An: So I know I was crappy with replies again (thank you for them all), I'm really sorry about that. I hope this chapter makes up for it.
Chapter Four
Bella
Three hours. Three fucking hours I've been almost literally hanging here. He even left the door open, perfect for anyone to walk in here while I'm completely defenceless. And I've had enough.
I didn't think I could stick with my plan to behave for much longer. Trying not to anger him clearly didn't work. He'd promised me he wouldn't touch me, and then he'd used his gifts on me again, which in a way, was worse than him actually doing anything physical. It messed with my feelings, and it was something I couldn't possibly fight against. It was humiliating and frightening enough on its own, but apparently, that wasn't enough for him.
He had to get as close to me as possible. He had to make it worse. It was kissing my neck that bothered me more than anything else really. That was something intimate to be shared between lovers, and it didn't fit right with the way I was starting to see Jasper. In my opinion, he had become a cold, calculating person, one that would only do something if it served him.
I know he only turned me on because it humiliated me, and he enjoyed being able to control people in whatever way suited him. I also knew he wanted me, and at times I'd expected him to take me, whether I was willing or not, but so far he had always stopped. The only reason for this I could think of was that he wanted to prolong the torture.
If he enjoyed making me afraid, he might keep doing this for a while before he actually did what he so clearly wanted to. How long would it take him to decide he'd played with me enough? How long did I have to make my escape?
I tried to think of things that would give me more time, but I only had one idea, and I was scared to try it. If I didn't react, that might only push him into attacking me more quickly to get the reactions he desired. If I was honest with myself, I knew I wouldn't have much of a chance at hiding how much he affected me anyway.
I heard the almost silent tread of his feet approaching the room, and knew he was coming back. The panic was almost instantaneous. What new horror would he have for me this time?
He slammed the door behind him as he entered, and a part of me was relieved to feel a little safer, despite the fact that I was now trapped in here with someone just as dangerous as anyone outside the room. Possibly more so, as Jasper was the only vampire that had a personal vendetta against me.
The first thing I noticed was his dishevelled hair. He was a mess altogether really; even his clothes were wrinkled and torn in places. I was just wondering if he'd been fighting in the pit when the scent reached me. Sex, and what I was fairly sure was Maria's scent.
I tried not to laugh as I worked out what had happened. He'd got himself all worked up and had to run to her for some release. What sort of weird relationship did they have? They must be together, but she went out trawling the streets to find him little 'pets' to play with. It just seemed wrong. That wasn't surprising in the least, everything about this place was wrong.
I wondered why he hadn't just taken what he wanted form me. He could have done, and I know he wanted to. I thought back to what I'd been mulling over earlier and decided I must have been right. He was trying to drag this out, and while he enjoyed tormenting me, it left him with an itch only his mate could scratch. In a way I was pleased by this. If he had Maria, he would probably hold out longer with me, and that would give me a little more time to escape.
I watched him sit on the edge of the bed and let his head fall into his hands. Had he forgotten I was here? He looked wrecked. His posture screamed that something was wrong with him, and I swore I could feel his inner turmoil. Had he fallen out with Maria? If so, would that move up his schedule with me? I shuddered.
He finally turned to look at me, and his eyes were filled with such hate I felt as if he'd burnt me. Maybe he had argued with Maria because of me. He'd hadn't been looking at me like that when he left, so maybe she'd said something to him about me. Whatever it was, it was clear that I was at least partly responsible for his bad mood.
I couldn't think of anything about me that would upset Maria though. After all, she'd picked me out herself, and had me sent down here as a gift. That had been very clear from the start. That ruled out jealousy, so what was the problem?
Jasper hissed out a breath, and I realised I was still watching him. As I looked away I saw him doing the same, and raking his hands violently through his messy hair.
My mind turned back to my plans for escape. I couldn't get out of the shackles on my own, Jasper would have to let me out, and I could only think of one way to get him to do that.
If I pretended to be as interested in him as he was in me, he might let me out so we could 'play' properly. Could I do that? I knew it wouldn't take much to seduce him, but I'd have to make it convincing. He'd be able to tell immediately that I wasn't feeling what I should be.
Even if I could do it, there was no guarantee that he would actually let me out. For all I knew, he might have had a thing for chains. Then there was the question of getting away at all. Once we got started, he was unlikely to be away from me long enough for me to make a get away, and he was stronger than me. The difference in our strength wasn't huge, but drinking human blood gave him an advantage over me that I had already seen was enough to beat me. That was without factoring in all his fighting experience.
