Noel raised the lace-lined sleeve up a little higher, looking at his watch. His face flushed with embarrassment, this was by far the worst choice he had ever made. Zen had texted him the next morning, far quicker than he expected to be summoned. All but the barest essentials were still at his own house, so he had to do a bit of shopping, and while no one looked at him as if he stood out at all in the store, it certainly bothered him. He preferred something more casual, easy to move in, it was easier to think when he was comfortable, and this dress did nothing to make him feel at ease. Not only that, but he had arrived far too early, it had the feeling of some eager fool, showing up early in the vain hope that their love interest would also have done the same. He glared accusingly at the purse looped around his shoulder, something he felt forced to wear simply because this dress had no pockets. Fumbling for his pack, he meant to have a quick cigarette, grimacing as he dropped it back into place. He had sat at a salon for far too long to damage his appearance, and while the color the woman had selected for his lips was pleasant, he didn't feel like looking too sloppy by smudging it.
Acting the part of a beautiful and elegant woman was one thing, he didn't mind doing it if it was for work, but this was different, and disheveled women were the subject of passionate tales of his works, not his life. At the very least, he now had a begrudging respect for the women who went out of their way to do this sort of thing regularly. Raising his hand, he examined it disdainfully, the colorful nails that covered his own were clearly not meant to accommodate functionality very well. None of it mattered as long as he kept his reasons firmly in his mind, remembering the reason he had chosen this profession was enough to give him the will to keep going, no matter what the challenge was. He hoped the party was soon, he wanted to return to his own house, and then there was that. Well, there was still time before he should be arriving, enough time to call and check in. The quiet ringing continued on for some time before a voice was heard on the other end.
"Hello?" a woman asked.
"Nari." he said by way of greeting.
"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to call. You haven't been home in some time. Is everything okay?" she pressed.
"Don't worry about it. I'm away on business, I'll return when I can, it might be awhile." he answered almost coldly. "How is Min?"
"He's sleeping right now. Should I wake him to speak with you?" she asked quietly.
"Don't. Let him sleep. I'll see him soon enough. Make sure he stays healthy and works hard. Goodbye." he said, not waiting for an answer to hang up on her.
Noel stared at his phone in silence before dropping it gracelessly into the purse. He had been so focused on what he was doing, he missed the approaching footsteps.
"Is it really okay to leave things like that?" someone asked.
Zen had arrived, and earlier than expected, if only just a little. "It's fine. It can't be helped right now, so just forget about it."
Clearly it was a sore subject, one best left alone. Instead, he smiled, taking a moment to appreciate the way he looked before depositing his hand on Noel's lower back, leading him into the small building he had been waiting at.
"You look very cute today. I didn't expect you to go that far! You must really be serious about this after all." he praised.
"You doubted that? I said this was strictly business, and I take that very seriously. Even if I don't enjoy the outfit, I will do my best to hold up my end." he said as politely as he could.
They found a quiet table by the back, somewhat dark and off from the others. A perfect place, with a low chance of being seen or bothered by anyone, save for the staff. It had nothing to do with a desire for privacy, but everything to do with wanting as few people as possible to see him like this. He let go of his back, reaching for his hand, keeping it until he was safely in his seat. Crossing to the other side, he took a seat, and conversation ceased for a time until they had ordered. Zen seemed surprised to find out Noel was ordering drinks, paying for it up front so it could be delivered immediately.
"You like to drink as well? I prefer beer, but this is fine too." he said with a smile.
Noel poured him a drink, sliding it across the table before serving himself, tapping the surface of the table quietly.
"If there's nothing else, beer is fine. This is my favorite, however. Much more potent, perfect for loosening the knots in my mind." he explained.
He stared at the glass in front of them, waiting to see how Noel took it first, watching him finish it in one drink, pressing a hand to his chest for a moment after. Feeling comforted by his reaction, he drank his, alarmed by the after burn, despite the misleading sweetness of it.
"You must be used to this. It's not...ugh… not bad." he groaned, allowing him to refill it before continuing. "You said knots in your mind, is that just stress, or is it something else?"
The food arrived, a perfect excuse to think about the best answer to it. It made sense to him, but he had never had to explain it before. All things considered, it was good, though it made him think too much that he hadn't eaten properly in some time.
"What I mean by that...I suppose it could be stress, but it's a little different. Half-formed ideas get jumbled up in my head, and then I get upset with myself, and I lose focus, and real life seeps into it. It gets messy and hard to smooth it all out again," he had no idea if it made sense to anyone but himself after all.
"That makes sense. Sometimes I have things like that too, some roles are hard to get into completely, and then...it's a lot of really negative and sad feelings, isn't it? That's not just me, right?" he asked, suddenly unsure of himself.
"Yeah, exactly. It's hard to ignore." Noel agreed, topping off their glasses once more. "Enough about that though. I'll grab my notes here. We can begin this whenever you like."
Zen reached across the table, putting his hand on his to stop him. "None of that now, babe. This is supposed to be a date, if you want to work so much, come back to my house with me after, you can talk to me all you like, and get those pictures at the same time. Two birds, yeah?"
