An: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. I'm amazed by the differences in opinion you all have particularly about Bella. I love every review, yes, even the critisism, you help me mould the story.

Thanks as always to xteamxjasperx for everything :)

Chapter Six

Bella

"The Volturi." He whispered. I thought of Felix and smiled. Then I remembered the look on Jane's face when she'd tried to use her gift and full on laughed.

I felt Jasper trying to calm me down, and saw how worried he looked. "Sorry." I mumbled, sobering quickly. "I'll explain in a minute."

I took a moment to calm down and focus on the story instead of giggling about it. "So, in front of me stood three vampires that clearly drank from humans, and in my experience, that meant they wanted to hurt me. I forgot for a moment that I didn't have any blood for them to drink."

Jasper was still watching me like I'd lost my mind. I wondered if he'd had a run in with the Volturi at some point.

"The little one introduced herself first." I let myself slip right back into the memory.

I'd crouched, automatically defensive, but I straightened up when I remembered that I wasn't as vulnerable anymore.

The tiny girl with short light brown hair stepped forward. "We wish to speak with the head of your coven." She said with authority that seemed strange coming from a child. "We're under orders from Aro of the Volturi."

The name Aro had sounded familiar, but I had no idea who they were or how they would react to the fact that the Cullen's weren't there. I caught the fact that they thought I was a part of the coven, and decided to go with that.

"I'm Bella Cullen." I smiled and held out my hand. "I'm afraid you've had a wasted trip, the rest of the family are away travelling." The girl didn't take my hand, but one of the men that had been silent before stepped around her to kiss my hand.

"How could they leave a beautiful creature like you behind, eh Bella?" He purred, smiling cheekily. I liked him immediately. "Felix of the Volturi, at your service. This little spitfire is Jane, and that miserable man back there is Demetri."

Demetri came forward, elbowed Felix out of the way and bowed. I felt like I'd stepped into a movie. I'd invited them into the house, forgetting the lack of furniture. When they noticed it I claimed that I was leaving soon, and all the furniture had already been shipped to Canada. They didn't question me further about it.

It had turned out that they were in Forks to check up on the situation with the all the recent vampire activity in the area. I claimed I knew nothing about it, and again, they seemed to believe me. I didn't understand why they'd turned up two months too late.

Felix started telling me about his life with the guard, while Demetri went outside to think. I was told about his gift, and the way he could track people. He was looking for Carlisle. Jane watched us talking from the corner of the room. It was obvious she didn't like me.

"I believe he's in Alaska with some of his coven." Demetri told Jane when he came back in. "Do you believe there is a need to confirm events with him?"

I watched Jane shake her head and focus on me again. She frowned as if she was unable to understand something about me. "What. Are. You. Doing?" She growled after a few minutes of the staring.

"Talking." Was I not supposed to talk to Felix? I didn't understand how she could be so angry. "What's wrong?"

"You should be on the floor screaming." She'd snapped. Felix looked stricken, and even Demetri seemed upset by something.

I was baffled. "I should?" Demetri quietly explained Jane's power to me. I was horrified to learn that some vampires had gifts like that.

Half a second later Felix did what Jane had said, he was flat on his back snarling and moaning like he was in terrible pain.

"Enough." Demetri snapped. Felix got up gasping, and glaring at Jane. "Stop being a brat. It's clear she's a shield. I can't get a trace from her and she's in the same room. Why were you attacking her anyway?"

Jane shrugged and continued to glare at me. I knew she was trying again. After a while, I noticed I could feel something, almost tickling at me, but it was nothing that could have caused me to react the way Felix had.

After that, Demetri's interest in me grew. "Can you project?"

Of course I'd had no idea what he was talking about, so I'd just shaken my head.

"How do you feel about a trip to Italy?" Felix had asked, linking his arm through mine, apparently recovered. "I'm sure your coven wouldn't object to a holiday, would they?"

I'd thought about my lonely life, only made bearable by Sam's visits and was tempted to agree, but then I thought about their eyes again. I couldn't possibly live like they did. And there was no way I could travel around humans yet anyway.

"My control isn't at its best right now." I'd half lied. "Perhaps at some point in the future."

Jane sneered at me. Felix looked disappointed. Demetri only smiled. "We'll hold you to that, Aro is sure to want to meet you when he hears you thwarted Jane. No one has ever managed to do that before."

