A/N: Just a little warning in this chapter, the word "bitch" is used kind of a lot in this chapter. So if your overly offended by that word, I am terribly sorry. Please enjoy this chapter! ^^ And please review.


Welcome to Wonderland

Chapter Four: Two Bugs on a Log


Chris and Jill walked through the forest again after the encounter with Richard, the "Mouse Prince" Jill dubbed him because of his small crown. It was about noon now and they were nowhere near the castle of the Goblin King. The air had become hot and dry and not a cloud was in the sky. The shade from the trees didn't seem to help at all. Jill began trailing behind Chris, losing her steam while Chris still seemed he could go on for miles.

Chris looked behind him and saw that Jill was getting tired. He stopped and cocked his head to the side. "Um…Jill, do you want me to carry you or something?"

Jill waved at him and flashed a weary smile. "No…I'm fine. Lets keep going."

"You look tired…are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine but can we take a break?"

"See? I you're tired," Chris said walking up to her. He smiled mischievously at her. "Admit it Jill…"

"Never!" Jill hissed. "I am fine…I can go on for another ten miles if I have to!"

"Well…if you say so," Chris said, scratching his chin with one finger. "That's probably the distance we have to go till we get to the castle's entrance. Then we have to travel through all of those halls in the castle just to get to the throne room of the Goblin King."

Jill's jaw dropped. "Ten miles?! I swear we've already walked like about five miles since we left that gingerbread house!"

"Temper, Miss Jill…" Chris said raising an eyebrow. "You look like you're about ready to fall over. I'll carry you till we get to a place were we could rest. Right now, I'm not sure you'll want to be out in the open. I mean…there IS a rogue bear out who is preying on unsuspecting people. There is also a witch who has the face of a child instead of an ugly face that you would expect to see, that is roaming about."

"A rogue bear and a witch?" Jill repeated. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Chris nodded. "He was part of the circus and was a performing bear who could juggle. One day, the circus was about to go perform for the Goblin King. When they were in the woods, a few hundred feet from the castle's entrance, the bear freaked out and attacked his trainer. After that, he wandered into the forest and began attacking people. As for the witch, I don't know much about her. But she lives in some castle that is guarded by a terrible dog."

Jill looked at him, completely dumbfounded by his story. She definitely didn't want to deal with any bears or real witches. She just wanted to get back home and be with the real Chris and her cat Boots.

"But don't worry," He said cheerfully. "I'm sure we won't see them. The chances are slim to none. This forest is huge and it'll take weeks just to venture it all of it."

Jill breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God I probably won't deal with them.

"Alright," Jill said, beginning to walk on again. "Let's go."

She began to stumble a little as she walked. Chris walked right up to her side and looked t her.

"Jill, just let me carry you. You look like you're going to fall over from exhaustion any minute."

"Chris…I'm fine."

"Jill…I insist."

"No Chris. I'm fine…" What the hell is his problem? I'm fine! Just a little tired.

Then, Jill collapsed onto her knees. Chris crouched down and placed a hand on her shoulder. He looked at her sternly.

"Jill…I'll carry you and you'll be fine."

Jill looked at his face for any falter, but he seemed serious. Jill, knowing that she was defeated, sighed. "Fine. Only if you shut up about carrying me and you don't touch anything that you shouldn't be touching…and I mean it."

Chris smiled triumphantly at her. "You have my word, Mi Lady."

He placed one of his hands around her back and the other under her legs and picked her up bridal style. Jill wrapped her arms around his neck and his scent caught her. He smelled just like the real Chris did. Even though this Chris was in a weird green tuxedo and top hat and didn't even act like him, this was Chris in a sense.

Chris walked in the forest with Jill still in his arms. He didn't seem to be showing any signs of stress by carrying the woman. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. What a day this has been so far…Maybe this is all a dream and I'll wake up once I open my eyes…

"Hey Jill…" Chris said comfortingly as he looked down at her in his arms. "You awake?"

She opened one of her eyes to look up at him. "Yeah…what is it?"

"We're almost at a resting place. I'll drop you off at this log that's coming up and I'll go get you some water from the river. That sounds okay, right?"

"Uh-huh," Jill mumbled. "Thanks Chris."

"You're welcome," he answered.

Jill closed her eyes once again and seemed to be falling asleep. Chris smiled a little and looked down at her. He came into a very small clearing that had a large log lying in the middle of it. The log had tiny colorful mushrooms growing off of its top surface. Chris walked up to the log and knelt down, slowly and carefully putting the now sleeping Jill onto the ground. She rested her head on the log while her body was on the tall green grass that was near the log. Chris brushed back a piece of her hair from her face and ran off back into the woods to look for the river.

Meanwhile, Jill slept on the log. She rolled over onto her left side.