I realised that I would have a very slim chance of getting away, and was almost certain to fail. And I knew that if I failed, I'd have landed myself in an even worse situation. Jasper would be turned on and angry, not a good combination. He wouldn't stop, that much I was sure of. It wasn't worth the risk.
Time for plan B. Do nothing. Wait it out. Hope for the best. This was the easy option, but it left me feeling hopeless. At least if I had some sort of plan I'd have something to cling to. Now I had nothing.
"Will you get on the bed now?" Jasper growled. I hadn't noticed him leave the room, but he was standing in the bathroom doorway, damp from a shower and wearing a fresh pair of jeans. Nothing else. Was he going to start messing with me again so soon?
I shook my head and stared at the floor, maybe he would get bored and go back to Maria.
"You can either get on the bed, or I'll make you get on the bed. The choice is yours."
I swallowed and looked up at him. He was still a few feet away from me, and his face was completely expressionless. Only his tone of voice told me how serious he was. While I worried over the implications of ending up over there, something clicked. This could be my way out.
"I'll come to bed." I said shakily, belatedly realising that that sounded like I was willing to do more than I really was.
Something flickered in his eyes as he smirked at me. "Good girl."
I breathed slowly, taking in his scent. If I pretended the smell didn't come from him it was actually quite comforting. He still smelled of home.
His fingers brushed against my wrists for a second before he started on the restraints. I had misjudged things. My arm was free, but the cuff was still around my wrist, and he was gripping it tightly as he attached it to a short length of chain.
My panic rose again, but I still had some hope that I'd get a chance to run. He curled the chain around his hand three times, and then pulled his hand, along with mine down to his side while he unlatched the other cuff.
He'd have to get on the floor to release my legs. The second they were undone, I would take my chances. Before he let go of my hand, he looked straight at me, probably looking for some sign that I would submit. I gave it to him, lowering my eyes.
He put his free hand on my hip, and lowered himself fluidly to his knees in front of me. I was almost shaking with nervous anticipation. I quickly calmed myself down, I couldn't risk him suspecting my plans.
Releasing my hip, he brought his other hand behind my back as if he needed to hold onto me to keep steady. Because of the chain, my arm was brought around behind my body. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it would make getting away from him more difficult.
He tilted his head back to look at me again, this time with eyes full of lust. I had no other option but to run from him now. He looked away from my eyes, and for a few seconds I thought he was staring at nothing, then I realised where his gaze was. I jerked my hips back automatically, but his arm around my waist tightened and dragged me to him.
For a second I forgot that I had a free arm, but feeling of his face pressing between my thighs as he inhaled deeply dragged me right out of my stupor. I grabbed his hair and threw him away from me. This didn't turn out quite as well as I'd hoped. The chain that connected us twisted me around and pulled me after him, while my feet were still trapped against the wall, causing me to fall flat on the floor. We lay facing each other, stretched out. I wasn't sure which of us was more shocked by the situation.
"Jesus." He whispered after almost a minute of horrified staring. I relaxed fractionally, until he started to pick himself up. My body debated for a fraction of a second and decided on flight. My mind had nothing to do with the decision, which became clear as I tried desperately to scramble away from him. He still had one of my arms, and both legs were still held immobile. Fight or flight wasn't even a choice. I was stuck.
Jasper stayed completely still, waiting for something. I closed my eyes and waited for him to do whatever he was going to do. I'd given up. There was no way out of this.
The first thing I felt was a soft tug on the chain. I screwed my eyes more tightly closed. He pulled me to sit up, and then I felt him release my ankles without touching me at all. The lack of contact somehow made the waiting worse and the fear more intense.
He picked me up awkwardly, the chain making things difficult, and I remained rigid as he placed me on the bed and brought my hands above my head. The mattress dipped and I could feel his breath on my face he hovered over me. I wanted to scream. And then he was gone.
Was this all a part of the torment? It took me almost two whole seconds to realise that if Jasper was away from me, I was free. I opened my eyes and sat up, or tried to. While I'd been anticipating his attack, he'd secured my other wrist to the chain, and the chain to a bracket in the wall behind the bed. My legs were free, but I was just as trapped as before.
