4
Dinner ended up being nikujaga with miso soup and rice. I'd never tasted anything so good, and I told Hanako so. She blushed hard, but looked pleased. Mom was still making dessert, and Rozalin was glaring daggers at me from across the table, so Adell dragged me to his room again.
I stood there awkwardly as he shut the door and flung himself onto the bottom bunk with a sigh.
"Dinner was good today," he mumbled with satisfaction, closing his eyes. "You should come over more often, if Hanako's gonna cook that way every time you're here."
I tried not to let the comment stick in my head. It did anyway: He wants me to come over more often…? I felt my face getting hot, so to distract myself, I looked around the room again. So many drawings! They were overlapping one another in some places. I stepped closer to one wall to get a better look at them.
They were portraits of people. Face shots, busts, waist-up, and full-bodied all at different angles, done in pencil, ink, or charcoal. I recognized some people from our school; the likeness was incredible.
"You made all of these?" I asked him.
"Hn?" he lifted his head and looked over to me, one eyebrow raised. I gestured to the pictures on the wall. "Oh," he dropped his head back down onto the mattress. "Yeah."
"You're very talented," I offered quietly.
"…thanks." He sat up on the edge of the bed, his elbows leaning on his knees. He scratched one scarred cheek nervously, avoiding my eyes. He's nervous?
"How long have you been doing it?" I returned my stare to the drawings on the wall deliberately.
Another pause. "I don't know," he finally said. "Since as far back as I can remember."
I moved slowly around the room, taking in each picture and all of its details. A lot of them were of his family: Mom, Dad (as I had been instructed to call him), Taro, Hanako, and even one or two of Rozalin. In this collection of family portraits, I saw a lone couple, holding a small baby and smiling out at the viewer. It looked like a rendition of a photograph. I turned back to him and pointed.
"Who are they?"
"My parents," he came over, slipping his hands into his pockets and looking at the drawing with a complex emotion marring his face. "Biological."
"What?" I blinked. "You're…?"
"Adopted," he nodded. "My real parents went on a business trip to the States, but their plane crashed."
"I'm…so sorry…" I shrunk back, biting my lip.
"Why?" he glanced at me. "You didn't make them crash."
"I… I didn't mean to bring up such a painful subject," I whispered, looking down at my hands clasped tightly in front of me. Oh man, I whimpered to myself. I messed up BIG time.
"Hey," he said, and from the side of my vision, I saw his hand rise. He grasped my chin in his fingers and turned my face gently up to his. His eyes were darker than usual, but he didn't look upset. "I don't mind telling you, okay? Stop feeling sorry."
I nodded. Then I realized that he was touching my face. He's touching me! A wave of heat rushed up from my pounding heart, rose up my neck, and took over my face, all the way back to the tips of my ears. He grinned a little at me.
"You're blushing," he said. I wanted a hole to open up beneath me and swallow me whole. Until he said this: "It's cute."
My brain exploded, a million thoughts racing to compute all at once. He thinks I'm cute?! He's a GUY! He's touching me! I'm blushing so hard! Doesn't he think this is strange? Does he think I'm weird? He's still touching me!! He was. I flailed around in my confusion, stuttering pointlessly until he laughed and released my face, pulling away.
"You're fun to tease," he grinned broadly, his eyes cinching shut. The red in my face finally receded a little, and I started down at my hands again, which were now twiddling nervously.
"Adell, I…"
Someone knocked on the door.
"Hii!!" I leapt a dozen feet into the air, at least. He laughed at me again and went to open it. Rozalin stood there, looking extremely pissed, holding a tray with a pot of tea, two cups, and two large slices of chocolate mousse cake.
"What's so funny?" she pouted sourly.
"Nothing," Adell shrugged, taking the tray from her. "Thanks, Rozalin."
"Adell," she pouted some more. "We have to study together!"
"I know," he nodded. "We'll study in a little while." He tilted his head back toward me. "Just let him eat dessert, okay?"
She looked over and glared again. I smiled at her nervously. She flipped her hair at me and turned, stalking off. Adell swung the door shut with his foot and came over with the snacks. My heart was calming down, so I tried to take the subject off me.
