An: Thank you so much for all the reviews, and thanks to xteamxjasperx as always for just basically being awsome.

Chapter Seven

Bella

I stared at the door for about fifteen minutes after he left, trying not to think about what his 'work' would entail. With a mind capable of so much though, it was difficult to shut something out and I couldn't help but see visions of those newborns clawing at each other, or worse, that poor woman that Lucian had destroyed.

I decided to try to 'sleep' for a while, something I hadn't done for weeks. Glancing once more at the door to reassure myself it was closed I got into bed and enjoyed the comfort it brought immediately. It was the first time I'd been in it willingly, and I hadn't realised how comfortable it was until then. I closed my eyes and relaxed, Edwards lullaby playing in my head to help drown out the less pleasant thoughts.

I automatically thought of him first, slipping into my once favourite dream of finding him and the family. For the first time the dream didn't bring me any pleasure, I couldn't even imagine it properly. My realisations about Alice's visions had convinced me I was truly alone in the world, and my dreams agreed. I needed something new. Some new hope to hold on to.

I thought of my plans for Jasper, and pictured him the way he'd once been, with amber eyes and a guarded smile. It was difficult to see, but much easier than conjuring up the images of the old dream.

Slowly, I let the dream evolve. Jasper hunting with me, talking to each other. Him becoming my friend instead of my captor. I watched him start to feel more guilt over what he was doing here, and eventually decide that this wasn't the life for him anymore. I saw him telling Maria good bye, and decided that wasn't the way it would happen so I changed it.

This time I saw us hunting, and me convincing him to run away with me. And I would take his hand and take him somewhere new. We bought a house in a rainy little town somewhere. I imagined the simple pleasure of earning money to fix up our house and make it into a home. We could go to university like I'd always wanted to. The troubled look would fade from Jasper's eyes once he was free of this place, and he'd get back some of his humanity even if I had to drill it into him. Maybe by next Christmas I would be telling Sam I had a friend so he wouldn't have to worry about me being lonely anymore.

Maybe, after enough time had passed, we would be able to find new mates and have a real family again. One day.

I rolled over, the dream making me frustrated as I knew how far off those plans were. It would take a lot more than one cow to get Jasper back to some semblance of his former self. I didn't want to ever delude myself again. This would be hard work, and it would take a long time. I was in this for the long haul.

I'd already wasted more than fourteen years dreaming of things that could never happen and avoiding the truth. I'd missed out on life because I was still clinging to the past, and I was angry at myself for that. If I'd let go of my foolish desires to be reunited with the Cullen's sooner, I might have been able to make a life with Garrett, like a part of me had wanted to. Maybe I could even have had something real with Felix.

I might have enjoyed the last decade exploring the world instead of scouring the states for some sign of a family that were probably on another continent. I tried not to dwell on all the wasted time too much, it would only depress me, and I wanted to enjoy my free time as much as I could.

I made my way over to Jasper's book cases and skimmed the spines to find something to read. I rolled my eyes as I took in his collection. He really did have no life outside of this place. Every book covered some aspect of war or strategy, there was nothing that made me want to read it at all. I was disappointed. And bored.

I scanned the room, even looking under the bed and in the dresser, hoping to find something that would interest me. It was no use trying to find pictures or patterns in the cracks on the walls either, I'd already spent a week doing that.

I thought carefully over Jaspers rules and noticed that they didn't forbid me from wandering the house. He only said that I shouldn't go outside, and I wasn't to go down to the pit. I practically thrummed with anticipation at the thought of getting to wander through the old building without someone dragging me or pushing me along. I had only seen rooms below the house so far, there seemed to almost be a whole house beneath the main house itself, and I'd only travelled below ground level. I wondered what was up above and darted out through the door.

Jasper need never even know I'd been wandering around anyway. I'd just make sure not to bump into anyone while I was up there.

I scented the air to work out which way would lead me up above ground and followed my senses until I came to a worn stone staircase. I must admit, I was a little nervous about what I would find up there, but I knew it couldn't be any worse than what I'd seen below.

I moved slowly upstairs, noticing this wasn't the way Jasper and I had left earlier. There must have been another way in and out that bypassed the house altogether. At the top of the stairs was a crumbling wooden door, which was unlocked and opened easily. The house was almost dark, only the weak morning sun struggling to get through the grimy windows allowed me to see the room I was in.

