Chapter 20 "Crazy World" Ladyhawke
Previously on The Sweetest Thing:
"What do you want me to say MOM!? Huh? What do you want to hear? … That… I did this to hurt you? That I USED Ashley to hurt you? That all this time I've known you've been suspicious of us and so I did this just to spite you? Because I don't love Ashley? Because I wish I'd never met her? Because the thought of kissing Ashley repulses me? …"
"It's true… You have nothing to worry about Mrs. C… She doesn't love me that way. She made it perfectly clear to me that we are JUST friends."
"Ash!? …"
The blonde was shocked at the brunette's abrupt entrance (although she and Kyla had been standing there long enough to hear Spencer's rant.) The blonde could see that Ashley's eyes were full of pain, worry, and fear. Ashley put up a tough façade though.
"Well, I'm glad I came here to save you…" Ashley let out a bittersweet chuckle.
"Ash…"
"I guess I should've brought an EXTRA first aid kit huh? … You know for my ego…" She struggled to keep the apathetic pretense going, although her insides were tearing her apart. She was feeling a little light headed and her body ached like she'd been kicked repeatedly in the stomach. If this was how love was supposed to feel then Ashley wanted no part in the ruthless emotion.
"Ash… It's not… " The blonde started but the brunette had no intention of hearing her out.
"No it's ok Spence… You don't have to explain, I get it… You DON'T… love me." She felt the stings wrapped around her heart tighten and the lump in her throat constrict her breathing. "It's not a big deal… I mean, I don't like you very much either right now so whatever… I totally even kind of hate you, you know?" Ashley smiled sardonically. Her big brown eyes were sparkling through the droplets threatening to spill.
"Ash, please don't say that."
"What? …That I hate you? Why? It's true. I hate you sometimes. I REALLY do…" Ashley took a second to take in her surroundings. The solemn faces staring back at her, penetrating her see-through wall. Knowing that no matter how hard she tried Glen, Aiden, Chelsea, Kyla, Madison and even Mr. Carlin could see her hurting from a broken heart. "…Like I hate the way you're kind of making me want to cry right now. Even in front of all these people… And ASHLEY DAVIES does NOT do tears... Sorry Paula, I know how much you'd love to see me cry." Ashley quipped sarcastically, a last attempt at keeping her wall up.
"Ash please…"
"No don't worry about it. I'm ok Spence… and I'm not going to cry."-She scoffed-" Remember I don't do tears, especially for someone I kind of hate... Because how can I NOT hate you? …when you make me so fucking happy… and so FUCKING sad… all in just 24 hours. I mean, wow! That's impressive."
"I'm sorry." Spencer shedding her own tears, her heart full of guilt.
"No don't. I'm glad we're clear... Now I won't have to hate the way I feel guilty for wanting to spend all my time with you… Or hate that I spend entire weekends thinking about small red hearts and perfectly round belly buttons… I know, what a loser... I could've been hooking up with the countless of beautiful girls throwing themselves at me, but no. Instead I stay home and think about how much I hate the color of your eyes because I see it everywhere I go… That I hate the fact that you make me want to write stupid Spanish love songs…"-She smiled reminiscing, her eyes glossier than before-"Although I'm actually 'muy bueno'."
"Ashley please!" Spencer pleaded.
"Wait. I'm not done let me finish, because I have to get off my chest how much I hate this… and your stupid boyfriend Patrick." She added petulantly as an afterthought.
"...Oh it's not just you." Chelsea couldn't help the abrupt response. She quickly covered her mouth in embarrassment but that didn't stop Madison from adding on.
"Oh I hate him too."
"Yeah me too." Glen chimed.
"I think everyone hates Patrick" Kyla determined.
"See? And I can't believe that you make me so lame, that I was secretly envious of Patrick"-She scoffed incredulously-"'PATRICK'! … I hate it! … I hate it that you made me WANT to go to basketball games just to see you in that stupid green cheerleading uniform…" She rolled her eyes at her own confession. "… That I, 'Badass Ashley Davies', have to carry a stupid stuffed bear every time I'm away from you, so that I wont miss you all that much…" Her voice finally cracking under the rising lump in her throat "That you almost killed me and drained me of my life when you decided you just didn't want to talk to me for a week… and that I just forgave you the second you walked in my door …" Ashley's defenses breaking down as the tears in the brim of her tender brown eyes spilled. Her heart was officially shattered. "…But most importantly... I hate the fact that I'm so head over heels in love with you and you, you just can't see it…"-Ashley looked at Paula-"or maybe you just don't want to."
"Ash…" Spencer was at a loss for words. All she wanted to do was run over to her love and hold her and tell her everything was ok. That she didn't have to hate her. That she could just love her instead. When her feet and her brain finally aligned, Ashley regained her strength and finished off her earnest speech.