"You two study together?" I asked. "I thought you were in different classes."
"We are," he nodded as we sat to eat. "Since she came over from America though, she's having a hard time understanding stuff. So I coach her."
"Ah," I blinked. "But she speaks Japanese so fluently."
"She can speak the language very well," he agreed, passing a cup to me. Steam rose in soft curls, warming my face. Now I could blame the redness on something else. "She has a hard time grasping the written aspect of it, though."
I chuckled a bit. "You don't seem to mind her as much as you appear to," I observed with a small smile. He blushed a little bit, pushing a plate of cake over to me.
"Yeah, well," he grimaced. "She's still annoying."
"Sure," I laughed good-naturedly. He pouted. It was such a cute little expression that I laughed a bit more. "Your drawings are really fantastic though," I backtracked to the original subject. "Have you submitted any into any programs or contests?"
He wrinkled his nose. "Nah," he mused. "I do it just to do it, you know?"
"Yes," I nodded, grinning at him. Adell would be the kind of person to just do something because he felt like it. It also meant that he could drop something once it disinterested him. I frowned at that though. "But," I added, "I hope you continue with it. You are really very talented, Adell-kun."
He glanced up from his cake to see if I was joking. When he saw I wasn't, he swallowed and avoided his eyes. "Thanks," he mumbled. Then he gestured to the cluttered desk beside us. "There's some more stuff up there, if you want to take a look."
"I do!" I got up and went over to the desk, shuffling through the papers. They were all rough pencil works, probably newer. I dropped a few pencils and one or two tiny nibs of charcoal in my rummaging. Near the bottom of the pile was a black hardcover sketchbook. I remembered it as the one he had picked up off the floor and closed my first time in his room. I pulled it out. "Why did you decide to do portraits?"
He looked over at me to answer as I flipped to the first page, then leapt up at a frightening speed and tried to snatch the book out of my hands.
"Don't look at that!" he cried. I was so startled that I jumped away from him and dropped it. The book flew open and pages scattered everywhere.
"I'm sorry!" I dropped to the ground and began to scoop them up.
"Don't—!" he sounded desperate. I looked at them.
They were pictures of me.
I froze, my hands grasping the pages of his sketchbook, and I saw myself everywhere: close ups, various facial expressions, and different poses. As opposed to his gestural sketches on the walls, these drawings were finely detailed, with infinite layers of time-consuming shading. There was one of me speaking with Saphire at her desk. Another showed me in my kendo uniform, taking a break during club. A third was of me walking through the gates and onto the school grounds. I didn't know what to say or how to react. I just kept looking at them. They were…so amazing. And…all of me. Why me?
Adell broke the awkward silence with a weak laugh.
"And now you know," he said, his voice thick and ashamed.
Know what? I don't know ANYthing! My mind struggled to process it all. "They…" I squeaked. I cleared my throat and tried again. "They're…amazing." He scoffed. "No, really!" I flailed, then stopped because I still had those papers in my hands. "I… I'm flattered. Really, I am." I laughed a little, nervously. "I didn't think you even looked at me."
"I watch you all the time," he confessed quietly, his eyes stealing to mine. My heart skittered. I couldn't breathe for a moment. All the confusion in my brain stilled. He watches me, just like I watch him.
"Adell…" I took in a deep breath. "I…"
"You don't have to say anything," he rubbed the back of his head, looking away. "It's weird, okay? Can we just…drop it?"
"But…" I frowned.
"Let's just drop it," he repeated, looking defeated. I didn't want to see him that way; that sorrowful look made my heart hurt. I stood, placing the drawings carefully on his desk, then stepped timidly towards him.
"I…watch you too," I said hesitantly, keeping my eyes down. His head whipped around, as if this were the last thing he'd been expecting to hear.
"What?" he blinked.
"I…" I fidgeted uncomfortably. The intensity of his stare was a little overwhelming. "Every afternoon, when I go to your classroom… I'm there because I want to see you." I started blushing again, and I cursed my insecurity. "I… My eyes can't help but look at you. I can't stay away from you." The blush deepened. I pressed my hands hard together so they would stop shaking. "I've never felt this way before, about anyone…"
"I'm a guy," he said flatly. The words tore my heart open. Tears stung the backs of my eyelids and I fought to keep them from falling.
