Chapter 11
Testimony of Zim
(Dead Men Don't Laugh)
Zim paced around the room, looking at his feet. Bruni sat with the Shelpshov demon, drinking ale after ale, telling dirty jokes. Brandon and Fitz stared at Zim, shaking their heads. Lorne, Connor and Gunn tried not to look bored but failed miserably.
"How long is this going to take?" Zim asked. "I'm hungry, and I want to go to Tapateos."
The Shelpshov demon offered him a bowl of sludge. "This is excellent gramszhe. It's a family recipe. Lots of fiber."
The gramszhe smelled like dirty underwear left out in the sun in Joliet, and it looked like a cat had puked on a puddle of dog shit. "I think I'll pass."
The Shelpshov demon shrugged. "Don't worry, it won't be long. Time goes faster in the Felkroff dimension. Hours over there are minutes here. I wouldn't be surprised if they're already back."
The door above them opened, and footsteps rang through the den. Every head turned to see who it was, and all were dismayed when they saw it was DD. "Hey guys. What's going on?"
"I thought we left you by the cars," Zim said.
"Yeah. What's with that?"
"This is one of your friends?" the Shelpshov demon asked.
"I hesitate to use such a strong word for this guy," Fitz said.
"So, where's my car?" DD asked. "Is it still at Tailgators? And why are you guys in a tree?"
"How did you get in here?" the Shelpshov demon asked. "There's an incantation you must recite, or the tree won't let you in."
"I don't know," DD said. "The door was, like, open. Maybe someone forgot to close it."
The Shelpshov demon looked askance upon the newcomer, but the answer was pat enough for his likes. "Did you see anyone else out there?"
"Nah, man. This place is nice. I don't suppose you have, like, anything to drink?"
"There's some ale over there."
Bruni looked like he wanted to step between DD and the ale, but he did not. If the demon was stupid enough to leave DD such an open invitation, he deserved what he got. Bruni made a mental note to drink as much ale as he could before this parasite could get the remainder.
Just as DD took his first drink, more footsteps came thundering down the stairs. It was Angel and his team, and they were looking worse for the wear. Angel's brow had been split open, as had his lip. Blood and bruises lit up his face, and his trench coat was torn. Spike's face had been burned, and all that remained of his trench coat was the bit around his shoulders. Illyria, however, looked the same as always.
Angel tossed a rock to the Shelpshov demon. "Is this the Rinkan Stone?"
The demon looked it over. It didn't appear to be very special, just a rock with a symbol carved into it, but he nodded. "This is the one."
"Good. Because if I have to kick the Pontifex Maximum's ass again, I'm just not up for that."
"It was pretty funny, though," Spike said. "Got to admit that."
"No, I don't."
Zim held out his hand. "Okay, let me have it."
The Shelpshov demon shook his head. "Not after what you did to the Pick. I'm going to give it to your most reliable friend."
Both Brandon and Fitz stepped forward, then grinned sheepishly at each other. Fitz gestured for Brandon to continue, while Brandon did the same to Fitz. They were too busy being courteous to each other, so they missed it when the demon handed the Rinkan Stone to Bruni.
"No fucking way," Brandon said.
"He may be a drunkard, but he has great wisdom as Future Booze Jesus," the Shelpshov demon said.
"You haven't seen this guy do karaoke," Brandon said.
"I will guard this with Zim's life," Bruni said. He placed the Stone into his pocket.
"Thanks, Bruni," Zim said.
"Can I see that rock?" DD asked. He held out his hand.
"Uh, no," Bruni said.
"I just want to look at it. It might be valuable or something."
"No, it's not. And no, you can't."
DD backed off. "I was just asking." But he did not remove his eyes from Bruni's pocket. No one noticed when DD slipped a knife from the Shelpshov demon's kitchen nook up his sleeve.
"So," Zim said, "what do I do now?"
"You didn't hear any of what he said earlier?" Brandon asked.
"Not really."
"You must go back to Tailgators," the Shelpshov demon said. "Using the horns of the Vendrell demon, you must summon Krimskep the Strong. Thanks to the Rinkan Stone, he will be unable to resist. This is when you will trap him and destroy him with the very Stone he seeks."
"Can we just go to Mullin's?" Zim asked. "I like that place way better."
"No, it must be Tailgators. And it must be fast. Krimskep's soldiers are gathering at the Nepval Portal. If they start charging through, then the world is doomed. We must get Krimskep here before this happens. Lorne, do you have the summoning spell?"
"You betcha, doll-face." Lorne tapped his pocket.
"Good. Now be on your way. And hurry, for the sun is a mere five hours away."
"Don't I know it," Angel muttered. "Okay guys. Let's go save the world."
"For the fifty millionth time," Spike said.
Everyone started up the stairs except for Bruni and DD. They both went for the remainder of the ale, and their hands met the bottle at the same time.
"I call dibs," DD said.
Bruni considered fighting this foolishness, but he realized that DD might be a bit less whiny if he had some alcohol in him. Reluctantly Bruni removed his hand from the bottle, and DD downed its contents. They both nodded to the Shelpshov demon.
"Good luck to you all. Don't let Zim the Courageous fail."
When they were back up in the forest preserve DD left Bruni's side to find Zim. There he was, dragging his feet near the rear of the party. Do it now, Desdemona said in his brain. End this savior's life before it's too late!
DD let the kitchen knife fall from his sleeve into the palm of his hand. He quickened his pace to catch up with Zim, which wasn't very hard to do. Zim didn't notice because he was too busy looking down at his feet. His neck was bared to DD.
This should be easy, DD thought. He lifted the blade above his head and brought it down with all his might, aiming the point at Zim's neck, intent on stabbing all the way through to his Adam's apple.