A quick scan of the room showed that Jasper was now sitting in the chair again, watching me and looking pained. How dare he look like that? I was the one that had a reason to be upset. On the plus side, he didn't look like he was in the mood to continue what he'd started.
I turned onto my side, facing him, and pulled my knees up to my chest. For hours I waited for him to do something, or say something, but he remained silent and still, never taking his eyes off me. If it's true, what they say, that the eyes are the window to the soul, then I am very worried about Jaspers. I saw nothing but terrifying anger and heartbreaking pain in his eyes all night.
Jasper (twelve days later)
Maria bounced above me, her head thrown back in ecstasy, and I was tempted to roll my eyes. She was starting to bore me. If Bella didn't get me so worked up all the time I'd probably be avoiding Maria like the plague. But she did what I needed without a fuss, and I was grateful for that at least.
Sick of letting her take control I flipped her over and beneath me, ramming into her with all the force I could muster. She liked that. So did I. Less than a minute later she clenched around my aching cock, finally giving me the release I craved. She wasn't Bella, but she got the job done.
We both stretched out on the satin sheets she insisted on, her breathing still ragged, mine perfectly even now that I'd started again. I wondered if she'd noticed that I didn't breathe when I was with her like this. I didn't want her scent to be yet another reminder that I was balls-deep in the wrong woman.
Eventually she spoke, saying words I'd dreaded for almost a fortnight. "I've seen more of you in the last two weeks than I have in the last six months." She smiled. "Tell me Whitlock, is your pet not living up to your expectations?"
How could I answer that? I didn't have any expectations when it came to Bella. It was true, she wasn't doing what Maria had given her to me for, but I could have had her if I wanted to. And Christ did I want to, I just didn't want her like that. I wanted her to want me too.
Maria knew about the way I played with my women. The way I seduced them. I decided to play safe. "She's not being quite as co-operative as I'd like, but I'm enjoying trying to persuade her. I haven't had a challenge for a while." I said carefully, keeping my voice even. I was well aware of the fact that I would never succeed in convincing Bella to do what I wanted.
"I thought she might be that way." Maria smirked, tracing a finger over a scar on my chest. She knew it well, it was one she'd created after all. "I knew you were getting bored, and she looked like she'd fight you. Not to mention her name. I thought you'd get a kick out of that. I wondered if you'd change your tactics and simply pretend she was your Bella so that you could get back at her in some way."
I stopped breathing again. My Bella. Maria knew exactly what had led me back to her, and I knew she would have thanked Bella for it, rather than condemning her. I grew angry thinking about the fact that Maria had given her to me thinking that I would hurt her.
I didn't tell Maria, that this was indeed the Bella that had brought me here. She would become suspicious if she knew I had let her live this long, and that I hadn't even taken her yet.
Maria hated what she called my 'compassion'. She wanted me to be as ruthless as Lucian. I thought of Carlisle, a man who truly knew what compassion meant. He would be appalled by my behaviour and he certainly wouldn't call me compassionate, or even lenient. For the first time in a long time I felt ashamed of who I was, and what I did.
Very few of the people I hurt deserved it. Bella was right, just because they were vampires -and crazy ones at that- didn't mean they should be treated like cattle. In fact, we treated them worse than cattle. The worst thing by far was allowing Lucian to do what he wanted with them, that was beyond wrong, and I'd always known it. I just hadn't realised before that the blame lay partly with me for letting it happen. I didn't want to be this man anymore.
I got dressed and felt Maria get annoyed that I was leaving, but I didn't care. I wanted to see Bella again. I wanted her to see that I wasn't as bad as she thought.
I heard her crying and felt her sadness before I reached the room. If someone had touched her I'd kill them. She flinched violently when the door crashed open, and she became immediately afraid. We'd barely spoken since I'd put her on the bed, and I didn't know what to say to her. Every time I'd spoken to her over the last two weeks had led to me losing control, and every time I did it was harder to stop myself yet again.
I noticed she'd moved herself beneath the covers, and wished I'd thought to cover her before I left. A week ago I tried to sit on the bed and she'd kicked me across the room, so as punishment I'd taken her clothes while she was in the shower. I thought giving her some clean underwear made that ok, but thinking about it now, it was just one more way of hurting her, leaving her exposed and afraid.
It had ended up punishing me as much as her anyway, as I had more trouble controlling myself when she was wearing so little. It wasn't only lust that compelled me to touch her, but the perfection of her skin. She was almost like something otherworldly in her beauty.