I was standing in an old kitchen which was filthy and full of cobwebs. An old wood burning stove stood in one corner, and there wasn't even a working sink, which showed me it had been a very long time since the house was inhabited by humans. Maria must have had plumbing and electricity installed only below ground. I wondered if she'd eaten whoever had done it to avoid suspicion, or if she'd found a vampire with the right skills. I might ask Jasper about it when he got back.

Exploring the ground floor of the house I found that the rooms were all pretty much the same, little furniture and plenty of dust. Upstairs was a little different. Two of the bedrooms looked, and smelled like they were occasionally occupied, but they were by no means clean, or even lived in. The last room I checked was a truly brilliant find.

The room had once been a library, shelves lined every inch of the walls and most of them were full of books. Dust covered everything in here too, so I ran back to our room to steal one of Jasper's shirts to clean up with. Back in the library I noticed the dusty stubs of several candles and wished I'd thought to look for Jaspers matches.

Some of the books had been damaged by damp and mould, but most of them were in a remarkably good condition. I'd only cleaned up one bookcase when Jasper's shirt got too full of dust and dirt to be of any use.

I opened the room's only window, sliding it upwards slowly in the crumbling frame. The sun was higher now, and the light bright enough, that with my enhanced vision, I could clearly see the room.

The floor was made of smooth wooden boards, as dirty as everything else, but I was willing to bet they'd clean up well. A huge oriental rug covered much of the floor, but it was too badly damaged by time and wear to make a recovery. That would have to go.

In one corner stood a small antique desk, the sort I had wanted once when I was human. I decided I'd take care to clean it up and bring it back to its former glory. A dried out ink well was still tucked into one corner and papers were strewn over the top, faded to a dull yellow, the writing almost invisible now. I'd save looking over them for when the room was finished.

Finally, I started scanning the shelves of the one moderately clean book case. A first edition of Dracula caught my eye, I'd always meant to read it, and the irony that I was now the true version of the creature of night it described did not escape me.

I took three more books that looked interesting, and I was confident I would be able to hide them from Jasper so he wouldn't know I'd been exploring. I decided I'd sneak back up here whenever Jasper left me alone, and I'd bring something to clean up with too. This room was mine now, no one else seemed to want it anyway.

Making my way back to Jasper's room I opened the first book, skipped the introduction and started reading the prologue. The old fashioned language drew me in immediately, so much so that I stopped focusing on my surroundings. That was a huge mistake.

I crashed into a wall and dropped my books, too busy cursing my own stupidity to catch them as they fell. Only it wasn't a wall at all. It was a huge man, who grinned down at me with a smile I already loathed and feared in equal measure. Red eyes stared down at me as he grabbed my upper arms, under the pretext of steadying me after the collision. I shook him off. "Lucian." I said curtly, stepping around him. We were only a few feet from the door of Jasper's room.

He moved quickly to stand between me and the door. "Good morning Isabella." He drawled. "Where have you been?"

"I went for a look around, not that it's any of your business." I snapped, hoping he wouldn't feel the need to tell Jasper he'd found me here. Just being near him made my skin crawl, I couldn't wait to get away from him. An itch started across the back of my neck and trailed down my spine, my bodies response to the perceived threat.

He raised an eyebrow and ran his gaze down to my feet, then back up again. "I can see he's decided you're much too special to let go of. Has he marked you yet?" He said casually, leaning back against the door I desperately wanted to go through.

"Marked me?" I spluttered. I didn't like the sound of that, marked me how? As far as I was aware, there were only two ways to truly mark a vampire. Neither of them was pleasant. "No."

Lucian's eyes darkened a few shades. "You're sure?" He asked. "You wouldn't be lying to me would you?"

I started to panic. I didn't understand what he meant or why it was important. I didn't know how to answer him safely. I ended up just shaking my head and hoping for the best.

"Fair game." He whispered and lunged at me trapping me against the wall. He smelled like too-sweet honeysuckle and bitter tears. He kissed me, shoving his tongue into my mouth and I bit down on it hard enough to tear into the flesh and taste his venom. I brought my knee up hard between his legs and ducked out under his arms as he stumbled back a step, snarling. And then I was spitting out the taste of his venom as I ran. The pit seemed much further away now than it had before.