"… And I totally hate that you're making me want to tell you this in front of all our friends"-she laughed through the tears-"and yet I don't really care…. But I have to, because even if your mom stabs me with a kitchen knife, I have to tell you how I feel. That; I Love you, with all the might of my stupid little heart. Even if you don't feel the same way and never will. Even, if you never talk to me again. Even… if this is the last thing I ever say to you" There was a silence that took over the whole room by surprise. No one knew what to say. Everyone awkwardly waiting and secretly hoping Spencer had the right words to say, to fix Ashley's broken heart. She didn't.
"…I don't know what to say…"
"Don't worry. I don't want to hear it anyway." Ashley had no more words either. No more strength left in her. She had given up. She was done fighting for a lost cause. If Spencer didn't love her, then there was nothing to be done. All she could do was pick up the remains of her self and leave the Carlin home, for good.
"..and I left…"
"and that was 5 years ago?"
"…yes it was Barbara…" Ashley was a bit distraught, reminiscing the painful feelings from her past. The memory was so vivid in her mind that the heartache still pained her spirit.
"Such a heart-wrenching story. Have you spoken to her since?"
"Who? … Spencer?" Ashley looked befuddled under the bright studio lights.
"Yes… the 'love of your life' dear… the one that got away…"
"Uhmmmmm… no… haven't seen her since…"
"Well look at you now… I bet she's kicking herself in the tush for letting you get away…"
"Hmmm… I'm pretty sure Spencer is doing just fine." Ashley smirked.
"Well thank you dear for being here tonight, I wish you the best of luck Sunday Night at the Oscars…"-Barbara shook Ashley's hand for show and turned to camera 1-"…and thank you all at home for watching; 'Barbara Walter's Live Pre-Oscar Special'… I'm Barbara Walters and don't forget to watch this young lady at the Academy Awards Live this Sunday at 8pm eastern, and as always remember to take some time to enjoy your view." The women held their smiles while the credits rolled. Ashley's face was a little distorted as if ready to burst into tears or break down laughing.
"….and we're clear…" a scruffy looking floor manager said as he approached the weathered host and the vibrant rock star to remove their mics. There were a few producers looking tense and irate, next to a smiling Kyla, waiting for the women to exchange pleasantries and say their goodbyes.
"Ashley it was nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too Barbara… again" The ladies shook hands and went their separate ways. Ashley walked over to where Kyla was standing nodding her head in disapproval.
"I can't believe you told Barbara Walters your 'Spencer' story."
"What? She asked me about the love of my life… I had to tell her… It's Barbara Walters… You have to tell her sad stories and cry. It's like a rite of passage!"
"Yeah but you have to tell the WHOLE story! Spencer is going to KILL you!"
"No she's not… Plus it was Barbara's fault! She literally interviewed Spence and me a few months ago about working together and then she goes and asks me if I've spoken to her? I mean hello! …I'm nominated for scoring my girlfriend's Oscar nominated documentary! C'mon! It's been in all the papers! …That's just bad reporting if you ask me. So she kind of deserved it."
"Maybe, but still, Spencer is going to kill you…"
"No she's not, she loves me and my sense of humor… That's why she's 'the one that never left." Ashley smiled contently.
"Yeah but now she'll be 'the one that got PUT away'… for murdering you" Kyla glared at her sibling, knowing that the blonde could, and possibly would, kill her.
"… Whatever! It was all in good fun! … It's not like people aren't going to see us all Portia and Ellen version 2-point-hotter on Sunday! …" Kyla rolled her eyes. "…Ok fine, I'll make things better with Katie Couric."
BUZZ ..when the truth is I miss you… yeah the truth is that I miss you soo… BUZZ
"Oh speaking of women you'd like to bang. Your girlfriend is calling you."
"Shit!" Ashley was suddenly panicked maybe Spencer would kill her "… Hi baby."
"5 years huh? …"
"You saw the show?" Ashley cringed, waiting for Spencer to unleash her pretty blonde rage. It was quite fierce.
"I should've known it was an impostor… I mean Ashley Davies would NEVER cuddle at night..."
"Hey! You better not be cuddling with anyone but me."
"As a matter of fact, there is a dark haired beauty curled up in my bed as we speak…"
"Awww… Give my little princess a kiss and a belly rub for me…"
"I thought I was your princess?" Ashley could hear the pout over the phone.
"You are baby… you're my naughty princess… Carmen is my furry princess… there's quite the difference…"
"I can't believe you told Barbara Walters I wouldn't let you Google…"
"Baby… I had to."
"I know it's like a rite of passage."-Ashley grinned- "Although when I go on The View next week I'm going to tell her how you've forgotten my birthday the past 3 years…"
"No I haven't."