"Geez…What's up with people leaving their stuff on my house," A small voice grumbled. "This is my log!"

"You mean our log, dumbass," A different voice grumbled.

Jill opened one of her eyes at the sound of the voices. Both of them sounded familiar. The first voice sounded like Brad's and the second one sounded like Edward's voice. Then, she heard them continue their argument.

"No, this is my log!" Brad's voice shouted. "You re simply just renting it from me."

"You got it all wrong," Edward's voice shouted back. "This is my log! I was the one who found it first. You just think you live here and you steal the mushrooms from me!"

M-mushrooms??? Oh my god, where the hell did Chris leave me?

Jill rolled onto her right side and opened both her eyes. Oh. My. God.

When she opened her eyes, Jill was shocked to see two hairy caterpillars standing next to several very colorful mushrooms that looked like something you'd see if you were high on drugs or something. The caterpillars had different colors, one was a dark blue color and the other was a dark green. Both of them had huge, almost cartoon-like eyes. They looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here, lady?" The blue caterpillar asked in an angry tone. The caterpillar's voice seemed to sound like Brad's. "This is my log!"

"For the last time Brad," The green caterpillar said to the blue caterpillar. "This is my log and you are just staying here because I'm too kind of a soul to kick you out into the streets."

"Ed…I'm going to put the beat down on you if you say the words 'This is my log' one more time!" Brad shouted.

Yep…definitely no doubt that it's those two.

"Um…Brad and Edward," Jill spoke up, trying to sound polite. "Do you know where Chris is?"

"Buzz off!" The two of them yelled at her before going back to their argument.

That was the last straw for Jill. There was no chance in hell that two little bugs were going to tell her what to do. She slammed her hand onto the log's surface and glared at the bugs.

"Listen you two," Jill hissed. "I'll squish both of you if you don't shut the hell up and tell me where my friend is."

The two stopped arguing and glared back at Jill. Even though Jill made a pretty strong threat, Brad and Edward weren't going to bow down to her.

"Are you a witch or something?" Edward asked through gritted teeth.

"More like a bitch if you ask me," Brad muttered.

Jill grabbed the blue caterpillar and glared at him as she held him up in the air.

"What was that you little insect?" Jill shrieked.

"You heard me!" Brad shouted back.

"I dare you to call me that one more time!" Jill challenged.

"Bitch bitch bitchedy BITCH!!!!"

"That's it! I'm going to go find the nearest bird and feed you to it!"

"Yes! Then I get the log to myself," Edward said cheerfully, wiggling his body a little to make it look like he was dancing.

Jill's evil glare caught him too, though. "Oh no…you're going down too!"

"See? You're being a bitch, now," Brad shouted.

"Jill! I'm back." Chris' voice made Jill cheer up automatically as she dropped Brad back onto the log. He muttered the word "bitch" one more time before wiggling over to where Edward was. Chris ran out into the small clearing with a small teacup in his hand.

"I found it lying near the river, so I cleaned it up and filled it with water for you," Chris said as he handed her the cup. He looked down to see the two angry caterpillars. "I see that you met those two bugs."

"What do you mean 'those two bugs'?!" Edward shouted.

"Yeah! She was being a bi-Wait a second…that's my teacup!" Brad shouted.

"No it's not! It's mine!" Edward shouted.

After she quickly chugged down the water from the sup, Jill stood up and glared down at the arguing caterpillars.

"Listen you two," Jill said calmly. "I'll give you back the teacup if you tell us where the Goblin King's castle is."

Brad and Edward immediately quieted down and looked at each other. Then they both looked up at Jill.

"Alright…" Brad muttered. "You're about a mile or less away from there, but-"

"But there is a giant labyrinth in front of the castle that you have to go through before you get near to where the Goblin King lives," Edward interrupted and continued on.

Brad gave Edward an evil glare before continuing on. "He's not a very friendly person so when you get into his throne room, make sure you hide behind a plant vase or something. Got it?"

"Yeah, thanks," Jill said. She placed the teacup delicately on the log near the two caterpillars. Brad and Edward climbed into the cup and sat in the bottom of it.

"Let's get going then," Jill said to Chris.

He smiled and nodded at her. The two began to walk on but were stopped by the sound of Brad's voice.

"Hey miss!" Brad shouted. "Sorry I called you a bitch! But you really need to stop acting like one."

Jill smiled a decent, almost polite smile at him. "I'll try my best…" she said through gritted teeth.

Chris and Jill waved their good-byes to Brad and Edward and walked on. Chris walked up to her and placed his head on her shoulder.

"Sorry they gave you a hard time back there," Chris said quietly. "But you seemed to handle them pretty well."

"Thanks…" Jill said with a smile. "I'm used to handling idiots like them…"