"I know," I choked past the lump rising in my throat. "I can't help myself, though." I took in a deep breath, let it out in a shuddering sigh, and slumped. "I like you, Adell-kun."
There was a very long, tense pause between us. I struggled with my emotions, willing myself not to cry. Don't make yourself look worse! Adell didn't ask me to leave, and I didn't get that vibe from him, but maybe that was all just wishful thinking. I didn't even want to raise my head to look at him, I was so ashamed and embarrassed.
"You… like me?" he finally repeated. I wanted to disappear. Instead, I nodded weakly. "That's not…weird to you?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Other people might think so," I spoke my fear aloud, closing my eyes to block out the expression I would see on his face. I could imagine it, however, behind my closed lids. I couldn't escape from it. "If you like someone, though, it shouldn't matter who they are: older, younger, boy or girl."
"So… It's not weird to you?" he reiterated.
"No," I sighed. "It's not weird to me." I may be the only one who thinks this way, though…
I started when I felt his hands come to rest lightly on my shoulders. My eyes shot open and I looked up into his face. His cheeks were red, and he was looking slightly uncertain. I briefly realized that his hands were shaking.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked me.
My knees went weak and I almost fell over. I managed to stay upright, but thousands of new thoughts rushed into my head and tried to take over: No! Say 'yes', stupid! Why? Does he want to? Why's he asking? I can't—SAY YES!!
"W-Why…?" I finally managed to stammer.
"We don't have to," he frowned, still looking very awkward.
"No!!" I cried. "I mean, yes! I mean, I want to—" I clapped my hands over my mouth before I could do any more damage. He'd heard though, of course.
"I was right," he grinned that tiny, breathtaking little grin that made my heart pound. "You are cute when you're flustered."
"Ack!" my cheeks burned and I turned my face down again. He took one hand off my shoulder and tilted my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes. I shivered, I was tingling all over.
"I want to," he grinned softly, and pressed his lips to mine.
Chocolate, was the first thing I thought, followed quickly by: He's KISSING me!! I opened my mouth to exclaim in surprise, but his tongue slipped in between my parted lips and ran along mine once, briefly and softly. Then he pulled away and I stuttered wordlessly, my heart drumming crazily inside of my chest and my cheeks burning like they were on fire. I gaped at him. He smiled back, a little uncertainly.
"You didn't like it?"
Didn't like it?!
"We don't have to do it again."
Now hold on a second—
"Or," his smile suddenly turned mischievous, "we can keep practicing."
SAY SOMETHING!! my brain shouted.
"I… don't think I can handle another one," I said breathlessly, clutching at my heart. He laughed, releasing my shoulders and stepping away from me.
"Alright, I'll stop," he chuckled.
"No, it's not that…" I swear, if I continued to blush like this much longer, I'd overheat. "I liked it… but, my heart feels like it's about to explode!"
"Then we'll save it for another time," he reached out and touched the hand that I held clenched to my chest, a little smile playing on his lips. "You don't mind, do you?"
"No," my head spun pleasantly. Another time. He doesn't think I'm strange, or perverted. He...likes me too?
"Let's finish the cake," he motioned to the forgotten snacks. Cake. Chocolate. It tasted like… My blush swooped up again and made my entire upper body burn with embarrassment. Adell laughed at me. I flailed helplessly.
"You don't…think I'm strange?" I asked. He gave me a look that plainly stated he thought I was dumb.
"I just kissed you," he stated.
"I know," I fidgeted. He sighed and scratched the back of his head.
"I like you too," he confessed.
"Huh?" I blinked.
"Geez, you're dense!" he put a hand to his forehead and laughed, shaking his head. "I like you, Sempai. I have for a long time. And I'm happy that you like me back," he smiled.
"I-I do," I nodded.
"Good," he grinned easily. "Now, come here and finish your cake, or else Mom and Hanako will be disappointed."
"Ah! Okay!" I hurried to sit down. He laughed at me once more.