The reason I had ended up in Maria's bed today was because of that silky skin. I'd been lying next to her on the bed, just looking at her, and she hadn't objected for once, she'd just closed her eyes, and I felt her run the gamut of emotions from happiness to anger. I didn't try to work out what any of it meant, she was an enigma. Eventually, I hadn't been able to resist touching her stomach, marvelling at the smooth skin. It was so long since I'd felt anything like it.
The contact had upset her at first, but my hands hadn't strayed too far, and she'd eventually relaxed, and almost enjoyed it. That was what spoilt things, without her fear holding me back, I'd given in to my desire and before long I was cupping her breast through the thin lace of her bra.
She hadn't liked that. She'd kicked me off the bed again. Leaving me angry and frustrated, with a painful hard-on that needed to be dealt with.
The room was flooded with her fragrance, a scent that left me almost permanently aroused. She had composed herself quickly, no longer sobbing, and watching the ceiling without any expression on her face, but I could still feel how far from fine she was.
"What's wrong? What's the problem, has something happened?" I couldn't smell anyone but us, but that didn't mean no one had been here, our scents could be overpowering someone else.
She got very angry, very quickly. "What's the problem? You should know what the problem is!" She replied furiously. "I've been trapped in this room, chained up like an animal for almost two weeks. You've physically hurt me more than once, you've played with my emotions in ways that leave me feeling violated and humiliated. I've been sexually assaulted at least once a day."
I tried to interrupt, but a malevolent hiss stopped me in my tracks.
"I know you're going to tell me you stopped every time, but what about before you stopped? Kissing me, stealing my clothes so you can stare at me while I'm half naked, groping at me every chance you get? You think that just because you haven't actually raped me yet it doesn't count? Well it fucking does Jasper."
Yet. She said I hadn't raped her yet. She still thought I was going to. "Bella I swear-"
She continued as if she hadn't even heard me.
"You have the nerve to ask me what's wrong." She spat. "You are what's wrong with me. I spend every day frightened that today you'll decide you've played with me enough. Every day I wonder if you'll finally decide not to stop. Then I wonder what you'll do with me once you've had me. I miss my freedom. I hate this place. My life is effectively over. And it's all. Your. Fault."
I was speechless.
"And do you want to know the worst part is? I don't even hate you for it. I can't, because I brought you here. I brought us both to this. And I know you aren't happy here, and I know that my being here is making you worse. I want to help you, but I don't know how I can when I all I want to do is run."
I had never felt this bad in my life. Bella was sobbing again, and terrified. I assumed she was worried I punish her in some way for her outburst.
She wanted to help me, after everything I'd done. She blamed herself for everything that was happening to her. I'd been thinking a lot lately about Bella's part in Alice sending me away, and I'd come to the conclusion that I'd been wrong.
All Bella had actually done, was get a paper cut. That was it. The greater part of the blame lay elsewhere.
Edward should not have overreacted and pushed her into the table, which only made things worse. And he should not have left her. That tore apart the rest of us.
Alice should not have blamed me entirely. She shouldn't have said what she said, and made it ok for me to become this monster.
The family should have intervened. They said they loved me, and they were beginning to love Bella. Why did they let Edward and Alice leave us? Why didn't they try to stop this happening?
And then there was me. I should have found time to hunt before the party. I should have learnt to control myself better. I should have seen Bella as more than a meal. I should have apologised. I should have fought for Alice, and mostly, I should have been strong enough to stop myself from coming back to this life.
I ignored everything I'd done in the last fifteen years, there was too much there that I could never fix. Bella. What had I done to her? I thought of all the times I'd hit her because I was frustrated with myself. I thought of every time I'd broken my own rules and used my gift to make her want me, all without success. I thought of every time I'd filled her with revulsion and fear by touching her where I shouldn't. And I hated myself for it.
I no longer found her fear enjoyable, on the contrary, it was now the only thing keeping me from going too far. I desired her body as much, if not more, than I'd once craved her blood, and my control in this case was worse.
Drinking from humans had given me control, after all, you don't want the things you can have as desperately as you want the things that are out of reach. Was that the only reason I wanted Bella? Because she was unattainable? Whatever the reason was, I had to stop, because I knew I was hurting her in the worst way possible by continuing like this.
Could I possibly make her understand that I didn't mean to do what I was doing? Could she understand?
