Chapter 7

House shifted uncomfortably. Even though, for most of the night, he had been hell bent on forcing Cuddy to face up to her real feelings, especially since she had been so determined to deny them, he was not really in the mood for a heartfelt discussion at this point. God, he hoped Cuddy wasn't angling for some deep declaration of love. He just wasn't good at that. It wasn't his style at all. He could talk her mother into letting him take her desk out of storage, which, he had hoped, wrongly, but he had hoped, was a pretty clear declaration of his feelings. Hell he could even write her her own serenade. But to just stand here and say it out loud, when she knew already and knew that he knew, that, for some reason, was just too awkward. And, he reasoned, what if it came out too gruff and she thought he was unhappy about loving her, when he wasn't unhappy about it at all. It thrilled him to feel this way again. He never thought he would. And the fact that it was her - Cuddy, and that she loved him back- it was beyond joyful to him. Or, on the other hand, and House wrinkled his face at the thought, what if he'd say it and it come out sounding needy or, god forbid, woosey. Cuddy would hate that; or she'd find it amusing. In that case she would never let him live it down. He could actually hear her years from now imitating the way he'd said it. House shuddered.

But then again she had been very good - aside from kicking his cane out from under him, of course. She had faced her fears and admitted her feelings. If she could do that, he supposed he could make a declaration of love to her. If that indeed, was what she needed. House was absolutely determined to give her whatever she needed because he was equally determined to get what he needed from her. It had been a most frustrating night in that respect and House did not know how much more he could take. So, he decided, if he had to - if she forced the issue and he absolutely had to, then he would. He just hoped like hell she wouldn't.

House bent over to apply pressure to his leg with his hand. "Mind if we sit down and do this." he said.

Cuddy cringed. She had forgotten about his leg. He had been standing for a long time now and she was sure it hurt more now because of what she had done. "

"Please,go ahead and sit." she said.

House sat down on the couch and held out his hand to Cuddy. "You too." he said.

"No. I'll stay right here. We can talk like this."

House smiled "Arms length away?, he asked, "That's the rule?"

"Yes." Cuddy answered.

Swinging her hands out around her, Cuddy indicated a circle that went 360 degrees around her body. She wasn't taking any chances

with House. "I need your full attention."

"Lisa you've had my attention, all night." House growled. "You're all I've been thinking about since the minute I left the hospital."

Cuddy looked down at her feet for a moment but then immediately looked up again. She used her hand to indicated herself, "I need to

stay focused too" she said, "so please be good."

Telling House to be good was the same thing as waving a red flag in front of a bull. Cuddy should have known better but she was not thinking clearly. After a little while, as she stood there trying to focus her thoughts, House stood up and tried to test the limits of this new game. Carefully keeping to the distance Cuddy had indicated with her arms House walked one full turn around her. Then with his own arm, which was obviously longer than hers, he reached over to take her hand. He thought he was being clever, and he really didn't see the harm in just trying to hold her hand, but that was all it took to reignite Lisa's anger. Slapping his hand away Cuddy shouted, "Damn it House. I ran out in the middle of a snowstorm to see you."

House sighed. "I know." He answered quietly.

"You wanted me to say I love you and I did. I gave you what you wanted. I said it. I love you. Now you know it and I know it.-"

"And I'm pretty sure my neighbors know it now too." House mumbled under his breath.

"I answered your question House. I opened up to you. Why won't you do the same for me?"

House looked perplexed.

"I honestly don't know what you want Cuddy. I can't understand why your upset. Do you want me to say I love you? I do. You know that already. You probably always knew it."

"No!" "I want to know about the desk". Cuddy groaned . "I want to know why you did that. Why you hurt me so badly. I want to know that I can trust you again".

House could see Lisa was in real pain. He was confused, He had no idea what the hell she was talking about, but obviously she was hurting. He wanted to comfort her. He want to go to her and hold her and tell her he would never hurt her intentionally, not for the world. He wanted to protect her. As he moved closer he remembered that damn circle she had indicated. He knew he wouldn't step through it. He didn't know how she'd react. It was like a barrier between them and he knew she didn't want him to cross it.