Noel slumped his shoulders in defeat. Clearly he was more of a challenge than he had prepared for. Either way, this was his payment, it wasn't appropriate to rush it after all.
"As you say, we'll work later then. You'll have to forgive me, I'm not quite used to these things." he mumbled.
"Wait, seriously? I kind of figured you'd be the type who went on a lot of dates. I'm shocked." he admitted.
Noel drained another glass, glancing to his. Almost empty, he topped it off, glad for the distraction. Setting the now empty bottle to the side, he rearranged his dishes in order of which he preferred them. He felt the warmth in his face, probably a combination of such a personal question embarrassing him and the high alcohol content. What a foolish thing, blushing like a child, it was disgraceful.
"No. I don't have much time for dates normally. That and the ones I had been made to go on before weren't enjoyable, nothing to look forward to. That's not to say I've never been in relationships before, however boring and short lived they were." he sighed.
"Is that why you say you're not interested in me?" he wondered.
"Do you really want me to be?" Noel questioned, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "No, like I said, I have no heart to give. Besides, someone like me, you'd never be happy with. I'm very difficult, I can be cold and...well, I suppose I don't have very good control over myself."
"I wouldn't mind if you were. I don't believe that, it sounds like excuses." he said, denying it.
"I'm not just saying it. I've never actually loved anyone romantically. In the past, I acted on impulse, and what I thought was love faded too quickly and I moved on easily. I mean it though, I really can't control myself, though it takes a lot to provoke me to action." he admitted. "Your turn. Why exactly do you want me to like you?"
"I can just tell you're different. You're really cute, but you don't seem to like me for any of the reasons anyone else does. It's like you don't care at all about my looks or what I do, none of that makes a difference with you. You just have a way of putting me at ease. I'm being honest, there's a lot of reasons, although I wonder why you need reasons. I just feel what I feel." he said, trailing off quietly at the end.
Noel sighed, a bit troubled by the look on his face. Vulnerability and sadness were awkward things for him, and it was uncomfortable. Ideally, he could change that, but there really was no way.
"I won't ask you to change your feelings then. I don't expect that anything could happen, so I'll wait patiently until those feelings fade." he said.
He was well-known, famous, some might suggest, but that was only because people had no taste in good reading. As a result, he was used to hearing these things, and after so long, surely the people who said those words had moved on peacefully. It was possible that he had become somewhat cynical, after spitting out so much crap about love and passion, that he no longer believed those things existed, at least in a romantic capacity.
"They won't. You'll be waiting a long time." he said with a laugh, watching for a moment. "You have the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. A shame they're most noticeable when you're brooding. You're too pretty to look so down."
Noel took a slow breath, giving up at that exact instant. He wasn't going to understand that he wasn't a girl, and if by some miracle he actually did realize that, 'cute' was one thing, even he occasionally thought that about himself, but 'pretty'? That was so girly, and it felt weird to hear such a thing. Being fair, he wasn't exactly terribly tall, and he had inherited his mother's smaller build, as opposed to his father's broader one.
"Well, if you say so then it must be true." he sighed, deciding not to fight it. "Though even if you say I shouldn't look down, I still have plenty of reasons to."
Zen raised an eyebrow at that, curiosity in his eyes, though he looked like he was debating whether or not it was fine to ask. "Like what?"
Oh. He really did ask. To someone like him, it probably would only sound like entitled whining, but it was valid to him. "I was thinking of my family." he admitted. Not in the least romantic, and it might even kill the date atmosphere. "Let's leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it."
"Oh, I get it. Family is a difficult subject for me as well." he mumbled. Staring down at the table, he gave a small, forced smile. "I'll just go take care of the bill and get a cab. It's a good thing we didn't drive here, isn't it? I didn't expect such strong drinks."
It was his turn to change the subject, and for a moment, Noel wondered if his family life was even more stressful than his own. Either way, it wasn't like he intended to get close enough to know that story, just as he didn't plan to share his own. "Are you really feeling it? I must be used to it by now. I wonder if my liver is swimming?"
He meant it entirely as a joke, he hadn't been of age to drink for that long, and in truth, it hindered his work more than helped most of the time, so he tried to confine it to times when he was in between works as much as possible. Zen disappeared for a time before returning to him to walk him to the cab, offering an address for the driver to go. He said to come back to his place, so it made sense that it was likely his. For the briefest moment, he found himself actually curious about what his house was going to be like. He held back a small laugh, grinning at the thought that entered his mind. Jaehee had been the one most insistent about him getting involved in something like having a girlfriend for the sake of his fans, and trying to dissuade him from thinking about dating. How would she feel about hearing that he had not only went on a date with someone, but invited said person back to his house, and that it wasn't a girl. Would that make it better, or worse? Either way, in a story based on Zen, she had a place too, instinct told him as much. A die hard fan who didn't want her perfect celebrity dating to maintain the fantasy that he was staying single for a reason. That wasn't a good enough romance, there had to be a fitting lover for such a character, though he hadn't learned enough to decide what type of person suited the best...
