An: I'm really sorry that I've left so many reviews unanswered, my internet keeps dying on me lol. It's a miracle I've gotten this up. (I'm writing this in the hope that I actually can put it up). Even worse than that, I haven't read any of my fav stories for ages :( I think you should all leave me lots of lovely reviews in sympathy, and also in the hope that I'll be able to read them :)

As always, thank you Natalie!

Chapter Eight

Bella

"You mean nothing to me Bella. If you push me hard enough, I'll take what I want from you and hand you off to Lucian like the trash you are." He snarled and slammed the door behind him.

Fear rippled across my skin for a second before rational thought made its way in and reminded me he had just gotten extremely angry that Lucian had been near me. I may have had doubts about his promises not to touch me, but if there was one thing I was sure of it was that he wouldn't be 'handing me off' to Lucian. He'd throw me out before he'd let Lucian have me.

His words about Edward struck more of a chord. They closely resembled what Edward himself had told me that day in the forest. He'd said he was sick of pretending. I had never been good enough for Edward and I would never be good enough to help Jasper.

He hadn't altered my opinions of him at all. He was hiding from who he really was, no one so conflicted could ever be happy. I supposed it was all down to his history. The army had moulded him as a human, then he'd been changed, become someone new, and Maria had shaped him to fit her ideals. Somewhere along the way he'd broken free of her, started thinking for himself again. He'd developed his own sense of right and wrong, and left her but he still hadn't been happy.

Then Alice had found him, showed him how to live differently, and I supposed he must have been happy with her, but still he was her Jasper, rather than his own. Looking back now it seemed like everything I'd ever seen him do had been for her in some way. Every decision had been hers rather than theirs. But he'd lost even that, and even being here now was down to a decision Alice had made.

He told me that she told him to come back here, and so he had. He was living the same life he'd once lived, but it was much harder now. Probably because he knew what it was like to have more. He wasn't the same man anymore; this life wasn't what it once had been. In fact, from everything he'd told me, it seemed like it was worse than when he'd fallen into a depression the first time he'd lived here.

He had given up.

I pitied him for a moment before I remembered that he didn't deserve it. Anger coloured my judgement and I decided it was high time I yelled at him. How dare he speak to me like that? Hurt me like that? And then to just walk away instead of facing me and giving me a chance to defend myself.

I stormed into the bathroom after him and found his naked back. The angry retort died in my throat as my eyes took half a second to take in everything from his wet curling hair to his well muscled calves. I took a moment to appreciate the fact that in another life I might have joined him in the shower by now and shook the traitorous thought away.

Most of the bite marks covered his upper body, with only a few marking his legs. Just as he started to turn around I caught sight of the single, perfect bite mark on his ass. The last traces of anger drained away and I started laughing. Who the hell would bite his ass?

He stepped out of the shower looking almost afraid as the laughter took over me completely. I hadn't laughed like this for years, if I'd have been human I'd have cracked ribs by now, as it was I could barely stand.

Jasper took one hesitant step towards me and I crumpled to the floor, the effort of holding in my giggles too much to cope with alongside trying to remain standing.

It took me two minutes to get myself under control, by which point Jasper had wrapped a towel around his waist. I squashed a twinge of disappointment quickly.

"Any hope of you cluing me in about what's so damned hysterical?"

I shook my head, needing a little more time to be sure that I wouldn't start laughing again. Rapidly cooling water dripped from him landing on my legs, and I focused on that for a few seconds while he waited impatiently for my explanation.

"Bite. Ass." I managed when he started to look like I might have kept him waiting a little too long. If anything he looked more baffled for a moment, before understanding crossed his features and he smiled down at me. I pulled myself up from the floor and went back into the bedroom, deciding it would be best to let him get dressed before I started trying to argue with him.

He joined me a few seconds later, and he hadn't bothered with clothes, still just wearing the towel as he sat next to me on the bed. I opened my mouth to tell him he was an ass when he stopped me in my tracks.

"I'm so sorry Bella." He said quietly, looking over my shoulder and avoiding my eyes. "I shouldn't have said what I did, none of it was true. You upset me and I lashed out. I really didn't mean what I said, and I'm glad you're here, I'm glad you stayed. I want you to know that I would never, ever give you to him. What I said about Edward was ridiculous too."

He spoke very quickly, unused to giving apologies it seemed.