"Lisa, I thought you'd like the desk. I thought you'd see- "

Cuddy's voice was grief. "I did. I loved it. I thought it was such a romantic gesture. It filled me with such happiness because I thought it meant you were admitting your feelings toward me in your won unique way."

"It did! and I do." he protested. He stood just two feet away from her with his hands out as if there was an invisible shield keeping her from him.

"That desk was my haven back in school, whenever I was sad or lonely or scared."

" I know. That's why I wanted you to have it near you again. You were in so much pain after losing Joy I thought -"

" When I walked in and saw the desk I thought you understood. After that whole humiliating experience in you office I saw it and it gave me such joy and hope. I thought you were trying to tell me you'd be there for me, try to protect me from some of that despair." Tears were once again streaming down Cuddy's face.

House felt desperate. "I would Cuddy, please, you have to help me understand."

Cuddy took a breath and quickly wiped the tears off her face. She looked at him with true resentment. "You were the only one who ever knew what that desk meant." she said. "And then you ruined it all. You knew it would mean so much to me and you chickened out. You negated it. All of it. Just like you negate everything. And now I know it doesn't mean a damn thing."

House was stuned. He felt chilled to the bone. He felt like all those hard won steps he had taken toward her this year had come down to nothing. He felt as if the wall she had always hidden behind, the one he had fought so hard to take down tonight, was back up, stronger than ever. House looked at Cuddy standing so close to him and he knew he had no way to reach her. It truly felt as if she had surrounded herself with an invisible force field making it impossible for him to get to her. He felt lost. "Lisa, you have to help me". he tried, "I really don't know what's going on here." House's voice was a tortured mixture of distress and confusion.

Cuddy looked at House. He looked as confused as she was hurt.

Her voice rose a little. "You had to know I'd see you with her. You had to know I'd come to your office looking for you after I saw the desk. You wanted me to see you with her. It was so deliberately hurtful. A cheap trick!"

House looked shocked. Who could she have seen him with in his office? 13? Cameron? And what did she think he was doing with them?

"What happened House? Did you decide after sending for the desk that it was a mistake?"

"No!" House tried to make sense of what she was saying. "What are you talking about? Who did you see me with?

"The prostitute - or maybe she was just some tramp you picked up in a bar somewhere."

House took a step over to Cuddy trying to peer into her face. Cuddy put her arm out and House stopped, having been reminded to keep his distance.

"You saw me in a bar with a prostitute" ?

"No your office."

"What??"

Cuddy took a breath. She was beginning to think that perhaps she had gotten something wrong. "The day the desk arrived I went looking for you. I wanted to tell you -"

House was looking more confused than ever but now his confusion was tinged with annoyance. "Yea, yea, you loved the desk - you loved me - whatever, explain about the prostitute."

"House she was there with you - in you office- at the end of the day. I saw her. You looked very chummy."

There was no comprehension on House's face. He shook his head. Cuddy worried her lip and tried again. "Cheap looking girl with long scraggly hair, covered in tattoos."

"Oh the actress!" House said. Happy to have solved the mystery.

"An actress?" Cuddy said doubtfully, "and just what role was she playing that day? Friendly neighborhood hooker?

House was beginning to see the problem.

"I though the desk was delivered on Monday." he said.

"Oh?!" "and that would have --"

"She wasn't there for me anyway." He quickly added. "She was there for Kutner and Taub."

"Kutner AND Taub! Cuddy loudly exclaimed, "You want to tell me what's going on in my hospital behind my back, House!?"

Cuddy took a threatening step forward.

"No, no." House said. Keeping her back with the end of his cane. "Arm's length. - your rule."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes but stopped. She didn't want to get side tracked.

"Ok." she said firmly. "We'll deal with that part of the equation Monday morning, in my office. First thing!"

House noted that 'strict hospital administrator' Cuddy had made a sudden appearance. And, although he was glad to see 'little lost undergrad' Cuddy was making a hasty exit, the woman he had started the night with was still nowhere in sight.

House made a mental note to discuss having Cuddy checked for multiple personalities with Wilson very soon.