"Bella." I began, and she flinched again and curled up more tightly. "I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to avoid touching you... inappropriately, again. I can't deny that I want you, but I really am trying not to do anything about it. I don't really understand why I have such trouble controlling myself with you, it's never happened before."
I sighed and sank down on the edge of the bed, not looking at her to ensure that nothing could possibly happen. As the bed dipped fear rocked through her, but she calmed quickly.
"I've been spending a lot of time with Maria lately, I'm sure I don't have to tell you what we've been doing. I would liken it to the way Edward hunted before he spent time with you, but it doesn't seem to be working as well." I couldn't believe I was basically telling her I spent a part of everyday screwing another woman in the hopes that it would stop me from attacking her. It sounded ridiculous even to me, and it was my plan.
She relaxed and felt satisfied. I wondered if she'd suspected that was exactly what I was doing.
"I know that I can't make any excuses for the way I've treated you, but I do hope I can make it up to you in some way. The thing is, the thing of it is... I can't promise it won't happen again. I wish I could, but you are the single biggest temptation I've ever faced."
I felt her slowly uncurling her body and turning onto her side to face me. I sat back against the headboard and finally risked looking at her. My eyes rested immediately on the swell of her breasts peaking out of the blue lace and I looked away quickly and thought of Lucian for a moment to distract myself.
"I'm sorry I took your clothes, that was wrong. To be honest it really hasn't helped me either. You're very nearly irresistible like that, I've damned myself." I shook my head at how stupid I was and she laughed. She actually, genuinely laughed. I liked it. This time, I looked at her face, and into her huge dark eyes. She'd need to eat again soon.
"I'll go and find you something to wear and you can shower and change if you'd like." I offered.
She bit her lip and nodded. I wished she wouldn't, she had very tempting lips. I left the room quickly and headed for the pit. There was a room full of clothes downstairs, it was meant for the newborns to wear when they ruined whatever they'd arrived in, but none of us could ever be bothered to take them to the room, so most of them remained in their rags.
It didn't take long to find an armful of clothes that looked about the right size. Most of them were still in packaging, or on hangers. Maria enjoyed a good 'shopping' spree every once in a while. It amused her to spend the rare cloudy days trying to steal as much as she could without being spotted. There was a rebellious teenager somewhere inside of her.
On my way back to Bella I checked on Lucian. He and I took shifts with the newborns, twenty four hours each, but I liked to check up on him as he was likely to start playing with one of them while the others tore each other apart. By some miracle, he was actually doing his job today. His charges were paired up, and fighting with each other as he directed them to, it was a long while since I'd seen him do this with them, and it was even longer since I'd had the inclination to do it. They were a shambles.
I decided that I'd make more of an effort tomorrow, just in case Maria made some impulsive plans. It would be just like her to decide to take out a coven while our troops were so beyond useless.
When I got back into the room Bella was wary, as if she expected someone else. Then I remembered that she was expecting me, and I felt awful. She was still afraid.
I closed and locked the door carefully, aware of her eyes on me. I didn't ask her if she would behave when I let her out, I could tell by her face that she didn't think she had a chance of escape. That was true enough, she wouldn't get past me.
Once she was free of the chains she rubbed her wrists and ankles. The movement must have been subconscious as I knew the cuffs hadn't hurt her, or even made her uncomfortable. I let her sift through the clothes I brought, but I didn't see what she took into the bathroom with her.
I felt fear and hesitation from her for a moment before she felt resigned and got undressed. Had she decided that I would do whatever I wanted, regardless of her feelings or any precautions she took? I hoped not. I didn't want her to give up. I wanted her to be Bella.
She came out of the bathroom in a black, knee length skirt that swirled around her legs as she moved, and a green short sleeved blouse. For the first time since I'd seen her again, I was reminded that she wasn't just my prisoner, she was a woman too. Knowing that made it easier to see her as a person, and to remember that I couldn't simply take what I wanted from her. It made me want to take her out somewhere instead of trying to get her into bed.
She kept her eyes on the floor until she reached the bed. I watched her as she straightened the covers and lay down on top of them, crossing her wrists above her head. I couldn't feel anything from her. She was broken.
Staring down at the cuffs in my hands I realised I had no desire, and probably no need to use them anymore. It had only taken me two weeks to crush her completely. I had done enough.
I hated to ask, already knowing the answer, but I couldn't do this anymore. "Bella? Would you still like to leave?"
An: Cliffie, anyone? Please review!
