeply. Exhaled. Then got in the truck and closed the door.
I made a point not to look around as I locked the door. I knew without knowing that he was out there, somewhere around my house -- and if I really tried, I would find him. But I wasn't ready to face him, wasn't even close to ready.
Outside it started to pour, raindrops drumming on the truck's roof, streaming down the windows like tears.
I thought about crying. But I didn't.
His scent ebbed at me, melting down my defenses little by little. I sighed and put my hands on the steering wheel -- though the keys were still in my pocket -- and thought for a very long time. My own way of attempting to take control.
"Why am I so scared? " I asked myself out loud. " What's the worst that could happen? What's the worst thing he could do to me if I faced him right now?"
He'd already broken up with me. As horrible as that had been, it still wasn't the worst part of the whole situation.
No, the worst scenario was to have him leave again.
I could handle it if he still didn't want me. It would hurt, but I would get by. At least he would still be here, back in Forks where I could see him and know he was okay.
A tiny smile cracked through the numb mask of my face. It had been good to see him. Really, amazingly good. Once the shock and residual hurt faded, I hoped that part would only get better.
So how did I keep him here? Make him feel as though he didn't have to leave again?
The answer was as painful as the question, of course. I had to stay away from him -- at least as far away as he desired.
He had to know I wasn't going to throw myself at him or try to manipulate him into taking me back. He had to know I cared but that I didn't expect anything from him. He had to know I was here if he needed a friend but would understand if he didn't want one.
Did I have the courage to face him and put his mind at ease?
I finally looked toward the woods, through the rain-dappled window, and caught the slightest hint of movement beyond the trees.
A flash of bronze hair, of white skin.
I saw his face in my mind, eyes black with anger I didn't understand.
He wanted me to know he was there. Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen any trace of him. He wanted me to come find him.
I took a deep breath, wet my lips, and got out of the truck.
***
To be continued.
Author's Note: Thanks for the sweet comments, you guys. Made me smile. :) I'm guess I'm not the only one out there that needs some New Moon closure. Has anyone else re-read the end of that book, trying to glean more from their reunion than what's written? Or am I just the only crazy one? Heh.
While I do think the reappearance of Edward would undoubtedly floor Bella, I also wanted her to ... I dunno ... (wo)man up a bit. Stand tall. Make this about what he wants rather than what she wants. And I wanted her to come to that place on her own, without the pretty vampire distracting her -- which is why Edward wasn't in this chapter. But don't worry -- there will be a lot of him starting with the next chapter.
I really do think Bella can be strong if she lets herself. What do you think?
See you soon!
-Coquette
