Chapter 6- "So Jealous" Tegan and Sara
After their fight at the Abbey both girls decided it was best to take their show on the road. Ashley knew the routine very well, because usually after one of their rare fights they'd go get ice cream, rent movies and talk about whatever all night, which always helped them reconnect. Ashley usually found that the tension that built up to the fight always made them lose touch since they were so busy being mad at one another. Although this fight was different and they were both navigating through uncharted territory, Ashley was confident the make-up routine would be the same.
"So you wanna get the movies or the ice cream first?" Ashley asked Spencer once they'd both gotten in the car. Spencer hesitated for a bit and Ashley picked up on the strange awkwardness that had appeared for the first time in their 5-year friendship.
"Actually can you take me over to Patrick's?"
"Oh…" Ashley's heart broke again for the second time that night. "…yeah sure…"
"I'm sorry but I told him I'd come over after… we hung out and stuff"
"No… yeah… it's fine" Ashley managed to say fighting the lump in her throat. Silence followed as the lump grew bigger and Ashley found it a bit harder to breath. "Uhmm are you spending the night at Patrick's?" It is official; Ashley Davies was a masochist. Ashley tried not to sound hurt when saying this but it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. It was particularly hard because Spencer never spent the night at Patrick's. She always said it was because his parents were there but Ashley always secretly hoped that she found him just as repulsive as she did and just never wanted to sleep with him. "…Because we can go to my place so you can grab some clothes or something…" Ashley tried again hoping the sound of her heart breaking wouldn't affect her resolve. No luck.
"No it's ok… we're going back to my dorm, Sally's staying at some boy's place tonight"
"Oh…" Major lump swallow "…cool" That was all Ashley could bear to hear without pulling over and begging Spencer not to go. She didn't but it wasn't beyond Ashley to actually do. She just wanted to be the bigger person; it was after all, her non-confession that caused all this tension in the first place.
They drove in silence for what seemed like forever. This was definitely new territory for these girls. The silence was killing Ashley so she started shuffling through her iPod looking for the appropriate song to score the moment. She couldn't help it, she was a music fiend and she needed to express herself without saying a word. Once Spencer heard the first note to the familiar tune she yanked the iPod away from Ashley's hand and turned it off.
"What the F Spencer!!" Ashley said irritated. You could break the girl's heart but you better not mess with her iPod.
"No! You don't get to do this!" Spencer said adamantly.
"Do what? Break the precious awkward silence?" Ashley was really embracing the sarcasm today.
"No Ash! You don't get to play your stupid Sia Fuller song and make me feel all guilty for not hanging out with you tonight" Spencer said furiously.
"What are you talking about? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty" Ashley was truly lost "… And Breath Me is not stupid!!" She said defensively.
"You expect me not to know what it means when you play that song? Really? …and you don't get to be mad at me… not after tonight!"
The night's events were beginning to weigh down on the littlest Carlin, but now she felt herself flailing as she was being hit by another wave of emotions. She was stunned to find that she still had a lot of anger within her. Spencer wasn't an angry person but she had by far spent her quota of rage for an entire year.
"Spence I'm not mad… " Ashley said barely above a whisper, her eyes betraying her.
"Good" Spencer was looking out the window trying to hide the pain in her own eyes.
"It's just… I'm a little hurt right now… and it sucks because I can't talk to my best friend about it" Ashley's eyes began to tear.
"…Maybe you should go back and talk to Sandy about it" Spencer said bitterly.
"Who?"
"The blonde chick from the bar… Wow you are a whore!"
"God! And you're a real a fucking saint aren't you? Aren't you the one going over to your idiot boyfriend's house to have angry sex?"
"God you're such an ass! I can't believe I ever thought…"
Ashley pulls up to Patrick's house and cuts her off.
"We're here! Go fuck your BOYFRIEND all night, it'll make you feel better!" Ashley's words hit a nerve with Spencer. The fury was unleashed. Back to square one.
"Fuck you Ashley! Who the fuck do you think you are? Why do you get to fuck whomever you chose but you throw a tantrum when I want to have sex with my BOYFRIEND!!" Spencer's language was uncharacteristically foul, she HAD been hanging out with Ashley a lot.
"You're right go and have sex with your lame ass BOYFRIEND! Why should I care? … Look at me and how much I don't care! … I'm going to go have sex with really hot people tonight!" She said it out of spite but she didn't really mean it. Not tonight at least.
Spencer got out of the car but not before telling her to fuck off.
"Oh I will… Several times… I might even find a girlfriend tonight… one that isn't a fucking nut job like you!!" Spencer slammed the door in her face not willing to hear the rest of Ashley's hurtful rant. Nothing else was said.
Ashley sped off into the night not waiting to make sure Spencer got in ok, something she'd always done.
She didn't have sex with many attractive people that night. Instead she went home and cried into her pillow like she would've done if she were 16 again and hopelessly in love.
Spencer on the other hand DID have sex. She didn't even wait for Patrick to get them to her dorm. Spencer was angry, she had something to prove and to Patrick's delight his twin bed at his parents home would be the jury.
Unfortunately Spencer didn't prove anything that night, except what she already knew.
She felt terrible.
Empty.
The worst part was that she didn't have her best friend to talk to about this with because SHE was the reason for the pain.
It was Ashley's fault that she felt this bare.
I was Ashley's fault that she felt this terrified.
It was Ashley's fault that Spencer was in love with her and for that she couldn't forgive her.
A/N: Hey guys thanks a lot for the love! You guys made ME feel all warm and tingly even in MY breezy booty shorts!
-P.S. How new am I to this that when I got responsed like "PMS", I went home and sulked for a week. It was only after a few shots of tequila that I realized it meant "Post More Soon!" I hope!
