Chapter 7 "Breath Me" Sia Fuller
"You have one new message… BEEP….
"Hey Spence it's me… Ashley… uhm just wanted to see how you were doing… I know things are weird between us but if you'd call me or answer my calls then we could… I don't know talk about it or something… yeah so call me back…pleeeeease"
…BEEP"
Spencer noticed Ashley's raspy voice was hoarser than usual, Spencer assumed it was from partying non stop but her heart knew better.
"You have one new message… BEEP….
"Hey little bear it's me… uhm I know, I haven't called you that in like forever… but yeah anyway…I'm kind of dying here you know? This is like the longest you haven't talked to me in forever… and I don't know… please call me… please?"
…BEEP"
This time Spencer heard the desperation in Ashley's voice but she still wouldn't budge. She knew Ashley only resorted to pet names when she was desperate to get her way with the blonde. Spencer wasn't doing so well either, she'd confined herself to her bed and hadn't moved in three days. She was a mess but she wasn't ready to give in.
"You have one new message… BEEP….
"Spencer… I know I said some pretty shitty things the other night… I just really want to apologize… please tell me what to do" Ashley stops for a second noticing her voice was breaking "… uhm your mom said you were sick… maybe I can bring over some chicken soup… from that place that you like… let me take care of you please … like before"
…BEEP"
Spencer wasn't sick, but to the outside observer that would be the only justifiable reason she hadn't eaten or left her room in 5 days.
"You have one new message… BEEP….
"Spencer what the FUCK?!?!… So you're just not going to talk to me anymore? You're just going to throw away… everything?" Ashley exhaled resignation in her voice "… but you promised… you promised me I wasn't going to lose you"
…BEEP"
After a long morning battle, the tears threatening inside her were victorious. Those words, the promise that she'd made Ashley resonated in her heart, the ache becoming unbearable. When did she become so callous, so unforgiving, so unlike herself? Who was this unreasonable being that inhibited her body -who longed for her best friend yet refused to see her? The Spencer shaped pod wasn't even willing to admit her feelings to the vacant shell, not at first. After a week of brooding though, and the noticeable hole in her chest getting bigger, she gave up. She could no longer resist the inevitable. She was IN LOVE with her best friend … and she was miserable.
Spencer wondered if this was what love was SUPPOSED to be like? She'd always thought that when she fell in love it'd be like all the love songs she'd sang along to but never really grasped. Yet this felt nothing like what Gwen Stefani or Kylie Minogue sang about in their breezy tunes.
This felt more like the agony in a Coldplay song, the frustration of a Smiths tune and the insecurities of a The Cure track.
Spencer simply concluded that Pat Benatar was right. Love IS a battlefield, and Spencer was a wounded soldier on the precipice.
Colonel Carlin, let's face it she'd endured enough to earn the ranking of a top official, hadn't left her room in a week. She'd missed all of her classes, volunteer work and brunch with her mother. Instead she laid on her bed in the dark listening to her iPod muffling her tears.
"Hey girl!" Spencer's promiscuous roommate walked into their dorm carrying a large box and a brown paper bag. Sally made it look easy, carrying the large box in 5-inch high heels and still wafting with grace. She was actually quite attractive; she looked like a 1940's pin up girl with her ruby red lipstick, her intricate brunette coiffure, her pale porcelain skin and her voluptuous figure. She was a Vargas girl come to life except with a lot of tattoos. "How are you feeling?"
Although Sally and Spencer hardly ever interacted due to their conflicting class schedules and Sally's even more chaotic sex to-do list, Sally was aware of Spencer's sudden mood change. She wasn't buying the flu excuse either, actually no one was. Spencer, as Ashley pointed out, was a bad liar. Yet Sally decided that since Spencer had been such a good roommate it was time for her to meddle, she was after all a psychology major, well this week at least.
"Ok" Spencer managed to grumble out from underneath her mountain of pillows and sheets.
Spencer was devastated and unfortunately still very polite. She didn't have the heart to blow Sally off even though she'd just heard that heartbreaking message from Ashley. The message that sent her crashing back down from what little progress she'd made since the first night of the fight. She had up to this point and three days prior started eating, sure no one really knew the nutritional value of goldfish crackers but it was something. Better than nothing. Now though, she was back to nothing.
"Well you look like shit." If one thing could be attributed to Sally was that she was brutally blunt …and she loved red heels. "You sure you don't want me to take you to the hospital… I mean if you can't keep anything down for more than a few days you should really see a doctor"
"Sally my mom's a doctor… she said I'd be fine in a few days… I just need rest"
"Right. Doctor mom. Shouldn't she be here taking care of you or something?"
"No. She knows I need rest"
"Ok. Fine. I get your hint. So what do you want me to do with all this crap?"
"What crap?" Spencer finally peeks out from under her pillows to see that Sally is holding a big box and a brown paper bag with take out.
"You should eat this while it's still warm… wait I didn't know Don Chuy's delivered?"
Spencer unburied herself from her linen grave immediately upon hearing the name. She knew Don Chuy's didn't deliver. In fact Don Chuy's wouldn't deliver, it was like an hour drive just to get there. It was Ashley and Spencer's favorite Mexican hole-in-the-wall and both girls always made a day of driving up there whenever they'd been away from each other for too long. Plus, according to Ashley their chicken soup was 'kick ass'.
