Hey everyone :)
You guys ROCK! The last chapter got the most reviews yet. I love that you are all so caught in this story and as eager to know what is going to happen next as I am writing it. I will try to reply to as many of your comments as I can below, so look for your avatar name there. :) If you have a question about the story, don't hesitate to let me know. And keep this up, I love reading your thoughts and reactions!
Okay, so this chapter is all about Damon fighting with knowledge that he will have to leave and Elena doing the same with her guilt. There is a quite… serious scene of that, not too dark in my opinion, but it could be a trigger for some people so I will leave a warning below.
I hope you were able to survive these three days after your last review Sherri, I loved your enthusiasm and tried to update this as soon as I could. I guess you will just have to keep reading to see what happens… Our hearts have a big peace in common, thought. ;)
(Oh and I am sorry if you got two e-mails for the last chapter, I somehow managed to post the unedited version of it first and than had to change it.)
I love you all,
AGirlThatDaresToDream
WARNING: The scene below contains thinking about committing suicide, if you are uncomfortable with reading things like that or think that they could be triggering for you, please just skip to the part under the dots.
»It is the pain. What keeps reminding me of it, but not a stabbing one, more like… A pressure of sorts, like someone was squeezing my heart and when it gets worse, it is like I… I can't breathe... L-like I…"
"Like you are drowning."
The perfectly varnished wooden stairs were cold under her feet, the footsteps she took slow, cautious as she was, still not completely trusting her body, making her way downstairs, replaying the conversation she had with Damon less than twelve hours ago in her mind.
"It feels so real… Like I am in the water again and I… I c-cant…"
"But you are not, Elena. It is NOT real. The whole thing is just an illusion, your psyche is playing with you. A trick, nothing more. Now, don't get me wrong, I know it is still something that your body, in that moment, thinks it is happening, but this pain is not the problem we are talking about, it is its consequence. And if we want to get rid of it we have to dig deeper… What upset you tonight? I know it was your conversation with Jenna that caused the pain to worsen, but what started it? The guilt? The blame? What were your first thoughts when you got on the phone?"
"Jenna. S-she sounded so happy to hear me… And I wanted to find out how Jeremy was for so long, but I just… Couldn't take it… She w-was nice… Too nice."
She felt his arms tighten around her as her voice cracked, another wave of shivers running through her.
"Tell me."
"I k-killed them. I am the reason her sister is dead, I just… I couldn't stand listening to her that relieved that I, the one who did all this is OK… And Jeremy… He should hate me. He probably does… I mean, I ruined everything… I am ruining him, right this second… He doesn't deserve to live like this. And I am the cause of why he has to. Why didn't I prevent it? All I needed was to keep quiet and none of it would have happened. B-But I couldn't in that moment… I was s-so angry and I…"
"Shhhh, Elena… Hey, look at me. It wasn't your fault. You know it wasn't, there were so many other things that happened, other elements that caused the car to slip. The damp road, the bridge that should have been renovated years ago, the poor visibility… They are all one of them, the crash could just as easily happen without you in the car, this is just a part of you talking… As for your brother… Do you really think he could ever hate you? I mean, you are his sister after all, the one he had to love enough to risk his life for. And if the roles were swapped… Wouldn't you do the same? He loves you, Elena. Regardless of how a part of you wanted him to react. Just make sure you cherish that, OK? Even if you don't feel like you should now. You deserve it. All of it."
She was still shaking as she reached the ground floor, her mind flashing between dreams and reality in a frightening matter, the nightmare still holding her in its claws forcing her back into the water with every second breath she took. And it was alright. It felt right to be there, with them. If only she would, if only…
The cold night was what brought her back to her senses, the almost full moon above her hidden behind a cloud, lightening the garden just enough that she was able to make out the shapes of the nearby bushes. What was she doing here? The fear washed over her. She shouldn't be here… Damon… He told her to fight, to wake him up if anything happened… But the night was calm, the darkness that used to scare her as a child peaceful, letting her know that it was fine, calming her and filling her with guilt at the same time. But it wasn't enough, the pain in her chest, the fear… The price for what she did felt too low. The vampire was wrong; she did deserve this.