I followed the thickening scent of venom further underground as I listened to his footsteps get further away. He couldn't keep up, but that didn't mean I could stop running.

When I reached the door to the pit I didn't stop to think about what was on the other side for a single second. I crashed through the door, slammed it behind me and scanned the room for Jasper. He was standing beside a pair of men who were fighting. Part of my mind took in the fact that this fighting was very different from what I'd seen in the room before. It was controlled, coordinated. All around the lower level of the pit similar fights were taking place, and I realised that this was training rather than the simple violence I'd witnessed before.

I ran through the rows of sparring men and women to Jasper's side and placed myself behind him. Safe.


Jasper

As I headed down to the pit I couldn't help but feel a little pleased that Bella had seemed upset that I was leaving. Maybe she was beginning to trust me again, that would make things easier. I couldn't believe I'd taken an animal again, after so many years, and it was all because of her. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be letting her change me.

I was starting to expect things from her. She said she was staying until she could convince me to leave. Well that would never happen, which meant that if she kept her word, she'd be with me forever. I knew she wouldn't keep her word though, she despised this place, and she wasn't too fond of me either. Besides, the word of a woman meant nothing. Alice promised forever once, and she didn't even last a century. I doubted Bella would last a year.

I needed to keep my distance, and not get attached; only it was too late for that. I already liked her too much. I already craved her company. And I was already dreading the day she'd decided it was all too much and leave. My only viable option was to do everything in my power to make her stay with me as bearable as possible. At the very least that would extend the time I had with her.

I reached the pit and found Lucian wasn't working with them today, only watching over them, and they were unusually quiet. They'd been fed. I scanned the room for bodies and found none, which told me Maria had had another delivery. She had no money of her own, which meant she'd used my account again, even though I'd told her not to. That money had come from a different time in my life, and it shouldn't be used for this. I would have to speak to her again.

Lucian swaggered across the room, grinning. "They've been fairly quiet all night, Major." He informed me quietly. "Natalie doesn't have long left though, a few weeks at best."

"Who's Natalie?" I asked. I never paid attention to their names unless they were particularly promising or had a gift of some sort. There were two girls in the room, and I had no idea what either of them was called.

"The little blonde." He smirked. "She's a screamer." He nodded his head in her direction, licked his lips and left the room. I turned my attention on the girl he'd indicated. She was tiny really, smaller than Alice, and I wondered if she'd ever been of any use. Well, I'd soon find out. I was going to work them again today.

"Pair up and spread out!" I ordered, instilling just enough fear in them to make them comply quickly. I took stock of the pairs, rearranging them a little, and making sure the girls were together. I didn't want a training session interrupted by one of the men confusing fighting for fucking again.

I got them started, repeating everything they'd been shown so far and relaxed. I kept them calm, and their repetitive movements kept me calm, leaving me space to think about Bella. She was pretty much on my mind at all times now.

I thought over her rules again. While I didn't like the no touching rule, it was obviously needed. I couldn't touch her without forgetting myself and going too far. Keeping the conversation easy was fine though, as was her asking me not to use the cuffs. I wasn't too sure about teaching her to fight. She shouldn't need to learn while I was around to protect her anyway, and if she didn't want me to touch her, there was no way I would be able to effectively teach her anything.

She said I'd have to get over my crush. Was that what this was? It was true, I felt an undeniably strong sexual attraction to her, and I was beginning to like spending time with her. Was that a crush? If so, how long until I 'got over it' as she suggested? It wasn't likely that I'd walk into the room one morning and decide she wasn't so fuckable anymore.

Fear. I could feel it getting stronger, and it wasn't my own, nor my charges. It belonged to someone outside. The door crashed open and closed again as Bella darted through it. Her eyes flicked once around the room, landed on me, and then she was running to stand behind me. The fear pouring from her lessened dramatically and she started to feel safe. Until I turned to face her, then the fear spiked again.

She stared up at me with wide frightened eyes. She'd broken one of the rules already, and as far as I was concerned that gave me leave to break some more.