"So, that wasn't a set up for my benefit then.?" she asked.

"Most certainly not!" he said, "I told you I was setting up -"

Cuddy cut him off. "I don't want to hear it. So the desk was genuine?"

"Of course. Didn't you check the draw for the initials?" House asked

"No. I threw a lot of files in it and haven't opened that draw since."

House looked slightly hurt.

"You two did look very chummy though."

"Well after she left Kutner and Taub in the morgue she had some extra time so."

"HOUSE!"

Cuddy knew House was trying to joke with her. She was a bit worried that there might be too much truth in what he was saying but she moved on nonetheless. Knowing that House had sent her the desk for all the right reasons which, she was starting to understand, he was standing by, reassured her. She knew he loved her, now she hoped she could trust that he wouldn't hurt her.

After a few minutes of simply thinking things out in her head Cuddy went on.

"What about Stacy?" She wanted to know.

House was getting antsy. Now that he had figured out what had actually been bothering Cuddy and, he hoped, put her mind at ease, he was ready to move on. Damn that robe really did cover her from neck to toe, he thought, now that she had tied it properly.

"What about her?" he asked distractedly.

Cuddy could see the way House was starting to eye her again.

"Rule's still in effect House. Stay where you are."

"My feet are planted right here." he said, holding up his right hand as if he were making a pledge.

"Stacy?"

House flipped his cane over so the straight end was now in his hand.

"She's gone --- back with her husband." "Mark, you remember him don't you? He was a patient of ours?"

Maintaining the prescribed distance from her and as he spoke, House used the crook of the cane to hook the collar of Cuddy's robe, and began an attempt to open it. He managed to expose her collar bone and was just getting a glimpse of the rounded curve of one of her breasts when she unhooked the cane.

"House, she was ready to leave him for you. You pushed her away."

"Would you rather I hadn't?"

House had now hooked the curved end of his cane to the bottom of Cuddy's robe. He was using it to slowly lift her robe up, exposing Cuddy's long and shapely legs.

Cuddy felt the smooth cool wood of the cane slide up her calf, pass the back of her knee and begin a leisurely journey up her inner thigh. A shiver ran through her as she asked her next question.

"What if you push me away?" Cuddy's voice sounded low and sultry.

House let the hem of Cuddy's robe fall back to the floor as he repositioned the cane. He quietly answered her question,

"I would expect you to push back." He said. "You always have."

Cuddy smiled seductively.

House hooked the cane into the belt which was holding Cuddy's robe closed. He was determined to have her break her own "arms length rule" and come to him, even if that meant pulling her over by her belt loop. Cuddy's eyes were slits of blue-gray promise and House knew she had made peace with any doubts she had had about him. He began to gently pull the belt loop.

Cuddy was aware of what House was trying to do, of what he was trying to get her to do. She knew she should just give in and go to him, but something, some ancient force for dominance that played out between the two of them, kept her rooted in her spot.

"You know Cuddy" House said, as he tugged on the belt a little harder, you should have opened the desk draw and looked at the initials."

Cuddy glanced down at the robe which once again hung open on her body. Instead of pulling her to him, House's manipulations had caused the belt to come undone. Cuddy looked up again, from the smile on his face she could tell that House didn't seem to mind the failed results of his work at all.

"Why?" she asked,continuing with their conversation.

"Well, he said, as he used his cane to open up the robe further. "If you did you would have seen I added a heart."

Cuddy's face lit up.

House, who was staring intently at other parts of her, did not notice.

Cuddy decided to end this game. She was eager to begin others, so with a simple shrug of her shoulders, she let House's robe fall off her body and onto the floor.

House was stunned.

Lisa Cuddy, standing in the middle of his living room wearing only his tube socks, with the morning sun pooling around her was something to behold. He wanted to give a low whistle of appreciation but he was having enough trouble remembering how to breathe. He looked up at her. Cuddy gave House a deliciously evil smile and walked off toward the bedroom. She didn't have to turn around to know he was right there behind her.

Now that, thought House, was the woman he had been waiting for. The one he'd be willing to follow anywhere - when he wasn't leading of course.

The end.

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