"You're quite sure we can't change your mind?" Felix had grinned. "Volterra is very beautiful, I could show it to you. I know all the best places to take a woman such as yourself." As tempting as his offer was, I hadn't given in, and they'd left shortly after, promising to see me again at some point in the future.

I stopped daydreaming long enough to finish telling Jasper the story of their visit. He looked more and more surprised with every passing second. I waited for him to compose himself and ask the questions I could see burning in his eyes.

"How did they not know you were a newborn? At two months your eyes should still have been fairly bright red. Your extra strength should have been obvious and you should have had trouble refraining from attacking them." Jasper's frown was deep, he looked almost disappointed in me.

"As I said, I'd been practising controlling my movements and strength almost from the moment I was changed. Edward explained to me how difficult it was to act like a human, so I thought it was something I should devote a lot of time to. Sam brought me a tennis ball and a racket; he said bouncing the ball would be good practise. He was right. It took me a while to hit it as gently as a human would, but it got easy fairly quickly." It had got boring too. I thought of all the things Sam had brought to the house to help me. Jenga was the best of his ideas.

Jasper shook his head. "Your eyes though, how did you disguise them?"

"I didn't. Up until shortly after they left, I hadn't actually looked in a mirror, so I assumed my eyes were gold, like yours had been. I'd only seen my reflection fleetingly in the river. The next day, I got curious and found a mirror still in Emmett and Rosalie's room. My new look was a shock, I can tell you that much. I didn't like it at first. I looked like I'd been airbrushed really, and my eyes were a dull orange." I smiled then. "I did like my hair though, it's longer and a little more red than it used to be."

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "You turned into a vampire and it took you two months to look in a mirror?"

"I never was never very vain." I laughed. "And before you ask, yes my eyes were orangey, I think it was because I didn't hunt as often as most newborns, and because I only ate animals, right from the start."

He nodded, looking thoughtful and I stayed quiet to let him process everything I'd told him so far.

"Go on." He said quietly. "Did they come back for you?"

"Not really." I grinned. "I did see Felix again though, but that comes later." I was starting to enjoy this story telling. Jasper's reactions were priceless. He looked like he didn't believe, or couldn't understand much of what I'd said. And he'd actually pouted just then when he realised I wasn't going to tell him about Felix until later.

"Again things were quiet for a while, until I caught scent of my first human. I was hunting a few miles from the house when I was five months old. It was a miracle really it had taken me that long to come across a human scent. Of course it was delicious, the most appealing thing I'd ever smelled, and I thought my throat might be burnt out if I didn't find it and drink it. I got close enough to see that it was a young family hiking, and then I did the only thing I could, and ran in the opposite direction. It was hard, the most difficult thing I've ever done, all the way back to the house I was fighting not to go back and drink from them."

"I'd never felt so appalled by anything as I was by my desire to kill them. When I got back to the house, Sam was waiting for me. I told him what had happened, and I expected him to kill me for it. I was a danger to humans, and I hadn't forgotten his promise. Instead of killing me, he told me how proud he was that I'd resisted. That didn't matter to me though, what bothered me was the fact that I'd wanted them in the first place. I didn't go out to hunt again that week, until Sam came over again and persuaded me to go out."

"I don't understand how you could resist." Jasper interjected. "Especially if you got close enough to see them."

"I told you, the pull for blood just isn't as strong for me. I don't know why, but that's just the way it is. I came across humans more often after that, and every time it was easier to resist them. I grew more confident in my ability to control myself, and at the same time, I realised my strength was waning. I couldn't run as fast, or jump as far. I thought I was somehow dying, and I was happy in a way, knowing I wouldn't have to live that lonely existence forever, and that I would no longer pose a threat. It was the one thing I kept from Sam. I didn't want him to worry. But then my strength levelled out."

"Eleven months after my change Sam told me he was bringing Emily to see me. This time, I agreed and went out to hunt, to fill myself as much as I could before she arrived. It was difficult, but not as hard as I'd expected. She stayed with me for a few hours and told me everything that had happened since I'd last seen her, all the little things Sam never mentioned. I was enthralled. She even hugged me before she left."

For me, the visit had been a mark of how much Sam believed in me, and it had finally made me believe in myself completely. I'd run out of reasons to stay hidden in the Cullen house.

"A week later I told Sam I was leaving. He was upset, but he understood the need to find my own kind, to find all of you. He took me to see where Seth was buried and then we went to see Charlie. It was strange, he didn't look like my admittedly blurred memories. He seemed decades older, instead of just a year, but I saw him smiling. He and Sue were trying to make a go of things and it looked like she was taking good care of him. There was nothing holding me back."