"I know… but if you can lie so can I."
"Negative baby… I think America's got my back because you teased me and let me walk out of your life five years ago."
"Jerk. I miss you."
"I miss you more. When are you coming home so we can NOT cuddle?"
"We have a few more press junkets in an hour, then I'm taking the red eye straight home. When are you coming home?"
"I'm heading to the airport as we speak. This sucks. I thought when we decided to work TOGETHER we'd get to spend more time TOGETHER. Not more time apart."
"I know sweetie. But I'll see you tomorrow. I'll wake you up when I get home… in that special way that you like…"
"Ugh! I HATE you… "
"I know…" Spencer smiled.
"You know my flight is going to feel twice as long now…"
"I love you…"
"Love you more. Hurry home ok?"
"Ok." Once Ashley hung u,p she immediately felt empty. She missed her girlfriend and that stupid story she told Barbara Walters only brought back painful emotions that she wished she'd never had to live again. All she wanted was to be home with her little bear and cuddle all night. She'd spent most of her life without Spencer, now all she wanted was to make sure the rest of her life was WITH Spencer.
"Coldplay?" Kyla interrupted Ashley's musings.
"What? It's a great song!"
"God you're whipped"
"Phssshh! As if!" Kyla glared. "Ok. But only a little."
"…and the Oscar for best original soundtrack goes to… Ashley Davies!" Drew Barrymore announced and an ovation broke out in the Kodak Theatre. Ashley walked up to the podium wearing a beautiful black gown, her hair up in a fancy up-do; she looked flawless.
"Wow! I can't believe I'm actually standing here... I mean I know I am actually standing here, otherwise how could I explain Jack Nicholson winking at me from the front row…" -The crowd laughed-"Ok so I don't want to do the usual boring speech, I can thank my agent later… But I do want to thank my family: Kyla, Dad; wherever you are, my other dad Arthur, Paula, Glen, Chelsea. You guys ARE my family. And of course the love of my life: baby, you're the BEST thing that's ever happened to me… and not because you tell me everyday, but because you are... I thank the stars everyday when I'm with you… although I curse them when you're away … I LOVE YOU so much Spencer." Suddenly overwhelmed by happiness Ashley started tearing-up. "…You make me… the happiest person alive … so I don't know why I'm crying…" Everyone laughed again and Ashley composed herself. "… I really do appreciate this award and I'm so glad that this documentary has helped to raise awareness of the growing number of gay homeless teens out there. As this film has shown you, we can all make a difference… Thank you… Oh wait! I forgot that I want to thank Barbara Walters, sorry about the thing… Ok I'm done for real this time. Thank you..."
"We're back with our guest, Ashley Davies. We just watched a clip of Ashley's acceptance speech from this Sunday's Oscars. That was a good speech Ashley."
"Thank you Katie."
"Does Spencer really tell you, 'she's the best thing that 's ever happened to you' everyday?"
"Not everyday." Ashley said sarcastically. "…She doesn't need to. I'm very aware of how lucky I am. She's confident of that fact. It's one of the things I love about her."
"I'm sure there are a variety of attributes to choose from."
"Lots." Ashley winked. Katie blushed. "She's insanely smart and witty. It's just a bonus that she comes in such a pretty package too." Ashley gushed.
"Speaking of 'insane', that was quite a fast one you pulled on Barbara Walters last week. You've caused quite a scandal."
"I know. I was a jerk. I apologized in front of millions of people though. I should get an award or something… oh wait I guess I already did."
"It was pretty funny though." Both women laughed.
"I guess maybe a little."
"You also left a lot of fans and viewers wanting to know more… Our server crashed this week with the amount of emails all wanting to know the rest of your story"
"Seriously? Cool."
"Yes. Everyone wants to know how Hollywood's biggest and sexiest power couple came to be"
"Sexiest Power Couple?"
"You must be aware of your influence on our culture?"
"I would hardly take that much credit. We're just two people who happen to be very much in love. Everything else is just a bonus."
"I think I can hear America falling in love with you all over again." Katie being one of them.
"… Perhaps as much as I love them." Ashley winked coyly. Katie Couric was blushing again. Easy there award winning reporter.
"Or Spencer… So will you tell us the rest of the story?"
"Oh I don't know… Spencer might literally kill me…"
"I'm sure a great storyteller like Ms. Carlin knows the public's desire and need for a happy ending. She'd surely understand."
"Ooooh you're good Katie Couric."
"Thanks."
"Ok. Sure."
"…Great! Stay tuned after these commercial messages to hear the rest of Spencer and Ashley's story." Ashley sat across from Katie Couric with her mouth agape. What a little tease she thought.
A/N: You love me! You REALLY love me!! :)
Seriously thanks so much for all the great feedback. You guys rock my world!
