Chapter 21 "Queen of Apology" The Sounds

"I told her I loved her. That I've never and would ever love anyone as much as I loved her…"

"…and?" Barbara was intrigued by the story.

"and… she didn't say anything... She just stared at me like she was on mute… And, that was about all the rejection this girl could take. I usually didn't have to try so hard with the ladies… She broke my heart… so I left"

"and that was 5 years ago?"

"…yes it was Barbara…"

"Such a heart-wrenching story. Have you spoken to her since?"

"Who? … Spencer?"

"Yes… the 'love of your life' dear… the one that got away…"

"Uhmmmmm… no… haven't seen her since…"


"Thank you for staying with us. That was a clip from the now infamous Barbara Walters' Special with our guest Oscar winning, musician/composer Ashley Davies. Although Ashley, daughter of the late rocker Raife Davies, has been in the public's eye since practically birth and has gained notoriety for her Grammy Award winning albums and collaborations, nothing has garnered her more attention than her romantic relationship with documentary filmmaker Spencer Carlin. As everyone's favorite power couple, the events that lead to this union have absolutely intrigued the American public. In fact due to an unprecedented number of viewer requests, we have asked Ms. Davies to please finish telling us the tale of her quest to attain her true love. Ashley if you would be so kind as to continue your story…"

"Wow Katie Couric you make it sound so dramatic… It wasn't THAT dramatic… I mean, OK so I ran out of the Carlin house, but I was totally humiliated… So maybe that was a LITTLE crazy. I wasn't going to stick around and take anyone's pity though… I was gonna grieve like a Davies: go out, get drunk and get laid…"


"Why am I at a gay bar again?" Sally asked in disbelief.

"Because the drinks are free." Ashley confirmed, annoyed mostly because she was drunk and REALLY depressed.

"Oh that sounds about right." Sally picked up her beer and chugged it while Ashley handed her another one.

"Oh my word! When I said you owed me big, this is not what I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of you hooking me up with like… Hilary Duff or something." Lily interjected while sipping her mango mojito.

"Hilary Duff's not gay." Ashley scoffed drunkenly. She'd been sitting in her booth with Kyla drinking her feelings away hours before the other two girls even showed up.

"...or Hayden Panetierre" Lily reasoned.

"Ughk…"

"Ok Lauren Conrad then."

"She's seeing someone." Ashley stated and Kyla glared. The younger sibling and LC had become good chums during the filming of her reality show, The Hills. They'd shared a FEW secrets.

"A girl someone?"

"…" Unlike Kyla, even wasted, Ashley knew the rules of the pinky swear promise and kept the gossip to herself.

"I knew it! …" Lily gushed knowingly, excited to have another hottie on the team. "Fine, what about Lindsay Lohan?" Lily pressed.

"Ewwww!" Kyla and Sally said simultaneously.

"I thought you only liked blondes?" Ashley added.

"I make an exception for redheads."

"How very noble of you. Too bad I don't know her."

"Really? …Damn it Ashley!" Lily slammed her mojito on the table overly dramatic."… First you screw up Spashley, and now you don't even know La Lohan… I'm VERY disappointed. You're like the worst gay ever!" Lily ascertained through her tipsy logic.

"You're disappointed!?" Ashley was incredulous.

"Yeah! … EVERYONE knows LiLo! … And I practically gift wrapped Spencer and handed her to you!"

"What did I say about mentioning that name in this place?" Ashley pointedly wagged an angry finger at Lily "… And I didn't screw things up with Spencer! She's a self centered evil brat…Who doesn't love me" Ashley pouted, she could be such a baby when she drank.

"Hey let's not talk about Spencer ok?" Kyla was being a good, sober sister.

"Yeah, because if anyone gift wrapped Spencer and gave her to Ashley it was me! … Literally! That dress was so fucking tight I practically wrapped her in it… But I still gotta back my girl Spencer up here though." Sally concluded.

"Get the fuck out of my bar!" Ashley concluded as well.

"Whoa take it easy there tiger."

"No! If you're on Spencer's side then that means you're not on mine! So get the fuck out of my bar!" Ashley stood up on impulse, prompted by her anger. Her finger was wagging even more poignantly than before

"Ash…" Kyla was trying to pacify the escalating situation.