She couldn't remember the moment her eyes first found the pier. Was it the wind that brought the fresh air to her? The sound of the small waves crashing against the wooden columns supporting it? She didn't know, yet suddenly it all became clear. The price… She knew what she had to do. It was the only way and this was her only chance. Damon would be furious if he knew what she was doing…
Damon. She stopped dead in her tracks, flinching as she realised where she was standing. The water was all around her, her toes curling around the piers end like it was a lifeline, both the wind and the tiny drops of the braking waves cooling her feet, causing her to panic. She shouldn't be here, this wasn't right, she can't do this. She wanted to run, she did. She wanted to burst into Damon's room, so that he would let her cry in his shirt, finding comfort in his words, but she couldn't. She couldn't move. The urge was too strong.
To jump, to pay for what she did, to feel the fear all over again… to drown? A sob escaped her as she pleaded with herself, trying to convince herself that this is not what she wanted, yet she couldn't help to not push her body forward, looking down onto the dark cold surface of the lake and catching her faint reflection. She looked like a wreck, her eyes puffy, tears running down her face… Would it make her feel better? The water? Maybe… Maybe the pain would go away then? This is how it works, right? She has to settle her debt before she can move on.
She was sobbing uncontrollably now, finding it hard to breathe, the cold air not refreshing anymore, the night not calming. She didn't fight hard enough, she couldn't and she lost the battle. The urge was stronger than her fear and now it was time to face the consequences.
Before she was even able to take another breath, her legs showed her of the edge, both fear and guilt causing her attempted scream to get caught in her throat. It was over now. She deserved this. This was the end. It felt like a lifetime, those few seconds she had left before she would hit the water. What was she doing again? She couldn't do this, there were still people out there that needed her and she wanted to be there for them, wanted to fight… But it was too late now, far too late.
The last thing she saw before closing her eyes were millions of tiny water drops glistening in the moonlight. She felt her wings open and her feet never touched the surface.
….
"There you go now, squash it, squash it! What the hell?!" Gabe's cry cut through the living room as the character Elena played killed his with just one jump, winning the game for at least fifth time in a row, causing her to laugh once again and leaving the vampire who was leaning against the doorway facing the two to stand there, amazed.
He thought he was dreaming, the first time he heard her, having a hard time convincing himself that the sound did belong to the girl in front of him. It was sweet, careless and so innocent… heavenly. That was the word to describe it. He felt like it was renewing him, changing him if only just for a short second in a man he wanted to become. The one without hatred or haunting past. Someone good. Someone he will never be able to fully become.
He resented her in that moment, the girl who offered him a smile not even a heartbeat earlier, before turning towards the screen again, bestowing her focus to the game. He hated how much he needed her, how much his plan has blinded him, hated his mind for being able to convince himself he still had a chance. Ever since he first saw her hope has anchored back into his heart. For the first time in years he was able to appreciate the new day as it came, savouring it, enjoying it, eager to know what kind of a change in him it will bring. But he was wrong, so wrong. He had no chance, there was no sign, all he did was for nothing. He eyed the angel in front of him again before sighing and leaving the room. It was something, truthfully, but for the girl, not for him. Still, a part of him couldn't bring himself to regret it. Sure, his mind incited him to get her out for a selfish reason, fooling him but if it hadn't she would be dead. And he couldn't seem to stand the idea. No, she had to be safe, even if it meant being away from him. Destroying him for good. In two days he will be left with nothing but emptiness.
He didn't know how long he have been sitting there, on a small wooden bench at the western part of the garden, watching the sun lowering behind the nearest hill, the clouds blurring the colours, before he felt her presence next to him, the edge of her wing brushing gently against his side as she sat down.
It was almost like she was a different person from the troubled, broken girl he held in his arms the evening before: laughing, smiling, running around and twirling, the twinkles back in her eyes. Sure, she still jumped a little every time the water poured loudly from the pipe, or stirred when he mentioned that they will have to use a car to get to the second meeting, but in general he had never seen her this happy before. Could it just be from his words? The change in her? It didn't seem possible. There was something different about her, he could feel it. The guilt wasn't gone completely, but she had tamed it, it seemed like her enthusiasm has paid off after all. She has won.