I pushed down my anger, knowing it was still there and would need to be dealt with at some point, but also knowing that Jasper needed this one. I had to be the bigger person. "It's ok." I lied. "I know."

"What you said about me... I guess it touched a nerve because some of it was true." He said reluctantly. Hope sparked inside me. "But the thing is Bella, I'm not the only one that needs help. Look at you. Who are you?"

I really didn't like him turning the tables on me. I was fine. "I'm me."

"As a human you lived to please everyone else. When I knew you, you were Edwards, with the pack you were the mother, I don't doubt that you were a different woman with Felix than you were with Garrett, and different again with Peter. Different with me. You change yourself, become what you think people want. And now, here you are, trying to play the hero, not realising you're just a victim."

I wanted to slap him for that. I wasn't a victim, I could take care of myself, and I wasn't trying to be a hero either. I was simply trying to help a friend. Except Jasper wasn't my friend, not really, and he never had been.

I was helping him because I owed him. I was repaying a debt in a way, and that didn't make me a hero or a victim.

I refused to look at him as I replayed his accusations in my mind and tried to deny them. The problem was, he was sort of right. I had changed a lot over the years, but that's what people do, they adapt, but on the inside, they're still the same person.

"We are changed by life and the people we're with all the time Jasper, but deep down I haven't changed all that much, whereas you, you couldn't be more different. I'm living life to the best of my abilities, trying to be a good person, or I was until I came here, and I suppose that one day I'll settle down, but you aren't even trying anymore. You've found something that was easy once and tried to fit yourself to it. Well it isn't working."

"This was never easy." He snapped. "You think it's easy to do this? I'm either fighting or bored witless most of the time."

"So why are you here?"

He opened his mouth then snapped his teeth together and growled. I averted my eyes when he decided that this was the perfect time to get dressed. I waited for an answer while he paced in front of me. "We've talked about this before." He said finally. "And the answer is still the same. This is all there is."

"And I told you before that this is not all there is. There's a whole world out there Jasper. All you have to do is walk out of the door and not come back." I may has well have been talking to a brick wall. He frowned for half a second before dismissing my words entirely and going back to his stupid pacing.

The argument was far from over in my opinion and I had every intention of starting it up again. All I had to do was decide which particular argument to go at this time.

"Ready for your first lesson?" He interrupted my inner war and it took me a moment to make any sense of his words. He was offering to teach me to fight. Anticipation seemed to crackle along my skin as I thought about the possibility of being able to hit him without getting into trouble for it.

Landing a few punches would surely be far more satisfying than talking things out, and while I had never enjoyed violence before, I was certain I'd enjoy smacking Jasper right now. Apart from my more selfish motives, a lesson was probably a good idea anyway. While Jasper said he had dealt with Lucian, he had also added 'for now' which I really didn't like the sound of.

If he tried anything else I wanted to be ready. I had gotten away mostly through luck this time, and I was sure that if there was a next time, he wouldn't leave himself open to attack. I was surprised at the feelings thinking about another meeting with him inspired in me. While I had expected to be at least a little afraid, I found I was only looking forward to doing him harm. A sick thrill of anticipation ran through me at the thought.

I slid off the bed and looked down at my skirt, quickly deciding that I needed something more suitable if I was going to fight with Jasper. The problem was, the corner of the room where I'd left the clothes Jasper had brought was empty.

"Where are the clothes?" I was a little worried he'd changed his mind about letting me have them.

"Dresser." His tone of voice let me know that even if we had decided to let things rest for now, he was still as angry as I was about out little shouting match.

The old dresser, that I knew from my snooping was full of Jasper's clothes stood behind him and I edged my way around carefully, still unwilling to get to close to him. It was only then that I remembered any type of fighting would require contact. Almost instantly, I was ready to back out, but I thought of Jasper calling me a victim and decided that I couldn't.

My clothes mixed with his was a strange sight, it looked wrong. I realised that was probably because I'd never shared space with anyone like this before. At once it gave me a sense of security and made me feel uncomfortable. I grabbed a few things and shoved the drawer closed, flitting into the bathroom to change.

I spared a moment to look at myself in the mirror, something I didn't often do. It still surprised me sometimes to find such a pretty face staring back. I wondered not for the first time how I'd look now if I had lived and tried to create it, twisting my lips and frowning. It irritated me that I still looked just as perfect, only miserable.