"Your feisty ass needs to sit down, relax, and listen to me!" Sally got up too, trying to pacify the situation from across the table. "Just because you're the boss of everyone in this here joint doesn't mean you're the boss of me. So you need to stop acting like an asshole… We know you're hurting and we're here because we care about your punk ass. So SHUT THE FUCK UP and listen to what I have to say… OK?"

"…Fine." Ashley wasn't used to people talking to her that way. She kind of liked it. Plus Sally kind of had a point and she was tired of standing.

"We good?"

"Whatever." She slumped back down in her spot.

"Ok so back to Spencer…"

"What did I say about that name?" Ashley was a stickler for her own rules though.

"And what did I say about being an asshole? … Now listen to me… What the hell did you expect from my girl? … Like seriously try and grasp your brain around this. Try to understand what this girl is going through… I mean, I literally dragged her out of the closet kicking and screaming like a week ago, she went from crushing on you to actually lusting over you, to finally kissing you and nearly having sex with you… to finding out that you're a big ol' whore and then having to confront and defend her feelings for you to her mother… I mean give the girl a FUCKING break! …It's a though week by anyone's standards."

"I think the hetero is right." Lily added.

"Yeah, I have to agree with Sally too." Kyla included sheepishly.

"Of course! I'm a mother fucking gangster!" Sally was so weird sometimes.

"Bull! …She said… I disgusted her." The lump in Ashley's throat was suddenly returning. She was confident she had cried all the tears in the car, but her emotions were proving her wrong once again.

"No she didn't! …I mean… you must've heard it out of context or something…" Sally was suddenly acting suspicious. "…She thinks a lot about you and I can definitely tell you, the last thing Spencer thinks is that you're disgusting. I'm her roommate, I know these things." Sally was smug again.

"Then why did she say that?! ..Why did she tell her mom she wished she never met me? Why DIDN'T she tell me she loved me TOO when I expressed MY feelings?"

"Did you really think she was going to profess her BIG GAY LOVE to you in front of an audience and her bible thumping mother?" Sally asked rhetorically.

"I DID! I DID IT! … I confessed my gay love in front of everyone. In front of Madison and Chelsea and her Dad and Brother … And stupid Aiden, who I swear was laughing at me… And ugh! Paula... I know she wanted to stab me. "

"Yeah Paula is scary, and maybe Spencer isn't as brave as you are." Sally mused.

"Yes, Ashley is definitely brave." Kyla added admiringly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alcohol made Ashley suspicious.

"That you're brave! … God, I could never do what you did. In front of all those people, in front of Paula." Kyla defended.

"Oh yeah, Spencer told me about how you got all Julia Styles on her." Sally smirked.

"She told you what?"

"You're right, it takes a lot of balls to rip off a classic teen comedy." Sally laughed.

"I did NOT rip off anyone!" Ashley was appalled at Sally's accusation.

"Really?! Your little speech about how much you HATE being in love with Spencer WASN'T inspired by late 90's comedy: '10 things I HATE about you'?… Oh wait! Maybe it was the Hanna Montana song '7 Things I HATE about you'… How many times DID you say it?" Sally continued giggling.

"Oh my word! You ripped off Miley Cirus? …Que desilusion!" Lily said, only half paying attention, she was busy winking at the blonde waitress by the bar.

"I did not rip off Miley Cirus!" Ashley argued petulantly. "…I was just telling her how I felt! … It's not my fault she elicits those kinds of negative feelings from me…"

"Jeez! Relax I'm just fucking with you. And don't worry, Spencer was too upset to notice where you got your INSPIRATION from." Sally assured her.

"How do you know?" Ashley asked, still annoyed by Sally.

"She called you?" Kyla assumed.

"Yeah all goddamn day! … This morning when Ashley was all M.I.A. in the bedroom, and I'm not talking feisty Sri Lankan music goddess either... Then this afternoon when she was on her way to her mother's and like five hundred times after this one"-pointing at Ashley- "ran out and she finished puking her guts out."

"What?!" Kyla was concerned about Spencer's well being.

"I know! I'm so over this psychology crap. People are so fucking needy!" Sally scoffed and rolled her eyes. The world secretly rejoiced at Sally's change in career path.

"What do you mean she threw up!? Is she ok?" Ashley demanded worriedly.