"You can ask me anything, you know." Her voice broke the peace after they have both been staring at the sky for a few minutes. It was hesitant, thought, not what he expected and she swallowed before continuing. "The things you want to know, some of which you asked me before, but I didn't answer…" Elena's eyes met his confused ones. "I will tell you everything I know now, I promise."
"W-what? Why would you do that Elena? You don't even know a thing about me, and you want to tell me about the things you clearly aren't comfortable talking about, just to try to meet the cost of what I have done to save you? Don't, OK? It doesn't work like that. It is not going to. You don't owe me anything." The girl was looking at her feet now, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment as she wringed her hands in her lap, causing him to realise just how harsh his tone was.
"Hey," he lifted her chin up. "I am sorry, I wasn't in the right mood for this. What I meant was that you shouldn't feel like that, I was selfish. What we have, this… friendship of sorts, it won't work if you think I have the right to know everything about you. You will tell me what you really want to tell me when you are ready. Until then, thought, why don't you ask me anything, get to know me a little?"
She looked at him with wide eyes for a moment, before shaking the tension away with a playful shrug. "Okay then… How old are you exactly?"
"Three hundred and twenty six. I was born in Italy, not here, though I don't even remember it. I was two when we moved here for my father to be able to enlarger his plantation business. "
"For how long have you been working in the centre?"
"Two hundred years, give or take… It wasn't one of the happiest periods."
Her forehead wrinkled. "But you spent more than two thirds of your life there anyway? Why?"
"They snatched me up, kind of, regarding that I was a doctor before…" He couldn't help, but laugh at her expression. "What? You seriously thought they would take just anyone without even some basic knowledge? Please."
She didn't smile, much to his surprise, her voice hesitant as she spoke the next sentence, urging him to continue. "Gabe said you compelled him…"
"Yeah, I did," he sighed. "But just so he wouldn't be able to tell anyone we are here and he agreed to it. It is safer for all of us. At least this way we know that he can't get in any trouble."
"So if another vampire compelled him to tell him where we are…?"
"He wouldn't be able to say. I got him first, it's how it works."
"Why did you come here?"
"I had some things I wanted to talk to you about, but didn't know how to do it, so I left." It was the truth. She deserved to know he won't be able to go with her, the ideas on how to hand the news to her running through his mind, yet he couldn't find the right moment until now.
"What is it?" Elena was looking at him with worry now, seeming to learn it was something bad from his body language, scanning his face carefully.
"The group. After the meeting that is coming up, they want you to leave with them and your family… Take you all somewhere safe, probably… And I want to come with you, believe me, I do, but… I am a vampire, and since they fight against us, there is no way that they would… They won't let me."
"B-but I…" She sounded terrified, her scared eyes filling him with warmth. She wanted him with her.
"You will be alright," he quickly interrupted, wrapping his arms around her reassuringly. "You will have your brother there and your aunt, they will make sure the others treat you right. And I am sorry. I know I said I will be there for you at all times, but you are strong, Elena. You can do this, hell, you can do anything given what you already went through." She was still in his embrace, holding herself to him as tightly as humanly possible, before slowly locking her gaze with his, the power behind it freezing his hand that was stroking her wings.
"I know."
Dear petrovaaa:
Thank you for reviewing, it means so much for me especially since you stuck with doing so from the very first chapter. And about keeping up the good work... I will try my best. ;)
Love,
AGirlThatDaresToDream
Dear sondrex76:
Hi again :)
You were right about the flying! As for the other special abilities Elena might have all I can say without spoiling anything is wait and see. You will learn everything about her new form alongside with her… But good thinking, feel free to come up with more theories, you are kind of good at this and thanks for expressing your thought again, I am glad you liked the chapter, hope you feel the same way about this one too,
Love ,
AGirlThatDaresToDream
P.S: Don't worry about the grammar, it might be going slow but practice really is what makes it perfect. And talking about perfect, mine clearly isn't. Just don't give up.
Dear sorrybout'ya:
Thank you! I am really excited about what your reactions to the next chapters will be. :)
Love ,
AGirlThatDaresToDream