Jasper kicked something in the other room and I heard it snap. Maybe I should hurry up, the last thing I wanted was for him to be in an even worse mood before he started fighting with me. Something told me it would make the experience much less enjoyable on my part.

The selection of clothes I'd brought with me was fairly poor as I hadn't been paying enough attention, but sifting through it I did find what could be described as workout clothes. I giggled realising that they were things I'd never owned as a human, and that I had shied away from any type of exercise back then.

I wriggled into the knee length lycra pants and tank top, laughing again as I pulled my hair up into a knot. I really looked like one of those girls you see in gyms. Sporty was something I had never been before.


Jasper

I had half a mind to follow her into the bathroom and strangle her. Not that it would work, but it would be satisfying. Why wouldn't she just give up on me? I didn't want help. I didn't need help. And I was going to stay here. Why wouldn't she just understand that and let go.

She had spent fourteen years looking for the Cullen's before finally giving up, did that mean she was likely to spend the next decade or so nagging me? I'd lose whatever bits of sanity I had left if she did that. A very small, very quiet voice told me that I could just give in and take her away from here, start again one last time. I kicked out at the chair, shattering it and silencing the traitorous voice. No. No more new starts for me.

There was one plus to Bella pissing me off, I wasn't thinking about fucking her, which made a welcome change, especially as we were about to get up close and personal. My mind made a quick detour around the corner of 'up close' before I replayed our previous conversation to get thoroughly angry again.

She stepped out of the bathroom feeling strangely giddy. What did she have to feel so happy about anyway? I looked from her distant eyes and quiet smile to- oh god does she actually want me to jump on her? Why had she chosen clothes that perfectly clung to every curve of her body?

All thoughts of anger rushed away, melted by the swell of her breasts rising and falling rhythmically, needlessly, tauntingly. Slender shoulders bare and palest gold in the candle light. Slim waist and full hips I wanted nothing more than to grab while she wrapped those shapely thighs around me.

My fists clenched painfully hard in an effort to distract myself. "Put more clothes on." I bit out turning away from her before I lost it and really did ruin everything. I heard her go back to the dresser felt her understanding and cursed her for not realising what she was doing to me before now.

"Sorry." She mumbled, not sounding very sorry at all. I turned to face her again and found she had done nothing more than throw on one of my shirts. Watching me warily she rolled up the too-long sleeves to her elbows and fastened a few of the buttons. Seeing a woman dressed in my clothes was an experience I'd had only once before, and it had been Bella dressed this way then too. While it did little to stop me wanting her, it also brought out my long buried protective side. She looked smaller, more delicate and more mine than she did in her own clothes.

I wanted to take her in my arms and promise to keep her safe until she believed me. I certainly didn't want to fight with her, either physically or verbally. How utterly ridiculous I was being. I'd have slapped myself if I wasn't worried about looking stupid in front of her.

"Are you just going to keep looking at me weirdly or are you going to teach me something at some point?" She said walking over and coming to a stop next to me. I noticed how small her bare feet were, they didn't look made for fighting at all. "Jasper? Anybody home?"

"Yes. Right. Come on then." I needed help before I really did lose my mind.

"Where are we going?" Bella was throwing off an equal mixture of fear and curiosity.

"We need more space." I decided it was probably wise to test myself, and her, before we really got close. I rested my hand very lightly on the small of her back. She flinched, almost imperceptibly, but I caught it. I didn't remove my hand and she made no objection, in fact, other than the little twitch she'd had on first contact, she actually seemed soothed by it.

On my side things were going equally well. As long as I didn't start thinking about moving my hand lower, she was in no danger from me at all. Perhaps the addition of the shirt really had helped more than I'd expected, or perhaps it was the calmness she was feeling working its magic on me. Calm wasn't a feeling that went around here very often.

"We're not going to the pit are we?" I knew she was only trying to make conversation. We were heading away from the pit, and as she'd been there twice she knew that. Most vampires would have known not to bother asking a question while it was obvious that they knew the answer, but Bella was different. She still had many human quirks and mannerism. While most of us had to pretend to be human she could probably fit in fairly well with no affectations at all.

The room I took her to was large and entirely empty but for a leather armchair. It also has a working electric light, which was a plus as it meant we wouldn't have the risk of knocking over candles while we were fighting.

Bella looked around, scratched the back of her wrist, sniffed the air and went to sit in the chair. She smiled at me, poked at the arms of the chair, frowned and smiled again. "Is this yours?"