"The hardest part was saying goodbye to Sam and Emily. Sam had been my only friend for a year, and I'd only just got Emily back, but they weren't enough. I craved company all the time, so I left. I remembered what Demetri had said about Carlisle being in Alaska. I also knew that that was where Tanya's clan lived, so that was where I headed. I thought that even if I had missed you, the other vampires would know where you had gone."

"I never reached Denali. I detoured in Anchorage to pick up some fresh clothes, and bumped into Irina, as soon as we'd had the most basic of introductions she described Laurent to me and asked if I'd seen him. Without waiting for an answer she told me he was her mate, and that he'd been missing for well over a year."

The worst conversation of my life had followed. Jasper already looked sympathetic.

"You said you weren't welcome there." He muttered. "She blamed you for his death."

"I told her exactly what had happened, and I think she was tempted to fight me there and then, but I asked about the Cullen's. She told me I'd missed them by months, and that they were lucky to be away from me. She also said that if she saw me in Alaska again, she wouldn't hesitate to take me down. I respected what she said and made my way back into Canada."

"You never went back?" He asked after a minute passed in silence.

"No, I didn't dare, and to be honest, it thought it was only fair to respect her wishes." I explained. I watched him again, thinking things over. He was still curious and he wanted to hear more, but I hoped he wouldn't ask me now. I felt drained after pouring out so much.

"I have one question before we hunt, but you don't have to answer it." He said carefully. I barely acknowledged him, all I could think about was getting out into the fresh air. "Who was Seth?"

The old ache kicked into life again, but this was a different type of pain. "Seth was the youngest wolf in the pack and he died saving my life."

"He means more to you than that." Jasper prompted. I despised his ability just then.

"His dad died just when he'd learnt he was one of the wolves. His mother was buried in her own grief, and his sister was, well, a self absorbed bitch. He worshiped Jacob, so he came to spend a lot of time with us. He was like my little brother, and I always tried to look out for him. The other wolves used to tease him and say I mothered him, but he needed it. He didn't really have anyone to talk to outside of the wolves, and I became the person for him to confide in. Sometimes he just needed a hug. Jake and I played Mom and Dad to him I suppose. After I moved to La Push, he had dinner with us every night, did his homework, and then went home. He was family, and he didn't deserve what happened to him."


Jasper

I was beginning to regret asking her. She felt his loss like a mother would their own child, it was almost physically painful to me, and I knew that it would be more so to her. It was also clear though, that though it upset her, she'd made her peace with it. She accepted that he was gone, and she accepted the guilt she felt over his death.

"It's not your fault."

"Not entirely, no." She said quietly, sitting up and smoothing out her skirt. "He was just a child playing at superheroes, only it wasn't a game, and he ended up dying to save my life."

I knew there was little point in me arguing with her. And there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. But I could distract her.

I forced a wave of enthusiasm at her and stood up. "Ready for dinner?" I smiled, holding out my hand. She looked at it warily and stood without my help. I dropped my hand feeling wounded. Then I felt stupid for getting upset that she wouldn't take my hand. She didn't even trust me to touch my hand to hers, I'd really done a number on her.

As she followed me through the house, and out into the street she started to feel better. Her anticipation was strong, which was unsurprising for two reasons. One, she hadn't been out of the house for two weeks, and two, all she'd had to eat in the last fortnight was that cat, which wasn't nearly enough.

She stayed close to me outside, scanning her surroundings, and I wondered how much of this she'd had time to see before she'd been dragged down into the bowels of the house. Not much, from the look of things. She was completely confused by what she was seeing.

There was nothing but open ground for miles around. The house was perfectly situated for us to be able to see all around at all times, making a surprise attack almost impossible. It was also perfect for hunting. Running for five minutes either north or east would bring us to a town. Or in Bella's case, running south would take us out to farms where she would be able to find something easily.

"Who first?" She asked once she'd got comfortable with the area.

"First for what?"

"You said I can't hunt alone, so one of us has to go first unless you know of somewhere we can get animals and humans." She didn't seem to be the least bit bothered by talking about hunting humans, but I could tell it made her uncomfortable.

"You." I said eventually. "You need it more." The truth was, the idea of taking Bella with me while I preyed on humans appalled me. I didn't want her to see me doing that. I decided I'd come back alone later to feed. "We'll head south."