Although she'd deny it, Ashley was thoughtful too. Even though she knew Spencer wasn't sick, she wanted to make sure her friend had the appropriate healing supplements. Spencer wasn't hungry though, not even the wonderful smell of her favorite chicken soup that was penetrating the walls of the small dorm was enough to bring back her appetite. It actually kind-of made Spencer want to toss her crackers. Her goldfish shaped crackers.
"Just leave it on the table… what's in the box?" Spencer hesitated, afraid of the answer.
"I don't know. It doesn't have a name or anything. Oh I love surprises, let's open it!"
"No!" Spencer shocked even her self. She hadn't said anything louder than a whisper for an entire week. She forgot the sound of her voice, yet she didn't remember it sounding that hoarse.
"Why not? How else are we supposed to find out what's in the box? I don't know about you but my x-ray vision is out of commission today. Plus it could be for me! …Although I doubt rock royalty 'Aaahshley Daaahvies' would be special delivering boxes for me" Sally pretended to gush at the mention of Ashley's name.
"Ashley was here?" Spencer felt her heart beat quicken.
"Yeah I caught her outside. She looks even shittier than you. Maybe she gave you whatever you have" Sally gave Spencer a suspicious smile. Spencer: oblivious. She was preoccupied with the whole Ashley being there thing.
"What did she say?" Spencer whispered. Sally continued not hearing the last question.
"Man that girl is hot! I mean even all sick… but she was wearing like the cutest Gucci sweat suit… Ahh she has like the best clothes! … Man I'm no rug-muncher but I'd totally fuck Ashley." Sally was purposefully pushing Spencer's buttons, although she probably WOULD sleep with Ashley. Wow Shocker. "You think she'd fuck me? I mean… I heard she played for both teams… My friend Shelly told me that she heard from her Gay Nathan, that she and the Paramore girl… what's her name…little Paramore? Red head? Oh! and then there's the website… "
"Fuck!!!" Spencer sounded desperate. Sally was pleased at Spencer's angry tone. This encouraged her to press further. "I'm sorry I just have a pounding headache" Spencer apologized.
"No yeah sorry my bad… I forgot you were a doctor/preacher's kid… I know that you're not allowed to associate yourself with all that gay stuff…."
"WHAT!!!" Spencer was livid (and a little surprised that she could feel anything but hurt). How could Sally be so misinformed on so many levels?
"…No yeah you're right to no longer be friends with Ashley… I mean she's fucking hot and the temptaion would be… you know? …"
"What is wrong with you? You know nothing about me! Don't you dare try and psychology 101 me! God you're an asshole!!"
"Wow and she speaks. By the way I am an asshole. And you're an idiot!" Sally wasn't hurt she was pleased to get such a poignant response from the recently mute girl.
"Why would you say those terrible things to me?"
"Why are you acting like such a bitch to your friend?"
"Fuck you! How would you even know??…." Angry Spencer wasn't polite.
"Oh… I really don't like this new sulky ragging Spencer... she's kind of a bitch…" Sally was coy. The realization dawned on Spencer that she was divulging more information than any innocent bystander would be aware of.
"Sally! …How would you even know?" Spencer demanded again.
"So I've been hanging with the girl…"
"What?! Why?" Spencer was peeved and once again feeling a little betrayed, now by her roommate. Why was everyone keeping secrets from her and how dare she take Ashley's side?! It wasn't fair, Sally was HER roommate. She had to take Spencer's side it was in the 'dorm manual'... or was it 'roommate code'?
"Well one night when you were pretending to be sick, she came by, I guess you didn't hear her knock… honestly though I don't think she knocked… anyway I found her on her way down and we went to get drinks…" She laughed "My psychology 101 worked on her. I know everything…."
"Well I'm glad one of us is very well informed." Spencer said sarcastically.
"Well kind of… but neither one of us know why you're so mad… I mean why WOULD you be so mad? It's not like she cheated on you or …eeewww fucked your boyfriend?" Sally cringed at the idea of Ashley having sex with a very inept Patrick.
"I'm not mad!" Spencer defended.
"No… you're just sitting in the dark crying and listening to that fucking song for an entire week… You're acting like a sixteen year old that's been dumped! She was JUST your friend right? You have more don't you?" Spencer was contemplating Sally's words ignoring her question "…it's ok… we can get you new ones then"
"You've obviously never had an Ashley" Spencer defended. "It's bigger than that"
"That's what she said… oh! that's funny" Sally realized her joke within a joke and laughed.
"What?"
"NO really… that's what SHE said"
"Who said what?"
"Ashley… when I psychology 101'ed her… she said "You've obviously never had a Spencer"
"What?"
"I don't know…I'm thinking psychology is NOT for me…"
"No shit"
"Whatever hoe… go talk to your friend… She's really fucking sad… it's scary, no one that hot should be that sad…" Spencer rolled her eyes at Sally. She was done talking about Ashley. It stung too much to think of the brunette in pain. "Fine! You're doing this to yourself… but if you don't get out of that bed by tomorrow I'm calling your mother."
Sally left the dorm. She'd been drinking with Ashley all week; she didn't want to be around another 'Debbie Downer'. She knew though, that she'd ruffled Spencer's feathers enough for her to be out of bed in no time. Sally was smug that way.
After an hour and despite all of Spencer's feeble attempts to stay away from the box she caved. She walked over to the table and opened it. Spencer lost it.
A/N: I know, I know. "Enough with the angst!"
P.S. I just figured out how to put in Author's notes too! I was looking for a button that said "author's note." Hmm go figure!