I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto the upper level with me. "What the fuck are you doing down here Bella? I didn't ask much of you, did I?" I was furious with her. If the newborns hadn't been busy, and under my influence she'd likely have been ripped apart before she reached me.

She cringed away from me and stuttered a garbled reply. "I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking... and Lucian... I just ran."

The only word that really registered was Lucian. If he'd touched her I'd rip him up and burn the pieces myself. Now that I was paying attention I could smell him on her, and more importantly I could smell his venom.

"You bit him?" I grinned, forgetting for a moment my anger at either of them.

"I nearly bit his tongue off." She scowled, and then looked instantly wary again. Did she expect me to be mad at her for injuring him? I wasn't mad at her for that in the least, especially as I could only think of one reason for her to bite him in that particular place.

"Tell me exactly what happened." I growled.

I watched her shifting from foot to foot and wringing her hands in a ridiculously human way. "He, well, he asked me if you'd marked me and I said no, so he said I was fair game and tried to kiss me. I bit him, kneed him in the balls and ran to you." She rushed.

"Shit." I should have warned her about that. I should have told her to say I'd bitten her if anyone asked, but I didn't think anyone would ask, so I hadn't bothered. I'd have to do something about making sure she was safe while I was working.

Thinking about her safety led me to thinking about that one moment before I'd turned to glare at her when she'd started to feel safe and relieved after she'd reached me. Despite everything I'd done to her, and the way I'd treated her since her arrival, she'd run to me for help when she felt threatened. I couldn't help but be pleased by that. On the other hand, it was sort of wrong. It showed me exactly how bad life was for her right now if she'd felt her only hope was me. What Lucian had done wasn't exactly very different from anything I'd done to her in the last few weeks, in fact, my actions were actually worse. I had never tried to kiss her though, in my book, a kiss meant something.

I looked back down at Bella and finally released my hold on her. She hadn't calmed down much, and I expected she was still worrying about being in trouble.

On the opposite side of the catwalk Ben and Michelle stood watching us with interest. They were lackeys, for want of a better word. Newborns allowed to live beyond their first year to help out with menial tasks. I knew their names only because they'd been here for years and were occasionally of some use to me.

"Ben, go and find Lucian and tell him I want him in here immediately." I barked orders at them and they obeyed instantly. "Michelle, take Bella back to my room and wait outside for me to come to you. No one enters without my say so."

Bella followed the woman out of the room without protest, and without looking at me. I hated that because of that asshole she was scared of me again. Now I understood why she'd come down here I wasn't mad at all, and I couldn't wait until I could go and tell her that. I hated to see her looking at me like that.

Less than a minute later Lucian strolled into the room, smirk fixed firmly into place. His swagger and expression couldn't hide his true feelings from me though. He was angry, but also a little fearful. And so he should be.

"You wanted to thee me, Major?" He lisped, scowling.

"Yes." I smirked, enjoying the way he had trouble speaking. I stared at him for thirty seconds, slowly letting my anger over him touching what was mine flow through every part of my body. The feeling it brought was something akin to an adrenalin rush experienced by humans. When my hatred for him reached its peak, I took him off guard with a sharp right hook to the jaw. He flew across the room, breaking the catwalk on the other side, but landed on his feet.

I headed towards the door. "I hope you don't mind taking my shift as well as your next one."

"She was not marked." He snarled crossing the room to stand between me and the door. "I had every right to take her. And you have no right to punish me for it. If anyone should be blamed it's her, the little bitch attacked me."

I swung my fist at him again, but he saw it coming this time and ducked. We were fairly evenly matched; a fight between us could last days. It had before. Right now I had more important things to do.

"Marked or not, you knew she was mine. Maria gave her to me, not you. You touch what's mine again and you'll find yourself in pieces. I won't warn you again." My jaw was so tight with repressed fury I could barely get the words out, but he heard them, and understood.

"Maria will hear about this." He spat.

I didn't choose to dignify that with a response. Of course he'd go crawling to Maria as soon as he was able. His deference to her was something I well understood. I had been that way once.

I walked back to my rooms slowly, hoping to calm down so that I wouldn't be directing any anger at Bella when it wasn't deserved. When I reached out door I dismissed Michelle, who was feeling very curious, without a word.

