Chapter 8
The Demon Did It
(A Bird in the Hand)
Although Angel had told everyone to run—and most people did—Zim could not help but stand and stare. The Vendrell demon was at least eight feet tall, and it looked like it was made of stone from hooves to horns. Its clawed hands were the size of medicine balls, and its eyes were glowing coals. There appeared to be some hair at the top of its head, but it was sparse and receding. The whip looked like it was made from bone, and there were Bowie knives strung at the end of it.
There was no doubt about it: this thing was death itself. Zim tried to make his legs move, but they would not save him from this juggernaut of violence.
The Vendrell demon did not bother to step toward him; it just reared back with the whip and prepared to strike. Zim puckered his butthole and closed his eyes, waiting to die.
Illyria shrieked like a harpy and jumped between Zim and the Whip of Many Knives. When the Vendrell demon followed through with the attack, Illyria grabbed the whip and yanked back on it. The demon stumbled forward, and Illyria planted her fist against its chest. There was a tremendous sound of thunder, and the demon fell backwards, its chest cracked.
Hands wrapped around Zim's collar and turned him around. It was Fitz. "Dude, when someone like that—" He pointed at Angel. "—says to run, YOU RUN!"
Fitz dragged him away from the titanic brawl, and Zim couldn't help but look back and watch as Illyria straddled the Vendrell demon's broken chest. It looked like she was trying to wrestle the horns from its head.
Up ahead Angel and Brandon were yelling at each other. It took Zim a moment to realize that the former intended the latter to follow their convertible in a van. Angel and his crew piled into the convertible and started roaring off. Everyone else barely fit into the van, and as it was, Zim had to ride sitting in D-Dolla's lap.
"I feel like such a kid," Zim muttered.
"Imagine how I feel," D-Dolla' said.
"Just don't pop any wood while I'm here."
"Shut up and buckle in!" Brandon called from the driver's seat. The van roared to life and jerked as Brandon accelerated after the convertible. Just then, before they reached the end of the building, the Vendrell demon jumped between the convertible and the van.
"Fuck!" Brandon yelled. He twisted the wheel. He sideswiped a black Pontiac, tearing most of the paint job off the passenger side, but he managed to swerve around the bulky shape of the demon.
"Drive faster!" Rico shouted. "He's gaining on us!"
"This thing won't go any faster!" Brandon roared.
Zim cast his gaze behind him, around D-Dolla's head, to see what Rico was looking at. Illyria was climbing the Vendrell demon's back and was once again trying to break the horns away. She also punched his rock head, and chips rained away like dandruff.
Brandon turned to follow the convertible, and Zim could no longer see the altercation. He blew a sigh out that fogged the side window. "I just about shit myself," Zim said.
"Do. Not. Do. That," D-Dolla' said.
Moments later they pulled into a forest preserve, and they parked next to the convertible. "Isn't this place supposed to be closed at this hour?" Fitz asked.
"Those guys seem pretty special to me," Brandon said. "I wouldn't be surprised to find out that they have special privileges or something."
Everyone got out of their vehicles. "What are we doing here?" Zim asked Angel's team.
"This is a Shelpshov demon's territory," Angel said. "He's been giving us sanctuary while we're in the area. Follow me."
Spike stepped up to Zim, and he held a human-shaped package over his shoulder. "By the way, I saved your friend's life. You can start showering me with praise, now."
Zim saw that it was DD. "He's not really my friend."
"I saw him with you guys."
Zim shrugged. "He's a parasite."
"In that case." Spike shrugged, and DD's unconscious form flopped down on the grass. "He was getting heavy, anyway."
They left DD in a puddle of himself as everyone followed Angel to what had to be the thickest tree any of them had ever seen.
"It's like that one tree in Ernest Scared Stupid," Fitz said.
"It's where the Shelpshov demon lives," Lorne said.
Angel spoke a few words that sounded nothing like English, and the side of the tree opened up. Without a second thought Angel stepped in, and the rest of his team followed."
Zim looked at his friends and shrugged. "What can I say? I'm supposed to save the world." And he stepped inside.
"There is no way I'm leaving him alone with that bunch," Fitz said. He followed.
"There are just so many ways I can screw with him," said Brandon. He joined them.
The rest stood outside and stared at each other. "This is probably dangerous," Rico said.
Bruni laughed. "Yep. What else am I going to do with my evening? Things could get interesting." And he went in.
Kliff stared at the opening in the tree. "That guy's an idiot."
Rico laughed. "Where's your sense of adventure? Excitement?"
"We just saw a bunch of vampires attack Tailgators," Kliff said. "There was a giant stone demon after us. I think it's time to go home."
"Just so long as we stop off for some beer," Rico said. "I didn't get to drink much tonight."
The remainder of them decided Kliff was right, and they went their separate ways. They each stopped off at DD's unconscious body to offer one final kick before taking to the road to get back to Tailgators, where most of them had left their cars.
Inside the tree, Zim was surprised to find that it was quite a cozy place. It resembled the hobbit hole in The Lord of the Rings, and by the toasty fireplace sat a blob of a creature. A face was barely discernable from the rest of him, but the fellow seemed hospitable enough.
"Welcome to my home, warriors," the Shelpshov demon said. "Care for some ale?"
"Yes," Bruni said immediately.
"What is this place?" Zim asked. "And why did you call us warriors?"
The demon leaned forward and smiled. "You must be Zim the Courageous."
"Um, what?" Brandon asked. He barely restrained himself from laughing.
"That is how he is known in the future," the Shelpshov demon said. "It is here that you will learn how you are to save the world."