She took off running, not going as fast as I was sure she could. I kept up easily, and then pushed in front of her, wanting to see how fast she could go. She caught up easily, enjoying her freedom. Then she surprised me by pulling ahead of me again. I pushed myself to the limit to keep up, and again she pulled ahead. She was as fast as Edward had been, maybe more so. Clearly drinking from animals didn't affect speed quite as much as it did strength.

I stopped running and watched her go. I could see the closest farm from here, and I was wondering if she'd go for it, or if she'd run. She'd just proven she could get away from me if she wanted to. Out here, she had the advantage. Part of me was screaming to go after her, so that I could make sure she didn't leave, but another part of me wanted to give her one last chance to make an escape. I didn't want to force her to stay anymore, and I was giving her the perfect chance to get away.

In the distance I saw her realise she was alone, stop and look back at me. She stood watching me for a moment, and I decided she was weighing up her chances of getting away from me. Then she surprised me by running back instead of away.

"Is something wrong?" She was concerned.

I shook my head, relieved beyond what I should have been that she hadn't run. "I was giving you a chance to leave."

"Idiot." She muttered. "I told you I'm staying, so I'll stay. Are you coming?"

I followed with no hesitation this time. We found a field of sleeping cows, and Bella was oddly reluctant to feed. I watched with fascination as she moved silently between them until she settled on one. It was clearly the oldest and weakest in the herd. She was doing what I did, choosing the victim that would care the least. I couldn't believe she cared enough to worry about that with animals though. She ate with the minimum of fuss, breaking the animals neck before she sunk her teeth in, and returned to me without a speck of blood on her. The scent of blood, while not particularly appetising was making me thirsty.

"It's not that bad Jasper." She prompted, smiling. "Why don't you just take one this time so we can get back."

Well that was ridiculous, there was no chance she was eager to get back. I knew she was working on me already. Trying to change me. It would be nice not to have to search anyone out tonight. Even better not to have to deal with the little bit of guilt that still got to me sometimes if I let myself think about things too much. And it would make her happy. That was the deciding factor in the end. Her opinion mattered, and I wanted her to have a good one of me.

She was enormously pleased when I lifted a young cow to my lips. I hadn't bothered with looking for some old ailing beast, I wasn't going that far, but she was still pleased. Proud too. It was a long while since I'd felt that in relation to me.

The blood was bitter compared to what I was used to, but not repulsive, and it did put out the fire in my throat. Again memories surfaced. Hunting with Emmett had always been an experience. One I missed now I thought about it. I wondered if Bella would be interested in going on a real hunting trip next time. Then I realised I was planning to do this again. I was giving serious thought to foregoing my usual preference, and why? To impress a girl. It was a little pathetic really.

There were more solid reasons to go back to animals, but they weren't the ones that made me want to do it. I wanted to see Bella look at me the way she was doing now again. I wanted to prove myself to her.

Together, we carried the carcasses about a mile away from the farm to bury them. Disposal was at least easier with animals. There was no need to fake some other cause of death as I usually had to. It was refreshing.

Bella was obviously reluctant to go back, so I set off walking. It would take hours at this pace, and we'd have more time to talk. There was still a lot left to her story, and I wanted to hear it. What had happened when she saw Felix again? How long had she stayed with Garrett? Where had she been? Had she ever gone back to Forks? Had she seen Jacob? I couldn't remember ever being this curious.

I thought of the baffling, but obviously deep friendship between her and the wolf. "Do you keep in contact with Sam?"

"We only speak on Christmas Eve." She said quietly, walking just a little closer. "I find a payphone and call him to check in. He tells me how everyone's doing. He and Emily have three children now, a girl and two boys."

She was full of longing and loneliness when she spoke of the family, but she'd felt a small amount of pride when she mentioned the daughter. "Is there something special about the girl?"

She turned a genuine smile on me. "Emily found out she was pregnant just after I left. They called her Bella, after me."

"How's Charlie doing?" I asked this carefully, aware that she probably missed her parents a great deal.

Again her reaction wasn't the one I'd expected. "He married Sue, and as far as I know they're happy." I took stock of her emotions and realised she was fairly detached about this. "I don't remember him very well, or Renee. I know I loved them, but I'm glad I don't have to miss them too much."

"Have you forgotten a lot about your life?" This surprised me. Bella cared deeply about people, and that should have helped her remember.

"No, I remember everything, but the memories feel like they don't really belong to me. It's like watching someone else's life. The last year or so of my human life is clearer, and the important things are clearer still." She shrugged, untroubled by the fact that she'd lost touch with her human life. I expected her to care more.