Bella was standing in the corner, her arms wrapped around her stomach, looking down at the floor. She was more resigned now than anything.

"Are you ok?"

Her head snapped up as she stared at me with her mouth hanging open.

"You're not in trouble, and I've dealt with Lucian. For now. I'm sorry, I should have spoken with you about marking, but it never crossed my mind that it would come up."

She still had that blank, shocked look on her face, but her emotions were slowly improving.

"But... but I broke a rule." She whispered cautiously.

"Let's call them guidelines shall we?" I smiled as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "It was foolish of you to run in there like that, you could have been seriously hurt, but I understand why you came. If you hadn't run from him you'd probably be in a bad way by now."

"What did he mean? When he asked if I was marked?" She asked after a few minutes of silence had passed.

I doubted she would take the explanation very well. "When we wish to keep a girl for any length of time, we usually bite her. It's a claiming mark to show anyone else who thinks of taking her that she already belongs to someone else. When Maria told me she'd brought me a pet she reminded me to mark you if I wanted to keep you."

"Pet!" She gasped. "I'm no pet! I can't believe you mark them. That's barbaric." Well, she was fairly disgusted, now was probably not the time to bring this up, but as she was already in a bad mood, I saw no harm in trying.

"I should probably mark you Bella." Her eyes flashed at me. "Maria will not like, or understand the fact that I'm keeping you but refuse to mark you. It would also stop Lucian from bothering you too. He puts a lot of stock in our traditions, and he will steer clear of you if you wear my bite."

"Wear. Your. Bite?" She said slowly, dangerously. "You really have lost your mind if you think I'll agree to that. I'm not some possession you can write your name on so the other children don't take it home. A scar like that is for life, and to be honest, I'd really rather not have any reminders of this place, or this version of you tattooed on my skin forever." She was absolutely furious now, but so was I.

"This version of me? What the hell does that mean? There is only one me."

"This isn't you." She spat. "I have no idea who you really are, but I can see that this is not it. I don't even think the Jasper that lived with the Cullen's was the real you. Do you even have any idea who you are anymore?"

How had this turned into a character study?

"I know exactly who I am Bella. This is me. The only me there is, and if you don't like it, you know what to do." I snapped.

"What? What should I do? If I try to leave you'll change your mind again and decide I should stay. If I fight you, you'll only attack me again. Assuming I did get away, what would there be for me? A thousand life times of wondering if I should have stayed and helped you. And you do need help, Jasper. No matter what you say I won't believe that this is you. I can see it in your eyes."

"You're wrong. I won't stop you again should you choose to leave. I don't need you Bella. I don't need help." I growled. "You know nothing about me."

"I know enough." She whispered. "I know that you can be kind and loving and gentle. I know you can feel guilt and pain just like I can. I know you're struggling not to hurt me right now even though you desperately want to. I know you're just as afraid of being alone again as I am. And I know that this life isn't what you were meant for."

Frightened by how much of what she said felt true I lashed out. "You're just as clueless as ever Bella. Still the same pathetic, weak little girl you always were, only now you come in a more durable package. It's no wonder Edward left you. He could only pretend to be better than he was for you for a while. I won't do that. What you see is what you get and it's not going to get any better, so stop trying."

I opened the bathroom door, intent on getting away from her for a while, but couldn't resist one parting shot. "You mean nothing to me Bella. If you push me hard enough, I'll take what I want from you and hand you off to Lucian like the trash you are."

I shut the door behind me and listened to the silence, letting her fear and pain wash over me.

I'd hurt her again, only I'd done it in a whole new way. I turned the water as hot as it would go and stepped under the spray. How had things turned out so badly again? Why did I keep doing this? We were just starting to get along, and I'd ruined everything. Again.

No, it wasn't only my fault. If she hadn't started spouting all that rubbish about not being myself I never would have said things. I didn't mean to hurt her. What right did she have to judge me? I wasn't pretending. None of this is an act. I'm just living. I may not be the man she knew in Forks, and I'm certainly not the man I was before Maria changed me. Nor am I the soldier I was the first time I worked with her...

Maybe she has a point.

Who the hell am I?

An: Pretty pretty please let em know what you think. Free cookies to all who do :)