"No."

"Ok then." She mumbled feeling pleased. I wondered why she was interested but decided now was not the time to ask. Unlike her I wasn't going to be distracted from our task by a piece of furniture.

I stood a few feet in front of her pondering how to begin. I wasn't used to teaching anyone that was really interested in learning, or anyone capable of any sort of finesse. I actually had no idea where to start. To mask my sudden performance anxiety I started asking questions.

"What would you usually do if someone attacked you?"

She gave me a long look, feeling mildly annoyed. "I would try to get away." She deadpanned blinking slowly. "You should know."

I rolled my eyes at her. "What would you do in a normal situation, with people you didn't know?"

She shrugged. "I haven't really had the opportunity to find out thankfully. But I doubt my answer would change. I would run away if I could."

"That's good. You should always run. You're fast, possibly the fastest I've met. That should always be your first choice. Run." Now I thought about it, I really didn't like the idea of Bella fighting.

"The whole point of you teaching me is so that I have another option. I might not always be able to run. If you won't teach me how to fight I'll find someone else who will." She snarked.

I was well aware that she had no idea who she would find to teach her if not me. In my mind I saw her taking lessons from Maria and then Lucian, the only people in this place with half a chance doing a decent job. The images were almost painful. "I will teach you." I said quickly, wanting to stop her before she really had a chance to think about asking someone else. "Get up."

She complied quickly and carried the chair out of the way, leaving it in the corner. "Do I have to stand a certain way, or...?" She looked about her, for what I didn't know, as she waited for some sort of instruction.

"I want to see what you're made of first. Get a feel for you." She raised one eyebrow and folded her arms over her chest. "Not like that." I scowled. "Pretend you are stuck in here, if you can get to the door your free, but to do that you need to incapacitate me in some way. Go ahead. Attack me however you think is best until I tell you to stop."

She certainly liked the sound of that. It didn't come as much of a surprise that she was looking forward to hitting me. She stood completely still for seven seconds not even moving her eyes and then she lunged forward. Her hits were fast but sloppy. I got the impression that someone had taught her some basic self-defence at some point but other than that she was fairly wild. I might not have been as fast as her, but I was still a vampire, and therefore fast enough. Her moves were easy to anticipate too. Forty seven attempts later and she finally made contact, a glancing blow to my chin.

She should have taken another swing at me but instead she was too busy revelling in her sense of achievement to stop me. I had her pinned against the wall, arms trapped behind her in half a second.

Her intense panic swamped me as she kicked out in fear. I let her go immediately and the panic ebbed as she stood on the opposite side of the room.

"I wasn't doing anything wrong Bella." I sighed. "Only showing you that you were leaving yourself open."

She chewed her lip and tugged on the rolled sleeves of her shirt. My shirt. "Oh." She said quietly, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

"I'm sorry for making you feel like jumping." I tried to laugh it off, but it didn't sound right and I could feel my own guilt now as well as hers. "Let's try again. This time the door is yours to guard, you need to evade me."

"I-I- maybe we should stop for now." She mumbled.

"Bella, nothing is going to happen. I promise you are safe with me in here. I want to know that the next time I go to work you have a better chance at staying safe." I gave her my best innocent face, one that hadn't been put into practise in a very long time. Hopefully it still worked.

She started to feel amused instead of scared. Perhaps my expression had been a little transparent, but at least it had cheered her up if nothing else. "Ok." She took a slightly defensive stance and waited tensely for my first attack.

I reined in my strength knowing I had a good chance of landing most of my hits. I didn't want to hurt her. She dodged my first hit, and the second moving more quickly than I had anticipated. The third ruffled the top of her hair as she ducked. I hadn't expected her to be that good. Kicking out at her legs I expected her to topple, but she saw my foot coming just in time and jumped.

We continued, almost dancing for half an hour only about a fifth of my hits landing on her before she called a time out.

She perched on the edge of her chair smoothing her hair down and refastening a few open buttons. "Why are you holding back?" Oh dear. She sounded angry.

"I'm not." Lying seemed to be the best course of action.

Her glare could have withered stone. "Don't lie to me. You're holding back. I want to see what I'm really up against Jasper. What is the point of you teaching me to fight against someone far weaker than I'm likely to come across? I'm a big girl. I can take it."

I could barely believe that not so long ago all I'd thought about was hurting her. Now the idea of actually hitting her rubbed me up the wrong way. My long neglected gentlemanly side came out in full force, heartily objecting.