"Which memories are clearest?" I wondered what she classed as important, if her parents somehow didn't make the list.

"Well there's meeting Edward, the first time he told me he loved me and confronting him about what he is. James's attack. My birthday party. Edward leaving me. A few moments with Jake. Laurent. Victoria. I suppose it's the things that made me what I am." She shuddered slightly when she mentioned her party, and snuck a quick worried glance at me, but other than that she showed no emotion. "It's easier no to remember most things, knowing I can't have them back. I'm glad the memories don't feel like mine."

I could understand that. Sometimes I wished I didn't have such clear memories of being happy with the Cullen's, it was hard to know exactly what I'd lost. I envied her in a way.

"Did you ever see Jacob again?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't even know where he is anymore. Sam stopped phasing after his children were born so that he could age normally with his family, and as he was the only one able to contact Jake, no one knows how he's doing. I expect he'll go home one day, but as far as I know he hasn't returned yet."

That seemed incredibly childish to me. He must have had friends and a family who missed him. Bella had needed him too once, and he'd just run away from everything. If I thought it was stupid of Bella to be looking for the Cullen's after all this time, I thought it was even worse for the wolf to still be running away. I told her what I thought of him and she laughed.

"He was always worried that Edward would come back and take me away from him, and I suppose when he found out I was changing, he thought it was even more likely. He loved me, and I think he thought he wouldn't be able to love me once I was something he hated. Sam told me that eventually, he was staying away because he was too ashamed to come home. I hope he's happy now, wherever he is."

I didn't want to talk about the wolves anymore, and Jacob in particular irritated me though I'd never met him. "Tell me more about the Volturi? Why did they send Felix to you."

She smiled again making me wonder what he had been to her. "They didn't send Felix to me really. He and Demetri convinced the leaders I would be a useful addition to the guard, and Felix offered to find me while he took a 'holiday'."

"When I first noticed someone was following me, I ran. It took him two months to catch up because I kept running until one day I doubled back and caught his scent for the first time. When I realised who'd been following me I went and found him."

"It had been more than six months since I'd seen Irina, and I was desperate for someone to talk to, even if it was only about the weather." She smiled widely at me. "And Felix, he almost never shuts up. He could talk the leg off a goat. I didn't like hearing about his work, so he told me about his human life, and about all the places he'd seen since his change. He'd been travelling with me for about a month before he got around to telling me why he was there. Aro had heard about my suspected shield and wanted to offer me a position in the guard."

The thought of Bella as a member of the ruthless Volturi was laughable. I tried to picture her with red eyes, wearing a dark cloak, and it was almost impossible. I'd just seen her get picky about cows, there was no way she could feed from humans and deal out punishments to vampires.

"Of course I refused. I liked Felix, and even Demetri from what I'd seen of him, but I didn't want a part of that way of life. Felix didn't give up. He told me about the castle, the luxurious rooms I would have, the clothes, the parties. He soon worked out that none of that mattered to me. It took him two months to give up, but he didn't leave. Aro had given him six months away from Volterra, so he stayed with me for them. When it was time for him to leave I very nearly changed my mind and went with him."

I wondered how she'd resisted. She obviously craved company, and she seemed to hold Felix in high regard. How could she go back to being alone again so easily? "So why didn't you?"

"Guilt mostly. Even thinking about going to Italy made me feel guilty because I knew what would be expected of me there. Not to mention the fact that I was still determined to find all of you and I had a feeling you wouldn't react well if you ever heard I was part of the Volturi."

I tried to imagine how we would have reacted. Carlisle would have been disappointed. Emmett would probably have been jealous she was getting to fight so much, and Edward, assuming he still loved her, would probably have kidnapped her and taken her back to Forks. We were only half a mile from the house and the sky was lightening. I was meant to be in the pit by dawn to take over from Lucian. As much as I wanted to keep talking, it would have to wait until tomorrow.

We walked quickly back to the room, and Bella became uncomfortable and anxious again. She hated it here, and yet she was staying. I wanted to talk to her more about that too, but again, it would have to wait.

"Help yourself to any of the books, I'll be back tomorrow." I told her, quickly changing my shirt.

"Tomorrow?" She asked, her anxiety rising. "Where are you going?"

"To work."

An: So, what do you think about the way Bella's past is unravelling? Any favourite parts, or things you hate? Let me know...