"Oh yeah… She's fine… After you left, she kind of had a physical/emotional breakdown. She literally eviscerated in front of everyone."

"Oh my god! Is she ok?" Kyla was now worried.

"Yeah she'll be fine… turns out…"-Sally paused not knowing if it was the right time to say it, she said it anyway-"…she's pregnant…"

"WHAT?!??!!?" The three other brunettes yelped.

"Oh shit." Kyla breathed.

"Dios mio! … I take it back, Spencer is definitely the worst gay ever." Lily confirmed.

Ashley's head started spinning. Not able to add to the chorus of reactions. This was NOT how she imagined this day would unravel. Her world was suddenly falling apart. If she even had the slightest hope of ever being with Spencer this little fact shattered it completely. Everything started making sense. How could Spencer even consider loving Ashley when she had bigger concerns to deal with? How could…

"Hahahhahahaha!" The sudden uproar of laughter interrupted Ashley's thoughts. "Just kidding!"-Sally was unapologetically laughing her ass off-"Oh my god you should've seen your faces! That was fucking hilarious!" Sally managed to breathe out between cackles. "She's not pregnant jack-asses! …How could she be?"

"You fucking asshole!" Ashley threw a chip at Sally and finally released the breath of air she didn't know she was holding in. She'd never been so relieved in her life.

"That really wasn't funny Sally" Kyla added relieved. She knew her sibling had a penchant for drama and was afraid of the over reaction she'd have to deal with if Spencer had in fact gotten knocked up.

"Yes it was. And, you don't have to worry; Spencer's fine… I'm sure no one's died of crazy hung-over emotional distress before… Actually she is worried about YOU though…"

"Well it's too fucking late." Ashley was still bitter though (now that she knew Spencer was ok and also NOT carrying a tiny Patrick in her uterus.)

"Is it?" Unexpectedly, Spencer appeared before Ashley. Her eyes were still swollen from the tears she'd obviously shed all day. Ashley felt her chest constrict at the sight before her. She took her brown eyes off the miserable blonde girl immediately, knowing the effect of looking at that gorgeous face for too long had on her resolve.

"It's about god damn time! You know how many times this bitch almost decked me?!" Sally exclaimed. "Sorry Ash. I love you but Spencer is my girl." Sally apologized for her secret spy mission.

"Ash, Is it?" Spencer couldn't see or hear anyone but Ashley, who just shrugged off the question, attempting her hand at apathy once again. Spencer knelt in front of the brunette who was sitting on the edge of the booth.

"I know you don't want to listen to what I have to say… but I'm going to say it anyway… because you deserve to know... You deserve to know that I'm a terrible person. That you're right, I'm not worthy of having you in my life…" Spencer took Ashley's hand in her own and the brunette couldn't help but look at their perfectly fitted hands. "…because you're amazing and smart and sweet and absolutely beautiful and ….I'm sorry. I know it's too late for apologies and I know you hate me, which really sucks because it turns out I'm completely in love with you…" Spencer laughed miserably at the irony. "I'm going to be honest… I might cry." The blonde smiled although there was a tear already working its way down her cheek. "So if you don't want to see me cry then… just close your eyes or look away or something ..."-Ashley didn't move-"…You know, I thought the scariest thing I'd ever fear was falling in love with you, but god was I wrong. This heart broken thing is even scarier …and it doesn't feel as nice, it actually hurts…I didn't think it'd be so literal."-She tried to laugh again-"…It really feels like I'm falling apart, like I can't breath. The thought of not having you in my life does that to me…" Spencer's brow furrowed as she tried to fight the tears, but quickly lost the fight. "Because you're the first thing in my mind when I wake up… you're the most precious thing in my life… the thing I love most in this world... And this whole time… I've been so selfish and I'm so so so sorry. I just didn't know what to do… I got so scared, terrified. But then… then there you were with those beautiful brown eyes, telling me that everything would get better and everything did get better… "-Spencer smiled through the big droplets falling from her sparkling blue eyes-"And I was so scared that you could just do that… Make things better with just your eyes and your smile or your hugs and your kisses… You made me understand what this whole love thing was all about, what all those sappy love songs meant." -Spencer bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering-"What those stupid hallmark cards were for… But I couldn't believe that things could just work out so perfectly, because life doesn't work that way. You don't just get what you want so easily. So here I am making it more difficult for both of us like a big moron… and I've probably screwed it up because I was afraid of screwing it up."–Spencer laughed at the irony once again and Ashley finally looked up to meet her tearful smile-"Ash I know you're hurting right now. And I know you don't WANT to forgive me… But I also know that you love me... as much as I love you… I can feel it. We are meant to be together… So I'm going to wait for you... I'm never going to stop trying because you're worth it. Even if you don't come back to me... I've got nothing else to lose if… I've already lost you." There was a dead silence that seemed to take over even the busy bar around them. Spencer held Ashley's hand and waited for a response.