"Come on Jasper, I know you want to." She taunted, standing up again and coming towards me. I didn't want to. Not a bit. The problem was she was right. There really was no point in me teaching her to expect something as easy as this.

The dance began again, faster, more challenging than before. This time she only avoided me for a few seconds though before a blow to her shoulder sent her sprawling into the opposite corner. She laid on her side facing me, a look of absolute shock on her face. Her emotions matched the look. It was an almost human reaction to pain.

I knelt down beside her. "Are you ok?" One swift glance at her shoulder assured me that I hadn't hit her hard enough to knock it out of line, so she couldn't really be in very much pain.

She opened her mouth and closed it again before sitting up slowly. "Sorry, I only got hurt once as a vampire before I came here and I'm just not used to it yet." She explained quietly her emotions recovering quickly. Tentatively she prodded her shoulder and sighed. "Better already, see?"

I didn't like the sound of that. She was basically telling me that I was almost the only person that had ever hurt her.

"When were you hurt before?" I asked trying to distract myself from my guilt.

"When I was with Garrett." She sighed.

"He hurt you?" Rage ripped through me for the second time in one day.

The corners of her mouth twitched and she pushed my shoulder almost playfully. "Of course not." She laughed. "I'd hardly have stayed with him for so long if he was hurting me. We were rock climbing and I fell an awfully long way. I landed on my arm and it was all twisted up. He fixed me up in no time, but it still hurt. I wasn't even sure we could feel pain other than the burn until then."

A new picture formed in my head. Bella laughing in the arms of a faceless man. She had had a life with him for a while. She had been somebody before I crushed her. The full weight of my actions began to dawn on me.

"Could we leave the lessons for now and talk for a while instead?"

She sighed irritably pulling her knees up to her chest. "Aren't you sick of my stories yet?"

I shook my head, doubting I'd be sick of her stories until I knew how she's spent every day of the last fifteen years. "How did you meet Garrett?"

Her mood picked up in a way I just didn't like.

"I'd been a vampire about seven years and I was back in Canada heading towards a forest for something to eat when a tall rangy man came loping out of the trees with a huge grin on his face. He's the only vampire I ever met that I wasn't the least bit wary of in the beginning. The only way I can really describe him is natural. He came right up to me, told me there was supposed to be a meteor shower that night and asked me if I wanted to watch it with him."

"And you just said yes?" I asked baffled. Bella seemed so cautious that I couldn't imagine her deciding to stay with a stranger based on the fact that he looked 'natural'. It was stupid.

"No actually. I invited him on a hunt instead." She said stiffly, probably not appreciating my tone of voice. "When he realised what I was eating he asked me if I knew the Carlisle, and told me he was on his way to see him. I told him I was looking for them too and that they weren't at home. He didn't ask me why I was looking for them."

She gave me a look that let me know not to interrupt again if I wanted her to keep talking.

"He watched me hunt like I was an action movie at the cinema, and by the time I was full he had convinced himself to give it a try. He asked me if I'd mind him tagging along with me for a while. Of course, by then I was so starved for company I'd have agreed to travel with pretty much anyone. While we watched the meteor shower later that night we got talking, he told a lot of stories and I was jealous of all the things he'd seen and done. I started thinking that maybe looking for them didn't have to be as boring and lonely as it had been before."

"So you stayed with him because you were bored?" I hadn't really meant to say it out loud, or to sound so condescending, but once it was out I could hardly take it back.

"At first yes, but by the end of the first week we were friends." She turned her gaze on me, something almost triumphant in it. "And by the end of the first month we were lovers."

I struggled with my jealousy and kept a lid on the stupid comments that threatened to spew from my lips.

"He taught me pretty much everything I know about being a vampire, and he showed me that life could still be fun. He taught me to live again." I wondered if she knew she had forgotten how to live again, it was clear to me that she wasn't exactly living it up before she ended up here. "That's what you need."

"What do I need?" I really had to start paying more attention.

"You need your very own Garrett." She said brightly, smiling at me.

"And I suppose you think you're up to the job?" I drawled doubtfully.

"Of course." She laughed. "Who else have you got?"

She had a point there.

An: Any thoughts? Even if they're not wordy thoughts I'd appreciate a smiley face, or a sad face, just so I have a general idea of what you think. Thanks for reading :)