"I don't know what to say…" Ashley mocked Spencer through a smile.

"… Touché."-Spencer let out a tearful laugh-"…Just tell me you love me again. Tell me you forgive me. Tell me you'll give me another chance…"

"Spence…" Ashley was serious now, apprehensive.

"Ash are you ready? Bryant cut me out early. " As if on cue, Sandy appeared out of the blue.

"Sandy?" Spencer asked Ashley while giving her a trademark disapproving head tilt. Not needing to turn, Spencer knew it was her, she'd never forget that shrill voice.

"Hey Spencer! What's going on here? Looks like someone died." Sandy was so dense.

"I didn't know you were coming." Ashley now looking as miserable as Spencer had a few minutes before.

"It's ok I understand. You have to give yourself away before you can get yourself back." Spencer stood up from her crouch on the floor. "…But I still know you're mine. And I'm still going to wait."

"Don't worry Spencer. I'll try to get her back to you in one piece. But I can't make any promises." Ok maybe Sandy wasn't THAT dense and maybe she was kind of a bitch.

"It's funny, the things you'll do, when you're tying not to lose the things you can't replace." Spencer said nonchalant turning to look at Sandy in the eye.

"I bet it's really funny." Sandy rolled her eyes not really grasping Spencer's contempt.

"Hilarious." Spencer deadpanned and for the third time since she met the blonde that kind of looked like her, she felt like she wanted to punch her.


"So… she punched her."

"What!?"-Katie Couric nearly choked-"…Spencer Carlin, sweetheart human rights activist punched someone?" Katie Couric continued in disbelief.

"Yup. Clocked her right in the nose. She bled a little too."

"This was the same Sandy with the strawberry two weeks before right?"

"Right. Not to be confused with Sally her roommate"

"Well I can't say I blame Spencer…" Katie laughed.

"Yeah me neither. Sandy's often the villain in Spashley fan fics but I feel kind of bad, she wasn't evil or anything, she was just you know, NOT Spencer."

"Of course. Then what happened?"

"Well…."


Spencer had no idea if it was the built up anger, disappointment or just the emotional overload in general but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help it when her hand balled up into a tight fist. She couldn't help it when her arm wound up and she certainly couldn't help it when it forcefully landed on Sandy's unusually small nose. Everyone was in shock. Frozen by the insanity before them. Spencer was a pacifist by nature, there was no way they had just witnessed that, but they had, and everyone was kind of proud, including Ashley.

Before Spencer could react to Sandy lunging on top of her, Ashley caught 'NOT Spencer' mid air and pulled her back down. A full on catfight was about to break lose. Sally held a very calm Spencer back while Ashley grabbed an enraged Sandy by the waist. Of course as soon as the confrontation occurred there were phones and camera's taking pictures instantly.

Ashley quickly responded, knowing where this would lead. She dragged Sandy out of the bar, leaving Spencer behind to process even more exceptionally peculiar events. This was definitely not how the day was supposed to end.


"You left with Sandy?"

"Of course. I had to. She was bleeding… and we had a date." Ashley cringed.

"So you'd made plans to go out with Sandy?" Katie kept her reporter face intact.

"Like I said Katie, I was going to grieve like a Davies."

"ooh… Well that's obviously not the end of this story."-Katie turned to her single camera- "When we return, Spencer Carlin will join us to tell us the rest of this interesting story. You're watching Extra COURIC-ular. Stay tuned."


A/N: Just wanted to let you guys know you totally rule! I heart you guys.

Also I just for you Darlyka, Spencer will stop by in the next chapter! ;)

Thanks again for all the awesome feedback. Did I mention you guys rule?!